I know it's been ages and you hate me but please read the Authors Notes at the end, there's some stuff about the sequal that I'd like you to decide xo





Harry's PoV
"Why?" I could feel my heart beating faster in my chest. Something's wrong. Something has to be.

"I'm sorry, she didn't say." I looked at Bella, yet she looked just as confused as I was.

"O-okay." I followed the nurse -Karen I think- out of the room without looking back at Bella and trailed behind her up to Dr. Torres' office......or room, I don't know what it is.

"Harry, how are you." She smiled as I sat down.

"Confused at why I'm here." I replied bluntly.

"Well obviously I want to talk about Bella with you for a bit. Before we start I want to let you know that there is nothing to worry about so let yourself calm down a little." I smiled stiffly at her yet did not calm down at all. Dr Torres took a deep breath before talking.

"I'm not sure if you know, but Bella is different to most patients we see. Many people are admitted here against their will and continue to deny that they have a problem for weeks, even months or in some cases, years. I've spoken to Bella's previous therapist in great detail about her. This therapist was the one she saw when she was 17, after being diagnosed with anxiety and anorexia nervosa. She had already been to rehab and had tricked everyone into thinking she was better, however as I'm sure you know that was not the case. She was still in denial about her diagnosis and believed she didn't have a problem.

"The first time she saw him was after a breakdown, practically identical the one she had the day she was admitted here. After that day, she didn't cut herself again, not until when the issue arose this time. She was strong enough to just say 'that's it', and stop. It's remarkable and few people can just stop because of how addicting it is, but she found a way to keep herself from harming herself. A major thing that helps her with her recovery is the fact that she has accepted she has a problem and is completely committed to getting better.

"The eating disorder was and is harder for her to deal with, for many reasons I'm not going to go into with you right now. It's likely she will have body image and self esteem issues for the rest of her life, but hopefully she will continue to make progress and maybe one day she will look in the mirror and see a beautiful girl like we all see her. Her situation is very unique, with the fact that she practically has a fan base just for existing and is dating someone famous. All those fans will help with her self esteem over time, but there will always be that group of people who puts her down just because they can. There's nothing we can do about that but we will work on helping her not care about what people say about her.

"Again, I want to tell you how strong she is and I can see just how committed she is to getting better. She has some very large trust issues, yet she somehow seems to trust you completely with herself. That's something you have to make sure you don't take for granted because Bella has been through so much in her life and there's only so much she can take before something just snaps inside her and she loses faith in everything and everyone. She loves you very much and I have extreme confidence that she will make a practically full recovery from this with the support of you and the people around her. Her progress has been amazing and in the small amount of time she has been here she has become a completely different person to who she was when I met her.

"You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all this and I can see you're anxious to find out why I asked you to come here. Well, with the progress Bella has made I no longer think she needs to be hospitalised here. Obviously, she will still see me regularly and continue her therapy, as well as continue to take meds, but, if she is comfortable with it, I think she can go home, in as soon as two days time if she thinks she's ready. I wanted to tell you first so you can have a little extra time to process it, as I know you have spent nearly as much time here as Bella has and going home without all these nurses and doctors to rely on can be very stressful for you. I also wanted to give you the chance to tell her yourself." Finally, she stopped speaking.

Going home, leaving this hospital. Is Bella ready? I mean this woman's life is dedicated to knowing her patients but what if she is wrong. What if she is wrong and we go home and something horrible happens. What if her heart stops like it did six weeks ago, but there are no doctors to revive her. What if she has a panic attack, or a breakdown, or something horrible happens. What if-

"Harry?" Dr. Torres' voice tore me from my thoughts.

"Um yeah, thanks for letting me know. You should tell Bella though, she'll wanna hear if from you." I mumbled. I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly and Dr Torres looked at me in a way that I couldn't read.

"Okay, I'll let her know in our session tomorrow. If you are both sure that she is ready to leave, then she can be discharged the next day." I didn't respond, only nodded. She explained a little bit more about how well Bella was doing and that I shouldn't be worried about taking her home, but I couldn't fully listen. If I take her home there will be no doctors. No nurses. No one monitoring her every move. I won't be able to be there 24/7 as much as I would like to be, so what if she's alone at some point. What is she's alone and she has a breakdown? There are so many things in that apartment that she could hurt herself with and with the amount of meds she would be taking home it would be so easy for her to overdose...

