Liam P.O.V

How Harry was able to sit in this chair and look upon Niall like this without completely breaking down was beyond me. As Harry once again let us all know that this was in fact our fault I couldn’t even bare to look at the frail boy who lay beside him. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself on top of him and keep him safe from everything and anything that could possibly hurt him. But I didn’t, I couldn’t because Harry was there. So I kept myself in check until I saw my opportunity open up when Louis and Zayn led Harry out of the room, leaving me here, to sit by Niall’s side. I grab his hand in both of mine, just like Harry had been doing before. I looked at him, at the tube in his mouth. A thought of just pulling all the machines off him crossed my mind, to just release him from the pain he was feeling, but I couldn’t bring myself to think about that. I couldn’t bring myself to let Niall go.

“I’m so sorry, Niall,” I whispered. “I am so, so sorry I did this to you. I wish like hell I could take everything back but I can’t. And now it might be too late. You may never know how I actually fell about you. And I can’t live with myself knowing that I am the reason you’re in this state,” I sobbed into his side, as I rested my head against him.
Beep Beep

I lifted my head as I noticed the sound coming from the machine change.

Beep Beep Beep

I looked at Niall, thinking that maybe he’s waking up.

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beeeeeeeeeeeep

Wait, what’s going on? I looked at the monitor to the right of Niall and saw it go flat line.

“NO! Niall, don’t do this. Fucking wake up! Don’t you dare die on me. You can’t do this, not now. Not before I get a chance to tell you how I feel,” I shouted at him, gripping his shoulders and shaking him. Trying to do anything to get him to come back.

I felt myself being pulled back by someone, and was shouted at to get out of the room. But I stayed. I fought off every attempt the doctors made to make me leave.

“Fine, but stay glued to that wall, you hear me,” the doctor said, I nodded, feeling the tears stream down my face.

“Okay, clear!” the doctor shouted, as she held the paddles above Niall’s tiny frame.

“Clear!” was shouted back. The doctor pressed the paddles to Niall’s chest, sending an electric current through his body that made his back arch almost sickeningly off the hospital bed. Everyone stopped, and stared at the heart monitor.

“No change,” one of them said.

“Okay, charge again. This time to 300. Hurry up, we don’t have time for hesitation,” the doctor shouted at one of the nurses again.

“Clear!” Again Niall’s back was arched off the bed, fresh tears fell down my face as I feared that there would be no change.

Again everyone stopped. Even the smallest improvement would be better than how he is now. Dead. A long silence filled the room, which was only broken by the sound of the flat line on the monitor.

“Don’t you say it. Don’t you dare fucking say it,” I shouted at the doctor as she turned to me with an apologetic look on her face.

“I’m so sorry, we did everything we could,” I slid down the wall, falling onto my knees; I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. “The strain seems to be too much on his bo-“She was interrupted by the beeping sound of the monitor.

Beep Beep Beep.

I moved my hands from my face, and started in disbelief as Niall’s heart rate started again, and his BP went back up.

“What? No, this can’t happen. This is impossible. He was dead,” the doctor said, as she walked over to the monitor, checking it for some sort of malfunction.

I slowly got up from the floor, scared that if I move too quickly Niall will go again. I walked to his side and rested my hands on the bed, too afraid to touch him. “You want to live, I know it.” I said, staring at him, through my watery eyes.

The doctor checked a few more things before she left the room, leaving me with Niall and a confession that was 3 weeks too late.

“I love you, Niall. And I know that I’m too late in saying this, seeing as you have Harry now. And from what I’ve seen that boy really does love you. So I need you to try, just try to love him for me okay. I know I wasn’t able to give you what you needed, but I think Harry can do that. I think that Harry is ready to do that. And even though I know I’m ready to do that now, I fear that I have caused you too much damage and heartbreak to ever try and have a relationship that is any more than friends now. And I know you probably can’t hear me, but I will never have the courage to say this to you when you are awake. Anyway I just wanted to tell you, even though I know it’s too late. I love you. You are loved, Niall. And I hope you realise that, before you do something that you can never take back.” Paused before continuing, “I just want to know why you did it. Why did you feel like this was the only way out?” I felt myself crying again, it seems like I’ve been doing a lot of that in the past 3 weeks. Knowing I wouldn’t get any answers I lay my head down on Niall’s leg and hope that he will wake up.

Niall P.O.V

My head was pounding. What is that noise? I tried opening my eyes, but they were so heavy it felt as though someone had glued them shut. Wait? Is someone there? I think I hear people talking quietly amongst themselves.

