Niall P.O.V.

I awake sometime in the early morning. I slowly open my eyes, lazily rubbing the sleep from them. I am extremely aware of everything around me. From the blinding light that is streaming through the open window; the curtains hanging loosely at the sides forgotten to be closed. The bed sheet is wrapped loosely around my waist, the chilly apartment air hitting my bare chest making me shiver. The man lying next to me with the chocolate brown curls and unbelievable emerald green eyes, his body twisted away from me as he sleeps peacefully. I look down at Harry, after three years of wanting him, yearning for him I got him. I may not have him completely just yet, but I know that he still has those feelings, and that gives me a slight bit of hope. He stirs slowly beside me, moving his body so that he’s facing me. I look across at him; a slow smile gracing my lips as I take in his features. His eyes widen slightly as he looks at me, confusion written across his face.

My smile falters as he stares straight into my eyes, his own eyes slowly filling with recognition of our current situation. Not moving his eyes from my face, he lifts the sheet up, covering himself. I’m the first to look away, my eyes filled with a sadness that I am all too familiar with. I look back up at him shyly, begging for him to have changed his expression. But his eyes were unreadable, cold, distant. I muster the courage to speak.

“Harry, please I-,” I was cut off suddenly.

“Mistake,” was all he said, so quiet but so unmistakably clear.

He turns away from me, swinging his legs off the bed and pulling on a pair of old sweatpants. I recognize them, on our lazy days years ago when we were together he would wear them as we cuddled on the couch as we watched chick flicks that I only tolerated because I knew that he loved them. I wonder if Blair does things like that for him, puts her needs and desires behind Harry’s because that’s what you do for the people you love. You make sacrifices.

“Harry, what’s wrong?” I ask him, finding my voice again.

“I think you should go, Niall,” he replied.

I looked at him desperately, begging for him to be joking. To just start laughing at me, knowing that he had once again fooled me. I need him to crawl back next to me in this bed, which now seems too big and too cold without him in it.

“I’ll give you a second to gather your things,” he said, walking out of the room and closing the door.

What just happened? How can things go from being absolute bliss one minute to complete and utter shit the next? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, I’ve done it to him so many times that I lost count, maybe now he’s just paying me back. Then there’s Blair. Harry’s wife. The girl that I have seen in so many magazines, gracing the pages with her megawatt smile and photo shopped face. She was a party girl. A lot like Harry used to be, a lot like how we all used to be when we were best mates and believed that we would be that way forever.

I grab my clothes from where they litter the floor, pulling them on hastily. I walk out of the bedroom towards where I think the kitchen is, to find Harry perched on one of the bar stools.

“Well it was just great seeing you, but I’ll be going now,” I said quickly, heading towards the exit.

His next words make me stop mid stride and turn to face him again, “I’m sorry, Niall. But I can’t do this. I shouldn’t have done what I did,”

I stare, waiting for him to continue.

“I just, you can’t keep doing this to me. You can’t just show up out of nowhere after three years and expect things to be exactly the way they were before. I have Blair. God dammit, I married Blair. I’m a married man,”

I scoff, getting angry that he was blaming this all on me. “You were married last night as well, Harry. Don’t even try to say that I forced you to do something that you didn’t want to do. You want me just as much as I want you, and that hasn’t changed. It doesn’t matter if you’re married of not, that’s still there,”

“Niall, it’s just not going to happen, okay? I’m trying to get you to understand that. We can’t happen. I’m not a cheater,” he says.

“Yes you are, Harry. You cheated on Blair last night, with me. And I can admit to you that I have no regret from that, because I want you. I want to be with you and I will do anything to make that happen,” I replied sadly. He was blaming me for everything, all I want is him. Why can’t he just see that?

“Niall stop. What we did last night was wrong. You shouldn’t have encouraged me; you shouldn’t have used my feelings for you to get what you want. I think it’s best if you just go now. I need to be alone,” he said, turning away from me.

I start walking to the door. I turn cautiously when I reach it, grabbing my backpack and guitar from the floor that I left there last night. I stare at Harry’s back, willing him to face me, to ask me to stay. Anything then what he’s telling me to do now. But he doesn’t turn. Doesn’t say a word. He just sits there, hands cupped around his glass of water, knuckles white from holding it too tightly in frustration.

I turn the door knob, “Yeah, see you ‘round Harry,” I spit out like ice, before stepping over the threshold and slamming the door behind me. The vibrations making the walls shake and the sound echo throughout the walls of the apartment building. I will not cry, I repeat to myself as I walk swiftly away from the man who has once again broken me.

I shove my hands in my jacket pockets, hanging my head low I walk into the morning London air. The day is unusually warm; the pleasant sun’s rays hit my cheeks and try to warm me. Like they are hands reaching down to me, doing what they can to comfort me. I lift my head up to the sky, my hat almost falling off my head. I stand in the middle of the path just trying to take in all that I can before everything once again turns to shit. I begin walking again; passing by people who seem to be in brighter spirits today, the warm weather has changed them. But it only saddens me; my problems cannot be overcome by the sun shining. A little ways down the long walk from Harry’s apartment to mine I notice something or someone across the road.

Long blonde hair trailed halfway down her back, she wore classy clothes, showing that she has a lot of money. I knew her. Not from ever meeting her, but I had spent two years obsessing over every little detail about her, hating her for thinking that she is good enough for Harry. I looked closer at her, now noticing that she was holding hands with a tall blonde guy, and fuck he looked good. I mean like model good. Even from the distance I was, I could almost make out every one of his features. But didn’t Harry say last night that Blair is in America for the week filming a movie? And here she is, walking down the street with a guy that is not Harry, posing for photos on her iPhone. And oh my god, now they’re kissing. Like really fucking kissing, does she not realise that she is in public? Is she not thinking about the paparazzi? Even I get photographed when I go out sometimes and I’m not even famous anymore. And she’s on the front cover of every fucking magazine. She must be stupid.

But it’s not my problem, I’m not with Harry. I’m not even friends with Harry. He can deal with his wife in whichever way he pleases. I turn my gaze from them, continuing down my path, but now I’m not really sure where my destination is. The hope I felt when I woke up next to Harry this morning has completely disappeared leaving behind only emptiness.

A black abyss that exists only inside me.

Notes

I hope you guys enjoyed it. more drama..

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