Once Dr Torres told me I could leave I walked quickly to the stairwells, taking two at a time to get the bottom as soon as I could.

"Fuck!" I screamed the second I got outside, trying to get rid of all the anger, all the frustrated feelings bottled inside of me.






Bella's PoV
I didn't bother to ask what Dr Torres had spoken to Harry about. When he got back I could tell he was in no mood to talk, so I kept my eyes on my book while he sat down on that damn chair, taking out another damn book and starting to read. After a few minutes he started tapping.

Tap. Tap. Tap-tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap-tap. Tap.

I gritted my teeth as he continued to tap away, irritating me more and more by the second. Eventually I sighed and grabbed my phone -which I could now use for anything that didn't require internet- and put in my headphones, turning my music up excessively loud until I could no longer hear the tapping. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rolling his eyes and scoffing. Minutes passed with both of us tense, yet I wasn't exactly sure why. I wasn't sure about anything now when it came to Harry. I can't figure out if he wants to end things, or if staying in this hospital for so long is getting to him, or if it's something entirely different. I just don't know. I looked up from my book and took out my headphones when I saw movement.

"Hey Bella. Is it alright if I quickly just check your blood sugar levels?" A nurse, Josie, walked into the room with a smile on her face. I was about to nod when Harry spoke up.

"She's already had blood taken today." He sneered. I took a deep breath and clenched my jaw.

"It's literally one drop of blood Harry, it's not like one less drop of blood is gonna kill me." I didn't even bother putting on a nice tone. If he's going to practically never speak to me then why should I bother being polite?

"I was just trying to look out for you. Geez." He looked away angrily and I screamed internally. Tell me Harry, tell me what I did to make you act like you hate me. Tell me.

////


"Harry?" Where am I? I held my breath, slowly making my way down the creaking hallways. My surroundings constantly flickered, black to white, white to black, constant. No in between, no greys, no colour. Just black and white. I passed a mirror but I could not see my reflection.

"You're scared, aren't you? Always scared." I jumped back as a voice echoed through the halls, but I couldn't tell where it came from.

"Who are you, where am I?" I cried out.

"So scared..." The voice was one I had never heard before. Robotic, yet somehow filled with emotions, taunting me.

"I'm not scared." I lied. A cool gust of wind came from behind me and I started to run. Along the endless hallway, I ran as fast as my feet would take me, stumbling and tripping over bits of broken glass and shattered ornaments. I finally reached two doors. Black, and white. No, white and black. They flickered and I panicked as the voice and the coolness neared me.

Panicked. I ran into the door on my left, closing it behind me, the room was dark, however as my eyes adjusted everything became white. So, so white. I clenched my eyes shut, the brightness burning into me.

"You're so scared and you don't even know what of." I backed away from the door, staring in disbelief as it faded into the rest of the wall. I turned around, yet there was nothing, no doors, only white. Up, down, left, right, all white. I couldn't tell where I was, all I could see was white. I let out a shriek as a pair of emerald eyes flashed in front of me.

"Scared little Bella, so naïve, so selfish, so small, so horrible, so ungrateful......." I pressed my hands over my ears to block out the new voice, Harry's, but it did nothing. The voice did not become quieter, it became louder, I let out a scream as pain rippled up my arm. I looked at it and it was like someone was cutting my skin, over and over again, yet there was no one here. No one but me. I fell to the floor as my arm spilled out blood and my body thinned out, my head pounding with pain and nausea.

"Please help me." I begged, but no one was here. No one but me. No one to hurt me. No one to save me. No one but me.


"Please!" I sat upright quickly and blinked, over and over again. My room (I guess). Coloured. Harry. Not alone. Just a dream. My heart pounded loudly and my eyes darted to my arm. My bare arm. So many scars. It doesn't matter how much they fade, they are still bright red and spilling blood every time I look at them.

"Fucking....Jesus.....shit...." I slapped my hand behind me, creating a semi-loud sound. I watched the monitor as I waited for my heart rate to go back to normal, only it didn't, it stayed fast and the beeping, driving me crazy. Rolling my eyes, I leaned over towards Harry and grabbed my phone and headphones. Harry stirred slightly and his eyes slowly opened. He squinted when he looked at me.

