Niall P.O.V

To sum this situation up, the only word that comes to mind is awkward.

We are all sat in the lounge room of Riley’s house, Harry had insisted that we go somewhere else, he seems uncomfortable being here. But here we all are. Louis sits on my left, attempting to engage the group in safe conversation, Zayn and Liam share the couch across from us, both of them seem to have an interest in my worn shoes as they stare at them intensely. Riley occupies the couch to my right; he is staring towards the window, I imagine he’s wishing to be anywhere but here right now. Harry stands leaning against the wall off to the side looking increasing agitated by the minute; he would tap his foot insentiently until one of the boys tells him to stop, after which he begins pacing the length of the room mumbling to himself.

Like I said, awkward.

“Soooo..” I string out casually, leaning back and placing my arms behind my head looking towards everyone in the room. “How should we go about doing this?”

“Whatever’s easiest, I suppose,” Zayn pipes up, continuing to stare at my shoes, I tuck them up under my butt so he will look up.

“Is there really an easy way to go about this? I mean it’s going to be shit no matter what, Niall has to remember six years of his life, that’s not an easy task,” Riley speaks up looking towards me.

I hear a scoff come from the side of the room, my eyes flick over to Harry who’s staring at Riley. “Thanks Riley, I don’t think any of us here realise the extent of this situation. I mean here I was thinking it will all be over by tonight and I could be home in time for tea,” he says, a fake smile etched onto his face as his voice dripped with sarcasm. He rolled his eyes and leans back against the wall as we all stare at him.

“Harry that was rude,” Louis says, giving Harry a stern look which is ignored.

The room falls into silence again when nobody knows what to say.

“Look, I just don’t know why he’s even here,” Harry speaks loudly, pointing his finger at Riley. “I mean, what do you really hope to achieve? You hardly know Niall compared to us.”

Riley turns in his seat to address Harry. “Dude, this is my house. And I know that I haven’t known Niall as long as you guys have, but I know him. None of you were there when I was, not even you Harry,” Harry looks down at his feet, his head shaking slightly from side to side. “I’ve experienced things with him,” a slight blush crosses Riley’s cheeks as he speaks, I’m curious to know what he means. “You can’t say that I don’t have a right to be here, because I do. I have just as much cause to be here with him, I love him just like you do.”

Wait, what? My eyes widen at that, it was moments like this I wish I could remember.

Harry looks back up at Riley, his eyes full of anger I could only guess it was because of Riley’s confession, but I couldn’t be sure.

“You don’t have the right to say that,” he looks around to the three other guys, “none of you do.” His voice was harsh, making them all flinch except Louis, who matched his stare.

“You don’t have some sort of claim on him, Harry.” He says evenly.

Harry keeps his angry eyes right on Louis, speaking through his teeth, “I never said I did.”

Louis throws his hands up in the air, letting them slap back down onto his jean clad thighs, “Oh come on Harry, you’re acting like an animal protecting his dinner. We are not trying to steal Niall away from you, we’re here to help him, do you not get that?”

Harry opens his mouth to reply, but I pipe up quickly, “I was under the impression that we were all friends here?” It comes out like a question.

Louis turns to me, his eyes softening as he pats me on the shoulder, “Oh Niall, we are your friends. Harry is just being a little overprotective at the moment, but he’ll calm down.”

“Right,” I say, not entirely convinced.

“Okay, so now that’s over, how about we start what we came here for?” Liam finally says, as he leans forward resting his arms on his thighs. I stare at him, being pulled in by his round caring eyes, the way they stare straight at me has my head spinning slightly. We look at each other for a while, my eyes rake over his arms, watching the slight movement of the muscles in his forearms as he taps his hands on his knee. He watches me curiously, his feathery fringe falls into his eyes a bit. He smiles at me, but his eyes are hooded with sadness, I was curious. A slight blush forms on his cheeks, causing him to stare down at the ground away from my gaze.

“Ah okay,” Zayn says awkwardly, shifting his gaze between Liam and I. “Where should we start?”

“The beginning’s usually a good start,” Harry speaks again, sarcasm still dripping from every word.

I lean back again, realising that I had unconsciously leant towards Liam. “Alright, hit me.”

