New Sister

“Good morning,” Harry smiled. Anything but. I’d dreaded today for… well… a year. “Hmmm,” I groan. I was tired and I hadn’t slept last night. Harry pulled me closer. “What’s the matter?” I bit my lip. I hadn’t told him. Not that I didn’t want to, it just never happened. “My father,” I sighed. I whipped a tear away. I couldn’t stop thinking about the day I found my father dead. Today exactly one year ago. That image haunted me frequently. It became less often, but today, it was inevitable. I pushed myself up. “Harry, don’t worry okay? I’ll be fine. It’s just… Weird. So much has happened since, you know… Sometimes I just wish he was here to tell me what to do…” “I understand, I just hate to see you sad, you know that.” I nod. “Are you sure you want to come today? I understand if you’d rather have some peace today.” “No, I’ll come. Besides, what’s here to do for me all day. It’s not like I can go anywhere.” Frustrated, I hit the wall. Ouch. I couldn’t help myself anymore and started crying. I felt extremely powerless and, despite all the people around me, I felt lonely. Honestly, I wanted to lay down, sob and listen to sad blof songs all day. (They have more than enough, trust me) Harry pulled me on his lap and cradled me, trying to calm me down. I don’t know how long we sat there when somebody knocked the door. “Harry, Liz, you’re coming downstairs for breakfast? We have to leave in half an hour.” It was Louis. “We’re coming!” Harry yelled. “We have to?” “Yes.”

We went downstairs for breakfast. Even before we had reached the dining room, Ashton and Luke had caught up with us. “Hey,” they said cheerfully in unison. “What’s up?” Luke asked. “Nothing,” I replied. “Sure?” Ashton asked. I nodded. We continued in silence. And despite Harry’s worried glares, I didn’t eat my breakfast. I ignored him and took my phone out. I had a message from an unknown number.

Dear Elizabeth,
I wanted to know how you’re doing today.
Love Lycca

For the first time since meeting her, I did not feel annoyance or anger towards her. Because she missed my father as badly as I did, but for so much longer. However, that did not make me in any way eager to respond. I think I was not ready yet to really build a relationship with my mom.

By the end of the day, I was exhausted. Harry carried me upstairs, as usual, and tonight it was Luke who brought me chair. Before Harry put me on our bed, he hugged me really tightly. “Harry?” “Hmmm…” “Can you give me a little space to breath?” “What?” “Just let me go for a moment.” “But…” “Trust me.” He did so, but was on alert. I stood up for six solid seconds before I let myself fall on the bed. Not as good as in the afternoon. Laura, the therapist here, had counted eleven seconds. But considering I was fighting to stay awake, this was good enough. “Babe, that is amazing!” Harry exclaimed. “Yup, finally seeing some real progress here, huh?” “I told you you could do this,” Harry smiled. I changed, but didn’t fall asleep right away. The first time since breakfast that I have some time and silence around me to think about my dad. If he had seen me today, he would’ve been very proud of me. I started humming softly, untill I fell asleep.

Singing songs while doing dishes
Cracking jokes you filled the room
I miss your laughter and your kisses
That's how I'll remember you

Endless highway bring me home
All I know is that our love goes on

Notes

If you're curious, the song is Love goes on - Common Linnets

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