"Bella? Why are you awake? Did something happen?" He sat up straight, now a lot more awake.

"No, I'm fine." I didn't make eye contact with him. Now, in the middle of the night, he decides he wants to say a full sentence? No. Just no.



Harry's PoV
I blinked rapidly to wake my self up more, something must have happened if she is awake.

"Bella-"

"For gods sake I'm fine Harry, just go back to sleep." I gaped a little, surprised at her snapping. She'd barely spoken a full sentence to me in 6 weeks and now she is, but it's only to snap at me. I looked down, trying to ignore the pain in my chest. She let out an exhausted sigh and tuned away from me, plugging in her headphones.

"I love you." Laying back down, I whispered the words I hadn't said loud enough for her to hear in 6 weeks.



The Next Day

"Why isn't Bella back from her therapy? She's usually back at least 10 minutes before now." I snapped at Karen who had just walked into the room.

"Well I guess since they are talking about Bella going home, it's taking a bit longer." Her tone was emotionless and her face showed that she clearly didn't like me. I rolled my eyes at her and leaned back on my chair, waiting for Bella to come back. Maybe she doesn't want to leave. Maybe she'll see that it's a bad idea and won't go home. After another 10 minutes she walked back into the room, looking happy, however the happy look vanished when she saw me and was replaced with a shy nervous one.

"So?" I raised my eyebrows, waiting for her to tell me if she was going home or not.

"I'm going home in two days." She tried to keep the smile off her face and I frowned, confused at why she was pushing away happy feelings. I thought she wanted to be happy.

"We're going home." I mumbled, correcting her.

"Pardon?" She looked at me as she sat down on her bed.

"Nothing." I shook my head and she sighed. Again, I frowned.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes widened like I had grown a third eye. She opened her mouth for a few seconds before closing it.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." I fought the urge to scoff at her.

"Fine. Then why were you awake last night, what happened?" I asked, remembering her distraught state last night.

"Nothing." Internally, I let out a huge groan.

"Bella." I warned.

"It was nothing Harry. It was just a dream it was nothing." She looked away and I felt my whole body freeze. A dream? A nightmare. Why didn't she tell me? The thought of her having one of those nightmares that had previously left her screaming, made me want to throw up.

"H-have you been getting them a lot?" I chocked out. She glanced to her left nervously and shrugged, pulling at a loose thread on her top.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I blinked in disbelief. How could she not tell me she was getting nightmares? What were they about? She didn't get them every night did she?

"You're serious?" She gaped. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean?" She glared at me, trying to figure out if I was serious. When she realised I was she scoffed and grabbed her phone, putting her headphones in and grabbing her book. I don't get how she can read when the music is so loud that I can clearly hear it. I closed my eyes briefly before leaning over and turning her music down slightly. She slapped my hand away and looked at me, her eyes hard and angry.

"Fuck off." She spat with gritted teeth. I moved back as if I has been physically hurt.

"I-I--" I stuttered, trying to find the right words. "I'll be back in a bit." I mumbled before leaving the room. After gaining merely a few meters of distance from her room, I sunk down the wall to the floor, bending my knees and resting my head on them, trying to figure out what the hell I'm gonna to do.


Two days Later


Bella's PoV
"-and make sure to take your meds." I smiled and nodded as I was spoken to for the millionth time about going home. Today. No more doctors and nurses. No more machines constantly monitoring my health. No more daily therapy. No more confined in one room. However for the past two days, I couldn't think of anything apart form what Harry would do when we got home. Would we sleep in the same bed? He wouldn't have that damn chair to sit on all day and sleep in, so would he touch me? Would he hold me? Would he ever tell me he loved me? Does he still even love me? The question had been lingering in the bad of my mind for weeks.

"Big day Bella." Dr Torres walked into the room, a warm smile on her face.




Harry's PoV
I listened as Dr. Torres talked to Bella for a good ten minutes. Bella can call whenever she needs, make sure to take her meds as needed blah blah blah. All things I had heard before.

"Now Bella I just need you to quickly fill out this sheet." Dr Torres led Bella out of the room and my palms started to sweat when she left my sight. She's not ready to go home. My stomach churned at the thought of ever having to leave her.

"Harry, could we have a quick word?" I looked up at Dr Torres who had just re-entered the room, alone.

"Where's Bella?" Why isn't she with Dr. Torres?

