PIPER'S P.O.V.

The second he wasn't in my rear view mirror, I let out uncontrollable soft sobs. What was happening to me? I knew that I was completely infatuated with him before I met him but this was too much. Riley reached over and lightly patted my thigh.

"Pipe, it's really going to be alright."

Her words weren't reassuring and I started crying harder. I felt selfish because I knew she was downhearted about leaving Liam but I had no control over my emotions anymore.

"Hey, there there, we're going to see them again soon! Liam said that they get a weekend off in two weeks. We'll figure it out!"

I choked back the water works so that I could speak. I needed to talk it out.

"I know. It's just so frustrating. I'm honestly crying because I'm angry. Angry at the situation. Why does this have to happen to me? I've been so lonely for so many months and then the guy who comes around to pick up the pieces just so happens to be a superstar? Tell me how that's fucking fair!"

"I'm sorry hun, I know how hard it's been on you ever since Matthew...well, you know... but, this is going to be good for you!"

The mention of his name made my stomach churn. My palms began to clam up and I felt my breathing quicken.

"Piper, dammit! I shouldn't have said his name. This is all my fault. Shit. Pull over."

I pulled the car over, my eyes glued open in terror. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't normal for someone to still be so traumatized over something. When the car came to a halt, Riley threw it into park, looking frantically for my purse. I couldn't move. My mind rushed through memories that were long gone. Memories that could never be relived, no matter how much I wanted them to be. I started taking constant sharp breaths, only going in, not releasing any. I couldn't help it. My heart was racing, faster than it had in a long time. My entire body began to shake and I closed my eyes, resting my head on my head rest, trying so hard to focus on breathing. It wasn't working this time. That made me panic even more.

"PIPER! Open your mouth, I have two Xanax crushed up and orange juice. I'll give it to you, just open your mouth and lift up your tongue, please."

My lips quivered and I kept my eyes closed, doing as she says as quickly as I could. I knew it would help if I could get it into my system quick enough. I felt the bitter powder roll off of a piece of paper, hit the bottom of my jaw under my tongue and I winced at the taste. I closed my mouth before letting Riley chase it with juice. I try to swish it around in my mouth before swallowing any remnants to get the taste out as fast as possible. After about a minute, my breathing gradually began to slow along with my heart rate. I rubbed my palms along the seat of the car to wipe off the sweat. I finally open my eyes and see Riley staring at me with a face full of concern.
"Are you okay Piper? Whenever you're ready we can switch seats and I'll drive."

I nodded to her and after a few more seconds opened my door and got out of the car, walking over to the passenger side. She jumped out of her seat and ran to me, holding me in a comforting embrace for a little while. I let the tears pour down my face onto her shoulder. At least I wasn't completely alone. Fuck. Harry isn't going to want to be with me once I have a panic attack in his midst. It'll scare him away immediately. I just know it. That thought made me laugh a little bit at my stressful state as I pulled away, wiping my face with my hands to remove the majority of the wetness. Riley patted my shoulder and walked to the driver's seat and hopped in. I opened my door and sat down slowly, trying to get comfortable, still waiting for my heart rate to give me a rest. Once my breathing was back to normal, I let out a loud sigh.

"I'm really glad you were here, Ri. I would have totally flipped if I was alone. Thank you."

"Hun, it was all my fault. I'm so sorry."

She reached over and touched my hand sympathetically.

"No, it's not. I really should talk to someone about him again. I need to get to the point where that doesn't happen when his name is mentioned. No matter what therapist I see, they all tell me the same thing. Time. It'll take time. HOW MUCH TIME?! UGH! I'm so sick of feeling sad all the time. You know, the past 24 hours is probably the longest I've gone without thinking about him since.... since he passed."

I pause as I feel a giant knot in my throat, refusing to let me speak. Riley looks at me, reassuring me to go on.

"Harry is the first guy that I've been around that actually helps me forget. Not that I ever want to forget him, Ri. God, I sound like such a bitch. I just can't live like this forever; always changing my life because his doesn't exist anymore. It's so hard feeling guilty for being happy that I don't know what to do with myself half the time."

