Author's Note

Okay so I have to be honest, I only read the first two chapters because it's like 1 am. I really wanted to give you some feedback though since it's been a few days. But thankfully it was very interesting so I easily figured out what I wanted to say!

First, I am in love with the way you write. I can tell that you are either from the UK or you just know a whole lot of English terms. Just the way you use certain words isn't American (which is a very cool thing). Your structure is also laid out very well so it's much easier to read!

A few things I saw I'd work on would be to not go so fast. Yes, liking someone a whole lot the first day makes complete sense but try to drag it out some. The first chapter had a lot of dialogue and I couldn't really understand how she was feeling as much as I would have liked to. I could tell she was so excited and happy but I wanted more! I know it is very relateable which makes your story so cute and exciting but the slower you go, the more people will enjoy how your characters feel. However, there are some spots where you should speed things up.

My biggest concern was dialogue. You have so much of it that I don't have time to grasp what she's thinking. And a lot of the time their conversations were not too informational. We learned a lot about books and music they liked but going into too much detail will cause your reader to skim. Instead of dragging out the whole conversation you could write in a short and sweet paragraph what they talked about. Something like:

"We talked about the kind of music we both like--which was abnormally similar, and we joked about...."

So giving examples rather than spelling it out works too. That also gives you room to add more detail. The only other thing I would watch out for is making your story sound like a diary entry. I find myself doing this too so don't worry...you aren't the only one. Sometimes as writers we get caught up and start talking as if we're in our own mind. That's fine but the reader needs to know the surroundings rather than each and every thought. Keep the story on topic.

I think my favorite part is all of the literature references. I absolutely love literature and adding those things will grasp the attention of all of your book lovers! I definitely enjoyed reading what I was able to read and I can see the potential you have going for you! Just look over the small details and BAM, you have a story that is irresistible!

Happy writing!

-A

Questions are welcome day&&night :)

Notes