"She's filling out some paper work. Harry you need to know that we are discharging Bella because I know she will be fine to go home. She doesn't need to be on house arrest, she doesn't need you with her every second of every day. You need to understand that she is not your 'responsibility'." I nodded, not bothering to really take in what she said. If she thinks I'm going to leave Bella by herself at home she is insane. Dr Torres kept talking but I didn't listen. Before I knew it I was getting into the back of a taxi with Bella.

"Are you sure about this?" I tired to hide the complete worry in my voice. A flicker of emotion crossed Bella's face but disappeared before I could see what it was.

"Yes. Do you think I'm not ready?" I couldn't tell if her tone was challenging, curious or hurt.

"Of course you're ready." I coughed awkwardly, doing a horrible job of being convincing and supportive. The whole drive back was uncomfortable and silent, two things I had become very used to recently. There were no people outside of the building, I wasn't surprised though. There was no reason for them to be here today specifically that they knew about. They just thought it was another day with Bella and I M.I.A. The car stopped and my heart stopped with it. This was it.

Home. Home. Home's meant to be a safe place, so why is it that I'm so terrified?






Zayn's PoV
"Eliza sit down you're making me dizzy." Louis groaned and yanked Eliza down next to him and tapped her leg anxiously.

"When do you think she'll be here?" Luke asked. Jamie looked at the time quickly.

"Any minute." I tightened my hold around Perrie's waist and buried my head in the crook of her neck.

"Stop being so nervous everyone. She'll be able to tell. We can't treat her like we did after that whole....Ky thing. She hated that. Just don't treat her like she's 5." Dani tried to sound stern but failed miserably. We all jumped as we heard keys being fumbled with. The door opened and Bella and Harry walked in. Immediately all the girls ran over and engulfed Bella in a massive hug.

"We've missed you so much." Their girl voices all blended together and I could barely understand anything they were saying.

"One more day alone with these idiots and I think I would have murdered one if them." El joked, bringing a smile to Bella's face. Everyone slowly got up and welcomed Bella back home, hugging her. I tried not to smile so obviously at how she looked. She was still skinny, but not eating disorder skinny. She looked healthy.

"It's really great to see you Bella." I grinned at her. She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back tightly.

"It's great to see you too. Even better, it's great to see you with Perrie." She winked and I blushed a little.

"Bella aren't you hot in that top?" Niall cocked his head to the side. He immediately realised he shouldn't have said that when Bella bit her lip and looked down, shrugging and Harry gave him a look that could kill.

"Actually never mind, I'm a little cold in fact." Niall laughed, trying to ease up the awkwardness.

"Um yeah ok. I'm just gonna go put my crap in my room." She picked up her two bags and walked to her room, Harry watching her like if he didn't something terrible would happen. I noticed that he hadn't said a word since they got home.

"You alright Haz?" I asked.

"Yeah, great." He finally tore his eyes away from Bella as she walked back into the room. She lightly scoffed as she sat down next to me, but I don't think the others heard.

"You two okay?" I asked her quietly.

"Yeah, great." She replied in a monotone, copying Harry's words and rolling her eyes. Sensing that it would be pretty dumb to push the topic, I turned back to the others.

"We should do something tonight together, like go out and see a movie of something." Perrie suggested brightly.

"No." Harry immediately shook his head. "Bella should rest." A very uncomfortable silence fell upon the room until Bella spoke up, quite pissed.

"If I recall correctly I was in a psychiatric ward of a hospital. Physically, I'm fine." She raised her eyebrows, challenging Harry to reply. Surprisingly, he did.

"If I recall correctly your physical health was being monitored pretty closely since your heart gave out." His eyes held the same challenging look that Bella's did.

"If I recall correctly, that happened over six weeks ago." The rest of us sat there, all shrinking into our seats while Bella and Harry gave each other death glares. What the hell happened in that hospital? Since when did they act so cold to each other. Especially Harry, he would never try and start a fight with her.

"You were still having blood draw just days ago." He snapped back at her.

"I'm not on house arrest, if I want I can go out. In saying that, tonight I would prefer to stay in, but not because I can't go out." They both had clenched jaws and narrowed eyes.