~~.~~
“X-Factor, huh?” I say, letting myself fall back against the soft couch as I try to get my head around what they had just told me. “You know I always told my family that I would go on that show one day, though I’m surprised the judges actually let me through. You’re parents tell you you’re great when you ask them about stuff like singing, but they’re your parents, y’know? Isn’t it their job to boost your ego like that?” I pause for a minute, letting it sink in. “But to have someone like Simon Cowell tell me I can sing, well that’s probably the greatest thing that could ever happen to me.” I can’t stop the smile that has spread it’s self across my face.

They all smile at me, I imagine it must be a good feeling for them to experience this with me, though the reason for it could have been more pleasant than this pesky amnesia. Nobody says anything for a while, they all just sit there, probably thinking about that time of their life, but there’s no time for that, I need to know what happened next. I sit forward, leaning towards Zayn and Liam, the grin still etched onto my face. “So? What happened after that? Did I win? Am I like some hugely successful singer who gets to travel the world? Are you guys like some sort of groupies who fell hopelessly in love with me, and I could never seem to shake you off, so now here I am stuck with you? Man being famous would be the best thing!”

There was that silence again. Aren’t they all meant to be helping me with this? I need their help if I’m ever going to get my memory back. They may not be familiar to me, but I need them. More than anything I need them.

“Well it can’t be that bad, can it? Look if I flunked out on the show and never became famous you can tell me, I promise I can take it. Just please tell me something, don’t just sit there quietly because that’s worse,” I say, looking at each of them, pleading.

Finally Zayn seems to be the only one with the courage to speak up, I stare at him intently. He gives me a nervous look before speaking.

“You didn’t win,” he starts, my face falls slightly, “but you did come third, with the help of a few friends that is.” He smiles slightly to himself, remembering the exact memory no doubt.

“Oookay? Are you going to tell me who they are, or do you expect me to guess my entire past?” I say, slightly frustrated at his lack of information.

His smile grows bigger as he looks around the room at the other boys, before he speaks Louis cuts in. “Well that would be, Zayn, Liam, Harry and myself, of course!”

I stare at him blankly, “what?”

“Pretty much we all auditioned for the show individually, but the judges thought we would work better together, so they put us in a group and we came third on the show. We called ourselves One Direction,” Liam says, still with the sadness in his eyes.

One Direction? Was he serious? A laugh escapes my mouth before my hand has a chance to cover it. “You’re serious? We called ourselves One Direction? Wow we must be lame. I mean did people actually go for it?”

“Of course. We toured the world, screaming fans, merchandise, money, you name it and it was ours. The five of us had the world in our hands,” Liam smiles fondly.

“That sounds like a dream; I wish I could remember it.” The four of them nod their heads slowly, making me feel like I was missing something. “I mean it must be a lot of fun, I can’t remember ever going outside of the UK, and so it sounds like an experience and a half.”

I feel Harry’s eyes on me; I lift my head slightly and look over to him catching his gaze. He doesn’t look away, he just studies my face with his soft expression. I wish like hell I could remember him, but there’s nothing, no memories, no feelings, just a blank slate.

But there was another thing bothering me, my left hand goes to my right wrist, rubbing circles over the bumped texture of my skin through my shirt. I had noticed the scars while I was in hospital; I was startled by the bumped, grotesque gashes that trailed almost to the elbow of the inside of my right arm. At first before my mind caught up I assumed it was caused in the car accident. But the marks on my arm were fully healed; they looked to be a few years old, even though they were still slightly sensitive to touch. Obviously I knew what kind of cuts they were, not ones likely to be caused in a car accident, but more by my own left hand. I just couldn’t comprehend why.

The question had been eating away at me for days now, and I have to know.

Harry’s eyes shift from my face to my covered right arm, he watches my fingers run over the fabric and his eyes harden, as his head shakes slightly, as if he knows what I’m about to do. I look away from him and towards the group again, who had all been sitting silently watching Harry and I. I draw in a breath knowing that I need to do this now.

“What you’ve told me sounds like a dream, no question. It had always been a dream of mine to sing for people, to bring people together and I’m so much happier that I got to do that with four other people. It sounds like a dream full of happiness and stupid boy fights and experiences. I just want to know one thing,” I pause and they all stare at me expectantly, “If it was full of all that, then why do I have these?” I ask, in a breath as I pull up my right sleeve revealing my scars.

