Five Lovestories
Chapter Thirteen, "I Had No Idea"
It was a warm, beautiful Saturday-morning, and I felt like I needed to get out of this college. But then I remembered, I had an evening with Harry to share. What would we do? I was actually kind of excited, and at the same time flattered. My warm thoughts were interrupted by Bim. She sat down next to me, at my table in the cafeteria.
"Goodmorning!" I smiled.
"Goodmorning." She fake-smiled.
I laughed.
"How are you?" I asked out of curiosity.
She looked, suddenly a bit tense, down at the table, and then fast up at me again.
"Oh, I'm fine." She smiled, still fake.
"Okay.." I giggeled.
All of the sudden, we all heard how the speaker was on, and the principal started talking.
"Goodmorning, students. Well, yesterday was not good. The whole water-sprinkler-thing is going to effect all of you, and your education. You guys have really messed up your grades for yourself. And I know that not everyone was out last night, making a fool of yourself, but I don't know which exact people who was there either. So I'm sorry to inform you that all of you is going to get punished."
Everyone in the building who didn't go out and "made a fool of themselfs", sighed loudly and looked at us with contempt in their eyes. Our principal continued.
"So you can all expect to have more pressure on your shoulders, because it will become tough. Have a good day."
"Fuck.." I whispered.
I looked at Bim. I thought to myself that she actually looked cool with all this. She wasn't mad. Lucky me.
"So what's up with your shirt, are you like cold or something? It's really hot outside." I asked, in lack of a conversation-subject.
"Y-yeah, but.. it's not that hot in here.. I guess.." She stuttered.
"I can pull your sleeves up for you!" I laughed.
"Stop it!!" She screamed.
She acted weird, as always. But I just said:
"Okay.." And laughed.
But then I froze.
My stare was on the table, and no matter how scared I was to look at her, my stare started slowly to go up to her face. I couldn't really form my thoughts into words, all I could do was to continue stare at her with an open mouth and shaking hands.
And she looked at me, and knew. She knew that I knew.
"You.. You must think I'm dumb.." I said while breathing fast.
"I-I gotta go..!" She said and stood up.
"You are not cold." I said and stood up, me too. "Aren't you?"
I could see tears in her eyes. She ran up to the stairs, but I followed.
"Wait, wait Bim!" I shouted, but she was faster than I thought.
Suddenly, someone grabbed me, and forced my to stop.
"Hey there." Harry smirked.
"I gotta hurry.. Harry.." I said and found Harry and myself laughing a little about it.
But then I remembered. My heart was racing and pounding, and I felt like my head was going to explode.
"I just wanted to make sure that we're still off for our date.."
"It's not a date!!" I screamed, louder than I expected. "I really gotta go!!"
Without saying I'm sorry, or even goodbye, I rushed the fastest I could to get out of there. Finally, I was at my room. I locked up the door and slammed it up. She is in the bathroom, was the first thing I thought when I saw that the room was empty. I heard sobbing from in there, so I took a small food-knife I saw at her desk and opened it.
"Get out of here!" She cried.
It was so weird to see her cry. Her red face, her red eyes and her mascara all over her cheeks. She was always so.. emotionless. And now she was sitting in the shower, crying so much that she couldn't even stand up, and telling me to leave because she didn't wanna see me.
But I just stood there, I couldn't move. I was in chock. I had just found out that my roommate, my inocent roommate Bim, was selfharming.
While seeing her like that, I felt like my tears were coming to. It was horrible.
"I had no idea.."
"Can you just get out of here already?!" She screamed while crying her eyes out.
"How could you not tell me?" I whispered.
"Why in the hell would I tell you?!"
I was surprised, she stood up and shoved me to the side so she could come out of the bathroom.
"Because I honestly deserve that truth from you!" I said, now angry while my eyes were getting really teary. "You can't go around and feel ashamed about them, and feel bad about them, and not telling me!! Haven't you heard a single word coming out of my mouth, asking if you were okay, everyday?!"