I take another break, gathering my thoughts. I was glad that Riley just listened. There was really nothing she could say to help. Trust me, people have tried everything.

"Riley, Matthew was the love of my life. We were going to be together forever. My entire future got pulled right from under me and the one person I would have run to for comfort was that future. He was everything to me. I never imagined myself being intimate with another man, hell I never imagined THINKING about another man. The feelings that I had for him were so pure and strong and I felt them right back. I never questioned his feelings for me. Not once. It was like being on equal playing ground and it was just... comfortable!"

I looked down at my hands which were shaking from releasing so much emotion. I started to pick at my finger nail beds.

"I just miss him so fucking much, Ri. So much."

"I know, Pipe. I miss him, too. You guys were the ideal relationship that everyone looked up to."

She grinned and I was actually interested in what she was going to say. This was the first time I had been comfortable with talking about him so freely and it felt good to let it go.

"Do you remember that one time, when we went to Disney, and no one knew that you two were an item yet?"

I chuckled at the flashback as she continued.

"And he wanted to surprise you with romantic dinner reservations at that French restaurant! So, I had to convince everyone to go to another park while you and Matt stayed in Epcot! God, your brother DID NOT want to leave you two there and he didn't even know that you were dating! He literally ran back once everyone else was getting on the monorail!"

"Ri, you should have seen the look on his face when he walked up to the window and saw us holding hands at the table. It was priceless, I wish I had a picture." I smiled at the mental image of Cory's face pressed against the glass in disgust. "You, know I never thought he would end up loving Matt so much. They were so close in the end. I always forget how much he had an effect on everyone. I'm always so selfish when it comes to that."

"No, you aren't, your pain is just so intense that you don't have the capacity to feel everyone else's pain."

I knew she was right because every time I tried to think about his family and what they went through, I feel like throwing up.

"Riley, should I even be trying to have a relationship with anyone, ESPECIALLY someone who I'll hardly see?"

"Piper, I do. I think that having a different relationship than the one you and Matt had will help you to move on. You'll also be less reliant on him since he won't be there with you every day. It seems like a bad thing but for the time being, I think its good for you."

We smiled at each other before I realized that we needed to get off the interstate soon.

"Hey, get off at the next exit, we're getting close to the house."

I pulled out my phone to text Uncle Jack. After sending a message simply stating our imminent arrival, i noticed that I had two new messages from Harry.

*Hey, beautiful. We just got to Miami. I hope you're having a good time with your family.
-x*

I smiled widely at the message. It was so adorable that he was so busy but made the time to send such an unimportant, sweet thought. I scrolled to click on the next one, which was a picture. I clasped my hand to my mouth and tried to control my fits of laughter. There was Niall lying down on a couch in a long brown wig, making a girly face, lips pursed and Harry lying on top of him, holding his face in his hands, pretending to go in for a passionate kiss. The note underneath read, 'I guess this will have to do until I see you again.' Riley looked at me inquisitively. I held the phone up to show her quickly while we were at a stop light. She joined me in loud amusement and I tried to focus on where we were.

"OH! Turn right here."

She turns the car sharply, having to slam on the breaks a little. I directed her to make the last turn about a mile up the road. I turned back to the phone and smiled again at both of his messages. I clicked on my camera app and flipped it so the front camera was chosen. I positioned it so that Riley was in the picture and leaned into her, sticking my tongue out toward her tongue, also protruding from her mouth. I clicked the picture as we almost touched, giggling as I quickly typed a message under it before hitting send.

*Guess I'll just have to turn lesbian until then ;)*

I put my phone back in my purse and let Riley know that it's almost time to turn.

"Yeah, left here."

We entered the neighborhood and I finally got excited to see my family. It had been a few months since I had seen my aunt and uncle and I knew from pictures that my cousins, Madeline and Brent, were much bigger than when I saw them last. They were only a year apart, Madeline being 4 and Brent being 3. They were at the stage where they say some new crazy thing every week and don't stop asking questions. I loved that age. When we parked in their driveway, the front door flung open immediately.

