Harry is supposed to pick me up in 10 minutes but the urge to kill myself is become overwhelming. Holy fuck, I literally don't want to spend another minute here.

That's it, I'm cutting myself.

I promised myself I'd never do it, but I promised Harry I'd go shopping with him then to that stupid party and I need relief for it. I don't know why I thought I could survive this. But I can't, I fucking can't.

I grab the closest knife in the kitchen and I’m about to go for my wrist when I pause. Harry will see it.

I un-button up my shirt and inspect my fat stomach. Perfect.

Someone starts knocking right when I finish up. shit I think to myself as I wrap myself with gauze from under the sink and fix the buttons as quick as I can.

I open the door up to Harry. "Hey!"

"Hey, you ready to go?"

"Yep."

"Thanks again for joining me. Mind if we do a coupley-thing so people know not to mess with you?" I suppress the urge to blush and just nod. Then he shakes his car keys. "Ready to go?"

"Hell yeah, just let me get my wallet-"

"Nope. My party, my treat."

"You really don't have to-"

"I'm insisting. Let's go." With a quick tug, he leads me to his car.

I sigh as I try on the 20th outfit. In each of the three stores we've been to in the past two hours, the girl-counterparts to the costumes are the sluttiest things I've ever seen. I step out into the reception area where Harry's waiting im/patiently. We decided we'd see if one works me and then he'd try on the male one because he can literally wear anything.

"I look like a hooker." I say as I examine the white, Wilma Flintstone dress that is practically up my crotch and causes my boobs to almost fall out.

"For what it's worth, a very attractive hooker."

"Ha-ha." I deadpan. "I don't think these will work."

"I was afraid of that." Harry pulls out his cell phone and presses a few times on the screen. "Hey Gemma! We couldn't find a costume- I know you're right about everything- We'll be over in a bit."

At Gemma's apartment, Harry goes first in the fittings. Which requires him to be only in his boxers. And Gemma is making me stay in the room. I am testing all my willpower.

Then it's my turn.

And I can't let that happen. My cuts and the gauze this won't work so I shake my head when Gemma says, "Your turn, Becks, take off your clothes!"

"No thank you."

"Harry, you're making the poor girl uncomfortable! Get out of here!"

"Fine!" Harry playfully stomps petulantly as he pulls on his clothes. "I'll check on you in a bit to make sure Gem doesn't corrupt you."

"I can't corrupt if YOU'RE STILL HERE, GO WAIT IN THE KITCHEN!"

"FINE!"

Harry jokingly slams the door to Gemma's room. She turns to me. "And you don't have to talk off all your clothes, just your shirt and shorts."

"No, please." I almost beg.

"Fine-" Gemma says then reaches over to my blouse and rips all the buttons. Then we both gasp at the same time. I instantly cover my face with my palms as my bra and gauze are exposed.

"What the hell is that, Beck?"

"Nothing-"

"Bullshit." Her voice is a bit shaky and I can't bring myself to look at her even though I've moved my hands to cover myself. "What is that?"

"Nothing, really."

"I don't believe you. Show me what's under there if it's nothing."

"No, Gemma."

"Fine." She says again and yanks at the gauze.

I'm disappointed with myself since I didn't see it coming.

She stares at the angry, red lines for a second. Then she says, "I'm only going to say this before we get started on your costumes. I won't force you to talk to me about it, but just know I'll listen." I nod, and smile at her at bit. "I won't tell but this better be the last time you do this."

Well, it'll be the last time I cut myself, but that won't stop my thoughts.

"Thanks, Gemma. For everything."

"Don't mention it." She smirks at me and gets started.

If going to the party is like the shopping and the fitting, then I'm in for quite the ride.

Notes

Hey you guys great news! I'm writing the sequel for Corrupt! Just after I finish this one. I'll tell you more about it in later chapters :)