Letters to Niall
Thursday-Sunday
Liam couldn’t believe it. There was no way in hell that what Harry had just told him. He had just talked to Niall last night. Sure Niall was homesick, but he couldn’t be fucking dead. Could he? No, there was no possible way that the fun loving boy he was secretly in love with was dead. There was no way in hell.
“Louis found him this morning, Liam. He wasn’t moving, he wasn’t breathing. Liam, he was wearing the shirt you left over at the flat.” Harry said, tears falling quickly. Liam’s breath stopped for a minute. Niall was wearing his shirt?
“W-what?” Liam stuttered out, almost afraid to say anything.
“He, uh, well. He was clutching this.” Harry said. “Listen, I know you’re probably really upset..”
“FUCKING UPSET? I’M FUCKING CRUSHED. I LOVED THAT BOY MORE THAN ANYTHING.” Liam screamed. “Just, leave me alone Harry. I need time.” Harry nodded and hugged the older boy, before handing him the folded piece of notebook paper and walking out.
Dear Liam,
Well it’s no doubt that if you’re reading this, Louis or Harry found me, wearing your old shirt. Liam, I love you. So much it fucking hurts, okay. I don’t want you to forget it. This has nothing to do with you; it’s not your fault. It’s none of your guys’ fault. I wish you loved me the way I love you, but I guy can’t get his hopes up, can he? I suppose you want to know why I did it. I was fucking miserable Liam; I was tired of feeling like I wasn’t good for anything, like I was useless. Being in One Direction with you, Harry, Zayn, and Louis was the best time of my life, but I was still hurt by the harsh words everywhere. I’m sorry Liam, I really am. I’m also sure you want to know how I did it. Sleeping pills, which I’ve been taking because of the constant insomnia you’ve given me, Liam. I couldn’t take it anymore. Liam, tell my mother that I love her, would you? I love you all so much, you’re my brothers. Liam, you’re special, and someone, somewhere will be lucky to have you. I couldn’t have you and that kills me. I bet I can guess how you’re feeling right now. There’s no fucking way I’m dead, you just spoke to me yesterday. You’re confused. You’re scared. You don’t know what to do. Liam, promise me something, you’ll stay strong for the guys. They need you, you know. I love you. So fucking much.
I guess this where I end this thing, Liam. You idiot, I wish you would see how much I fucking love you.
I love so fucking much Liam, and I’ll see you later.
Niall James Horan.
Liam sat there in uncontrollable sobs. What if he had confessed to Niall about his love earlier? Would Niall be here? Would Liam be holding him in his arms? Hell, Liam couldn’t handle it. He just wanted to die. He couldn’t feel anything. So, he did the first thing that came to his mind. He set the letter down, walked up the stairs to his bathroom, grabbed the razor and pressed into his skin, until several lines of red covered his arm. He thought back to the first time Niall had found the cuts on his arms, and how he begged Liam to stop it. And Liam hadn’t done it almost two years.
“I’m sorry Niall” he sobbed. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He bandaged his wrist, so it wasn’t noticeable, and walked across the hall, to his bedroom and grabbing the worn notebook.
Thursday.
Today, I found out you were dead, Niall. You were the only person I have ever truly loved. I’m so sorry you felt like you had to die. You knew you could always come to me. I didn’t want to believe it when Harry told me. I felt my heart rip in half when I read your note. Nialler, you were wearing my shirt. A part of me died with you today. I cut again today. I’m sorry, I broke my promise. I love you so much Nialler. I will never forget you.
Friday.
Nialler, today I saw your mom. I took her out to coffee. And I told that you asked me tell her how much you loved her. Today, me and Zayn picked out your clothes. It almost killed me, it made me feel so much more real. In case you were wondering. It’s a blue polo and the grey sweatshirt you always wore. Your mom picked out your pants, so I don’t know what they are. We decided to have an open casket, Niall, that’s going to kill me.
Saturday.
Today the news got out to the press, because they started rumors because you hadn’t been on twitter. Me and Louis made the announcement. They seem to be taking it better than I am. Maybe it’s because I’m the one that was in love with you. Maybe because they knew how much you meant to me. Harry came over today, to see what I was wearing to the viewing tomorrow. I told him I didn’t know. The truth is, I’m wearing the polo you gave me and the pants that you used to steal from me, they give me closure.
Sunday.
Today was your viewing, Nialler. You looked peaceful, and I stood by your casket with your mother, because that’s what you would have wanted, right? People came up and hugged me and told me how much you loved me. Like I didn’t know. God dammit, Niall. I miss you so much. I love so fucking much. It’s been four days and it’s felt like an eternity. I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I haven’t been eating, Nialler. I don’t know, I’ve just lost my appetite. I guess I should go. Harry is making me get out of this place tonight. I don’t know if I’m ready for tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to make it without you Niall James Horan. I love you so much.
