A Beautiful Affair
Chapter 9
Chapter 9:
Juliet’s POV
I sat emotionless starring at the white garage in front of me. I heard a door slam and someone sit next to me, someone laid there hand on my shoulder and squeezed.
“Sweetie I…” I cut her off.
“Stop just please stop right there. I’m tired of all the pity and people saying everything is going to be ok, because obviously it’s not. I’m not going to be ok. Jesus! I just want my old life back. I want to be a kid, before high school and middle school, when I was still at home and couldn’t talk properly and had to hold someone’s hand to cross the street.
When someone tucked me into bed and read me a bedtime story, when I used to have my dad check under my bed for monsters. When I didn’t care what I looked like and the pressure of society wasn’t lying on my shoulders. When I used to have a normal life.”
I ran a hand through my hair frustrated and Karen sighed, laying her head back against the headrest. “Do you ever just miss something so much it’s latterly unbearable? Your heart hurts so much, you start to feel like there’s actually a hole forming in it?” I took a deep breath and put my right hand on my heart and felt it beating.
“There comes a point when the unbreakable, break. When the people who always laugh, cry. When the people who never stop trying, finally give up. There comes that point when you drop your fake smile as a tear rolls down your check and you whisper ‘I can’t do this anymore’…”
I blinked away the tears forming on my eyes and rubbed my hands together and turned my head to Karen, finding her crying softly looking straight at me. I let a tear slip out of my eye, then another and another; soon I was letting the tears freely fall down my cheeks. I smiled weakly at Karen as the tears fell off my face onto my lap. I tasted the salty tears on the corners of my lips. “Karen…” I whispered weakly, “I don’t think I can do this anymore…”
I sat in the leather seat of Harry’s car with my head in my hands. Karen was chewing on her nails silently crying, not making a sound, just letting the tears fall down her face. I don’t understand why she cares for me so much; she only met me two days ago.
“You don’t mean that,” she whimpered, “that you cant do this anymore, you don’t mean that.” She kept her gaze outside the window toward the fence separating their house to the neighbors.
“I quit,” I murmured, breathing in deep.
“No,” she shook her head and closed her eyes tight. “You,” she pointed toward me, she grabbed my hand and placed it on my heart. “You feel that?” She questioned I nodded my head. “That’s your heart, that’s the beating of your heart. Jules, God gave you this life because you’re strong enough to live it.”
I pulled my hand away from her grasp, “I’m not strong, and I’m tired…” I mumbled and pulled my knees to my chest.
“What are you tied of Jules?” Karen whispered, defeated.
“Jesus would you really like to know!” I breathed deep and raised my eyebrows, searching for the words I’ve been dying to say for about four years.
Karen nodded and looked straight into my eyes. “I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of yelling, I’m tired of being sad, I’m tired of pretending, I’m tired of being alone, I’m tired of feeling angry, I’m tired of feeling crazy, I’m tired of feeling stuck, I’m tired of needing help, I’m tired of remembering, I’m tired of missing things, I’m tired of being different, I’m tired of missing people, I’m tired of feeling worthless, I’m tired of feeling empty inside, I’m tired of not being able to let go, I’m tired of wishing I could start over, I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have, but most of all, I’m just tired of being tired.”
I chuckled darkly with no humor and shook my head. “But don’t worry, I’m not quite ready to end it all yet.” And with that I opened the car door and stepped into the cool brisk September air, leaving Karen in the car.
**
“Don’t touch me,” I pushed past Harry, who was trying to grab hold of my arm and ask why I was crying.
“Juliet wait!” he called as I raced up the steps and into the room I stayed the night before.
I slammed the door and put my back against it, I slid down to my butt and laid on my legs out flat. I put my arms lifeless against the door as I starred up at the pale grey ceiling.
Flashback
“I don’t get it!” I yelled at my mother, who was currently trying to reach me how to tie my shoes.
“Literally Jules, you’re 11, remember what I told you. Just concentrate and tie them before I get your dad to teach you.”
“You wouldn’t,” my dad would literally freak.
“Oh, but I would,” a grin spread across her face, “David-”
I clamped my hand tight over her mouth, “You got it momma, and I’ll tie these things.” I concentrated, I loop, pull it through, bunny ears… “I got it!”
