I stood staring into the closet, a towel wrapped around my hair and another around my frame, trying to decide what to wear. “Just grab something love. The lads won’t mind.” Harry said, sauntering across the room.
“I know Haz. I just don’t want a lot of questions is all.”
“They know he was abusive Hun. So I’m sure they won’t ask too many questions anyway.” He walked up behind me and peered inside, scanning the articles of clothing.
“You’re probably right.”
“Here,” he said reaching into the closet over me. “Wear this. It looks good on you; brings out your eyes.” He smiled, handing me a red off-the-shoulder shirt that said “LOVE” across the middle. “And those black skinny jeans with the gold stitching and the buttons on the back pockets.”
I smiled back at him as I took the shirt, “Thanks Harry.” I walked over to the dresser and fished out my jeans, “I’m going to go finish getting ready.”
“Alright love. I’ll be downstairs whenever you’re ready.
“Okay,” I huffed and shuffled into the bathroom, clothes in hand.
I got fully dressed and unraveled my hair from the towel. I quickly blow-dried my long caramel colored waves and braided it over my exposed shoulder. I pulled out my makeup bag from under the sink and rummaged through it after my mascara. I decided against heavy makeup since they already knew of the abuse. I lightly coated my lashes and swiped some blush across my cheeks. I took a good look in the mirror and, satisfied enough with my appearance, headed for the stairs.
I was on the second step from the bottom when I heard the bell. I froze. “I’ll get it!” I heard Harry yell before he came into view from the lounge, “It’s alright love. We’re all friends here.” He rubbed my shoulder reassuringly and disappeared to answer the door.
I moved to the bottom and wrapped my arms around my body in a tight hug, waiting for the door to be opened.
I stared ahead as I heard the door open and Harry quietly say, “Hey guys. Listen, not too many questions about the bruises. She is kind of self-conscience about them.” There were various “sure,” “yeahs,” and “alrights” before I heard the door open wider and footsteps approaching.
I released myself from my hug as Liam stepped around the corner. I smiled at him, “Hey Li.”
His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hey Natalie,” he said as his huge arms engulfed me. He released me after a few moments and made his way to the lounge. Louis didn’t say anything as he gave me a short wave and a half-hearted side smile before he disappeared after Liam.
Zayn took a small step back, eyes scanning over my exposed arms, teeth gritted and his lips in a thin line. I felt a bit awkward as he stood like that a moment too long. “Hey Zayn,” I smiled at him, hoping to lighten the mood.
He stayed like that a second longer before he blinked and a half smile came on his face, “Hey Natalie. How’s my girl?”
I laughed, “Doing good Zen.” I used the nickname I had adopted for him in an attempt to make him smile for real. My plan worked and, this time, his smile reached his eyes.
“Good,” he followed Louis and Liam.
“Oh my God, Natalie!” I heard Niall feign grief, “Look at you! This is terrible. How could we let this happen to you?! We’re bad friends!” He fell into my open arms, fake sobs racking his thin frame.
I laughed at him, “Oh, Niall! I can always count on you to make me laugh.”
He straightened up immediately and smiled wide. “Good.” He placed a light kiss on my cheek, “That’s what I’m here for.”
I saw Harry roll his eyes at his back as Niall ducked into the lounge with the rest of the boys. He stepped closer to me and lowered his voice, “That Niall. Always the dramatic one.” We smiled at each other as we followed the other four. We took our seats on the smaller couch amongst the conversations already taking place.
As their conversations died out, I could feel the uneasiness and tension in the air. I scanned their faces and could see, with the adverted eyes, pursed lips, and fiddling hands, that everyone was hesitant to speak first. I cleared my throat and five sets of eyes looked in my direction, “Guys, you don’t have to be nervous. I know Harry said not too many questions, but a few won’t hurt.” I made eye contact with each of them as I spoke, “Really, it’s okay.”
There was a moment of silence until I heard Niall’s small voice, “Why…?” I looked at him on the floor arms wrapped around bent up knees, his eyes down, looking at his feet. “Why didn’t you tell any of us?” He looked up at me, pain visible in his eyes. “We could have helped you.”
“I…” I sighed,” “I couldn’t tell anyone Ni. I was too ashamed that I let him do that to me,”I turned my gaze down to my hands folded in my lap, feeling too guilty to meet his eyes. “I was too upset to face the truth that I wasn’t doing anything to stop him.”
“Did you love him?” Zayn’s abrupt question had me gazing at him in wonder.
“Uh, I thought I did. But, looking back, how could I have truly loved somebody that caused me so much pain?” My voice cracked as I made eye contact with him on the last word, willing away the forming tears.
“How long?” Louis spoke to me for the first time.
“What Lou?” I looked at him, his eyes staring at nothing in particular.
“How long was he-“ he paused, gulped, and looked into my eyes, “hurting you?” he said with pain in his voice.
“Uh,” I had to think back to how long it actually was. “About three weeks, a month maybe.”
“How could we not have seen it?” Liam spoke softly.
“You guys barely ever got to see me.”
“That should have been enough of a clue that something was wrong.” He looked into my eyes.
“Guys,” I looked down into my lap again. “Don’t blame yourselves. None of you are at fault here. Okay?” I looked at each of them as there were various forms of acceptance thrown out followed by a slightly less uncomfortable silence.
“Well,” I said breaking the silence after a moment, "I've got some news..."
"News?" Louis cocked his head to the side as he looked at me with a questioning look in his eyes.
"Yea, Nat what is it?" Liam questioned.
"Well, um... I applied for a scholarship at the University of London for the fall semester."
"Natalie, that's great!" Zayn cried enthusiastically.
"Yea Nat, good for you!" Harry said, throwing his arm over my shoulders in a side hug.
"Yea. Well, it's like the process of applying for a job. If they like my application then I will get an interview."
"And if they like your interview...?" asked Niall.
"Then I'll get the scholarship I guess."
"Well we're all very proud of you." Liam said sweetly.
"Thanks guys." I smiled at the love in the room. “So... How about a movie?”
“I vote Toy Story.” Liam said, nothing but seriousness in his voice.
“You always vote Toy Story, Liam,” Zayn whined.
“It’s a classic,” Liam said, throwing his hands up in defense.
I giggled. “You guys decide on a movie, I’ll go make some popcorn,” I said standing and walking toward the kitchen, leaving five bickering boys to argue about the movie.
I smiled as I fished in the cupboard for the popcorn. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t scared of the raised voices and the arguing. I knew it wasn’t angry yelling and arguing, but it was out of some sort of love. I finally felt safe and happy in a home that wasn’t my own.