"Let's just stay in and have a movie night. That's more fun anyway." Perrie attempted to ease up the tension. Bella seemed to relax a little next to me but Harry just glared at Perrie. I instinctively put my arm around Perrie and glared back at Harry. He pressed his lips in a firm line and didn't say anything, instead picking up his bag and mumbling,

"I'm gonna go put my stuff in my room." He looked at Bella once more, an unreadable expression in both of their eyes, before walking away.

"What was that?" Luke was the first to speak.

"Nothing." Bella sighed and shook her head.

"Bella-"

"I said it was nothing." She cut off Jamie. She bit her lips nervously as everyone became silent.

"How about we fill you in on what you missed." Eliza suggested casually. Bella nodded and we all dived into a conversation about practically everything she has missed. At some point in time Harry came back into the room, unnoticed by all the others and sat down across from Bella, his eyes never leaving her. Honestly it was a little creepy.

///

"I'm not saying that it's not a great movie, but you can't deny that 80% of the reason girls watch it is to see Channing Tatum shirtless." I rolled my eyes and leaned back on the couch more, tuning out of the pointless conversation the girls were having.

"Oh my god shut up or I'm going to cut off my ears and shove them down your throats." Niall's threat sent the girls into a fit of laughter.

"I'm hungry." I mumbled into Perrie's neck, pouting.

"Well we made dinner earlier. If you wanna get up and put it back on the stove to heat up, be my guest." I could hear the knowing skirt in her voice.

"I'll wait." I huffed. I rested my head on her shoulder and pulled her body closer to mine. One more week and then she was going back to London. I planned on spending every second of the one week with her.

///

"Well I'm sorry but I told you it was hot so it's your own damn fault. Go run your hand under cold water." Dani shooed Niall into the kitchen while the rest of us attempted to cover up our laughs.

"Do you think he'll ever stop being an idiot?" Bella asked curiously. I chuckled and shook my head.

"The day he stops being an idiot will be the day aliens invade the earth and posses us." I wiggled my hands in front of her face and made alien noises.

"Ya know what, I think you're the idiot. Sorry Perrie." Perrie just shrugged in agreement and my mouth fell open.

"I'm gonna get you two for that!" I picked up a fluffy pillow and threw it at Perrie before turning to Bella and tickling her sides. She let out a shriek and started swatting at my hands, her head falling back in laughter.

"Oh my god Zayn stop!" She squealed out, gasping for breath. I was about to reply with a sarcastic comment but then I saw Harry's face. He looked like he was ready to jump up and take Bella to the hospital to make sure she wasn't hurt. I dropped my hands and let out a dramatic sigh.

"Only because I don't want you to pee on this couch." I stuck my tongue out and Bella hit the back of my head.

"Dick." I shook my head, smiling and put my arms back around Perrie. When I looked back at Harry he seemed more relaxed, but still as if he was waiting for something to go wrong.

///

"This smells amazing." I practically drooled over the pot of pumpkin soup as Louis placed it in the middle of the coffee table, alongside a stack of bowls, spoons and a large plate of cut up bread.

"Well it's Bella's recipe..... so if it tastes bad blame her." Louis winked at Bella cheekily and grabbed a bowl.

"Trust me, if it tastes bad it's all on you." Eliza smirked. "Bella's cooking and her recipes are flawless. Anything wrong with this is entirely your fault." Louis stuck his tongue out at Eliza and passed a bowl out to everyone but him.

"If you think it will taste so bad then don't have any."

"Even you couldn't have made it taste that bad." She snatched a bowl from his hand and, using the ladle, put some soup into her bowl. One by one, we each took the ladle and filled our bowls up. As Bella took it, all eyes turned to her. Thankfully, she was looking down so I don't think she noticed. One glare from Harry and everyone looked away, everyone but me. I could help it. I remembered how lifeless she was, when I found her that night. I remembered how thin and pale she was, lying on the bathroom floor covered in her blood. I remembered her crying as we sung Little Things to her. I watched her carefully as she put some soup into her bowl. I bit my lip, deciding what I thought of the amount. It was definitely less then an average serving, however it had been less then two months since she was admitted to that hospital, I can't exactly expect her to just be magically better. I know these things take time.

Deciding that I was satisfied with the amount Bella had served herself, I started to eat, letting out a long moan when I tasted the food. I was vaguely aware of Louis and Eliza arguing and smiling but what caught my attention was again Harry. He leaned closer to her and spoke quietly.