I jumped into my mother’s arms, “growing up so fast.”
Flashback Over
A smile spread across my face as I let more memories take over my body.
Flashbacks (A/N this is a series of several flashbacks the start is ‘~’ and end is ‘~’)
~ A giggle escaped my lips as I ticked Ronan.
“Stop-p-p,” he whimpered in between laughter.
“Never!” I shouted and continued tickling the blonde boy below me ~
~ “Getta room!” I shouted to my mum and dad, who were currently dancing around the backyard, like high schoolers at prom.
“Will do!” My dad shouted back as he dipped my mum and kissed her gently on the lips.
A smile spread across my dace, “gross.” ~
~ “Ronan, here comes the choo-choo train!” Ronan’s little head of messy blonde hair fell against his high chair in laughter as he giggled.
“You know,” Paris sighed, “if you keep feeding him like that, when he gets older that’s the only way he will know how to eat.”
“Oh well, let him enjoy it. Open up Ronan!” ~
~ “Good job!” I watched as Ronan finally started riding his bike on his own.
“I did it!” he yelled as he jumped into my arms and I spun him around.
“You did it!” I mumbled into his neck. ~
Flashbacks Over
By now I was laughing hysterically at all the good memories I’ve made with my family. I giggle as in front of my eyes, Ronan and I danced around in the backyard, and when my mum and I baked cookies. When my dad and I had a food fight in our kitchen. When Paris and I made breakfast for our parents on their anniversary.
There was a knock on the door, “Come in,” I mumbled while scooting away a bit out of the way so someone could opened the door and come through.
The door opened and closed, I scooted back against it and rested my hands in my lap. There was a peaceful silence as Harry slid down the door next to me.
“I miss them…” I whispered as I laid my head on his shoulder. “So much…” He placed his hand around my waist and pulled me closer.
“I know you do.” He whispered as he placed a kiss on my hairline. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. “You know… it’s ok to hold on to the memories.. It’s just sometimes, you have to let go of the person…” Harry said while he stared off into space.
“I know,” I mumbled. “But it’s hard to let go of someone you’ve loved through so much,” I sighed. “but I guess if I love them… I’ve got to let them go.”
Juliet’s POV
I sat emotionless starring at the white garage in front of me. I heard a door slam and someone sit next to me, someone laid there hand on my shoulder and squeezed.
“Sweetie I…” I cut her off.
“Stop just please stop right there. I’m tired of all the pity and people saying everything is going to be ok, because obviously it’s not. I’m not going to be ok. Jesus! I just want my old life back. I want to be a kid, before high school and middle school, when I was still at home and couldn’t talk properly and had to hold someone’s hand to cross the street.
When someone tucked me into bed and read me a bedtime story, when I used to have my dad check under my bed for monsters. When I didn’t care what I looked like and the pressure of society wasn’t lying on my shoulders. When I used to have a normal life.”
I ran a hand through my hair frustrated and Karen sighed, laying her head back against the headrest. “Do you ever just miss something so much it’s latterly unbearable? Your heart hurts so much, you start to feel like there’s actually a hole forming in it?” I took a deep breath and put my right hand on my heart and felt it beating.
“There comes a point when the unbreakable, break. When the people who always laugh, cry. When the people who never stop trying, finally give up. There comes that point when you drop your fake smile as a tear rolls down your check and you whisper ‘I can’t do this anymore’…”
I blinked away the tears forming on my eyes and rubbed my hands together and turned my head to Karen, finding her crying softly looking straight at me. I let a tear slip out of my eye, then another and another; soon I was letting the tears freely fall down my cheeks. I smiled weakly at Karen as the tears fell off my face onto my lap. I tasted the salty tears on the corners of my lips. “Karen…” I whispered weakly, “I don’t think I can do this anymore…”
I sat in the leather seat of Harry’s car with my head in my hands. Karen was chewing on her nails silently crying, not making a sound, just letting the tears fall down her face. I don’t understand why she cares for me so much; she only met me two days ago.
“You don’t mean that,” she whimpered, “that you cant do this anymore, you don’t mean that.” She kept her gaze outside the window toward the fence separating their house to the neighbors.
“I quit,” I murmured, breathing in deep.