“Louis found him this morning, Liam. He wasn’t moving, he wasn’t breathing. Liam, he was wearing the shirt you left over at the flat.” Harry said, tears falling quickly. Liam’s breath stopped for a minute. Niall was wearing his shirt?
“W-what?” Liam stuttered out, almost afraid to say anything.
“He, uh, well. He was clutching this.” Harry said. “Listen, I know you’re probably really upset..”
“FUCKING UPSET? I’M FUCKING CRUSHED. I LOVED THAT BOY MORE THAN ANYTHING.” Liam screamed. “Just, leave me alone Harry. I need time.” Harry nodded and hugged the older boy, before handing him the folded piece of notebook paper and walking out.
Dear Liam,
Well it’s no doubt that if you’re reading this, Louis or Harry found me, wearing your old shirt. Liam, I love you. So much it fucking hurts, okay. I don’t want you to forget it. This has nothing to do with you; it’s not your fault. It’s none of your guys’ fault. I wish you loved me the way I love you, but I guy can’t get his hopes up, can he? I suppose you want to know why I did it. I was fucking miserable Liam; I was tired of feeling like I wasn’t good for anything, like I was useless. Being in One Direction with you, Harry, Zayn, and Louis was the best time of my life, but I was still hurt by the harsh words everywhere. I’m sorry Liam, I really am. I’m also sure you want to know how I did it. Sleeping pills, which I’ve been taking because of the constant insomnia you’ve given me, Liam. I couldn’t take it anymore. Liam, tell my mother that I love her, would you? I love you all so much, you’re my brothers. Liam, you’re special, and someone, somewhere will be lucky to have you. I couldn’t have you and that kills me. I bet I can guess how you’re feeling right now. There’s no fucking way I’m dead, you just spoke to me yesterday. You’re confused. You’re scared. You don’t know what to do. Liam, promise me something, you’ll stay strong for the guys. They need you, you know. I love you. So fucking much.
I guess this where I end this thing, Liam. You idiot, I wish you would see how much I fucking love you.
I love so fucking much Liam, and I’ll see you later.
Niall James Horan.
Liam sat there in uncontrollable sobs. What if he had confessed to Niall about his love earlier? Would Niall be here? Would Liam be holding him in his arms? Hell, Liam couldn’t handle it. He just wanted to die. He couldn’t feel anything. So, he did the first thing that came to his mind. He set the letter down, walked up the stairs to his bathroom, grabbed the razor and pressed into his skin, until several lines of red covered his arm. He thought back to the first time Niall had found the cuts on his arms, and how he begged Liam to stop it. And Liam hadn’t done it almost two years.
“I’m sorry Niall” he sobbed. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He bandaged his wrist, so it wasn’t noticeable, and walked across the hall, to his bedroom and grabbing the worn notebook.
Thursday.
Today, I found out you were dead, Niall. You were the only person I have ever truly loved. I’m so sorry you felt like you had to die. You knew you could always come to me. I didn’t want to believe it when Harry told me. I felt my heart rip in half when I read your note. Nialler, you were wearing my shirt. A part of me died with you today. I cut again today. I’m sorry, I broke my promise. I love you so much Nialler. I will never forget you.
Friday.
Nialler, today I saw your mom. I took her out to coffee. And I told that you asked me tell her how much you loved her. Today, me and Zayn picked out your clothes. It almost killed me, it made me feel so much more real. In case you were wondering. It’s a blue polo and the grey sweatshirt you always wore. Your mom picked out your pants, so I don’t know what they are. We decided to have an open casket, Niall, that’s going to kill me.
Saturday.
Today the news got out to the press, because they started rumors because you hadn’t been on twitter. Me and Louis made the announcement. They seem to be taking it better than I am. Maybe it’s because I’m the one that was in love with you. Maybe because they knew how much you meant to me. Harry came over today, to see what I was wearing to the viewing tomorrow. I told him I didn’t know. The truth is, I’m wearing the polo you gave me and the pants that you used to steal from me, they give me closure.
Sunday.
Today was your viewing, Nialler. You looked peaceful, and I stood by your casket with your mother, because that’s what you would have wanted, right? People came up and hugged me and told me how much you loved me. Like I didn’t know. God dammit, Niall. I miss you so much. I love so fucking much. It’s been four days and it’s felt like an eternity. I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I haven’t been eating, Nialler. I don’t know, I’ve just lost my appetite. I guess I should go. Harry is making me get out of this place tonight. I don’t know if I’m ready for tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to make it without you Niall James Horan. I love you so much.
I feel dead inside now... Absolutely dead :'(
5/17/14