So seeing as this story is just a way to keep my mind off of things I want to know when you want updates. I'm gonna tell you why I'm writing this story but in the comments section, tell me how many times you want an update per week.

so the truth behind this story and 'Jess' is basically my life except I'm younger in reality. I suffer with depression/ suicidal thoughts and no one knows about it yet but I guess you guys will know as of now. The depression causes me to have mood swings and self harm issues which started last year and are still happening. I find it extremely hard to go to school, act normal with a smile, come home and ride my horse. Sometimes I wish I wasn't here but after I push myself away from those thoughts I'm glad to still be here, sometimes. Thanks to 5 beautiful guys I'm still breathing and I get angry at them sometimes for me still being here. The depression thing really is an issue towards me that I hate talking about it, people make me say things I don't want to say, just so they can laugh about it and about how words and actions could never make you commit/ even think about suicide, so me, being the socially awkward teenager I am decides to let it go just until. I can lock myself in a bathroom and take my own shame and guilt upon my body later. It's the things that people say such as fat that make me and other people have bulimia. I'm bipolar as well and I have to have to cut/ harm my body if I throw up forcefully. And I know some of you don't give two shits about it but its the people who do that I want to thank. And those of you who send hate to me physically and verbally, I would like to thank you for making it easier to hate myself even more than I do.

some of you will think I'm an attention seeking whore and that I should overdose already but that's the thing, I'm not strong enough in my eyes to take my own life because deep down I know that at least one person will give a shit if I go and I'm not strong enough to look down on them crying .

so tell me how many days you want an update. Feel free to message me if you are suffering with hate/ bullying, I know what it's like... Bye my lovelies, I'll update tomorrow or Thursday. Goodnight to the people who are like me in England freezing their vagina/ balls off and you lucky mothafuckers in hot countries!