Author's Note
Embarcadero
rate: 9.99
grammar: great
idea: +++
I am really enjoying this so far! I can honestly say it's the most unique and I love that it's not too supernatural (I'm not really into supernatural but I try not to be bias when reviewing!). You're other stuff is good but this is really awesome! When your characters are speaking, I know exactly who it is. Your plot seems to really be going somewhere and your grammar is great as well. I also wondered if this is a real board game or if you made it up. I went ahead and looked it up on google and I couldn't find it so definitely let me know! Especially because, if you came up with the game....that's just simply amazing.
So why a 9.99?
1. To begin the 2nd chapter I would definitely put at the very top *10 years later*. I know it is mentioned in the chapter but I was confused at first.
2. Who is the narrator? At first I thought it was Charlie the whole time...or maybe Tori....I can't remember; but then it switched. I would just put at the top of each chapter who it is because I'm pretty sure it was flip-flopping.
3. I want to know Louis' full story. How did he get there? What was it like? I know he dated the king's daughter but tell me how, when, where? Was it scary, dark, dreadful, or maybe a happy place? Answering these questions and giving this detail will really excite the audience!
Other than that you had me wanting more in the 1st chapter (We want more, we want more, like you really like it, we want more....see what I did there? I guess you have to know the commercial) and I definitely see why you already have so many subscribers in just a few hundred views. Since this is a review I think it's easy not to get a 10, but I really think your story should have a 10 on your page!
Great job and keep it up! It is by far my favorite on your page!
grammar: great
idea: +++
I am really enjoying this so far! I can honestly say it's the most unique and I love that it's not too supernatural (I'm not really into supernatural but I try not to be bias when reviewing!). You're other stuff is good but this is really awesome! When your characters are speaking, I know exactly who it is. Your plot seems to really be going somewhere and your grammar is great as well. I also wondered if this is a real board game or if you made it up. I went ahead and looked it up on google and I couldn't find it so definitely let me know! Especially because, if you came up with the game....that's just simply amazing.
So why a 9.99?
1. To begin the 2nd chapter I would definitely put at the very top *10 years later*. I know it is mentioned in the chapter but I was confused at first.
2. Who is the narrator? At first I thought it was Charlie the whole time...or maybe Tori....I can't remember; but then it switched. I would just put at the top of each chapter who it is because I'm pretty sure it was flip-flopping.
3. I want to know Louis' full story. How did he get there? What was it like? I know he dated the king's daughter but tell me how, when, where? Was it scary, dark, dreadful, or maybe a happy place? Answering these questions and giving this detail will really excite the audience!
Other than that you had me wanting more in the 1st chapter (We want more, we want more, like you really like it, we want more....see what I did there? I guess you have to know the commercial) and I definitely see why you already have so many subscribers in just a few hundred views. Since this is a review I think it's easy not to get a 10, but I really think your story should have a 10 on your page!
Great job and keep it up! It is by far my favorite on your page!
Notes
The commercial I'm talking about:
We want more, we want more
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdofUBR3SJc
Can you please review my story just friends
4/16/16