Author's Note

Hello! Sorry it's taken forever but I'm back! My test went well and I should be back on track :)
Let's go ahead and get started!

The concept is great and I think you can do a lot with this. It's something than can definitely be great but you need to make sure you are sticking to the story line. If Harry is going to be auditioning, he needs some musical background. I think what's happening is you're moving the story so fast they don't have much time for a dialogue. So here's what I've found:

Summary
Your summary gives me way too much information! I want to find those things out on my own when I'm reading. You have basically given me the whole story but I want to find out while reading the story. Not the summary. The summary should be more like a teaser. Maybe giving us Anna's personality or how she's excited/not excited to be meeting new people....if that's what she is. Don't tell me what's going to happen or your story will have something taken away from it.

No-no's
Don't ever, ever start off with "Hi, my name is....."
This is very similar to your summary. You are giving me all of the information before the story starts when I want to learn all of this information while reading. I will find out that she and her step-father don't get along when he hurts her. Telling me in that beginning paragraph isn't necessary.

Structure/Grammar/Spelling...
Your first chapter really needs to be separated like the rest of your chapters. One big paragraph is a huge turn off and people won't want to read it. You also really need to pay attention to spelling, grammar, and capitalization. Here is a small section:

everyone huddled onto the bus like a tsunami, I just stayed back so I wouldn't get caught in the jam after all I didn't care where I sat. Luckily when I finally got on the bus there were 2 seats left not much of a choice but still a choice. I could have either sat next to a girl who was sneezing a lot with a snotty nose and in the nicest way possible she was a bit smelly or I could have sat next to a curly haired boy that didn't look too bad. I decided to sit next to him hopefully he wouldn't try and talk to me I hated when people did that! I plugged my ear phones in and blocked out the world starring into space. I looked at him and his lips moved Uh Oh I thought. Was he being friendly or smart in front of his friends? I wasn't quite sure and I unplugged my ear phones. "Sorry did you say something I couldn't hear you!" I asked bluntly as I noticed what he actually looked like. He had bright green emerald eyes, a cheeky smile with 2 dimples on the end and long curly hair that was like snakes bouncing. "yeah, your Jessie's sister aren't you?" He tried to look me in the eye as he asked but i looked down at my shoes and nodded my head lightly.
Yours^

Everyone huddled onto the bus like a tsunami. I just stayed back so I wouldn't get caught in the jam, after all, I didn't care where I sat. Luckily when I finally got on the bus there were two seats left; not much of a choice but still a choice. I could have either sat next to a girl who was sneezing a lot with a snotty nose, and in the nicest way possible she was a bit smelly, or I could have sat next to a curly haired boy that didn't look too bad. I decided to sit next to him. Hopefully he wouldn't try and talk to me; I hated when people do that!

I plugged my ear phones in and blocked out the world staring into space. I looked at him and his lips moved, uh oh, I thought. Was he being friendly or smart in front of his friends? I wasn't quite sure and I unplugged my ear phones.

"Sorry, did you say something? I couldn't hear you!" I asked bluntly as I noticed what he actually looked like.

He had bright green emerald eyes, a cheeky smile with two dimples on the end and long curly hair that was like snakes bouncing.

"Yeah, you're Jessie's sister aren't you?" he tried to look me in the eye as he asked but I looked down at my shoes and nodded my head lightly.
What is should look like^

Now I have fixed a few spelling mistakes, grammar, and it's much easier to read. I can tell who is speaking and what everyone's descriptions are. You really do give amazing detail! It's just hard to read when everything is bunched up. You do fix it in the next chapter so I would go back and do the same to your first. Just make sure to read over your chapters before submitting them and you can fix these things!

Some small things
Don't say 'omg' unless he is truly saying it out loud. In that case I would capitalize all of the letters: 'O-M-G'. People do this different ways but that's what I would do.
Also, spell out your numbers unless they are crazy.
1 = one
25 = twenty-five
This can be a preference but I would say at least 1-10 should be spelled out.

Last thing I would look back on is Harry's personality and Anna's view on his personality. At first she doesn't really like him. I mean, who would? He laughed at her. But then he seems to be nice. Yes, he does drag her on the roof but she doesn't seem that upset about it. After that she calls him a trouble maker and doesn't want to see him. Then she wants to hang out with him. It's just confusing and you need to pick a personality and stick to it. He's either good or bad and she likes him or doesn't.

Your character descriptions are great along with your detail. Keep up with the detail because I know for a fact that's what is keeping your readers. I can picture your scenarios and that's vital while writing. All I can say is keep going and I know you can make this a 'wowzer'!

-A

Notes