The new start
Chapter forty-four, "You can´t fight love... or can you?"
“Amy wait” Niall panted behind me. But I didn´t want to stop running, if I did it would be impossible to stop myself from kissing him. I repeated the words in my mind, I cannot fall in love with Niall, I cannot fall in love with Niall. But then I felt his warm hand on my shoulder, the warm thrill went through my body again and it felt like I had a hundred butterflies in my stomach. Suddenly I stopped running. It was like all my energy was gone, I didn´t want to fight it anymore. I had to accept it, I was in love with Niall. It was the second time in a week I had fallen in love, but this time wasn’t like the last time with Harry. This time it was more real. I turned around and gave Niall a kiss. Our tongue´s fitted perfectly together and the warmness infected itself on my whole body. It felt so god, it felt like my heart healed and like the butterflies finally were able to float freely. I didn´t want to stop but I had too. I looked up at Niall´s blue eyes and saw that they were shining even brighter now.
“Wow” He said and I couldn´t help myself but smile. Then I picked up my phone and realized that it was 2:45 pm, my detention starts in fifteen minutes and I am pretty sure that I will be expelled if I don´t make it in time.
“Niall, I gotta go. But are we still on for nando´s tonight?” I asked and he nodded.
“Meet me in the cafeteria at seven.” He said and I gave him a kiss on the nose before I started walking briskly towards the school. I crawled through the hole in the fence again and hurried to the math classroom. Just in time I thought when I knocked three times on the door. Mrs. James opened quickly and this time she actually looked a lot happier. Her small little mouth pointed right up and the even smaller grey eyes shined so bright that you could think they were blue.
“Hello Amy, I could scream at you for an hour because you skipped school today but I am going to let it pass for this time with only ten minutes extra detention, but only for this time.” She said and her otherwise shrilly voice almost sounded kind.
“Thank you, Mrs. James.” I said with a surprised voice and expected her to let me in.
“Have you ever had this wonderful feeling when you are in love?” She asked and I looked surprising at her.
“Well, as a matter a fact, I have it right now.” I said and a smile cracked out on my lips. Only the thought of Niall made everything blurry and all the butterflies woke up.
“Me too, my dear.” She said and now I wonder what she had eaten.
“But you are married, don´t you have that feeling every day?” I asked and the second after I had said it I knew it was wrong to say and the way I had said it… No, shit now I will get an hour detention, I thought and sighed. But Mrs. James didn´t noticed, she looked at me with determined eyes and her eyes were back to the grey color.
“If there is something you should learn in life it is, don´t ever get married.” She said and it almost sounded like she was about to cry. Just when I was about to ask “Why?” her eyes were back to the blue color and she looked happy again. Weird, I thought.
“You know what? Go and be with your man, you never know what is going to happen.” She said and closed the door right in front of me. The thought of what she had said didn´t let go of me. It hung over me like an evil cloud. What had Mrs. James experienced? What had happened that made her so against marriage and love? Had her husband been like in movies, first nice and sweet and then after the marriage started to hit her? Or had she just had bad luck and gotten an alcoholic husband? But what had made her so happy now? Was she cheating? The questions spun around in my head and they multiplied so fast that I barely noticed when I arrived to my room. I unlocked the door and to my surprise Chloe sat on her bed.
“Chloe, please let me explain.” I said and she winced before she met my eyes. Her eyes were dark and I could see that she had cried.
“Explain what? That you and your new best friend can tell everything to each other, things you can´t say to me. I have told you my whole life, my weeknesses and let you see me cry and what do I know about you? Nothing, not a damn thing. I haven´t even met your parents.” She said and I felt how the tears were on their way again. She was right, why could I only open up to Summer and not her? I knew the answer too well. But as soon as I would let myself say it, it would become more true. So instead of telling her I tried to blame it all on her.
“Well, you don´t let me. You just… you... you cry. That´s what you do Chloe. If you knew who I am you wouldn´t except me, you would start crying. Chloe, you are so week.” I said and as soon as the words had left my mouth I regretted it. But there was no taking back. The tears were on their way and I couldn´t let Chloe see me cry. Not after what I had done to her, it was she who was supposed to cry, not me.
“Amy, that was low. You said that Ros… Summer is a bitch, but I think you have mistaken yourself. Because you are much bitchier than her and if you let me in maybe I can help you with that. So Amy what is it going to be either you tell me now or you lose me forever.” She said and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her every detail but I just couldn´t. Instead I just sat there, sat there and looked at her. No noise could leave my mouth. Somewhere inside me I heard a voice, a pitiful scream, “tell her, tell her what you have done.” But I couldn´t, the words wouldn´t leave my mouth. Chloe shook her head and ran out from the room with a big bag hanging on her shoulder. As soon as she left it was like I worked again. I was able to talk, breath and move but it was too late.
