Love Will Tell Us Where To Go

Annabell gave us a tour of the rest of the house while my dad stayed in the living room to call my mom. I had to give him her number first, so I had time to question if I should let him do this. I understand they need to talk, but I feel like I should talk to her first.

I held back those feelings and instead simply gave him the number. He thanked me and told me not to worry before giving me a hug. He waited until we were out of the room to call so I couldn’t hear anything.

We first went down the hall where I assumed a bedroom was, and I was right. “This is our room.” she told us. The room was large and very neat, as was the bathroom. I appreciated the tour, but all I could think about was my dad. I can’t imagine how shocked my mother will be when she first hears his voice. Will she even recognize him?

Even if he has to explain, the reaction would be priceless. That is honestly the only reason I would ever want to see her again.

When it was time to cross the living room to go to the other side of the house, I was expecting to get to overhear the conversation, but he must have gone outside because he wasn’t there, or in any other room.

By the time we finished seeing the house and came back to the living room again, he was there, sitting on the couch and no longer on the phone. “What did she say? What happened?”

“The great news is that she isn’t going to fight for custody. After we deal with some legal stuff you’re free to stay with us.” I swallowed hard as I asked a question I already knew the answer to. “And my stuff? The money in my bank account?”

“I’m sorry, Megan.”

“No.” I stated simply. “I refuse to see that woman ever again.”

“What about school? She was supposed to be home-schooled, what happened to that?” Harry asked. “Believe it or not she kept up with all of her school work. She cheated and made you end up having all A’s and one B. She told me that you would know how to start doing it yourself because you have done it before.”

I began to feel sick at the thought of having to see her again. To talk to her again. All of my life she never had my best interests in mind, never truly cared about me, and even now as she is about to lose me, she can’t do this one simple thing for me.

“It’ll be alright, love. I’ll be with you.” Harry held my hands in his and I looked at him. His warm green eyes staring back into mine almost made me forget about everything for a moment.

“Thank you.” I replied. It felt like a lie considering I actually have not decided if I want him to come or not. But it’s not worth discussing right now. That will be my decision to make anyway and I need time to think about it alone without the pressure of others opinions.

“When is she supposed to go?” Chloe asked. “This Friday.” he replied flatly. “What? What do you meant this Friday? She told me when I have to go?”

“She said to get a flight for Friday and meet her at the house Saturday. Here is the address.” He handed me the folded paper. I wanted so badly to shred it into tiny pieces. I knew I didn’t have to, but the memories of having to get a new address every year felt fresh and new again and it was almost too much. “Or what?”

“You won’t get your stuff.” I put the paper in my pocket before exclaiming, “She can not do that!” I paused before adding, “Can she?”

“Honestly sweetie, I don’t know. I know this just adds to her cruelty, but I would not risk it. It would be better to go ahead and get it over with, don’t you think?” I looked down at the ground and closed my eyes. “Yes.”

“I’ll go look up plane tickets.” Chloe said before asking to go to the computer room. Of course they let her and she was on her way. “We’ll have to stay at a hotel for like, two nights. We better go on your laptop. Come on, let’s go with Chloe.” Harry told me as he took my hand in his.

I agreed, but mainly because I knew I had to tell him the truth. What I knew I wanted and needed to do all along. Go by myself.

“What are you talking about?” Was his immediate reaction. “No. No, I mean…Megan, you can’t just - “

“Chloe, could we be alone for a minute, please?” She nodded and left silently, closing the door behind her. “Megan, do not do this to yourself. You do not have to face this alone. I want to be right beside you.”

“I know you do. And, I want you to be there too, but…I don’t need you to be. I need to be with her alone.” He shook his head and sighed. “I just don’t understand why you want to go alone. I’m just concerned for you, okay? Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you are weak. Megan, you are the strongest person I know. But babe, you don’t have to be all of the time.”

I rolled my chair closer to him. Our knees touched as I held both his hands in mine, letting them rest on my lap. I leaned in closer to him as I spoke softly, partially out of fear of crying. “I love you so much. But I need to do this…for me. I have put up with her my entire life and never once have I completely and totally been honest about my feelings. This is my chance. My only and last chance. Yeah, this sucks. Yeah, I hate having to do it, but maybe it will be good for me. Maybe I need this more than even I realize.”

As he stared into my eyes, his concern was easy to see. He soon broke our stare and glanced down, deep in thought. “Harry?” I said but got no reaction. He let go of my hands and moved back to where our knees no longer touched. For a moment I was afraid he was mad. Until he finally spoke, that is. “Alright. If you - I agree. You need to do this alone and I shouldn’t stop you.”

I could tell he meant it but I could also tell he was a little hurt. “Oh, would you just hug me?” That made him crack a small smile before he did as I told. His embrace was a welcoming warmth.

“Almost done.” he whispered in my ear.

“Almost done.” I replied.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As much as I wanted to spend time with Chloe, she had school to go to and I wanted even more to see my dad. Of course he worked during the day, but always from eight to five. Every night around five thirty, there he was. Annabel got home a little before him.

