Longing for you

“Harry”, Diane greeted me as I stepped through the front door of the bakery.

“Heyho”, I smiled brightly and hugged her.

“Good to see your face here again. How´s college doing?”, she asked interested and I felt somehow like coming home.

“Not good at all, but I´m thinking about different alternatives”, I let her know as Clary stepped out of the kitchen. Her face lit up as she saw me and she stepped closer and bit her under lip in excitement.

“Hey”, she greeted me and I kissed her instead of saying hello.

“Oh, dear! You two are back together! Finally!”, Diane let out happily. She was the second after Taylor uttering that and I wondered what was the deal with that. We both didn´t answered her, but the look we gave each other definitely answered her question.

“Hush, hush. Just get out of bakery and do some things lovers do”, she laughed and nearly kicked us out.

“She´s crazy”, Clary laughed as she hooked in my arm and leaned against me.

“She is, but she´s also the most kind person I know and I loved to work here”, I admitted as I looked back at the familiar sign over the door. How many times had I spent inside these walls?

“I´m invited to a birthday tonight”, Clary told me as I started my car. Not expecting something bad, I drove of the parking lot.

“Surprisingly? Who´s birthday came up?”, I asked unsuspecting.

“My co-workers Zayn´s”, she said and I looked over to her.

“This Arabian guy?”, I asked concerned since I still hadn´t forgotten the glares he gave her the day at the swimming pool. Her eyebrows raised under some of the blonde curls on her forehead.

“Uhm...I´m not sure, if he´s Arabian, but yeah that´s him.” My grip around the wheel got tighter that my finger knuckles went white. Was she serious about this?

“Clary, we only have some more days and I liked to spend the whole time with you”, I tried to hold myself back.

“Me too! But it´s his birthday and he asked me, if I could come. Harry, he doesn´t have much friends over here and I know exactly how that feels like. No one should be alone at his or hers birthday!”, she said tempestuously.

The bruises over her face were lightened up by a lamp we passes and I could see her eyes stare at me unbelievably. How could I tell her that the thought of her being with this Zac guy made me jealous?

She was supposed to be with me, now that we finally could. Actually we should have sex for 24 hours straight with cuddle breaks in between, but firstly she had to work and then she wanted to go to this birthday.

“I make sure, I won´t stay in too late and I´m free tomorrow!”, she tried to convince me, but I knew she would go anyways, even though I would tell her not to.

“Apropos work...weren´t you supposed to attend some classes the last days?”, she asked me. My view stayed focused on the street in front of us.

“Truancy is good for health sometimes”, I stated after some silent seconds.

“Alright”, was all she replied and I knew she made her own thoughts to it. The rest of the ride home was very quiet since we both tried not to fight and as I dropped down on her bed as she disappeared into the bathroom to get changed I thought that the last thing we should do right now was fighting, but we nearly did.

Because she was stubborn and had her own head, but to be honest: Wasn´t that one of the things I´d missed with Aimee?

Clary´s POV:

“Are you angry at me?”, I asked as we went through the dark night as I couldn´t stand the horrible silence between us.

“I´m not angry, Clary. Just said we couldn´t spend the evening together”, he answered with his raspy, deep voice.

“But we can spend the night together. The whole night in the same bed...or the shower...or the bedroom floor”, I offered and he laughed out loud. His laughter filled the car and made me smile like a fool.

“Sounds interesting”, he managed to say between his giggles.

“Can I come up with my own ideas?”, he asked and looked over at me. Our eyes interlocked and I thought that he could come up with everything he wanted and I would probably be okay with it.

“Sure.”

“I´ll know now what to do with my free time tonight”, he chuckled and we stopped already in front of Zayn´s home.

“Thanks for letting me go”, I said as I got out of the car.

“You would have got in any way, Clary”, Harry straightened the facts as he came around the car to kiss me goodbye.

“You´re right”, I admitted and chuckled a little bit.

“I have a surprise for you”, he told me and I opened my eyes in astonishment.

“You do?”

“Mmmh, but you only get it, if you come back to me as fast as you can”, he smirked at me and I got on my toes to be able to kiss him.

“Well, at least now I have to”, I said cheekily and crashed my lips into his. His hands pulled me closer and they soon traveled under my shirt.

“I have to go”, I said and found myself hurry away from him for the second time this day. God, since when was I so horny and had to work so hard on my self-control? Harry was no big help as well since he tried to get me out of my clothes in every thinkable situation.

“Have a good night”, he shouted after me and I waved him one last time before I disappeared around the corner, ringing the Malik´s flat.

The buzzer let me in and I stepped up all the stairs to reach their floor. Zayn already waited for me in the door and the light, which came from inside the flat covered the hall in warm, yellow shine.

“Hey, birthday kid”, I greeted him and hugged his tall body.

“I´m glad you could make it”, he said and let me inside.

“Unfortunately I can´t stay forever, but I thought a short time´s better than nothing, right?”, I cleared the facts right in the beginning. Zayn nodded in agreement and I followed the noises and the smell of fabulous food into the living room, where his family already waited for me.

“Hey, everybody”, I greeted all of them as Zayn guided me to my place next to him.

“We waited for you, dear. I´m so proud of my little guy and I can´t believe he´s already this old”, she said and I could tears in her voice.

“Mum”, Zayn sighed, but I could tell he was touched by her words too.

“Alright, let´s start eating before the Niagara falls start to fall”, she laughed and that was the thing the girls already seemed to waited for.

“Oh, this is for you. I´m sorry it´s nothing more, but my time amount was really short, so...”, I informed Zayn as I handed him the present, which laid in my lap.

“Clary, I said I don´t any presents”, he sighed, but took it anyway.