“I killed someone” I whispered and a few tears left my eyes. They ran down my cheeks but soon they were as gone as Chloe. The only difference was that they could be replaced by new tears, there was only one Chloe. Suddenly I felt restless, I wanted to do something, anything. Cry, scream, hit something but my body was out of control, I was empty. I didn´t feel anything, I didn´t feel the grief after losing Chloe I just felt emptiness, emptiness and tiredness. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. When the sleep didn´t come I started thinking about Niall. I wanted to think about his pink lips, his smell, his hugs, his eyes, but all I could think of was how I would get to this point with him too and no matter how you look at it I will lose him too, if I don´t tell him. I sighed, it was impossible to sleep. The thoughts attacked me every minute. Instead I picked up my phone and typed in dad´s number. This time I didn´t hesitate before I pressed “call.” He picked up on the second signal.
“Hello it´s James Brown, what can I help you with?” He answered with the same voice as the last time. Only this time I knew that my old dad was there somewhere.
“Hi dad, it´s me. Do you have a minute?” I asked and really hoped he would say yes. I needed his advice again.
“Actually not right now, can it wait?” He said and but I didn´t give up.
“It will just take a second, I promise.” I said and when I heard his sigh I knew he would say yes.
“Fine, what´s on your mind?” He asked and I wanted to tell him the whole thing. But I had to be short.
“Well it´s kind of the same question as last time, only it´s a different situation this time, it´s more serious. I mean if you know that you would lose your friends if you told them but you would lose them if you don´t tell them too, is it worth it to tell them?” I asked and after a while he answered.
“Tell them, at least they know.” He said and I wondered why he kept it so short. Maybe I hadn´t reached out to my old dad as much as I thought. Just when I was going to say goodbye, Summer walked in. I waved and pointed on the cell.
“Dad I gotta go, Summer just got here.” I said and heard a smash. I held my breath. Was he hurt?
“Dad, are you okay? I asked and my heart started pounding fast. Should I call 911?
“Did you say Summer?” He asked like he hadn´t heard my question. His voice was high and it almost sounded like he screamed.
“Yeah, how come?” I asked and wondered why he had become so upset.
“Amy, listen to me, stay away from h…” He started but the line broke. I looked weirdly at the phone. What had just happened? Why had he said that I should stay away from Summer? The questions popped up again. I must have heard wrong or something. The signal wasn´t good, I thought but I knew I hadn´t. I didn´t have time to think about it anymore because Summer looked at me and searched for an explanation.
“What was that about?” She asked and I didn´t want to tell her about how dad and I had reconnected. I felt like she had destroyed our bond.
“Dad called and asked about the school and the signal was bad, I don´t really know, never mind.” I said and she nodded.
“What do you think about this one?” She asked and held up a gorgeous dress.
“Gorgeous” I said and smiled.
“Great, then you are wearing it tonight at a summer party. Yeah I know it´s autumn but what the hell, party like party.” She said and smiled. The worry swept over me, I hadn´t told her about my day with Niall and our plans tonight. She would get pretty angry but I didn´t want to cancel with Niall.
“I actually have plans tonight.” I said and looked at her. It was like the whole Summer stiffened.
“With who?” She asked with a voice I didn´t recognized. It was like the happy Summer was washed away and replaced by a weird stranger.
“Niall, he forgave me and…” I started but Summer interrupted me.
“Well I thought you didn´t need anyone but me?” She said and I sighed.
“No I don´t but…” I started before she interrupted me again.
“Great then cancel and go with me to this party.” She said and continued looking at dresses for the party. I didn´t even want to think of how sad Niall would be. But there was nothing I could do. If Summer had decided to do something that was the prevailing.
“Yeah sure. I will just text Niall.” I said and Summer started moving natural again. The happy Summer was back but the things dad had said was also back in my head. Maybe he was right, maybe I shouldn´t be around Summer so much. Maybe I should tell everyone my secret and ditch her. But then she turned around and handed a pair of beautiful shoes to me. She wasn´t dangerous or anything, she was my best friend, maybe a little stubborn but still my best friend and I love her. I smiled and quickly typed a message to Niall, hoping he wouldn´t be so sad. Then I got up on my feet and put on the dress which fitted perfectly. I smiled and did a little twirl. At least I looked beautiful with Summer around, beautiful and my secret wouldn´t be revealed. Summer was just a plus, a friend that don´t make me feel too lonely. I don´t need Niall´s love, Summer is enough.
