***Author's notes are important so read them***
****Play this song while you read****



I feel so numb as I stare at the blank tiles of my shower walls. It's begun, the loneliness and suffering, the feeling that the end has come and by the time a snap myself out of my dreary thoughts, the water's cold. I tried to eat today but I just failed. Trust me, I wanted to eat, I’m so hungry, but I just can’t. My body is still in so much pain and shock that it won’t allow me to do anything but cry, sleep, and cry some more. I tried to sing again but the lump in my throat got in the way. I used to sing with him before… before… t-the accident, but now I can’t even whisper a note without feeling guilty that he can’t sing them with me.

In this time I've lost all sense of pride. My life has hit a stand still. I feel worthless and alone to the point where I haven’t spoken in weeks. I've called his phone a hundred times in hopes that all of this is just a sick nightmare and that if I hear his voice I'll be fine, but it always come up dead…just like him.

After Liam died my life was no longer a life and my body was no longer a part of me. It is now just an empty shell of the girl I was before; my soul was lost when Liam left me.
I try but I can't come alive. When I sleep I pray that the room would take me under, swallow me whole, do something to take me away from this retched place that stole the love of my life away from me. I can't help but wonder, “what if I had one more night for goodbye? What if I had one more chance to see you and hear your laugh?” These thoughts keep playing through my mind like a broken record.

I haven’t turn the bedroom lights off since he was taken from this world. That was always his job. He would always turn the lights off before we went to be now he’s not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep. I can’t sleep nor eat, nor spend a day without sobbing.

I remember his screams and his cries as he died to protect me. I wish he just left me there because now I have nothing to live for. Liam was my world. I remember the high bloody scream that escaped his mouth as he was hit again and again by passing cars as he pushed me out the way. I couldn’t do anything but watch as he lay there on the highway as the cars passed over his body thinking he was just some dirty road kill.

These four walls and me; these walls that are keeping me from forgetting; they remind me every day of him but I can’t seem to leave.

I lay in bed all day but I don’t touch your side of the sheets. I can't seem to leave your side even though you have left mine. My pillow's wet forever and always from all these tears I've cried over you. I won't say goodbye; I can’t say goodbye…I won’t be able to say goodbye…
I tried to smile today…then I realized there's no point anyway since he isn’t here to smile along with me. H isn’t here to make me giggle or gasp for breath after a laugh attack…He’s gone for good but I still refuse to say goodbye.

His funeral was beautiful. I sung his favorite song as the tears flew down my cheeks. When I though I couldn’t sing anymore I changed songs and started to sing “these four walls” It was the perfect message for what was to be my life from now on.

In this time I've lost all sense of pride. My life has hit a stand still. I feel worthless and alone to the point where I haven’t spoken in weeks. I've called his phone a hundred times in hopes that all of this is just a sick nightmare and that if I hear his voice I'll be fine, but it always come up dead…just like him.

I can't come alive because he can’t. I can’t move because he can’t, I can’t smile ever again because he can’t.

I want the room to take me under but I can't help but wonder, “What if I had one more night for goodbye?” What would I do? Would it be the same as the first time? Would I cry on his shoulder until all of the light left his eyes? I will never know, and neither will he…

When he’s not here to turn the lights off I can't sleep…

These four walls and me…

These walls that forever keep me trapped in my never ending nightmare. The nightmare where he is gone and I am alone, but it isn’t a dream or even a nightmare… It’s my cruel life slapping my in the face.

Oh I can't come alive…

I want the room to take me under and swallow me up so I can drift into the darkness forever. I can't help but wonder, “What if I had one more night for goodbye?” What if I had let him save himself? What if I had saved him? Would life be different? Would I feel so alone? I may never know…but would I want to?



If you're not here to turn the lights off I can't sleep….



Forever awake with your image in my head…



These four walls and me…

Notes

If you were wondering who sang that it was me. I know it wasn't great but I was bored and thought why not use my own singing since singing is my biggest passion in life. Comment below what you thought. Honestly. Here is the link if you want to hear it again. ;)
https://soundcloud.com/lonelson772/these-four-walls-little-mix-1

So ya I didn't write this one shot for anyone in particular. I had a really good idea though. Along side regular one shots you can ask for "Song Shots" (I just came up with that) If you didn't notice this entire one shot was written around the lyrics of These for Walls by Little Mix. So if you liked this, when you ask me for a one shot you can ask for a regular One Shot or I can write you a Song Shot, your choice. :) I really hope you liked this Song Shot!1 Tell me if you like this idea in the comments. Should I do more Song Shots? Would you like one???

***sooo....If you want a ONE SHOT just ask in the comments below or message me.
just tell me your name, who you want to be paired with, what the theme should be. (emotional, mysterious, heartbreaking, fluffy...etc.) and a little bit of a plot line. The plot is really important because it can get quite difficult to come up with completely original one shots on my own sometimes.

***If you want a SONG SHOT, tell me who you would like to be paired with and what song and that's it for a song shot, nothing else.

Just know that you will be after the people that had entered the contest. So don't get mad if you don't see your right away because I had a lot of requests!!! :)

don't forget that there is a contest on here and I would really appreciate it if you voted for me :)
here is the link -http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/24637/FANFIC-AWARDS/
Please please please vote for me...I never win stuff and I would really like to win this, not only for myself but for you guys as well! If I win, these awards will be for you. For all of my faithful readers!!!!
Thanks again, please got vote now!! :)


BYE FOR NOW LOVELIES
~~ LAURYN~~