Longing for you

I love Harry, I really do. But the further the evening got the more he got on my nerves. It was like I couldn´t even go to the toilet without him, being glued to me.

He wasn´t pushing me in any way, he didn´t even tried to kiss me the whole time, but still I felt strange under his new devotion. When I asked him, if something was wrong he only said that he felt like everything was more than just fine.

Finally I could get some space between us as I brought the dirty dishes into the kitchen and started to do the dishes since there stood plates over plates and I really didn´t wanted to leave this mess to Taylor and Connor.

“Hey”, I heard a voice behind me and I turned to see Zayn coming in with even more dishes.

“Bring it on”, I laughed and removed my hands out of the foam from the sink.

“Here you go”, he said as he handled them to me.

“You wanna divide the work? You clean, I towel them?”, he asked and I nodded, happily about his offer since it was just so much.

“There hadn´t been really much chances to talk to you tonight”, he said and I chuckled.

“I know, but now we can talk”, I offered and he just simply stared out the window into the garden, where all the other ones were sitting and having roasted bananas with sugar and cinnamon.

It was a recipe I brought with me form Germany and they all got all crazy over it. His face was without any emotion and I felt sad since I thought he would give me a smile.

“Are you okay?”, I asked him, but he didn´t answered my question.

“I really like you, Clary.” I furrowed my brows and looked over to him, but all I could see was his back.

“Huh?”, I asked stupidly and he turned to me. His eyes caught mine and that was the moment I knew what he meant and there was the thing that I didn´t really wanted to know.

It would destroy everything. Break everything into pieces.

“I don´t think you understand”, he said sternly.

“Don´t Zayn”, I tried to stop him, but I couldn´t.

“I like you, Clary. More than just as a good friend. I mean...it´s just confusing and I don´t even know when it happened. But somehow I just found myself thinking that there is more than just friendship that one day in the bakery, when you laughed about something really ridiculous on the radio.” His words came out quickly and it was hard for me to understand them at all.

“Zayn you got so important to me over the last two weeks, but I just...I can´t...”, I tried to save the situation.

“I know, really you have Harry and you two are happy. But I had to tell you before you´ll leave”, he said and placed the plate, which he still held in his hand, on the table.

“This is horrible...I don´t want this to be like this in between us now”, I said desperate. My legs shook and I felt my head bumping. Don´t leave me like this, please don´t leave me like this, was all I could think about.

“I´m sorry, Clary. But I just couldn´t lie about it anymore”, he apologized and I heard his voice shaken. I looked up and stared into his dark eyes. He looked handsome like always and his eyes seemed to be dark under his black eyelashes.

His face shown pity and sadness and I wanted to hug him so badly to comfort him just like he did the times I had been upset and he had been there for me. But this time I was the one, who upset him and I could do absolutely nothing against it.

Suddenly he got so close to me that my hands were pressed to his chest and he reached down to me. And before I knew what happened he kissed me.

The kiss was short, his lips only laid on mine for some seconds, but still I closed my eyes.

His scent got into my nose and I realized how different it was from Harry´s. Also his lips were different, bigger and I felt his unshaven chin on my mine.

But then it already was over and we stared into each other´s eyes.

“I just had to do that, at least for once”, he whispered and I opened my mouth to answer something, but he didn´t gave me the chance since he turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Even as I heard the front door open and shut again, I still couldn´t move. My feet felt frozen and my finger carefully traced over my lips, where his just had been.

Did I really just let Zayn kiss me? Zayn, my co-worker, friend, the biggest mysterious, kind and caring person? I did. And I hadn´t stopped him, not really kissed him back either, but I let him.

God Clary, what did just happened?, I thought before I slipped down the kitchen door, resting my head in my lap and feeling more guilty than ever.

Harry´s POV:

“You´re okay?”, I asked her and took her hand in mine. It was icecold and I saw her shiver slightly in her seat.

“I´m not, I feel sad Harry”, she said and rested her head on my shoulder. Carefully I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her head.

“This don´t have to be a goodbye forever”, I tried to cheer her up and she nodded a bit. My hands traveled up and down her arms, trying my best to comfort her.

She was so tiny that she could pull her legs up on her seat and I had way more space for my legs in the plane. The goodbye had been sobering and Taylor and Clary broke out into tears, both remembered of the last time Clary had left England.