“Wow” He said and I couldn´t help myself but smile. Then I picked up my phone and realized that it was 2:45 pm, my detention starts in fifteen minutes and I am pretty sure that I will be expelled if I don´t make it in time.
“Niall, I gotta go. But are we still on for nando´s tonight?” I asked and he nodded.
“Meet me in the cafeteria at seven.” He said and I gave him a kiss on the nose before I started walking briskly towards the school. I crawled through the hole in the fence again and hurried to the math classroom. Just in time I thought when I knocked three times on the door. Mrs. James opened quickly and this time she actually looked a lot happier. Her small little mouth pointed right up and the even smaller grey eyes shined so bright that you could think they were blue.
“Hello Amy, I could scream at you for an hour because you skipped school today but I am going to let it pass for this time with only ten minutes extra detention, but only for this time.” She said and her otherwise shrilly voice almost sounded kind.
“Thank you, Mrs. James.” I said with a surprised voice and expected her to let me in.
“Have you ever had this wonderful feeling when you are in love?” She asked and I looked surprising at her.
“Well, as a matter a fact, I have it right now.” I said and a smile cracked out on my lips. Only the thought of Niall made everything blurry and all the butterflies woke up.
“Me too, my dear.” She said and now I wonder what she had eaten.
“But you are married, don´t you have that feeling every day?” I asked and the second after I had said it I knew it was wrong to say and the way I had said it… No, shit now I will get an hour detention, I thought and sighed. But Mrs. James didn´t noticed, she looked at me with determined eyes and her eyes were back to the grey color.
“If there is something you should learn in life it is, don´t ever get married.” She said and it almost sounded like she was about to cry. Just when I was about to ask “Why?” her eyes were back to the blue color and she looked happy again. Weird, I thought.
“You know what? Go and be with your man, you never know what is going to happen.” She said and closed the door right in front of me. The thought of what she had said didn´t let go of me. It hung over me like an evil cloud. What had Mrs. James experienced? What had happened that made her so against marriage and love? Had her husband been like in movies, first nice and sweet and then after the marriage started to hit her? Or had she just had bad luck and gotten an alcoholic husband? But what had made her so happy now? Was she cheating? The questions spun around in my head and they multiplied so fast that I barely noticed when I arrived to my room. I unlocked the door and to my surprise Chloe sat on her bed.
“Chloe, please let me explain.” I said and she winced before she met my eyes. Her eyes were dark and I could see that she had cried.
“Explain what? That you and your new best friend can tell everything to each other, things you can´t say to me. I have told you my whole life, my weeknesses and let you see me cry and what do I know about you? Nothing, not a damn thing. I haven´t even met your parents.” She said and I felt how the tears were on their way again. She was right, why could I only open up to Summer and not her? I knew the answer too well. But as soon as I would let myself say it, it would become more true. So instead of telling her I tried to blame it all on her.
“Well, you don´t let me. You just… you... you cry. That´s what you do Chloe. If you knew who I am you wouldn´t except me, you would start crying. Chloe, you are so week.” I said and as soon as the words had left my mouth I regretted it. But there was no taking back. The tears were on their way and I couldn´t let Chloe see me cry. Not after what I had done to her, it was she who was supposed to cry, not me.
“Amy, that was low. You said that Ros… Summer is a bitch, but I think you have mistaken yourself. Because you are much bitchier than her and if you let me in maybe I can help you with that. So Amy what is it going to be either you tell me now or you lose me forever.” She said and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her every detail but I just couldn´t. Instead I just sat there, sat there and looked at her. No noise could leave my mouth. Somewhere inside me I heard a voice, a pitiful scream, “tell her, tell her what you have done.” But I couldn´t, the words wouldn´t leave my mouth. Chloe shook her head and ran out from the room with a big bag hanging on her shoulder. As soon as she left it was like I worked again. I was able to talk, breath and move but it was too late.
