Five Lovestories

I slowly, with shaking hands, put the tape into the computer. The room I was sitting in was empty and scary silent. The walls were so isolated that not even the buzz from the hall reached in here. My heart was beating. My blood rushed through my veins. My thoughts were lost and tangled in memories, words, moments.. What was the tape going to show me? Who was right? Louis or Bim? I would like to think it was Louis, because if it was, I could breathe out. Maybe I could even forgive her, even though I seriously didn't have energy left to do that. She had blown all her chances to improve, and everything she had done to me was actually worse than the things I had done to her.
What was I supposed to think of Bim if she was right? Anger? Pity? Trust? Was I supposed to just ditch Louis, and become friends with her again? I had never been through this before, I didn't know what to do. All the drama had started as soon as I stepped into this college.
I took a deep breath and held a finger above the keyboard. Now was the time. Now I was going to find out the truth. I pressed 'play' and leaned in to see better. The black screen suddenly went grey. As soon as the tape started to roll, I knew what it was. The security camera. I could see it by the classic things, the ticking clock in the corner, the date and the black and white theme. The filming camera was tilting down at the ground, in a big room I had only been in once. About five seconds into the tape, I noticed Louis in the middle of the room. Why didn't I notice him before? I quickly pressed 'fast backward' and looked again. Yes, he was standing there from the second it started. Weird, I thought and continued to watch. He was standing there, looking nothing but nervous. He looked around, and down on his phone. Suddenly, Bim walked into the room. My heartbeat quickly increased. I automatically leaned a little closer to see what was happening.
And then it happened. Louis grabbed her, pulled her in, and gave her a passionate kiss. Then Bim shoved him away, and started to slowly step backwards, until she disappeared, and Louis was left alone.
Then it was over. Just like that. The tape ended, and went black. Just like my heart.
Bim was right. Louis lied to me. I had been stupid.
I was emotionless. I wasn't gonna be sad. I wasn't gonna waste any sadness on any of them, because frankly, I didn't feel like becoming buddys with Bim anymore. Was I angry at her? Maybe a little. But no, I was not going to waste any emotions at all on them.
I realized I was wrong when I stroked my hands over my cheeks. I didn't even notice my tears. And that was when I broke down. I brought my hands up to my face to hide my crying face. All the emotions came crashing down on me, all at once. The anger towards Louis, the sadness towards everything, towards Bim, Louis, the kiss, Zayn, Harry, everything. How could I ever trust Louis? I knew something was wrong after I had talked to him, I knew it. I knew Bim was right, she never could've pulled off a lie like that. I didn't feel anything but darkness and betrayal.
Even though my hand was shaking harder than ever from my furious sobbing, I pressed 'play'. I knew it was going to hurt, but I had to.
I pressed again. And again. And again. And a few times more. The pain in my heart grew bigger for every time I watched it, and my mind got even more numb for every time the betrayal hit me like a truck.

The sadness was almost gone. It was replaced. By total and horrifying anger. I didn't knock on Louis door. I kicked on it hard. It left a small mark on it, and it wasn't dirt from my shoe.
The door opened by Louis. Oh, how I wanted to kick that face. Instead, I tried my best not to break down in tears in front of him.

"How could you?" I whispered.

"Wait, wha-"

"How could you?!" I screamed.

Louis looked shocked.

"You.. you liar!!" I screamed with my hands in the air.

"Kath, what the.."

"Don't." I said and breathed heavily. "Speak."

I looked at him with disgust. Here he was, standing in front of me, lying up to my face. Too bad for him, I knew the truth now. And I had it on tape.

"You're dead to me." I said and shooked my head. "You agreed to wait for me. We agreed. Why can't you, when all the others can?! You're fucking weak, Lou! Don't you love me enough, enough to wait a few fucking weaks? Aren't you strong enough for that?!"

"Kath, please let me.."

"NO!" I shouted. "I'm not gonna let you explain! You have nothing to explain! Nothing but why the hell you lied to me, but I guess I can figure out that too. You're a coward. You're a.."

My voice gave up and a few more tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I love you.. that's the fucking problem.." I cried.

Louis tried to get close to me, hug me, but I dramatically yanked him off me.

"Don't you dare touch me!! Not after this.." I said and backed a few steps away from him.

"Kath! I didn't kiss her! What can I say to make you believe me?!" He shouted helpless.

"Nothing. You can't say anything. Just take a fucking look at this." I spat at him and threw the tape at him.

I left him standing there in the doorway.
After screaming at Louis, I didn't feel better. I felt empty. Not even the thought of Zayn and the date this evening made me feel better, and that's when I realized I must be really sad. I walked around in what seemed like circles, but I ended up at my own dormitory. I opened, and there was Bim, as usual. She didn't even look at me.

"Are you happy now? You were right. You can say "I told you so" now."

Bim was quiet for a long time.

"Just pack, and go." She said.

Even though I thought it was weird, if there was anything she shouldn't be it was being angry, but I obeyed. I didn't have the energy or the power to fight it anymore.

Notes