"I think you should have some more food." Bella's eyes widened slightly and I silently chocked on my food. Geez, she just got out of hospital today, give her a break. It seemed to me that she had enough food. Bella looked down at her bowl and back to Harry.

"I have plenty. Plus I'll have some toast or bread with it so it's more then enough Harry." There was a glint in her eyes, but like before I couldn't tell what emotion it held.

"They gave you more when you were in the hospital." He muttered. I was taken aback by his cold tone. What happened to lovey-dovey makes you wanna puke Harry? Why is he acting so emotionless towards Bella?

"I know how much they gave me Harry. I'm telling you, this is a good amount." She fought back quietly. A couple of months ago she would have just said something to change the topic. Honestly, her fighting Harry back doesn't look much better at the moment.

"Well if we could trust what you think a good amount is, then you wouldn't have been put in a psychiatric ward." He snapped, louder then before. The room fell silent and all the colour drained from Bella's face. Everyone sat there, frozen and shocked.

"Hey Bella, could you help me pick out a few movies." Perrie quickly stood up beside me and Bella swallowed, not breaking eye contact from Harry.

"Umm...yeah...sure..." Bella tore her eyes from Harry and followed Perrie out of the room, not looking
at any of us. As soon as I knew they were out of earshot I turned to Harry and hit him on the side of the head, hard.

"The fuck was that?" I barked at him.

"She needed some more food." He threw his hands up in the air, as if there was nothing wrong with what he did.

"I saw what she had and it was fine, why are you suck a dick?" I gritted my teeth.

"You weren't the one who stayed in that hospital with her so you don't get to tell me what a good amount is." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Now I'm starting to wonder if you being there with her was such a good idea." I mumbled, turning away.

"What did you just say?" Harry growled, his face turning red. Before I could respond I heard a scoff and tuned to see Eliza shaking her head. She opened her mouth, as of about to say something, but instead just closed her mouth and shook her head, standing up and starting to walk out of the room.

"I'll be back in a bit." Her words faded as the front door closed behind her. I looked to Harry who had a semi guilt, semi emotionless expression.

"I'm gonna go talk to her." Louis stood up and walked out after Eliza. The room fell dead silent again until Luke spoke.

"Harry I swear to god if you do something to hurt her-" He cut himself off when we heard Bella and Perrie coming down the stairs. When they came back in they both sat to the right of me, away from Harry. Gradually, everyone fell back into conversation and Eliza and Louis re-entered the room shortly after. The only person who stayed silent was Harry.

///

I shifted slightly on the couch to get into a more comfortable position. I find it quite amusing how many couches and beds are in this apartment, yet every one apart from Perrie, Bella and I ended up asleep on the floor. I chuckled when I saw Eliza and Louis. They were both gripping an object tightly because no doubt they had fallen asleep while arguing about it. I heard a soft whimper and I sat up quickly, almost knocking Perrie off the couch beside me. My eyes focus on Bella who was moving around lots, her face panicked and her eyes squeezed closed. I bit my lip as I debated whether or not to wake her up.

Suddenly her eyes flew open and she sat up quickly, her hand clutching her chest.

"Fuck." She rubbed her temples and took a deep breath.

"Bella?" She jumped at my voice and pressed her back to the side of the couch.

"Shit you scared me." She mumbled, running a hand through her hair.

"You were having a nightmare, weren't you?" I already knew the answer before she nodded slightly. I sighed and got up from my position next to Perrie, half sitting, half laying down next to Bella and draping an arm around her, gently pulling her to me.

"Was it bad?" I asked quietly. She leaned her head on my shoulder and sighed, closing her eyes and nodding.

"How often have you been getting them?" I asked curiously, keeping the volume of my voice quiet so I would wake up the others.

"Not much." She shrugged casually, too casually.

"Bella." I warned. She let out a long breath before answering.

"Every night since Harry stopped sleeping in the same bed as me." I froze and wondered if I had heard correctly.

"How long?" I cleared my throat.

"Over six weeks." I practically choked on air and I sat up quickly, my jaw dropping and my eyes widening at Bella.

"What?! I just- why- I don't- what?" I didn't know what to say. Over six weeks. So over 40 nightmares. Why the fuck is Harry not sleeping in the same bed as her? Is it the same reason he's being a douche?