By now, tears were floating down on my cheeks.
"Did you really think I am ashamed of them..?" She laughed while still crying.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I swiftly closed it. What was I supose to say now? Or ask? If she wasn't ashamed about them, what was she feeling then..?
"I do it because i deserve it." She spoke.
Her chin was shaking, and she looked down at the floor while some new tears rolled down her cheeks.
"..What?"
"You heard me. I deserve it."
From being pissed off at her for not telling, to now feeling really sad for her.
"No you don't.."
"You don't know me!" She spat.
"Tell me then! Tell me what makes you deserve something horrible like this! Because no one does!" I screamed horrified.
"Well then, no one is me." She whispered.
God, I just wanted to hug her, hug her really tight and make her tell me all the awful things she was thinking about. But instead I only took a step closer.
"Show me your scars.."
She looked up at me, and she looked disgusted. It hurted my feelings, but I guess that's the look I would've given any person that asked me the question. But then she clenched her jaw and slowly pulled up her sleeves. When she saw her ankles, she bursted out in tears. I felt, honsetly, like I was going to puke. All I could see was the bloodspots, and her ripped skin. Then she quickly pulled the sleeves down again, just like she was ashamed of them.
"I thought you said you didn't feel ashamed." I said low.
"I don't. I'm proud, actually." She said, lower.
"HOW CAN YOU BE PROUD?!" I screeched.
"BECAUSE.." She started to scream, but never finished the sentence.
But I could see how badly she wanted to tell, how badly she wanted this off her chest. She needed to talk to someone, before she would explode.
"You can tell me.." I tried and took a step closer.
"No.. I ca-can't.." She whimpered. "It's too awful.. Besides, too awful for you.."
"Try me."
She looked into my eyes, I had cried very much, but my glance was quite steady and calm. I don't really know what happened, but suddenly, she looked at me like she took a decision. And that decision was to trust me with all her heart.
"Goodmorning!" I smiled.
"Goodmorning." She fake-smiled.
I laughed.
"How are you?" I asked out of curiosity.
She looked, suddenly a bit tense, down at the table, and then fast up at me again.
"Oh, I'm fine." She smiled, still fake.
"Okay.." I giggeled.
All of the sudden, we all heard how the speaker was on, and the principal started talking.
"Goodmorning, students. Well, yesterday was not good. The whole water-sprinkler-thing is going to effect all of you, and your education. You guys have really messed up your grades for yourself. And I know that not everyone was out last night, making a fool of yourself, but I don't know which exact people who was there either. So I'm sorry to inform you that all of you is going to get punished."
Everyone in the building who didn't go out and "made a fool of themselfs", sighed loudly and looked at us with contempt in their eyes. Our principal continued.
"So you can all expect to have more pressure on your shoulders, because it will become tough. Have a good day."
"Fuck.." I whispered.
I looked at Bim. I thought to myself that she actually looked cool with all this. She wasn't mad. Lucky me.
"So what's up with your shirt, are you like cold or something? It's really hot outside." I asked, in lack of a conversation-subject.
"Y-yeah, but.. it's not that hot in here.. I guess.." She stuttered.
"I can pull your sleeves up for you!" I laughed.
"Stop it!!" She screamed.
She acted weird, as always. But I just said:
"Okay.." And laughed.
But then I froze.
My stare was on the table, and no matter how scared I was to look at her, my stare started slowly to go up to her face. I couldn't really form my thoughts into words, all I could do was to continue stare at her with an open mouth and shaking hands.
And she looked at me, and knew. She knew that I knew.
"You.. You must think I'm dumb.." I said while breathing fast.
"I-I gotta go..!" She said and stood up.
"You are not cold." I said and stood up, me too. "Aren't you?"
I could see tears in her eyes. She ran up to the stairs, but I followed.