“No,” she shook her head and closed her eyes tight. “You,” she pointed toward me, she grabbed my hand and placed it on my heart. “You feel that?” She questioned I nodded my head. “That’s your heart, that’s the beating of your heart. Jules, God gave you this life because you’re strong enough to live it.”
I pulled my hand away from her grasp, “I’m not strong, and I’m tired…” I mumbled and pulled my knees to my chest.
“What are you tied of Jules?” Karen whispered, defeated.
“Jesus would you really like to know!” I breathed deep and raised my eyebrows, searching for the words I’ve been dying to say for about four years.
Karen nodded and looked straight into my eyes. “I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of yelling, I’m tired of being sad, I’m tired of pretending, I’m tired of being alone, I’m tired of feeling angry, I’m tired of feeling crazy, I’m tired of feeling stuck, I’m tired of needing help, I’m tired of remembering, I’m tired of missing things, I’m tired of being different, I’m tired of missing people, I’m tired of feeling worthless, I’m tired of feeling empty inside, I’m tired of not being able to let go, I’m tired of wishing I could start over, I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have, but most of all, I’m just tired of being tired.”
I chuckled darkly with no humor and shook my head. “But don’t worry, I’m not quite ready to end it all yet.” And with that I opened the car door and stepped into the cool brisk September air, leaving Karen in the car.
**
“Don’t touch me,” I pushed past Harry, who was trying to grab hold of my arm and ask why I was crying.
“Juliet wait!” he called as I raced up the steps and into the room I stayed the night before.
I slammed the door and put my back against it, I slid down to my butt and laid on my legs out flat. I put my arms lifeless against the door as I starred up at the pale grey ceiling.
Flashback
“I don’t get it!” I yelled at my mother, who was currently trying to reach me how to tie my shoes.
“Literally Jules, you’re 11, remember what I told you. Just concentrate and tie them before I get your dad to teach you.”
“You wouldn’t,” my dad would literally freak.
“Oh, but I would,” a grin spread across her face, “David-”
I clamped my hand tight over her mouth, “You got it momma, and I’ll tie these things.” I concentrated, I loop, pull it through, bunny ears… “I got it!”
I jumped into my mother’s arms, “growing up so fast.”
Flashback Over
A smile spread across my face as I let more memories take over my body.
Flashbacks (A/N this is a series of several flashbacks the start is ‘~’ and end is ‘~’)
~ A giggle escaped my lips as I ticked Ronan.
“Stop-p-p,” he whimpered in between laughter.
“Never!” I shouted and continued tickling the blonde boy below me ~
~ “Getta room!” I shouted to my mum and dad, who were currently dancing around the backyard, like high schoolers at prom.
“Will do!” My dad shouted back as he dipped my mum and kissed her gently on the lips.
A smile spread across my dace, “gross.” ~
~ “Ronan, here comes the choo-choo train!” Ronan’s little head of messy blonde hair fell against his high chair in laughter as he giggled.
“You know,” Paris sighed, “if you keep feeding him like that, when he gets older that’s the only way he will know how to eat.”
“Oh well, let him enjoy it. Open up Ronan!” ~
~ “Good job!” I watched as Ronan finally started riding his bike on his own.
“I did it!” he yelled as he jumped into my arms and I spun him around.
“You did it!” I mumbled into his neck. ~
Flashbacks Over
By now I was laughing hysterically at all the good memories I’ve made with my family. I giggle as in front of my eyes, Ronan and I danced around in the backyard, and when my mum and I baked cookies. When my dad and I had a food fight in our kitchen. When Paris and I made breakfast for our parents on their anniversary.
There was a knock on the door, “Come in,” I mumbled while scooting away a bit out of the way so someone could opened the door and come through.
The door opened and closed, I scooted back against it and rested my hands in my lap. There was a peaceful silence as Harry slid down the door next to me.
“I miss them…” I whispered as I laid my head on his shoulder. “So much…” He placed his hand around my waist and pulled me closer.
“I know you do.” He whispered as he placed a kiss on my hairline. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. “You know… it’s ok to hold on to the memories.. It’s just sometimes, you have to let go of the person…” Harry said while he stared off into space.
“I know,” I mumbled. “But it’s hard to let go of someone you’ve loved through so much,” I sighed. “but I guess if I love them… I’ve got to let them go.”
8/31/13