Niall P.O.V

“Am I really that different, Elliot?” I look over at him noticing the slight wince that rakes its way through his body at my words, his eyes tinted with, is that pain? “What’s wrong?”

He shakes himself slightly, looking back at me with a small smile on his lips. “It’s nothing; it’s just weird to talk to you like this is all.”

“Unfortunately like everything else, you’re going to have to explain to me what you mean.” I sigh, getting bored of having to have everything explained to me over and over.

“I can’t remember a time when you’ve ever called me Elliot. I don’t like it.”

Well that confuses me even more. “Well what would you prefer I call you?”

Is he blushing? “Well you always called me El.”

That’s all? “Oh okay, well El.” I think for a moment, staring down at the floor. I could let it go, but I feel the need to know why this means so much to him. “So why is El any different to Elliot? I mean your name is Elliot after all.”

He gives a slight shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t know, I guess it kind of made me feel like I meant more to you than other people. I mean you referred to Louis as Lou because he was one of your best friends, and you called Harry Harold even though you knew he hated it, but you continued with it because you liked to tease him. In a way you liked to know how far you could push people.”

“Was that a good thing?” I ask him, trying to picture it myself.

“Sometimes,” he says quietly, looking over at me before continuing. “Sometimes it was a breath of fresh air, to know that you would tell the truth about how you felt about something no matter what. Other times you were kind of a dick, you didn’t care about the feelings of the people around you, I’m not sure if you did it on purpose or if you had no idea what effect your words had on others, I never asked you.”

“But you still stuck with me?”

He smiles at me, “of course I did, we were friends after all.”

I stare at him, knowing he’s not telling me the whole truth. “Is that all we were Elliot?”

He winces again at my use of his full name, but I don’t yet feel completely comfortable around him to use the ‘pet’ name, especially if it makes him feel things for me. “More times than not.”

Well how enlightening.

Sighing harshly I speak more forcefully. “Look Elliot, you’re going to have to be completely straight with me, I have amnesia for god’s sake, just tell me straight out, no more tiptoeing around the truth.”

He sighs back at me in response, dropping his gaze to focus on my knees. “Niall when I met you, you were playing at a rundown café in London, you were living day to day off the money you got in tips, and you weren't doing so well. I befriended you because behind all that I saw you for the person you really were, and I liked that person.”

He stops, lifting his gaze to see my reaction. I put all my effort into keeping my face indifferent, wanting only to forcefully shake him and urge him to continue, but I wait.

He smiles sadly. “You’re really going to make me say it aren’t you?”

I respond by lifting my eyebrow questionably.

“Because you’d be right, I do love you, and I knew what I was getting into when I let myself fall for you. But there was something about you, you were different I guess. I couldn’t help but like the way you were harsh with your words even when they hurt me. I liked your attitude towards the world, I was envious I suppose, you didn’t really give a shit about anything. I liked the rare occasions that you would cook for us, the look of you in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up as you read through the recipe. Your cooking was awful, and I could never understand how it could be so bad even though you followed the recipe step for step, but I ate it every time even though we both knew it was practically inedible. I liked the person you were, even though I knew that you would never feel the same about me. I accepted it.”

His confession didn’t affect me the way I expected it to. At the very least I was expecting a fluttery feeling in my stomach, but there was nothing. Only the two of us sitting on this couch as he confessed his feelings for a man that I would never be again.

“If I remembered any of this I could give you some insight to my thoughts, give you some idea of what I had felt for you, but I can’t.”

He looks back up at me, eyes carefully guarded. “I would settle for you telling me how you feel now.”

Should I just tell him? Tell him so bluntly so there’s no room for misunderstanding? Is that the type of person I am?

I take in a breath, his eyes focused solely on me, “I don’t feel anything.”

He nods, “I already suspected as much.”

“I feel like I should tell you I’m sorry or something, but I don’t think it will have much of an effect now.”

“No, you don’t have to apologise for anything, I knew how it would evidently end.”

We sit in silence for a moment, he looks over at me every once in a while before turning his eyes down to his lap. I sigh, knowing he has more to say.

“Just ask me then.”

His gaze snaps up, looking at my annoyed expression. “So it’s still Harry then?”