Rosy had done way better since she seemed to know what was going on. Her little hand pulled at my curls and this time she really hurted me while doing it. After I had given her one last kiss on her cheek I had handled her back to Connor, where she started to cry and nothing calmed her down.

Now we sat in our plane, which was about to take us to Germany. I had to admit to myself that I was nervous. I´ve never been anywhere near Germany at all and before I got to know Clary, I never really wasted any thought on a country over the ocean, where I had no relations too.

Clary said something about lots of different bread and no baked beans. Weather, which was marginally different from ours and exact punctuality, except for her Mum.

I knew everything would be fine since I had Clary with me and she called this to me strange land her home, but still I had this knot in my stomach since I had no idea what I wanted to do after we´ll arrive there.

In contrast to Clary, I had no advantage because I was speaking the language and the only two words I knew in German were: Hallo, which meant hello and Nein for no.

But still the feeling of her next to me calmed me down and made the worries bearable.

“I love you, Mr. Styles”, she said and I had to smile.

“I love you too, Miss Meyer”, I responded and I chuckled over our little chat since that was the only things we said before the stewardess came and told us to fasten our seatbelts, because we were about to take off into the air.

As soon as we arrived the stable cruising altitude, she took out a blanket, which she had in her carry-on baggage and rolled herself together next to me again. We pulled the armchair up and she rested her curly, blonde hair in my lap.

It only took her ten minutes before she had already drifted into sleep and I felt her steady heartbeat under my hands, which laid on her hand on her stomach.

I spent my time with watching the German edition of an episode of How I met your mother, but I couldn´t resist and watched it with English subtitles since I really didn´t understood a word.

We stayed like this until I had to wake her up since we were offered lunch and the stewardess wanted to know, if she liked a ham or a cheese sandwich.

Clary looked tired and her voice was sleepy as she answered she would like to get a ham sandwich and a coke.

“And a coffee for that lady”, I added and she gave me a thankful smile. A little bit caffeine would do her good since she looked so small and pale in her chair.

“You two need anything else?”, she asked and Clary shook her head, handling me my water since I had the window seat.

Clary had told me she always felt sick when she could look outside and see nothing than the clouds and she preferred sitting to the transition to forget how high we were in the sky. Luckily I had invested a little bit more money four our tickets so we had only two seats each row and we were all to ourselves.

“May I get some English wine gums?”, I asked her and Clary chuckled beside me.

“You know we have them in Germany too”, she laughed, but I only shrugged my shoulders.

“They won´t taste the same way”, I said and she gave me a small smile. We unpacked our food and started eating, when I suddenly had the urge to ask her something.

“Dd ou tght thi would happn riht frm th star?”, I asked her and she busted out in laughter.

“What? Probably you take another bite, so I could understand you better”, she chuckled and I had to grin, but chewed first before I repeated myself.

“Did you thought this would happen right from the start?” Her eyes stared out of the window and she seemed to remember something.

“Imagined us getting back together and you you being with me right now?”, she laughed sadly.

“No. I hoped to see your face though, but I didn´t thought you would still want me after all that time”, she said and her eyes got back in the plane, searching for my eyes and my reaction to her words.

“You never thought I could miss you two?”, I asked unbelieving. She only shrugged her shoulders as a response.

“Actually I didnt. You wanna hear something funny?”, she asked me and I furrowed my brows at her.

“Sure”, I answered.

“I had this really alive imagination of you and Stella being together”, she said and I had to laugh, really loud.

“Stop making fun of me”, she said angrily and punched my shoulder with her not given power.

“That was what you thought? Just jumping back under the sheets with her after I had the chance again?”, I laughed and I saw I hurted her with my words.

“Kind of”, she replied embarrassed.

“Oh, love”, it felt right to call her that name, “she really never competed to you at no point”, I told her and lend down to kiss her full, rosy lips.

“I feel like I just should explode of happiness right here, right now”, she whispered and I gave her a confused look.

“You come with me, home. At least my home”, she added and I could understand her excitement. This was something she had the control over.

She knew the place we were heading to. It was her home, the place she lived for over 16 years and now I was able to just step into that life.

Therefore it felt like this, us, were finally really official and there was no going back anymore. We´ll be together in both if our homes and will play a big role in each other´s daily lives and suddenly I felt her excitement too.

The knowledge hit me out of nowhere and I glanced over to Clary, who tried to eat her sandwich without people staring at her.

She looked adorable and she was mine. Nothing more would matter. No place, no language difficulty, no distance to my friends, only her.

Notes