"It's no big deal." She awkwardly scratched the back of her neck.

"No big deal? When do you sleep!? Why isn't he sleeping with you?" I tried to keep my voice as level as I could.

"I don't know." She fell back against the pillows on the couch. "I don't know okay. I have no idea what happened..." She trailed off, seeming like she wanted to say something else.

"And......" I prompted her to continue.

"Nothing, it's dumb." She shook her hair and bit her lip.

"Bella please. Whatever it is I'm sure it's not dumb. Look it's not good for you to keep things inside." She rolled her eyes, knowing I was right.

"He will barely touch me. He holds my hand but he won't even come close to me and he hasn't told me he loves me in over six weeks. I'm just so confused. Do you think he wants to break up with me because if he just said that then it would be a hell of a lot easier than this. Aaaand now I probably sound like some whiny girl bitching about her boyfriend." She groaned and dropped her head onto my shoulder.

"You don't sound like that Bella." I assured her quickly. "Harry wanting to break up with you? Pigs flying is more likely than that. Look, I don't know what's going on, obviously something's not right, but don't give up. Have you tried talking to him yet?" I asked, rubbing her arm comfortingly.

"Every time I try to I chicken out. I can't even remember the last time we had a proper conversation." The corner of her mouth tugged up as she tried to keep a light mood, but I could easily see her pain.

"Just try talking to him and if he's still being a dick then tell me and I'll take care of it." I winked at her and she let out a small laugh.

"Yeah, I'll talk to him tomorrow." I could hear the doubt in her voice, like she knew she would probably get too scared again.

"Why don't you just get some sleep." I smiled at her.

"Um I'm good, I'm not that tired anyway." The fact that she stifled a yawn right after saying this made me sure she was lying.

"I'll stay awake. I promise I'll wake you up as soon as you start to have a nightmare." I suggested, trying to get her to agree.

"Zayn I won't be able to get back to sleep. I'm fine, really. You just go back to bed and I'll be fine." As much as I wanted to, there was no point in arguing, so I pressed a kiss to her forehead before returning to Perrie.




Harry's PoV
Every night. Over six weeks.

How could she not tell me? Isn't part of her therapy to not be keeping things in. Over six weeks of nightmares. Since I stopped sleeping with her. Since I held her last.

///

"Liam I'm just gonna get some stuff from the store. Can you.....um keep an eye on Bella I guess?" Liam scrunched up his face in confusion.

"She can be left alone, you know that, right?" When I didn't respond he sighed and spoke again. "Fine, I'll 'keep and eye on her'." I thanked him before leaving the apartment, already going over every scenario of horrible things that could happen while I was gone. The second I stepped out of the building I was blinded by flashes.

Where have you and Bella been?
We haven't seen you for ages!
Has Bella been in rehab?
Are you and Bella still together?

I pushed my way through the crowd, not looking or talking to anyone. The walk to the store was more quiet, yet once I had what I needed and walked back, there were even more people waiting.

"Ah fuck." I muttered under my breath, keeping my head low and forcefully pushing through the crowd again. The second I got into the apartment I looked at Liam and raised my eyebrows.

"She's fine. She's reading or something, just like when you called to check up on her. Harry I know you're worried about her but don't you think you're being a little too protective?" He asked calmly, trying not to anger me.

"No. I don't think I'm being overprotective." I turned on my heels and went up to my room, wondering if Liam was right. After everything that's happened, shouldn't I be overprotective?

///

I knocked on the door, rocking back and forth on my feet. I heard a faint 'come in' so I opened the door and walked into Bella's room, making sure to close the door behind me.

"Can we talk?" She looked up, startled, when she realised it was me.

"Now you wanna talk?" She scoffed lightly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped. She rubbed her temples and sighed, shaking her head.

"Nothing, Harry. It means nothing. What do you want to talk about." I frowned at her tired and defeated tone.

"Why didn't you tell me about the nightmares." Her face became shocked and nervous and I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything would be okay, but I didn't.

"What do you mean?" She asked cautiously, trying to find out how much I knew.

"I mean why didn't you tell me you've been having nightmares every night for the past six weeks. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked again, hurt that she kept it from me. She shifted, moving from her sitting position on the bed and standing up, a few feet away from me.