"Wait, wait Bim!" I shouted, but she was faster than I thought.
Suddenly, someone grabbed me, and forced my to stop.
"Hey there." Harry smirked.
"I gotta hurry.. Harry.." I said and found Harry and myself laughing a little about it.
But then I remembered. My heart was racing and pounding, and I felt like my head was going to explode.
"I just wanted to make sure that we're still off for our date.."
"It's not a date!!" I screamed, louder than I expected. "I really gotta go!!"
Without saying I'm sorry, or even goodbye, I rushed the fastest I could to get out of there. Finally, I was at my room. I locked up the door and slammed it up. She is in the bathroom, was the first thing I thought when I saw that the room was empty. I heard sobbing from in there, so I took a small food-knife I saw at her desk and opened it.
"Get out of here!" She cried.
It was so weird to see her cry. Her red face, her red eyes and her mascara all over her cheeks. She was always so.. emotionless. And now she was sitting in the shower, crying so much that she couldn't even stand up, and telling me to leave because she didn't wanna see me.
But I just stood there, I couldn't move. I was in chock. I had just found out that my roommate, my inocent roommate Bim, was selfharming.
While seeing her like that, I felt like my tears were coming to. It was horrible.
"I had no idea.."
"Can you just get out of here already?!" She screamed while crying her eyes out.
"How could you not tell me?" I whispered.
"Why in the hell would I tell you?!"
I was surprised, she stood up and shoved me to the side so she could come out of the bathroom.
"Because I honestly deserve that truth from you!" I said, now angry while my eyes were getting really teary. "You can't go around and feel ashamed about them, and feel bad about them, and not telling me!! Haven't you heard a single word coming out of my mouth, asking if you were okay, everyday?!"
By now, tears were floating down on my cheeks.
"Did you really think I am ashamed of them..?" She laughed while still crying.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I swiftly closed it. What was I supose to say now? Or ask? If she wasn't ashamed about them, what was she feeling then..?
"I do it because i deserve it." She spoke.
Her chin was shaking, and she looked down at the floor while some new tears rolled down her cheeks.
"..What?"
"You heard me. I deserve it."
From being pissed off at her for not telling, to now feeling really sad for her.
"No you don't.."
"You don't know me!" She spat.
"Tell me then! Tell me what makes you deserve something horrible like this! Because no one does!" I screamed horrified.
"Well then, no one is me." She whispered.
God, I just wanted to hug her, hug her really tight and make her tell me all the awful things she was thinking about. But instead I only took a step closer.
"Show me your scars.."
She looked up at me, and she looked disgusted. It hurted my feelings, but I guess that's the look I would've given any person that asked me the question. But then she clenched her jaw and slowly pulled up her sleeves. When she saw her ankles, she bursted out in tears. I felt, honsetly, like I was going to puke. All I could see was the bloodspots, and her ripped skin. Then she quickly pulled the sleeves down again, just like she was ashamed of them.
"I thought you said you didn't feel ashamed." I said low.
"I don't. I'm proud, actually." She said, lower.
"HOW CAN YOU BE PROUD?!" I screeched.
"BECAUSE.." She started to scream, but never finished the sentence.
But I could see how badly she wanted to tell, how badly she wanted this off her chest. She needed to talk to someone, before she would explode.
"You can tell me.." I tried and took a step closer.
"No.. I ca-can't.." She whimpered. "It's too awful.. Besides, too awful for you.."
"Try me."
She looked into my eyes, I had cried very much, but my glance was quite steady and calm. I don't really know what happened, but suddenly, she looked at me like she took a decision. And that decision was to trust me with all her heart.
@nafalovesonedirection
Yes, I felt so too. But hey, if you wanna check out my new fanfiction, please do! It hasn't as good updating as this one had, but it's only because I want every chapter to be inspired, good, and well - perfect. I've only written one chapter but I'm working on my second. x :)
http://www.wattpad.com/42873493-distance
4/27/14