rate:10
idea: +
grammar: great!
advice: 1

I actually am already subscribed to this story and I love it! It's the most original piece I've read yet and it's very well written as well. Sometimes people have way too many characters and it's hard to keep up with, but you make sure to let the readers know who each person is so we are never confused.

1. The only thing I would say is I feel like the beginning was dragging on a bit but now I think you have a great pace!

keep writing, I love it!