“You know, as much as I try I can’t get him off my mind. I hardly know the guy but yet I’m always thinking about him. I compare everyone else to him, and nobody matches up. Nobody deserves to be in the same category as him, and it scares me.”

“Just remember, Niall. You only don’t remember him because of the accident, you two have been through so much together, I’d hate for you to throw that all away over some doubt.”

“Look as much as it pains me to say this, that guy loves you. He’s known who you were through everything, it was you who pushed him away, you never gave him the chance. Yes in truth I was always against the two of you being together and I did everything in my power to keep him away from you, but no matter what I did, your feelings for him never changed, and no matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt you; he was always on your mind, pulling you back to him. I’m not saying that if you forgive him or whatever you need to do, that things with you two will work out. I’m just saying that maybe you should give him a chance.”

I look at him, trying to find any hint of resentment, knowing that if I see any I’ll blatantly ignore it. “You really think there’s a future for us?” My doubt still sticking close to me.

“I’m not saying it will work, I’m just saying maybe you shouldn’t write him off straightway.” He gives me a small smile, bumping his shoulder softly against mine.

Maybe he’s right. After all, I hardly know the guy.

~~.~~

My nerves kick in as soon as Elliot pulls his car up to the curb outside the hotel Harry’s staying in. I stare up at the threatening building, half inclined to ask Elliot to take me back to his. I don’t know what I have to be scared of; it’s just Harry after all. I mean I did leave things on a bad note with him the other day, but I think I can make things right again. I take in a deep breath, sliding myself out of Elliot’s car, waving him off with my hand before heading into the lobby.

My nerves go into overdrive as I stand in the elevator; I breathe deeply a futile attempt to get my heart rate under control. Just for tonight I’m glad he’s staying on the top floor. I jump slightly when the elevator dings, signalling my floor. I step out, my feet dragging slightly as I walk slowly to Harry’s room. All too soon I’m standing still, looking at the daunting door of room 419, not sure what I should do. Should I knock? Maybe Harry’s not even here; would I be happy or disappointed by that? Realising I’m standing here like an idiot, I raise my hand knocking it against the door firmly. I wait for a minute before hearing Harry’s voice yell through the wood, “It’s unlocked, come in.”

I push the door open slightly and poke my head through before stepping into the room, closing and locking the door behind me. I glance around the room noticing a blanket chucked over the back of the couch and takeaway boxes littering the breakfast bar. I walk towards the kitchen, stepping around all types of clothing strewn over the floor as best I can. But no Harry. I walk through the room heading towards the bedrooms.

“Harry?” I call.

Finally reaching his bedroom door I push it open with my foot, light from the hall floods into in illuminating the previously dim room. Harry stands beside his bed facing away from me. The only clothes he wears being a loose fitting pair of black sweatpants which hang low on his lips, my eyes linger for longer than they should. He’s yet to notice my presence as he dries his hair off as best he can with his towel; he lets out an audible sigh before chucking the damp towel onto the bed, running a large hand through his hair.

“Harry,” I say again, trying not to startle him.

He freezes, hand dropping to his side before he slowly turns on his heel to face me. “Niall?,” he breathes.

As soon as I see his face I stride as confidently as I can towards him. He stares at me, unmoving, a confused look etched into his features. I stop in front of him, lifting my gaze slightly to meet his eyes. “Niall?” He says again, his eyes wider than usual as I stand so close.

Before I can overthink any more about what I’m about to do, I grab his face in my hands, his eyes widening to round orbs doesn’t escape my notice, as I lean into him pressing my lips to his. He doesn’t respond for a second, standing there slack from shock, when I press myself firmer against him I feel his hand wrap around the back of my head, his fingers tangling into my messy hair in an effort to hold me even closer to him. After a moment I pull away, he keeps his hand in my hair as if he’s afraid I’ll run away, I smile slightly up at him, his eyes are glazed unseeing.

After a moment he speaks, “what was that for?”

“I, ah-. I just wanted to see what it would be like.” I figure it’s probably better to tell the whole truth from now on.

He keeps his lips pressed together tightly, looking all over my face. “And?”

I feel my cheeks heat up embarrassed by his question. Looking up again I see Harry looking down at me, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “And I think it’s definitely something I can get used to.”

Notes

sorry about the wait. I suck I know.