“So what happened, Liam?” I heard someone ask angrily. Harry I think. Oh Harry, he was always sticking up for me.

“I don’t know, one minute everything was fine, I was just sitting there talking to him. And then the next minute he was flat lining and the doctors were shocking him. The doctor was saying that he was dead, and that’s when his heart started again,” Liam replied, clearly shaken.

I didn’t want to hear any more about someone apparently dying, so I tuned them out, and listened to the soft ringing in my head. My throat was aching; it felt as though someone had rammed something down it. My mouth was dry as I tried to swallow, I gaged, now certain that there was something in my throat. I panicked and began to fight against the obstruction, but was unable to move my hands. I could sense people moving around me, yelling wildly. I could just make out my name over the sound of me choking to death.

“Niall? Niall! Is he okay? Doc help him, he’s choking. Hurry up!” That was definitely Harry shouting.

“Calm down, Mr Styles. This is a good thing,” the doctor began.

“A good thing? What are you talking about Doc, he’s fucking choking,” he yelled again.

“He’s fighting the intubation; it means he can breathe on his own. He’s waking up, Mr Styles. Now stand back please,” her calmness created a huge contrast against Harry’s frantic screams.
I felt the obstruction in my throat being removed; I was relieved to be able to breathe a little better. I felt someone prodding me, I tried to swat them away, but my arm was still too heavy to move. So I lay still, waiting for my strength to return.

“Mr Horan. Niall? Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me?” I heard the nurse say.

I forced my eyes to open, I succeeded in getting them open a crack that I was able to see Harry, Louis, Zayn and Liam all leaning over me, their faces right in front of me. The light in the room was so bright that I quickly shut my eyes again.

“Okay, maybe we should just give him some time to get some of his strength back. You are all welcome to stay in here, if you would like, just to keep him company,” the doctor said, before I assume she left the room.

All of the boys tried to talk to me, but I was too tired that I just blocked them out. They were talking about brain damage or something. Did someone have brain damage? I didn’t linger on that thought for long, before I dozed off into a peaceful sleep.
~~.~~
I awoke sometime later to someone talking to me, I opened my eyes a sliver and was relieved to see that it was now dark. They noticed I had awoke and looked me right in the eyes.

“Niall, you’re awake? Oh thank god.” Liam said, though clearly exhausted.

I just kind of looked at him, unsure of what I should say. Why was he here? Where was Harry? He took my silence as a sign to continue.

“Niall, I’m so sorry for this. You know if I could take it back I could, but I can’t. What’s done is done, and unfortunately I have to live with what I’ve done to you. I just, I need you to forgive me. And I know you wish Harry was the one who you woke up to by your bedside, but he’s not handling this whole situation very well. So before I leave this room, and go find him for you, I just want to ask you one thing…-“There was a pause while he got himself together. “-Why did you do this to yourself?”

I looked into his eyes that were only filled with pain. But for once I didn’t care I’m the one laying in the hospital bed because I couldn’t handle it. Sure it’s my fault, I’m the one who grabbed the knife, and I’m the one who grabbed the bottle of pills. But it was Liam who drove me to it. I couldn’t believe he was sitting here asking me for forgiveness.

I looked him right in the eyes, cleared my throat and said, “Every day I took the elevator to the roof; I stood on the edge and waited for the right moment to jump off. To rid myself of the pain that you alone caused me. But one day I had a thought, what about the people down below me on the side walk? How would it affect them if I suddenly came falling out of the sky? It would traumatize them, and that’s why I didn’t do it. You see I’m different than you, Liam, I actually think about how my actions will affect people. But not you, you take what you want from someone and then you leave when the moment suits you. You screw with people’s lives. Someone gives you their whole heart, tells you that they love you. And what do you do? You leave and fuck someone else, while their left behind picking up the pieces of their broken heart. So don’t come in here and ask me to forgive you, because I won’t, and I can’t ever forgive you. I loved you once even when I knew something was up with you, but I chose to ignore it because I loved you so much. But now, looking at you sitting beside me, with this pain in your eyes, this pain that can only be fake because you never actually cared about me. I only feel hate. I hate that you made me love you. I hate that you led me on. I hate that you’re here right now. I just hate you! Now can you please get out, and go find Harry like you said you would.” I said this with so much loathing, that I almost cringed back myself.

And with that, Liam got up, wiped the tears that had been threatening to fall from his eyes, and walked out the door.

Notes

and another chapter.

there is just so much drama. why can't we all just be friends!?

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