365 days left
I was in the hospital again. Fifth time this week? It's only Tuesday. Three days into the week. No one wants that. I seem to be getting worse instead of better. My parents are doing everything they can. My doctors are too. It isn't enough. Soon I will have to live in the hospital. Not long after I will be gone. I laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Why me? Why did I have to get this disease? There is no cure for it. Why couldn't I have gotten cancer? At least that has something to slow it down. All I have is some treatment to help with any pain I get. Why does God hate me? God doesn't hate you. That voice sounded like it was in my head. But my conscience doesn't sound like that. What is going on? Claire. I sit up quickly. I scan the room but find no one. Then the clouds shift and a ray of light falls across the floor. In it stands an angel. That is the only way I can describe her. She was beautiful. She was dressed in a long white dress and her feet were bare. That's not what gave her away. It was the white wings and halo. I never pictured an angel like that. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" Obviously she was an angel. What was she doing here? I am your guardian angel. The voice in my head now matched what I think the angel's voice would sound like. I am here to bring news. "What kind of news?" It better not be more bad news. I think I have had enough bad news for a while. I am so ready for good news. This is hard for me to say. I'm sorry to say this Claire, but you only have a year to live. What? This angel comes in here and tells me I'm going to die? It's not like I didn't already know it. I just didn't know an exact date. "What? How do you know? This can't be happening. I'm imagining it all," I almost screamed. Claire this is all real. You and I both know that deep down you know it's true. You only have a year to live...but there is a way that you can survive. I instantly stood and stepped closer to her. There is a way I could survive? I need to know it. If you complete your bucket list you can survive. My bucket list? The thing I wrote last week for fun? Some of those things are impossible. I could never do everything. We have revised it a little. She held out her hand and a notebook appeared. She held it out to me. I carefully took it. It was my notebook with my bucket list in it. There were some highlighted and some crossed off. You will not be alone. You can tell anyone you want about this. Not many people will believe you but believe me someone out there will. "But I can't do some of this stuff. I can't become a godmother if there is no godchild. I can't plan a best friend's wedding if they aren't getting married," I complained. I can't believe this. I am trying to argue with an angel. Things will work out. You just have to watch for the opportunity. Some of them you will have to do yourself. Like road tripping. You will have to do it yourself when the time is right. "But I can't do this," I said. I broke down. I cried. Me. A girl who has six brothers. A girl who broke her arm when she was five and never cried. A girl who didn't shed a tear when they told her she had a deadly disease. That girl is breaking down over hope. I have hope and I cry about it. Suck it up. I instantly stopped crying and looked down at the notebook. I can do this. "But wait," I said. "I am sick. No one will let me out of here without someone getting me. No one would let me do half these things." During the year you will be healthy again. It will be like you never had the disease. Your doctor will tell you it's because of the treatments and everyone will believe him unless you tell then different. I nodded. I can do this. I will survive. I don't care what it takes. I must go now. I will be around though. You will see me again. Take care for now. She was gone a second before the door opened. My doctor walked in. "Good news. As of right now you are perfectly healthy. The treatments have been working perfectly. Come in immediately if you feel sick but otherwise you can do anything." He left before I even got to say thanks. Stupid doctor. Doesn't even stay to make sure his patient gets out fine. For the first time in almost five year I walk out of the hospital without my parents helping me. It feels good. Free.