Longing for you

“Whatever keeps your pretty little head awake, let it go”, Harry sleepily mumbled through the darkness and surprised I turned my head into his direction.

Faint moonlight lightened up the bed and his appearance in it as he laid on the other side of it.Unfortunately his face was covered in his pillow and I couldn´t see the expression on it. Why the hell did he knew that I was still awake?

“I can´t”, I mumbled quietly and he sighed deeply.

“It´ll be there tomorrow as well”, he murmured, but I only shook my head for myself since exactly that fact was my problem.

Harry realized I couldn´t let go that easily and he groaned as he pulled me in close to his body, wrapping me into his warm arms and resting his head on mine. Therefore I let out a faint happy noise and cuddled me even closer to him.

“What´s wrong?”, he asked with a raspy voice.

“What if she´s sleeping alone tonight, wondering what the hell she did wrong, while your in my bed?”, I finally spoke out what drove me crazy since we went to bed earlier.

“Honestly I never thought you would come back”, Harry responded and didn´t answered my question.

“Thought you´ll be already with a blonde, pale and freckled guy in Germany, doesn´t even bother what happened to me here”, he continued and I laughed quietly.

“There´s nothing funny about that”, he grumbled injured.

“Most of my evenings I spent alone at home, watching TV and eating too much. There had never been some guy anyway nearer to me than sharing a seat next to me on a public bus”, I let him know why I was so amused.

“You´re joking right?”, Harry asked and his chin moved on my head as he let out the words.

“There was just nobody else, who could had possibly take your place”, I admitted and felt my cheeks blush.

“Aimee and I met at a party somebody threw because of the new semesters. She tried to put me back together and I thought: Why not? If we´re honest I thought I had to get over you anyways since I couldn´t stay sad for the rest of my life like in a bad, romantic movie, hoping for you to coincidentally walking the same street as me. I won´t lie to you Clary, she did helped me, but I was finally feeling really happy again as I saw you that night at the club.”

God, that was honest, but this time I wasn´t hurt at all. Harry was right and I knew it. Staying alone forever sounded really tragic even to a hopelessly romantic person like me.

“Stop worry about it and just enjoy us being back together, okay?”, he asked me and I found it more being an order than a real question.

“Okay”, I gave in and it went silent between us again.

My hand rested on his naked chest and I felt his heartbeat under my palm. Slowly I felt my eyes finally getting tired and I listened to his breath to calm me down. Before I finally was able to fall asleep, I heard him another time, mumbling something into my hair.

“This time I´ll make sure, you´ll run away from me again. This is a promise, Clary.” I liked his promise.

Harry´s POV:

“What´s the matter, Harry? You look horrible, I mean not in a bad way, but you´re really pale”, she said worried.

God, the dress was really pretty on her and her face was just adorable as she starred at me with big eyes. The small height difference was something I had really enjoyed since I met her. Nothing compared to the tiny little blonde I lost my heart for again.

“I´m okay, but that´s not the point why I wanted to talk to you”, I let her know and her eyebrows raised confused.

“You start to scare me, Harry. Can´t you just say what you have to say and we can go back to the buffet”, she uttered and pointed out of the room.

How are you supposed to break up with our girlfriend? I´ve never been in a situation like this before since normally I had been really clear with the ladies when it came to relationships. No real feelings, only a little fun. But this hadn´t been just a little fun. It became serious as she told me she loved me that sunny spring day, breathing it in my face between two kisses. I was aware of the fact that there was no way to get out of this without hurting her.

“Things changed...I changed...my feelings are different now”, I tried and cursed my stumbling words. Her face went emotionless, preparing herself to what I was about to say.

“I just can´t lie to you and pretend like nothing changed, even though we both know it did...”, I continued, but she interrupted me.

“Because we almost never had sex the last week and if we had it was horrible? That´s only a little bump in the road, but that doesn´t mean things changed, right?”, she said furious.

“It´s not about the sex...”, well at least not the main part, “but I just don´t think this works for me anymore...”.

“No, Harry I really don´t see the point why you´re trying to...to...break up with me”, her eyes widened as she realized what I was trying to do.

“What happened? Did you just fell in love with a strang...hold on”, she stopped and I knew she figured the last details out, so I just shut up and waited for her reaction.

“This blonde girl...Cara she just came back...you didn´t!” There we went.

My comment, correcting her: “It´s Clary”, didn´t made it better.

“Tell me you didn´t break up with me because of her!”, she shouted at me.

“I wish I could tell you I wouldn´t”, I mumbled while I got ready for a storm.

“But she just came along and she only stays for two weeks! Than she´ll be back in Germany and you have nobody! Because believe me, you can bet on me not coming back to you like ever!”, she yelled and started to punch me angrily.

“I`m sorry, Aimee”, I tried to apologize, but she didn´t listened to me and continued.

“You...are...the...biggest...asshole...on...the...whole...wide...planet”, she breathed out between punches.

I was for sure and I decided to let her do to me whatever she wanted. But expect for one thing since she seemed to change her tactic. First I was too surprised to push her away from me as her lips suddenly laid on mine, forcing me to kiss her back.

“Aimee...”. “Tell me that this doesn´t mean something to you!”, she ordered and I saw the pain inside her eyes.

“It does...but I want her more”, I apologized.

“Want her more?”, her eyes were filled with tears as she looked me in the eyes.

“Like sleeping with her?” Guilt covered my face even though I tried to hide it.

The second she realized what it meant, her face dropped completely: “You already did?” Her voice was an injured, faint noise. I opened my mouth to try to say how sorry I was, but she didn´t let me.

“Get out.” Questioningly I looked at her, but she refused to look me in the eyes.

“Aimee...”, I breathed quietly.

“GET OUT!”, she yelled at me and as I saw the tears finally rolling over her cheeks and I did.

Panicky I opened my eyes and it took me some time to realize I was only dreaming. My eyes fell on the window, which revealed the sunrise outside.

The horizon looked purple and orange and I´ve never seen something so beautiful lately. Until my view flashed back into the room and I noticed the warm bundle of person in my arms.

Her blonde curls were spread all over the pillow, her shirt revealed a little bit of her skin over her hip, her small hands, who rested on my chest and her eyes slightly flickered in her sleep. The bruises gave her a vulnerable look and the cuts only made me furious again. To me promise earlier I added the one to make sure no one ever touches her without her permission and I would do anything to keep it.

Carefully I kissed her forehead and breathed in her scent, flowery and heavy like a summer evening with wine. She moaned in her sleep and moved closer until there was no more space between the two of us.

The break-up had been horrible and unfair, but just the fact that I held Clary now in my arms was worth it. With that realization I closed my eyes again, drifting back to sleep.

Notes