Author's Note

Hey, so I'm sorry, I thought I did both stories but I guess not! I just finished this one so yayy!

Okay so the first chapter was really great, giving description and all of that good stuff. It was awesome the way you brought Harry in early but it may have been nice to have a little more dialogue just to give a glimpse of who he is. I didn't read the whole thing (I went to about chapter 7), but I still am curious as to why they left her dad. Like, does her mom tell her the real reason they leave?

The next thing I would watch out for is contradicting yourself. When Harry pulls her into the closet he states, "you shouldn't believe everything you hear", but then he begins doing all of these things (such as rape and cutting her) that make it seem like he is none other than a killer. In my opinion (and just my opinion), I would think he would feel bad if people believed he was a killer but really wasn't.

Now this isn't to say he is, maybe he is sick (obviously because of what he is doing) but it should be a bit more clear. That leads me to the pace of your story. Everything seems to be happening so fast! If you add more detail and descriptions it will really help not only slow your story down but also give your reader something to picture. Make it a movie in my head!

Your concept- great. It's different and intriguing. There are just a few things to look at and I think it'll be even better! Your story has captured a lot of people so changing a few things will benefit you so, so much!

-A

Notes