Rating: 3

Description: Long time best friends, Niall and Bella haven't seen each other in years. But, when Niall comes back into town he needs a favor. He asks to stay with Bella along with his four bandmates.

So... you have a good story plot. And I honestly can't pinpoint anything wrong, but something is bothering me. I think you need more details. You kind of just explain what's going on. Like "He went to go sit on the couch. I was watching tv." It's a lame example, because you can't particularly explain how someone is feeling, but I want to feel all mushy and giggly during a cute part. And I just don't sometimes. Go into depth about the atmosphere of the room and how everyone can feel tension or whatever.

Also, I don;t really know what direction you're going in for your story. I fell like it's just... there. I understand most peoples' lives aren't going to be thrilling with flying cars and skydiving, but I'm one for the excitement and cliffhangers. I get bored during your story, honestly.

But! Do not give up. I have subscribed, and I will be reading to see how it moves forth. You have great potential, hun! Your creative side just needs a little encouragement :) Play with it, have fun!

I wish you the best of luck.

~M

Notes

Linkity link link: Perfect Act