“It´s just a small gesture”, I shrugged my shoulders as I overloaded my plate with thons of food. Carefully he unwrapped the paper and revealed the CD.

“I took all the songs I thought you could possibly like”, I let him know after I chewed and swallowed.

“Thank you”, he said and stared at the small plastic box in his hand before he opened the other present I got him. He broke out in laughter as he saw what I had picked up.

“A cupcake I made this morning, honestly?”, he laughed and I gave him a smile.

“You mentioned how much you liked the chocolate cream and I thought I´ll be safe with that choice”, I laughed. Short time later I realized his small sister staring at me or better my face and I knew what she saw.

As soon as she noticed I was paying attention to her, she asked: “What happened to your face, Clary?”

“That´s none of your business!”, Zayn´s Mum blamed her, but I shook my head.

“No, that´s okay. I´d rather like the people asking instead of only staring and making their own thoughts”, I informed them, but Zayn answered for me.

“There are bad people in Holmes Chapel and they can´t get along with their lives so they thought they could ruin another ones by treating Clary like this”, he told her and I was happy I didn´t had to do it myself.

“Does it hurt?”, she asked with frightened eyes and I saw a little bit of the disgust people had when they tried to imagine the scene.

Carefully I thought about my words because I knew how Zayn reacted to all of this: “Sometimes it does, but it gets already better”, I choose to go with.

“Let´s talk about something else”, Zayn´s Mum tried to change the subject and I agreed quickly. Too much about my abused face tonight already.

“Clary, what are you gonna do when you finished school?”, she questioned me and I sighed deeply.

“I don´t know. Probably I´m going to study writing or something likes this”, I told her and found myself being scared of the future again. Only 5 days were left of my little trip and then I had to get on my plane back home, waving everybody here goodbye.

“That sounds great. What do you like to write about?”, she asked me and I thought about it for some seconds.

“Real life stories, I guess. Stories about extraordinary people in ordinary ways and how they see the world, I figure.”

“Extraordinary people in ordinary ways? Sounds complicated”, she laughed and I smiled shyly.

“But they´re the best of all the people”, I defended myself and I glanced over to Zayn. His dark framed eyes laid on me and he gave me a small smile.

“People like Zayn”, I suddenly said out loud and quickly shut up as I realized what I just did.

“Like me?”, Zayn´s eyebrows raised as he asked the question.

“You´re this quiet good-looking, bad boy with a body covered in tattoos. Never talking, always looking really serious, but laughing like the happiest and satisfied person in this world. Caring for his entire family, working way too hard to make sure they´re doing okay and you have this incredible talent you don´t even recovered as one yet.”

Everybody at the dinner table looked at me confused and like I just escaped from a madhouse and I felt my cheeks blush badly. My brain seemed to worked different than theirs and now it was pretty clear.

“That was embarrassing”, I admitted and turned to Zayn to see his reaction.

“You think I´m good-looking?”, was the only thing he uttered.

“No...I mean...sure you are, but it just came out wrong...”, I stumbled and everybody at the desk started laughing.

“My articles and stories will never be published”, I found out and tried to cool my red cheeks back down.

But in the end I joined their laughter because the situation was freaking uncomfortable and for the rest of the dinner I tried to shut up as good as I could, while I eat way too much food. Probably I wouldn´t become a famous writer, but hey I could get fat instead.

…..

The glass felt cold between my finger and I traced them along the round glass of the snow globe. The little bear waved me happily with the best wishes from Bradford as the sparkles settled down around him. My eyes fell back on the rest of his presents on his desk.

A card, which wished him a happy birthday and an envelope, most likely filled with some money. Next to it was a CD of the Lion Kings and a frame with a big, red bow over the edges, showing him and one of his sisters when they were still kids.

The things weren´t really much, but they seemed to fit to Zayn and his simplicity. Carefully I placed my own CD next to the other one, starring at my own drawn cover, which looked like from a kid in kindergarten and I had to smile since Zayn was such an amazing artist and he should probably paint a cover on his own to suit the songs on the small, silvery record. My head turned to the door as I heard him enter with a mug in his hands.

“Got your tea”, he said as if it wasn´t pretty clear already and I gave him a sympathetic smile as we dropped down on his bed. Carefully he handled me the hot mug and I looked into the dark drink as I wrapped my finger around it.

“That´s such a pretty picture”, I let him know, pointing into the direction of his desk.

“It´s pretty old”, Zayn mumbled and glanced at the small frame.

“Sometimes I miss the old times. When you were so young, that toys were your main interest and you had play dates at a spot somewhere outside with your best buddy and you saved the world in a cape and armed with shovel and a stock. These were the times.” His eyes turned sad and wistful by the memories of these times.

“You had no worries about the future or how you´ll be able to pay your bills and stay alive in this mess called life”, I added since I knew what he was trying to say.

“You didn´t had to think about your main interests, come clear about your strengths and weaknesses and chose something for a living”, he continued.

“Look adorable and flawless 24 hours a day to fit in society´s rules and values, make sure you be the person everybody else wants you to be”, I sighed.

“I bet you look flawless without any help of make up for 24 hours a day”, Zayn suddenly said and I felt myself blush again as I realized the meaning of his words.

“I won´t”, I said sadly smiling and thinking about the days were I was allowed to wear the widest clothes I could find, my hair in a messy bun and with no make up at all. These were the days were I felt pure, real somehow.

“Stop seeing yourself in the wrong light, Clary”, it was nearly an order.

“So should you”, I fired back and pointed to the walls, which were over and over with comic drawings.

“That´s not the same”, he stated and rested his back against the headboard and I did the same.

Both of us stared at the ceiling that way before I asked: “Why can´t you just do what you want to?” He kept quiet and I thought he didn´t liked to answer me, but after some time he died.

Notes