The room is the most silent it’s been this entire time, only broken by the sound of Liam’s sharp gasp. Nobody knows what to do, honestly I had figured as much. I look at each of them again; hoping one of them will answer me.

Harry suddenly pushes himself off the wall and storms into another room, Louis is quick, jumping over the back of the couch to follow after him. The silence continues before a loud noise is heard, startling us all.
Riley was fuming next to me, “Those better not be my plates you’re smashing, you dick!” he yells.

“Harry what are you doing? Stop this!” I hear Louis yell. “No, what? Harry put that down, you’ve broken enough things.” Riley shook furiously beside me.

Silence began again.

“Harry, I’m serious. You may be bigger than me but I have no problem with smacking you,” Louis yells again. “What is the matter with you?”

“I knew he was going to bring this up,” I hear Harry say, softer than Louis yelling.

“Of course he was, but that doesn’t mean you had to storm out and make a scene. I mean this isn’t even your house,” Louis response, his voice is also lowered.

I hear a low chuckle come from Harry. “Yeah I know, but that twat’s been getting on my nerves.”

“Harry! What the fuck? Don’t be a dick, Riley’s in the same situation we all are.”

“Honestly I don’t understand why any of you are here, especially you Louis.”

“Look I’ve been meaning to talk to you and Niall about that, I wanted to tell you that I had held the grudge for too long and that I was being immature to hold it against him,” Louis’ voice sounded sad.

“Too bad now it’s too late, he doesn’t remember why you were holding the grudge in the first place. Bad news for you is that I do.” Harry paused for a moment. “There was no need for you to do that, how could you not understand that he needed to do what he did? How could you not see how miserable he was? But worst of all how could you hold it against him and not Liam? Liam is just as much to blame, if not more.”

I look over at Liam questionably only to see me with his head in his hands, shaking slightly from side to side.

“Harry that is so hypocritical. You’ve been angry at Liam for the last four years because of the same reason, you -,”

Harry cuts him off, his voice raised. “Because it’s Liam’s fault! He did this, not Niall. Liam made him change.”

I don’t understand I look back over at Liam only to find him in the same positon. Zayn gives me a sympathetic look.

“I’m not dealing with our crap tonight, Louis. This is enough bonding for everyone for one day.” He yells, before appearing in the lounge room again. He looks at me and tilts his head slightly. “Come on, Niall. Let’s go.”

“What? We’re not staying here tonight?” I ask, shocked.

“Nope, we’re staying at a hotel in town. I can’t handle these idiots anymore for today, and you need your rest. So come on.” He holds out his hand, giving me a reassuring smile, and that’s all I need. I place my hand in his, letting him lead me to the front door. He walks out without saying goodbye to them, I turn my head around quickly mouthing an apologetic “sorry” right before the door shuts and Harry’s waving down a taxi on the street.

The car ride to the hotel is short, only ten minutes pass between when we left Riley’s house to when I’m standing outside room 419, while Harry slides the key card into the slot and opens the door, leading me into the luxurious hotel room. He places the key card and his phone down onto the breakfast bar before turning to me his face apologetic.

“I’m sorry about that before, Louis just makes me so mad and I couldn’t handle it. I’m trying to help you but I don’t know how.” I had an urge to go and wrap my arms around him, but I didn’t, I couldn’t, he’s a stranger to me.

“It’s okay; I guess something like that must be a touchy subject. But it’s just so frustrating, y’know? To not be able to remember who you guys are or what I’ve been doing for the past six years,” I say, getting frustrated at my stupid brain for making me forget.

Harry gives me a sad smile, “It’s been a long day, why don’t we just call it a night, yeah? This place has two bedrooms, so choose which one you want and just make yourself at home, we’ll be here for a while.”

“Thanks, Harry,” I say, before heading off down the hall entering the bedroom on the right, leaving Harry to set himself up in the one on the left right across the hall.

I sit on the end of the bed realising that I didn’t actually have any stuff. As I sit there wondering what I should do, Harry leans on the door frame to my room with a smirk on his face. “I assume you’ll need some things.” He says, dropping a duffel bag next to the door inside my room. “I got the other boys to pack your things up from Riley’s a few days ago, nothing special just clothes, CD’s. You don’t seem to have a lot of stuff.”

