rate: 8.5
grammar: good
idea: =
advice: 2

So, one thing I really like are the character's names. They are very different which is a really good thing. You have a good thing going for you I just need to see more! The plot, so far, seems like it has been used a lot HOWEVER, when you write some more I'm sure you will have a great twist in the plot so it's more original.

Your grammar is pretty good but try to separate your dialogue. The long paragraphs are really tough to get through. For example instead of writing everything in one big paragraph do something like this:

I was walking down the street and noticed some boys playing basketball. I had never seen them at the park before and I was curious as to who they were and where they came from. I had lived here my whole life--I know who everyone is in this small town. I sighed and kept moving. The leaves were beginning to change and it was beautiful outside. As I passed the boys one of them stopped and looked at me. He came closer,

"Hi, I'm Louis." He smiled and shook my hand politely.

"I'm Sally. It's nice to meet you." I sat down and watched them play blah blah blah........

So that's an example. If you separate the dialogue it's much easier to read and you can tell who is speaking.

Also add some detail! When you said his mom was beautiful what does she look like? I can't picture her without some detail.

Overall I think if you make those changes it'll be great! Keep going and don't give up!