She found out exactly one week ago. When Maci was in the hospital, the doctors ran many scans. Everything seemed fine.

But then they saw a tiny, harmless black dot. Except, that little black dot is anything but harmless. It is an organism fighting for life while taking another's. And more than likely, it would win.

"I'm not leaving you," I find myself saying to her. My hearing is faulty, however, like I'm drowning. I can barely hear her voice.

She smiles slightly like she knew that I was going to refuse. "I love this world, you know? I enjoy walking around in the rain and getting dressed up just to feel okay. So many look at living as a punishment, a test. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but we are here to live. And I… I don't get to. I don't get a fight or battle. My life has been decided because of a small, seemingly innocent creature."

I flashed her a crooked smile. I got up, dragging my paralyzed body towards her, and knelt down on the carpet that was older than Maci would ever be once I reached her. I laid my head in her lap.

"You do get a fight, love. You're fight is with cancer," I stopped, not sure what to say next. What can you say to someone who has accepted death before she was supposed to even imagine it? "Don't you worry, Maci Alice." With a set jaw, and eyes averting hers, I tried my damnest to comfort her.

A wave of emotion drowned me. It pulled me under, surrounding me and making itself agonizingly noticeable. That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

"I love you," I blurted. In the heat of the moment, and the little taste of death that settles sourly on my tongue, I had finally confessed and admitted to feelings I felt. It was like I had run a marathon. I panted and heaved, blinking uncontrollably, and my palms grew clammy. But when I imagined saying those words to anyone but my family, I imagined it to be difficult. But it wasn't - I couldn't be more sure that I loved Maci. And all that came with her. I would not deny myself the pleasure of saying true things.

"Please…please don't say that." She released a choked out cry, and reached down to stroke my cheek. "You can't love me, Louis." Maci's eyes were red and swollen, but lively all the same. Her face showed obvious fear and weakness, but she refused my touch like it was acid on her skin. I was terrified and desperate to calm her.

"I don't need a reason to hate the world, but none of the circumstances have worked out to be in my favor… Louis fucking Tomlinson, I love you too. And I'm scared to be without you." I stood up, carrying her with me, and held her roughly. We stood in each other's embrace for a long time, crying and comforting each other. Dizzying images flashed through my mind - Maci on the first night I met her, Maci piss drunk but still sane enough to criticize me, Maci laughing giddily, Maci sleeping, Maci..just Maci.

"Darling, that will never happen. You can never get away from me - I'll make sure that I'm always around to annoy you," I mumbled into her hair.

She repeatedly apologized - for what, I don't know. But it should've been me apologizing to her. My confusion and fear kept me from saying it, however. In the back of my brain, where I keep all the things I try to ignore, I knew that it wouldn't go away. The familiar pain in the back of my throat surfaced and tear began to conjure. Stifling them became quite the task, but I fought vigilantly to prevent them so I could be the rock I knew she needed.

~~~

We laid in bed together and talked late into the night. I played with her hands while she talked; I would nod and ask questions occasionally but rarely coherent words would surface. I listened to every word, my attention acute despite the late hour.

"When I first met you, you were a real dick, you know that right? You were exactly what I had expected you to be - a celebrity that was enjoying the perks of fame. I wouldn't expect anything less, but I watch far too many movies for my own good and hoped that you would prove me wrong. You did eventually prove me wrong, of course. Behind the broadway show, I met a man that I had only dreamed of meeting. And I fell in love."

"Then why did you run away? Why did you tell me no?" I was no longer angry about it, but curious. She finally admits that she wanted - or rather wants - to be with me, but she coldly and unforgivingly told me no.

When she didn't answer, I guessed that she was asleep. But when I turned to face her, she was looking up, chewing on her lip. "I guess…I guess I had just gotten so used to being alone and accustomed to people leaving that I built walls, I suppose." Maci was smiled at me regretfully.

"Well you're pretty damn lucky that I'm a wrecking ball, aren't you?" I winked at her, trying to ease the mood.

Maci continued to tell me about how she would begin her treatment in two days, and how she had quit her job. She has yet to tell her parents.

"Are you scared?" I asked her hoarsely. I tilted my head slightly so I could face her, and observe her face.

"To death," She whispered, facing the ceiling. I growled and sat up immediately. I glared at her angrily. Maci sat up with me, and giggled - intensifying my rage. "Hey, lighten up, it was a joke."

"It's not funny," I retorted, my anguish pouring out of me. Once again I felt tears pool and pain prick at me, but her cool lips tore it all to pieces. She kissed my neck gently, sucking every now and again. My anger had disappeared in a flash just by her touch - a frustratingly perfect side effect of Maci. I gave into her, and eventually collapsed altogether.

I cradled her as we lay back down. I memorized the curve of her body, and the feel of her hair. And I sang her to sleep until I could no longer speak.

Notes

Hello :) Sorry if there's any spelling/grammar mistakes, it's very late!

So yesterday I saw my story was on the Popular page, it's not there anymore but I just want to thank you SO much. I don't know what to say... I didn't even think I was that good!

The song for this chapter is "Shake It Out" by Florence the Machine.

I love you guys, and hope you liked the chapter!

Talk to you soon,

~M