May 28, 2014

A perfect wedding day; the best gift the world could offer. A day of uninterrupted bliss in the middle of nowhere. We rejoiced with the newlyweds because they owned us, owned our attention, and in exchange we shared our happiness. No matter what awaited us tomorrow, it didn’t matter. We stretched the hours as best we could even when they seemed to run away from us.

It was magic from start to finish, like an ongoing carousel adorned with fancy lights, music and laughter. Mrs. Perrie Malik couldn’t dazzle us more with her Bridal Barbie looks standing next to Zayn’s sharp countenance. Everything, stunning. Every inch and every detail. And when the night took over, we no longer kept silent or still.

Song after song filled the canopy and bodies smothered together in excitement and chaos. Every joyful shout, growl and giggle was expressed. And in moments of complete unity, the dance floor jumped with palms in the air. Liam, Sophia, Lou, Tom, Gemma and Lux, Louis, Eleanor, Calvin, Niall, Harry and I; we were all sucked into this dance-a-thon, not backing down even if our feet ached.

That day marked the beginning of a chapter. Zayn and Perrie are now one, a whole instead of two halves. We’re all waiting for that day, and before I know it, mine will come too.

My thoughts linger further off the page as I update my blog. I think while some people are eager for their wedding day, others wouldn’t dream of it; Billy being one. Linda is heavy on my heart and I know I’ll be seeing her soon.

Unfortunately, Zayn’s honeymoon is postponed till next month, after the last concert in London. We’ll all get a few days off before heading to Europe, everyone’s going to need it with the next set of shows for five nights in a row.

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Just like that, the memory of a perfect day is switched with it’s evil twin. Yin and Yang strike again! The worst is to have the damage around you affect you too. Troy and the rest of the band flew back to Canada on Sunday. I was sad to see him go, still am. I want to stay optimistic, but I fear they won’t make it back to the tour. We can only hope this Noah guy does the job and glues his band back together or else their spot will be replaced.

Although I’m still writing small pieces and completing tasks here and there for Calvin, it doesn’t feel like a real job anymore. It feels more like I’m given sympathy homework to pretend that I’m needed here and not just tagging along. I don’t have the heart to tell Harry because he’ll immediately say something and I’ll magically get this new “important” assignment. Skewed Lines have to return, they just have to!

It’s now Tuesday and we’re packing up to leave Scotland after the concert. Harry’s eager to get back to his apartment, to his bed. Waiting in the dressing room, I reach for my phone to call Linda and remind her how excited I am to see her but she doesn’t pick up. I leave a friendly voicemail and text my mom a sweet message too. It’s strange how accustomed I’ve become to living without my parents, just goes to show it was the right time to leave.

Then the whirlwind forms. We gather bags, jackets and whatever else we can’t leave behind. Harry and I are driven to the airport where a private jet awaits us with Liam, Louis and their girlfriends. At this point, the guys look like the Walking Dead no matter how much make-up is under their eyes. The moment we step into the apartment, I’m turning off all phones.

I believe everyone slept through the short flight, granting us enough energy for the next hour or so. On the ride to Harry’s apartment I try ringing Linda one more time; it’s not too late in the night. Still, no answer. Knowing she’s pregnant, it’s easy for me to jump to conclusions and worry. But also knowing she’s pregnant, I easily forget how tired she could be and is probably resting more.

“Finally. Home,” Harry sighs the second he unlocks the door.

The smell is the same. There’s a loud thump of bags crashing on the floor. I’m slipping out of my shoes as I see Harry lock the door and swing his arm around me, dragging me along. He moves through the dark place with ease meanwhile I’m trying not to hit my hips against any door knobs or furniture corners.

“Sleeeeep,” the zombie speaks.

“Turn off your phone,” I whisper.

“The battery is almost dead, don’t worry bout it.”

“I still want to brush my teeth…”

“Get in bed!” He shouts in a low voice. I laugh at his grumpiness but I need to bee.

Once I flush and wash my hands, I rinse my mouth and hear Harry groaning for me to hurry. He sounds like a bear, a spoiled bear.

“Done yet?” he grunts.

“I’m right here, silly,” I say and climb under the sheets. “Why are you so grumpy?”

“Cuz I’m . . . can’t fall asleep . . . you here.”

His nonsense makes me giggle, so I amuse myself some more.

“What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Hmmm? No. . . here.”

“I’m going to the store, I’m hungry.”

“Wha-?”

“I’m leaving, to the store.”

“Store?” His body moves in an attempt to wake up. “Why’s, no store. . . I sleep.”

“I love you,” I smile and lean in to kiss his forehead. It’s not too dark to see he’s grinning.

I awake to the sound of a faint beep. You’d think by how tired I am I would sleep like a rock, I’m just unlucky tonight. Just when I start to drift back I hear another one. I recognize it from my phone, since I forgot to turn mine off. Normally I would fight the urge to get up but I’m afraid of hearing more for the rest of the night.

“It’s freakin’ four in the morning, what the hell?!” I grumble, sliding my feet to the living room.
Like the girlfriend zombie, I lazily move bags around till I find my purse in the dark. Clawing inside, I grab my phone and throw myself on the couch. The bright screen stabs my eyes forcing me to dim the brightness before continuing.

I have two emails.

