Hey There Beautiful

Chapter #12

“Excuse me, Mr. Malik, but you aren’t allowed in this room anymore,” a tiny nurse pipes up from behind my door. “You’re disturbing the patient.” I chuckle mentally—he’s not just disrupting me, but the whole hospital. If it was just me, the nurse wouldn’t have given a damn. Brushing her off, he storms out of the room. The same nurse taps Lou on the shoulder, and as he leans in she whispers something in his ear. Nodding, Lou follows her outside.

I could fib and say that while they were outside of my room, leaving me completely alone, I thought back to why I tried to commit. Why I didn’t answer Zayn. But… I didn’t. Instead, I strained my ears, attempting to hear what Lou and the nurse were talking about. Just as I began contemplating getting up and walking to the door to hear them better, the door reopens. In walks Lou, holding a small yellow pill bottle in one hand.

“Get up, we’re going home,” he tells me tonelessly, tossing me a plastic bag full of clothes off of a chair which I hadn’t noticed earlier. “The bathroom’s over there,” Lou continues in a monotone, flinging one of his hands towards a white door which barely stands out from my white walls. Lou’s coldness scares me, no matter how much I don’t want to admit it. It seems so out of place, the-the withdrawn part of him, the distant part.

I emerge from my warm hospital bed, groggily stumbling over to the white bathroom door and pulling it open. The wave of coldness from the bathroom hits me head-on, and I shiver.

I hate the cold.

Dropping the bag of clothes Lou tossed me, I turn to look in the mirror. Staring back at me is myself- my normal, ugly, self. My usually perfectly straight black hair stuck out at all angles, my sleepy eyes weighed down with repulsive bags. Sleep lines covered my face, arms, and legs, and I knew there was only one solution- taking a shower.
My hand shakily opens the shower stall door, while my free one turns on the water. I wait for the water to slowly reach the right temperature while stripping off my clothes, stepping in when I’m completely naked. As the warm water runs over my body, I smile. In here, I didn’t reject my boyfriend who proposed to me on live television. I didn’t have an abusive boyfriend. And I certainly did not try to commit suicide.

After I finish washing up, I step out of the shower into the steaming bathroom, picking up a towel that was provided and giggling at the clouded mirror. Pulling on the clothes Lou threw at me, I approach the mirror, and begin drawing shapes on it.

The first shape I draw is a phone- my black iPhone. It’s a reminder of the first time Adam beat me. I even add the detail of the little apple icon in the back center. An involuntary cringe takes over my body as I think of him.

The second shape I draw is the TOMS logo. It reminds me of Lou- how he’s my brother and how he’s one of my closest friends. I smile softly at the memories of us.

I begin drawing my third shape- a heart, for Marie and Belle, to remember how kind they’ve always been to me. Suddenly, the door bursts open, revealing an angry Louis. I can hear him murmuring under his breath.

“I swear, if she’s found a way to kill herself in that bathroom…”

“Hi Lou!” I greet him brightly, surprising myself. I’m not in a cheery mood at all, so I don’t know why I’m so happy. I look at my handiwork and realize it’s missing one of the most important pieces of my life…

Zayn.

“…Hello Julianna. What are you doing?” He asks as I stare at the mirror. I shrug, trying to think of an appropriate symbol for Zayn. I know I have to hurry, because the bathroom is cooling off now.

“What represents Zayn, Lou?”

“To who? Me? You? Directioners?”

“To… Me.” Louis gently pushes me out of the way, looking into the mirror. Using his back to hide what he’s drawing, I wait in agony to see.

“Done,” he announces, walking out of the bathroom. Behind him, the door slams. Even though most of the cloudiness on the mirror is gone, a faint outline of Lou’s drawing remains.

An engagement ring.

~*~

Three days have passed since I left the hospital. I’ve been staying at Louis and Harry’s place because Louis doesn’t trust me anywhere else. It’s difficult living here, because I see Harry and Louis together, being happy… and I can’t help but think I’m making them unhappy. They should be happy- two best mates sharing a flat- but I don’t think they are. I’ll walk in on Louis and Harry smiling, and then both of them will look at me and frown.

Today is a normal day- it’s 11:00 in the morning and I’ve just gotten dressed. To tell the truth, I wouldn’t wake up or get dressed in the morning if it wasn’t for Lou and Harry being here to force-feed me my anti-depressants, the ones that were in that yellow pill bottle in the hospital. I smooth down my white dress, laughing. As if a color could make me look so pure and innocent.