"PIPAHHHHH!"

Madeline ran to me, excitement all over her face and when she reached me, I scooped her up, flinging her in the air as she giggled.

"Hi, baby girl! I'm so excited to see you! You've gotten so big!"

My aunt and uncle are just behind her, my aunt carrying a grumpy looking Brent.

"Hi Aunt Carol, it's so good to see you."

She walks over and kisses my cheek before hugging Riley. Uncle Jack walks over and puts an arm around me, leaving a kiss on top of my head.

"Hey, kiddo! How was the concert?"

I turned bright red.

"It was, erm, great, Uncle Jack!"

I tried to show the right amount of excitement but I was sure it was awkward. We followed them into the house as Madeline informed me that she was One Direction's biggest fan and wanted to know everything about their show. I carried her inside before putting her down and answering some of her questions.

"The concert was a lot of fun, Mads. Maybe when you're older, I'll take you to one, does that sound like fun?"

She just jumped up and down and giggled some more.

"You know, she hasn't stopped talking about you since yesterday."

I looked up at my uncle with an apologetic look.

"I'm so sorry that we came today instead, it was just really late."

He chuckled.

"Uh huh."

He knew something that he wasn't saying. He didn't seem angry. Not at all, which surprised me because if he knew anything about what had happened after the concert, I would expect him to be disappointed.

"Uh huh, what? What are you not telling me?"

Instead of speaking, he lays an article from a local newspaper's website in front of me on the table, still laughing as he raises his beer to his mouth. My jaw drops and I motion for Riley to hurry over. Riley reads aloud before seeing the picture.

"ONE DIRECTION SPOTTED; FIRST NIGHT IN AMERICA WITH TWO NEW HOTTIES?"
"WHAT!"

We both scream in a mixture of excitement and confusion. The picture below was taken from the side of a crowd right next to Harry and I walking hand in hand onto the bus, leaving the hotel, me trying to keep my head low, with Liam and Riley in tow, looking the opposite way.

"Well, our faces aren't really in it. That's good."

"STILL!"

Riley looked at me in amazement and we both glanced up at my uncle, mouths still wide open.

"You know, I did believe your excuse until I saw that!"

He was still laughing!

"You aren't mad?"

My aunt answered for him.

"MAD?! NO! How could we be? Didn't you spend hundreds of dollars on meet and greet tickets? Gotta get your money's worth!"

My uncle looked embarrassed at her choice of words but nodded in solemn agreement before speaking.

"No, I'm not mad. You're 21, Piper, you make your own decisions. But, if your parents somehow see this, I never knew anything!"

He pretended to wipe his hands, ensuring that I knew not to involve him. I quickly reached into my purse and found my phone, which was almost dying again even though I charged it in the car.

*FROM: Harry
Hey, now. I don't know if you're trying to make me jealous or turn me on. Either way, you may continue. ;)*

I laughed before showing Riley what he said. She giggled and gave me a playful wink as I snapped a picture of the article.

*TO: Harry
Well, someone in my family already knows about us. You should probably go into hiding now.*

I pulled out my phone charger and plugged my phone into the wall. I left it there and joined my aunt in the kitchen, where she has begun preparing dinner.

"Need any help?"

"Sure, sweetie, grab a knife. You can help me chop veggies."

Carol was one of the sweetest, most understanding people that I knew. Her and my uncle were both very careful with me because I stayed with them right after Matt died. I needed to get away and they welcomed me with welcome arms. They knew that I was still delicate but it was nice to have them joke around with me again, not as worried about how I'll react. It felt really nice to be there with them. It felt pretty close to being at home. After I was done chopping vegetables, I walked over to my phone, which had buzzed a couple times.

*FROM: Harry
Don't tell me that you're embarrassed by me! My poor heart can't take it.*

The attached picture was puppy dog eyes and a pout covered by that easily recognizable mop of brown curly hair, leading down to a white buttoned down shirt, much like the one he was wearing the night before when I met him. God, he was sexy.

And, at least for now, he wanted me.

Notes

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