The sender’s name shocks me but not as bad as her message.

From: Truekat1D
To: Jude Pierce
06/04/2014 4:08 AM

Despite what he might have told you, Harry is a liar. The night Harry was out in L.A. he was with a woman. I know this because that woman was me. We had some drinks together and then went back to his hotel room. We had sex and then I left. And if you don’t believe me, you’ll believe the video I’m about to send you. I’m doing this for your own good. To show you that no man can be trusted, not even the one you love most.

I’m also warning you, because it’s not enough to show you and have you ignore me again. You must break up with him. YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM! I’m trying to help you, to save you from getting hurt again! Once a cheater always a cheater! Leave him, Jude, because if you don’t I will let this video go viral then expose him for what he really is.

No, I’m not a crazy stalker. No, I do NOT want your boyfriend. I feel nothing for Harry . . . nothing but envy. Because I’ve been in front of you all this time and it’s taken this to finally get your attention. And now I want you to leave him.

Love, C.R.

My hands are shaking. I’ve lost my voice. I’ve lost myself. I think I’m dreaming but the heart pains feel too real. I don’t know if I can bear to see the next email. Knowing that possible footage could rip my insides out and scourge my eyes; sounds like suicide. First I gasp for air and stand while gripping my phone. A surge of energy and warning has sprung but I so desperately yearn to sleep and pretend this isn’t back to haunt me.

I believed Harry. I believe Harry. What more can be done now? Why must I see this to reopen a wound I had forgiven him for, because the human mind is dangerously curious. And because I want to know if he did indeed have sex with this girl. I forgave him if he did, and I forgave him even quicker if he didn’t, but he couldn’t tell me for sure. The evidence of the substance was clear. He’s not the liar, she is.

Regardless, what if this isn’t an empty threat? I have to show this to Harry and see what he says. Maybe he gets harassed like this too and ignores them all. He would know what to do. But I still need to see the video. What if I can tell right away that it isn’t him and call her bluff? What if I’m making a huge mistake by watching it and Harry gets hurt when he asks if I’ve seen it?

I keep distracting myself with questions but the dark decides for me. I click on the attachment and my eyes start to swell. A few seconds in and I see a man and woman having sex, the man looking very much like Harry from his build to his hair. I can’t see his face clearly, but my heart doesn’t know the difference.



I feel like I’m dying. I’m disappearing. I can no longer see anything in front of me, not even the tiny lit screen, it’s gone too.

---

I awake again this time to feet shuffling across the floor. I’m almost relieved that it’s morning until I see I’m laying on the couch. My phone is tossed on the floor. Images of only hours ago return. It’s like death returns. My leg falls off the cushion and reaches for the phone, trapping it with my foot to glide it over, but it won’t turn on. Great!

“Whot you doin’ out here?”

Too puzzled to think of an answer, the only thing I want is some air, some space. I need Linda, a day or two with her would do me good. I shouldn’t lie to Harry but if I tell him anything now he’ll never let me go. So much for showing him the video right away.

“Dunno,” I say as I shake my head and sluggishly stand up.

Searching through my bag for the phone charger, I see Harry already has his. I’m still lifeless, stuck in limbo. I too am the Walking Dead.

“I’d like to visit Linda today,” I announce and plug my phone in the kitchen.

“Al-right,” Harry displays a flat smile, he knows I’m not myself.

“Alone, if that’s okay.”

This catches him off guard as he pours two glasses of orange juice. He studies me and takes his first sip. He wants to ask me what’s wrong, he wants to ask if I’m alright, I see it in his eyes. But he also looks afraid of what my answer might be. Can he sense he’s involved?

“That’s fine. I have some things to do anyway. I can take you there unless you don’t want me to either.”

“Actually, I’m going to sleep a little longer . . . so tired.”

“Very well.”

I drift by him and crawl into his bed, it feels like home while he feels like a stranger..
My body is being shaken and I hear my name repeatedly.

“Jude, babe, you have to wake up. It’s important.”

“Har-what is it?” I mumble.

“It’s Linda. There was a message when I turned on my phone.”

“What did she say?” I sit up to pay more attention.

“She just said to have you call her immediately.”

I scramble to the floor and the kitchen, turning on my phone as well. There’s a voicemail but I
call her right away.

“Thank goodness, Jude. It’s so good to know you’re back in London,” Linda answers the phone. She sounds exhausted.

“Are you okay? You have me worried, Harry got your message...”

“You didn’t hear the one I left you?”

“No, I was in rush to call you instead. What’s the matter?”

“Oh, Jude. . .” her voice begins to crack, “I’m at the hospital, they had me stay overnight . . . I lost it. I lost the baby.”

I look to Harry forgetting our distance in this tight space and he looks back with eyes of comfort, like he already knows.

I get the address, we get dressed and pick up some flowers on the way. Walking in the hospital brings back memories of Harry in the hospital bed and all the emotions I was drowning in. All I wished was for him to be okay, to get better. But then glimpses of the video poke at me, stab me, scenes where he seems fully aware of what he’s doing, who he’s doing, and that saturates like acid inside. But we’re here for Linda. We’re here to take her home.

Notes

A/N: Chapter Playlist

Fire N Gold - Bea Miller

Afraid - The Neighborhood

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I'm sure you can guess who the mystery girl is... right?