I walk down into the kitchen slowly, without and determination. I hear whispering, but before I can stop myself, I’m already interrupting. “Should we tell her, Haz?”
“Tell who what?” I ask, reaching for my pills and a glass of water. Louis snatches both out of my hands while Haz- I’ve gotten used to calling him that- carries me over and sets me down in a chair at the table. I sigh- they can’t even trust me with my own medicine.
“Tell no one nothing,” Haz replies, making me a bowl of cereal. Louis sets down a glass of water and my two pills before me, and I hastily gulp them down as I shiver.

Pills…

I hate them.

Without looking at the two pink pills, I scoop them us and throw them into my mouth. Quickly I down water, washing the two horrid pills away. As soon as I’m done, Haz places the cereal he had been preparing in front of me.

“Let’s go out today,” he suggests. Louis shoots Harry an inquisitive glare but Haz persists. “We’re going. Julianna’s dressed so let’s go.”

“You’re forgetting…”

“I know very well, but there’s no use in keeping her locked up in our flat the whole day. Let’s go out and bring some color to those cheeks!” Haz cuts Lou off. I smile at their couply bickering. “See! She’s smiling already. Let’s go,” he continues, standing up and grabbing my hand. By now I’ve eaten half of my cereal, but I don’t care. I could live with only half a bowl, as long as it means more smiling. Wait… what? Did I really think that? Do I want more smiling?

Well… Yeah.

“Fine. Three hours, then we come back. Go put on some shoes, Jules,” he instructs me. I skip to my room, excited to see the outside. Even though when I’m indoors I don’t want to go outside, I know Harry is doing a great thing for me. Slipping on some white TOMS that match my dress, I step lightly back to Lou and Haz.

“Let’s go!” I announce, cheerily, linking my arms through theirs and heading out the door. Once out the door, a repulsive smell hits me, a mixture of spirits and rotten food, the same time a nice sound wave does.

“Some try to hand me money, they don’t understand

I’m not broke, I’m just a broken hearted man.

I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do

How can I move on when I’m still in love with you.”

Before I can find out who it is, though, Harry and Louis turn me away. A few minutes later I realize I’m crying- the song that was being sung always made me cry when I was younger. The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script- it, for some reason unknown to me, always strikes a nerve. I guess because it hits a nerve in me; no one I’ve ever known would do that for me…

…Except Zayn.

No, Julianna. Shut it. He hates you, and you hate him. Forget.

I feel more tears streaming down my face, painting a sad picture. I’m brought back to reality by the mumbling of Harry and Louis.

“See! This is why she should’ve stayed inside!” I pull myself together, wiping the masterpiece off my face with my skirt.

“It’s cool guys, it’s just the song that got to me. It always has, it’s just really sad.” I smooth my skirt down and smile at both of the guys. “Let’s go eat!” Harry smiles at me, and I remember something. “Wait, what are we having for lunch?” Harry laughs at me.

“You’ll see, I packed a picnic lunch.” I smile. It’s a bright day outside- a great day to erase.

~*~

“It’s beautiful, Haz. Thanks for taking me here!” I sigh as I gaze out over the beautiful lake. Louis is on his phone, presumably talking to Larissa. Haz is just lying down next to me, staring at the sky.

“I’m… so… full… and… that… cloud… looks… like… a… marshmallow…” I give him a funny look, but he just waves me off. I pat his stomach, making him groan. “Ow, you meanie!” He cries, clutching his stomach. I giggle and Lou comes back over by us, a small smile on his face.

“We had fun, didn’t we?”

“We sure did, Lou,” I reply, lightly punching his shoulder. I desperately want to go for a swim, but I’m sure-

“Let’s go for a swim!” Haz announces. I turn to him, rolling my eyes.

“We would, but we don’t have any swimsuits,” I reply, looking at the water.

“…Why should that stop us?” I hear from behind me. Before I can talk, I watch Harry run into the water, clad in only his boxers. Louis is right behind him, leaving me alone.
Well, here goes nothing.

“Cowabunga!” I scream, taking off my dress and running into the water.

“…Cowabunga?” Lou asks me incredulously.

