How is it complicated? Numerous people have asked me that. Too many people have asked me that.
How can it be so utterly complicated that you can’t dump your abusive boyfriend?
I don’t know, maybe it’s so complicated that you can’t call the police because someone I love is abusing me? No, if I asked them that I would be lying. I don’t love Adam. I don’t even like Adam. So why do I stay with him?
I’m afraid of him.
And while he can hurt me now, what’s he going to do to me when I tell him I’m leaving, I’m moving somewhere else? He’ll find out where I’m moving. He’ll beat me until I can’t stand. He’ll rape me again.
I know, because it’s happened before.
~*~ one year ago~*~
“Look, Adam, I think it’s best if we take a break.” As soon as I say the word “break,” Adam’s head snaps upward to look me in the face.
“What did you say?” He asks, moving closer to me, his head tilted and his grey-blue eyes pensieve-like. Through them I can re-live all the times we’ve laughed, cried, and fought.
“I said it would be good if we took a break.” The minute those words left my mouth, I wish I could take them back. Adam has anger problems, and when he doesn’t get what he wants he’s basically a steamroller.
“I don’t think so, Sof.” He glowers, drawing closer to me. I cower against the wall, because he’s hit me before… And frankly, that’s why I don’t like him anymore. He’s turned violent and insensitive—at least to me. I’m just glad he hasn’t made any… unwanted advancements. “What have I told you? You never back down to someone!” He yells, and I follow his eyes as they search the room. He finds my phone, which I had left unattended on the counter, and picks it up, smiling evilly at me.
“Duck, love.” And before I can react, the phone is flying towards me, inching closer and closer, until I am basically crossing my eyes to see it. A lone tear slips down my face just as the glittering iphone makes contact with my nose, extracting a loud crack. I collapse against the wall, and everything becomes funky, zooming in and out of my vision, until I finally see black, and feel a warm liquid running down from my nose, crossing my pale pink lips, and dripping down onto my shirt.
Blood.
“Baby, get up.” Adam orders from above me. I don’t, because I can’t. I can’t control my body at all; it’s like every function in my body had suddenly ceased working. “I said to fucking get up!” He screams, giving me a swift kick to the side. Instead of picking myself up from the ground, like he ordered me to, I fall over to the side, winded from the blow.
“Ow…” I choke out, and attempt to grasp my side. It’s doesn’t work; I just make odd, flailing movements as my unresponsive arms try to make their way to my side. I can hear Adam snort five feet above my head.
“Stupid bitch.” His footsteps recede, and I hear him shut a door firmly. Now, now I just have to wait… wait until… wait until…
Everything stops working.
~*~
HONK. Someone honks behind me. I shake my head, trying to clear my mind; ever since I tried breaking up with him, I’d been totally consumed with getting away from him. But now I had to drive, so I paste my eyes onto the black pavement, as black as my life, and force them to stay there.
Turn right. Go straight for two blocks. Then turn left, continue going straight for five blocks until you see “Maple Street.” Then turn onto Maple Street and look for “36-09,” and that’s how you get to my closest friend, Marie’s, house. I’d memorized the directions long ago, and if you asked me to count the number of time I’d been here because of Adam before, I would be at a loss. I’ve come here so many times, running to Marie from him, I’ve lost count.
“Marie, I’m here.” I shout as I enter the home, hanging my keys up on my blue honorary peg. Does that give you a clear idea of how much I come here? I have my own key, my own key peg, my own drawer full of my own clothes, and my own coat peg, which I hang my black leather coat on.
“Julianna!” Marie cries, rushing out from the kitchen, squeezing me tight, as if she let go I would die. All too soon, she releases and I grow cold again. “I was wondering when you would visit here again.” She winks, and heads back into the kitchen. Like a puppy, I trail behind her.
“Well, you know, things with Adam got… heated again.” I confide in her, opening the fridge and pulling out a beer. I pop the soda-can top, and the fizz of the beer reminds me of Adam. A tears well up in my eyes as Marie starts talking, but I can’t hear her.
“…And you shouldn’t put up with Adam anymore. Julianna- what’s that on your shirt?” She leans in closer to me, my shirt under her heavy scrutiny. Her whole body relaxes once she realizes it’s just marina sauce, because I was attempting to make chicken parmesan. “Whew, Julianna, if that was blood again, I swear I would’ve called the police.” She sighs, and gets back to cooking pasta.
“What were you saying before, Mar?” I ask her curiously, because she almost never brings up Adam during our discussions. We talk about clothes, current events, and she babbles on about music, which I’ve never particularly enjoyed. Some people think I’m odd for that, the not liking music. Honestly? I’m more concerned about real things to care about “the soundtrack of my life.”
“What are ‘real things?’” you may ask. Why, real things such as escaping Adam.
“Oh. Well, Juli, you’re here now, at my house, and let’s not kid ourselves the reason why. It’s because of Adam. You say you’re afraid of breaking up with him but what if you don’t? You say you’re afraid of him, because of what he’ll do to you, but what if he isn’t able to find you?” Well… Mar has a good point. My butt is on the edge of the chair, and my head is inclined to her. I’m interested.
“Mar, where are you going with this?” She sighs, leaning back in her chair.
“What if you never go back? What if you just stay here… and never leave? You have clothes here, and nothing’s valuable at Adam’s house, he’s broken everything worth any value over there. So, this time, just don’t go back…” I take in shaky breath, and the beer in my hands almost slips and falls to the floor.
“Okay, Mar.”

Notes

If anybody is reading this, a massive thank you to you all <3 ~Mallery