“I killed someone” I whispered and a few tears left my eyes. They ran down my cheeks but soon they were as gone as Chloe. The only difference was that they could be replaced by new tears, there was only one Chloe. Suddenly I felt restless, I wanted to do something, anything. Cry, scream, hit something but my body was out of control, I was empty. I didn´t feel anything, I didn´t feel the grief after losing Chloe I just felt emptiness, emptiness and tiredness. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. When the sleep didn´t come I started thinking about Niall. I wanted to think about his pink lips, his smell, his hugs, his eyes, but all I could think of was how I would get to this point with him too and no matter how you look at it I will lose him too, if I don´t tell him. I sighed, it was impossible to sleep. The thoughts attacked me every minute. Instead I picked up my phone and typed in dad´s number. This time I didn´t hesitate before I pressed “call.” He picked up on the second signal.
“Hello it´s James Brown, what can I help you with?” He answered with the same voice as the last time. Only this time I knew that my old dad was there somewhere.
“Hi dad, it´s me. Do you have a minute?” I asked and really hoped he would say yes. I needed his advice again.
“Actually not right now, can it wait?” He said and but I didn´t give up.
“It will just take a second, I promise.” I said and when I heard his sigh I knew he would say yes.
“Fine, what´s on your mind?” He asked and I wanted to tell him the whole thing. But I had to be short.
“Well it´s kind of the same question as last time, only it´s a different situation this time, it´s more serious. I mean if you know that you would lose your friends if you told them but you would lose them if you don´t tell them too, is it worth it to tell them?” I asked and after a while he answered.
“Tell them, at least they know.” He said and I wondered why he kept it so short. Maybe I hadn´t reached out to my old dad as much as I thought. Just when I was going to say goodbye, Summer walked in. I waved and pointed on the cell.
“Dad I gotta go, Summer just got here.” I said and heard a smash. I held my breath. Was he hurt?
“Dad, are you okay? I asked and my heart started pounding fast. Should I call 911?
“Did you say Summer?” He asked like he hadn´t heard my question. His voice was high and it almost sounded like he screamed.
“Yeah, how come?” I asked and wondered why he had become so upset.
“Amy, listen to me, stay away from h…” He started but the line broke. I looked weirdly at the phone. What had just happened? Why had he said that I should stay away from Summer? The questions popped up again. I must have heard wrong or something. The signal wasn´t good, I thought but I knew I hadn´t. I didn´t have time to think about it anymore because Summer looked at me and searched for an explanation.
“What was that about?” She asked and I didn´t want to tell her about how dad and I had reconnected. I felt like she had destroyed our bond.
“Dad called and asked about the school and the signal was bad, I don´t really know, never mind.” I said and she nodded.
“What do you think about this one?” She asked and held up a gorgeous dress.
“Gorgeous” I said and smiled.
“Great, then you are wearing it tonight at a summer party. Yeah I know it´s autumn but what the hell, party like party.” She said and smiled. The worry swept over me, I hadn´t told her about my day with Niall and our plans tonight. She would get pretty angry but I didn´t want to cancel with Niall.
“I actually have plans tonight.” I said and looked at her. It was like the whole Summer stiffened.
“With who?” She asked with a voice I didn´t recognized. It was like the happy Summer was washed away and replaced by a weird stranger.
“Niall, he forgave me and…” I started but Summer interrupted me.
“Well I thought you didn´t need anyone but me?” She said and I sighed.
“No I don´t but…” I started before she interrupted me again.
“Great then cancel and go with me to this party.” She said and continued looking at dresses for the party. I didn´t even want to think of how sad Niall would be. But there was nothing I could do. If Summer had decided to do something that was the prevailing.
“Yeah sure. I will just text Niall.” I said and Summer started moving natural again. The happy Summer was back but the things dad had said was also back in my head. Maybe he was right, maybe I shouldn´t be around Summer so much. Maybe I should tell everyone my secret and ditch her. But then she turned around and handed a pair of beautiful shoes to me. She wasn´t dangerous or anything, she was my best friend, maybe a little stubborn but still my best friend and I love her. I smiled and quickly typed a message to Niall, hoping he wouldn´t be so sad. Then I got up on my feet and put on the dress which fitted perfectly. I smiled and did a little twirl. At least I looked beautiful with Summer around, beautiful and my secret wouldn´t be revealed. Summer was just a plus, a friend that don´t make me feel too lonely. I don´t need Niall´s love, Summer is enough.
Notes
Hello guys, I know I promised to get better and that I let you down. But I just I don´t know I don´t feel so inspired right now. But I will try to get passed it and typed a chapter on Tuesday, I don´t think I will have the time tomorrow but on Tuesday. :) Hope you liked this one/ kisses EWhat do you think Amy´s dad meant?
How do you think Niall reacted when he got the message?
@stolemyheart
Did you die because of your beauty or something? :0
4/27/14