“Shut it, I can say what I please.” I answer, splashing his face with water. His mouth makes and “o,” and his eyes fill with laughter.

“This means war, Moore!”

“”Hey… That rhymed!” Haz chimes in.

“Haz, are you going to listen, or are you going to fight?” I ask him, readying myself to splash Louis. Haz smiles at me, before picking me up and dropping me back into the lake.

“I’ll take that as a fight,” I sputter, choking up water. A smile crosses my face as I being to splash and tickle Harry, before Louis comes up behind me and scoops me up. “AH!
Lou, put me down, NOW!” All I hear is him chuckling as I’m once again plunged into the water.

This was probably the best afternoon I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

But somewhere in the back of my mind tells me that there is one thing that could’ve made this day better…

Zayn.

~*~

“I will never, ever, forgive you, Harry Edward Styles!” I joke, poking his muscle-y arm as we walk back into their flat, climbing the steps. He smiles at me and pushes me back. My hair is sopping wet and hanging loosely on my shoulders all because of him. If he hadn’t dunked me under the water so many times, my hair would’ve at least been salvageable for the rest of the afternoon, but no.

“You know you love me, Jules,” he tells me, winking.

“Oh, shut up, Harold,” he lets out a cheeky laugh as we arrive at our door.

“Going back to the corner where I first saw you

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I’m not gonna move…” Who is that? This time I push past Harry and Louis, and see the cause of the smell and the song…
Zayn.

“Zayn Jawaad Malik, get to your room and take a shower, you reek!” I yell, stomping my foot. Zayn looks at me, and as if in a trance, walks into his flat. I turn around to see Harry and Louis gaping at me. “What?” I ask harshly.

“We’ve been trying to do that for three whole days, and you do it in three whole seconds,” Louis says. I shrug, opening the door, which was unlocked.

“Nice going locking the door, Lou.” I laugh, winking at him. Once we get inside, I realize how tired I am. Bidding the boys good night, I go into my room and change into my pajamas. Smiling up at the ceiling, I slowly drift off into dream world.

~*~

“Julianna, please marry me?” Zayn asks, kneeling on his knee. I feel myself stare wickedly at him.

“No.” I watch him get dragged away, screaming and crying. Faintly I can hear “Man Who Can’t Be Moved” begin sung by him. I order the guards to shut him up, and it stops. I smile to myself again: what shall I do now? A picnic by the water?

But Zayn won’t be there to hang out with me.

A carnival?

It’s not fun to go to a carnival by yourself.

Watch a movie?

I won’t have anyone to cry or laugh with.

I look at Zayn, but he’s not moving anymore, he’s dead. I look at Zayn’s lifeless body and cry: I did this to him. I did this to the man who stole my heart, the only man who ever loved me. How could I do this? How could I? I’ve… I’ve killed the perfect man he used to be. I look at him, stroking the hair he’s so proud of, and sob freely to myself.

~*~

“Wha-what?” I gasp, sitting up straight in bed. Looking around, I’m back in the guest bedroom in Lou and Haz’s flat. Gasping, I stumble out of bed and make for our flat door. Yanking it open, I lope across the hallway and burst into Zayn’s unlocked flat. Do any of the boys lock their doors?

“What? Who’s there?” A groggy Zayn asks from his resting spot on the couch As I move closer to him, I realize the smell that was on him earlier is completely gone, and my heart melts when I see him. He stands up, stretching his legs and rubbing his eyes. Once his hands move away from his face, his beautiful brown eyes widen as they take me in.

“Julianna?”

“Zayn,” is all I can get out before I kiss him. I hold him as close as I can, needing his closeness; savoring it. My lips move in sync with his, and he’s all I’ve ever known. We break apart for a millisecond, and I take that as an opportunity. “Zayn, if the offer still stands…” I tell him, my eyes wide open now and staring into his. His breath catches and the sun begins to rise, shining through his huge windows.

“It does. It will always stand,” he whispers into my ear.

“…then yes.”

The sun rises outside his windows, and sheds light on Zayn and I. As his flat warms up, I become more and more infatuated with him. We stay together- kissing, talking, and even eating- for what seems for forever.

“Zayn?” I ask him after what seems like hours passed. He looks up at me, and I gaze into his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“I love you…”

“I love you too.” He replies, glancing down at my diamond ring that is sparkling in the sunlight.