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Letters to Niall

Monday-Wednesday

Monday.

Today was your funeral, Nialler. I cried so hard, I thought I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. Harry and Louis both basically held me. I took it so hard, baby. I miss you so much. It really hit me today. It hit that I’m not going to have someone to call if I can’t sleep. I’m not going to have anyone to tell stupid jokes to and them actually understand them. I won’t have someone to sing me to sleep at night. I wish I could hear your voice one more time, Niall James Horan. Oh, what I’d pay to hear you voice, your Irish accent, to hold you in my arms again. I don’t know, Nialler. I think, I just need to get away for a little while. I don’t know where I’m going to go. I just need to get out of here, get you out of my head. Right now, I’m sitting in our spot. The place where we would go, just if we needed to get away, just if we needed to talk. I love you Nialler. I love you so fucking much. You’re an idiot. But I love you so much. I didn’t know it was this fucking possible to love a dead person. I guess we’re both proof of unrequited love, huh Nialler. I don’t know how many more times I can hear “I’m so sorry Liam, he really loved you” before I scream. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. I don’t know anything anymore, Niall. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry I never confessed how much I loved you. I’m sorry I never noticed how miserable you were. Niall I’m so fucking sorry. God damn it, I fucking loved you Niall James Horan. My heart is literally broken.

Tuesday.

I went and bought a bunch of sleeping pills today Nialler. I can’t take anymore. I don’t get any sleep anymore, because of the fact I lost you, and you were the only reason I would look forward to tomorrow. Almost a week’s worth of no sleep is killing me Niall. So why don’t just get it over with? I’m miserable without you. You said you’d see me later, well later is now Nialler. I can’t take it anymore. I hate the “I’m so sorry Liam”s and the “He really did love you Liam”s. If I could go back to last Wednesday night, could I have changed your mind? Could I have at least held you when you left this place? Could I have kissed your lips one last time? Could I have made you feel like the man you didn’t feel like you were? Will Harry, Louis, and Zayn be okay? Maybe not at first, but they’ll get through it. Me and you, Niall, we’re like Romeo and Juliet. So-called “Star crossed lovers.” You were my Romeo, I’ll be your Juliet. I love you so much Nialler. At this time tomorrow, I’ll be in your arms again. I’ll be with my one true love. I’ll be with you, Niall James Horan.

This is where I end this thing for good. The next pages will be my letter to the boys. I love you so fucking much, you fucking idiot.

Liam Payne.


Wednesday.

Harry was the one who found him, laying face up, hugging the blue notebook, wearing Niall’s sweatshirt. The empty bottle of pills on the floor. Harry was heartbroken. He should have paid more attention to Liam, he knew he had been hurting but for Liam to kill himself, that was a shock. He called the paramedics, knowing it was too late, and he called the boys. And they all gathered in Liam’s living room, reading the notebook. Reading the letters to Niall. The letter of a broken heart. The confessions of a person in unrequited love. The letters Liam wrote to Niall. The last line of the book filled with Liam’s messy scrawl.

For the love of God. I loved Niall more than anything and I want nothing more than for you all to forgive me for this, but I need to be with one person who actually ever understood

Comments

I feel dead inside now... Absolutely dead :'(

I cried Liam and Niall are my favourites I can't look at them the same way again !!!!!!

directioner0502 directioner0502
2/15/14
YOU MONSTER I FUCKING CRIED! I NEVER CRY DURING FANFICS!! UGHHH U KILL 2 OF THEM AND THEM STOP WRITING! WHO DOES THAT!?? but plz update im sorry for mi outburst...
Kiyah_Malik Kiyah_Malik
5/22/13
WHY?!?!??! it's so sad I want to cry more
Waiting Waiting
5/13/13
updates.............. im dying....... I want to cry while I read
elevatetothesky elevatetothesky
5/10/13