“Is that all of it?” I ask, gesturing to the pathetic looking duffel Harry had just put down.

He nods.

With neither of us saying anything the atmosphere in the room became slightly awkward.

“Well okay then, I’ll just pack that away then, get some sleep I suppose,” I say, moving awkwardly to collect the bag.

“Oh yeah, right. I’ll leave you to it then,” Harry says, smiling awkwardly as he turns to leave.

“Thank you, Harry.”

“It’s not a problem.”
~~.~~

I spend a few hours lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, willing my memories to come flooding back. I’m rather disappointed that they haven’t yet. I can’t sleep, my eyes snap open the minute I get them to close, as if I was high on caffeine and regretting the high intake, but I have not had any coffee today. I found out earlier after Harry had gone to bed while I was rummaging around in my duffel looking for clues to my past, that I had had a sleeping condition for years now. It was a prescription for sleeping pills that was yet to be taken in that gave me my answer. So here I am, apparently with no sleeping pills and no way of being able to fall asleep.

I lie there for a little longer before I’ve had enough. I swing myself out of bed, being careful of the wounds still healing all over my body and walk in just my boxers to the bedroom door. I pull it open as quietly as I can and exit the room. I tip toe silently down to the kitchen, after I get myself a glass of water I stand there for a while not entirely sure what to do next. After a while I leave the half empty glass by the sink and quietly walk back up the hall. I stop outside Harry’s door, suddenly hesitant. After a moment of standing there like a tool I slowly push it open, seeing a mound of blankets atop the king sized bed, with chocolate brown curls wilding splayed across one of the pillows.

“Harry, are you awake?” I whisper quietly into the dark room.

No reply.

I walk over towards the bed and without hesitation this time I pull the covers back and climb in next to him. I feel him shift beside me until he’s facing me, his sleepy eyes staring at me in the darkness.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks.

“No, sorry that I woke you,” I respond, I should tell him to go back to sleep, but I like talking to him.

“You didn’t wake me, I don’t sleep much these days anyway,” he says, a slight smile on his lips.

“How come?” I ask boldly.

“Nightmares,” I can’t think of a decent response so I stay quiet.

After a while, he speaks again, “So what brings you in here?”

I thought for a second, when he spoke again, “I mean not that I mind, at all. Do it anytime, you’re just different now; I’m still trying to figure out what you’re going to do. I used to know you so well.”


“I know,” I say, my smile sad. “I guess part of me wanted to ask that question again, and I hope you will tell me.” I say, hesitantly.

“What question?”

“The one about my scars. I know now that Liam had something to do with them but I would like to know the whole story.”

He looks at me for a moment, studying my face before grabbing my right arm and running his fingers lightly along it. “I saw how you were looking at him tonight. I watched the way your eyes travelled over him. It’s the way that you used to look at him before this happened.”

“Will you tell me? “ I ask, shivering from his touch.

He takes in a deep breath before proceeding to tell me mine and Liam’s past. I listen intently to him explain the Australian leg of our tour, how good things were until they weren’t, my downward spiral, mine and Liam’s falling out, the reason behind my scars. I wanted to cry or throw up or something, but I didn’t, because I needed to know this. He finishes after a while at the point when I’m in the hospital in Australia recovering. I’m curious that he didn’t really tell me what he was doing at the time. I feel like he would have been there, but maybe he’s leaving that for another time.

I don’t speak for a while as I try to let it all sink in. Liam was the reason I tried to kill myself. I would never have guessed that.

“I’m sorry, Niall.” Harry says softly, slowly tracing the rough scars of my arm.

“It’s okay, Harry. I need to know these things,” I reply, my voice shaking slightly.

He lets go of my arm only to wrap it around my shoulders pulling me to him tightly. “I just wish it was something better.” He whispers it so quietly that I’m not sure if he meant for me to hear.

Suddenly he lets me go and moves over to his side of the bed, I feel cold not having him closer to me. I lie there for a few more hours thinking about what he had told me over and over again, but sleep never came. Around two in the morning I finally heard soft snores coming from Harry’s side of the bed, now that I knew he was asleep, I slid myself closer to him curling myself into his chest, as he slept his arm curled around me holding me tightly against his body.

This helped a bit.

Notes

I hope it didn't suck too bad.. sooo much dialogue..!
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