"You wanna know why?" She raised her eyebrows, like she was challenging me. I honestly didn't intend for this conversation to go the way it's going, but I think I did expect it to go something like this.

"Yes, please enlighten me." I narrowed my eyes and felt a slight smirk come to my face, and not a nice one. She pursed her lips as if to say 'you asked for it' before stepping directly in front of me and placing her hands on my chest. I immediately stepped back, putting distance between us. When I looked back at Bella she smirked, in a similar way that I had, and rolled her eyes.

"That's why." She breathed the words and the red lipstick she had decided to wear today -when she never even wears makeup usually- made me feel like I was in some sort of dramatic movie.

"If you'd care to enlighten me on why that just happened, then I'll elaborate on my answer to your question." She crossed her arms, knowing she was winning in whatever this was.

"I asked my question first." Her head fell back in laughter, which usually I would love, but not now when her laugh was so smug and just... not her.

"What are we, 10? Answer the question Harry. Why did you step away? Why won't you hold me? Why haven't you told me you love me? Why won't you even come close to me? Why the fuck are these the only things I can think about right now because my own goddamn boyfriend acts like he hates me and I can't seem to figure out why. I want to tell myself it's not because I have an eating disorder. I want to tell myself that it's not because of the anxiety, the depression, the fact that in general I'm just a pretty fucked up girl. I want to tell myself that you still love me and that maybe I'm just over thinking it all, but how the hell am I supposed to believe any of that?" Her tone changed from pretentious and confident to broken and confused. Tears brimmed her eyes as she shook her head and looked away from me. I wanted nothing more then to hold her in my arms and promise that I still loved her more then life, but I couldn't.

"You don't believe that I still love you? You think that I've, what, stopped loving you because you're not perfect, because you have an eating disorder, because you've been through a lot of shit? You honestly think that?" My voice became louder and angrier as I analysed what she was accusing me of.

"I don't know what to think Harry!" She pulled at her hair, frustrated. "I have no idea what to think because in the blink of an eye you turned into someone who barely talks to me, almost never touches me and refused to be close to me. I want my Harry back. The one who held me close while I slept and promised that we'd make it through everything together. Where's my Harry? What are you scared of? What are you so damn afraid of Harry?" Something about the way she said my Harry triggered -or snapped, I don't know- something inside of me.

"You wanna know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything, okay Bella. You died. You promised me I wouldn't lose you and then you died in my freaking arms! You wanna know why I won't hold you, it's because the last time I did, you died. Why I won't say I love you? The last time I did, you died seconds later. You left me. You want to know why I won't fucking sleep in the same bed with you, hold you like I want to so much. It's because I'm scared that I'm going to lose you again and I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen. I'm afraid of everything Bella, that's what." I didn't stay to hear her response. I didn't even look at her to see her reaction, I just left.

Notes

PLEASE READ, it's about the sequal

okay first I got a few questions for you, please comment your answers as I will decide based on what you all want (unless I already have something particular planned

1. Who's PoV do you want most of? Harry's, Bella's or the new mystery character.
2. Smut: yes/no
3. Any characters you want to appear/reappear (I already have a few planned)
4. Other existing characters you want to see more of, want their story to progress more (again I already have some planned)
5. Any other requests/ questions/ suggestions
6. Requested chapter length (these last few have all been 7000-8000+ words but obviously it then takes longer to edit and write.


So the sequel will be a little different obviously. I'm not gonna bore you with too many details. So the chapters won't have names! I think! I havnt fully decided (I'll might just be doing chapter 1....chapter 2....etc) but I will have a quote before each chapter and the description of each chapter will be who the quote is from. I'm still decided what length I will aim for the chapters. I'm going to try and be more consistent with that.

Perfect Act will be over in a few-several more chapters as I feel I really need to end this book and get started with the sequel which I'm really looking forward to.

I'm sorry for not updating, the chapters take me a really long time to write and about and hour to edit (probably because I do it on an iPad and I always seem to edit at around midnight or hours later when I can't keep my eyes open and re read the same sentence 30 times) and I rarely have a few hours to just sit and write. These next few weeks I am extremely busy but I promise to update when I can.


lemme know your thoughts on this chapter pleeeeease leave a bunch of comments and maybe 130 votes if you love me enough? Anyway I'm gonna try and get a few hours of sleep before I have to get up and go to school. Bye I love you all xoxoxo