Besides it being strange to have my dad here, it was weird having Annabell who was now my step-mom. On Tuesday night we spent the afternoon shopping for baby stuff for the nursery. While we did that, Harry and my dad spent some time together at home.

“How did it go?” I asked excitedly as soon as I got him alone that night. “Your dad is great. He is so funny.” I laughed at the thought of him telling his jokes. “Did you - “

“He’s a keeper.” my dad told me as he passed. “He’s hilarious too. He’s got some great jokes.” Harry smiled from ear to ear.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday night was spent mainly with my dad. He told me stories from when he was a kid and I tried my best to do the same. I tried finding out even more about my mother, as much as I could, but it was difficult. I don’t know if his apprehension was from not wanting to talk bad about her or just because he was afraid I wouldn’t go if I knew her as well as he did.

Despite that slight annoyance, I tried enjoying my time with him as much as possible. Not that it is ending soon. In fact, it is just beginning. Maybe that is why I had such trouble truly enjoying myself.

Change is hard. It is hard to get used to, it is hard to process. Even good change. That is the only way I could describe how I felt. It was like I was in a parallel universe and fully aware of it. It was like I knew this was all a dream and that I could snap back into reality at any moment, and because of this, I should not allow myself to get too attached to this world. Or maybe it was the constant thought of what I have to do at the end of the week that prevented me from completely having a good time.

Whatever it was, I got through it. Being alone with Harry during the day helped a lot. It brought some normalcy back to my life despite the new house. I assume it wasn’t very hard since I’m used to living in so many different places.

Wednesday was especially nice. Harry and I cooked breakfast together before watching one of my favorite movies, Jumanji. It was so nice to get my mind focused on something else. Too bad it only lasted an hour and forty four minutes.

Thursday was spent putting a few of my clothes and other things into a suitcase. All of our stuff stayed packed and would stay that way until I got back. Harry and I have already picked our rooms but they’re really basic right now with plain bedspreads. Hopefully Harry’s parents will ship his stuff. I imagine they will.

Other than that it was more of the usual: Harry and I hanging out in the day, eating dinner with dad and Annabell that night, and then finding something to do to distract myself. That was when the packing happened.

After I finished, all of us played some board games. I was too distracted to play and it became very obvious. Once that happened they managed to get me to admit that part of my nervousness if because I don’t know what to say to her.

“I know that you will be - you are upset with her. You have every right to be. But don’t let her get to you. I know that she may say things that will make you mad, but don’t retaliate. That is what she wants. Don’t let her have it. Do not let her win.” my dad told me seriously. Harry nodded in agreement as he watched him diligently.

I know he means well and I appreciate his advice, but it is not that simple. I think about continuing the conversation but instead I agree and thank him. I force myself to focus better from then on to keep the conversation from ever going back there again. It worked.

Because I have to wake up at four I have to go to bed at nine. Or attempt to anyway. I hug my dad as I have been every night and tell Annabell goodnight as well. Harry sees me to my room where we manage to sneak in a kiss. “I love you.” he whispered in my ear.

“I love you.” I whispered back. “You really don’t have to get up early just to see me before I leave.” It wasn’t so much my not wanting him to get up early as it was I was afraid I would chicken out and change my mind. “Megan…” he drug out my name slowly. “come on, love. Tell me what’s wrong.”

I played with the end of his shirt in my hand as I struggled to find the words I wanted, and needed, to say. Nothing is harder than trying to say something when even you don’t know what you’re trying to say. “I’m scared.” I mustered.

He wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled me up against him. He engulfed me with his arms and caressed my head with his hands. For a moment I considered crying but know that that would only upset him and make him worry more than he already is. Instead when he let me go, I forced a small smile. “Goodnight.” he told me before kissing my forehead. “See you in the morning.”

“See you then.” I said with a feeling of defeat. I shut the door behind me before changing into my gown and getting into bed. I hadn’t been lying down for a minute when I burst into tears. They subsided soon enough though and I amazingly fell asleep. The next thing I knew, it was four in the morning and my alarm was going off.

Much to my dismay, everyone woke up to see me off. I hugged them all a million times before Harry walked me to the car. “Don’t.” I told him after he placed my suitcase in the trunk. “What?”

“You know what.” I shot him a “I am being completely serious look” and he responded with a “I am such a sweet, innocent, angel look” which was of course a dead giveaway for a lie. “I know you, Styles. Don’t think I don’t know.”

“But why not?” he fake whined (okay, maybe not completely fake) and “stomped” his foot in protest. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“The only difference is over here it is the right side of the road, how much harder could it be?”

“I already told you, I want to be with you when you first drive here. So wait!” I kissed him long and hard. He looked both happy and sad when I stopped. “You’re going to be fine, you know that?”

“I wish it was over with already.” I looked down at the ground and blinked a few times out of fear of crying. He lifted my head up with his hand and looked deep in my eyes. “Call. Me.” he said seriously. “When you get to each airport. Before you get on each plane. When you land. When you get to your hotel. When you get to your mom’s house. When you leave - “

“I will call you before and when I arrive at places, deal.” I said with a laugh. He did too, but there was still sadness behind it. I wonder if he noticed the same thing when I laughed.

He hugged and kissed me one last time before I got in the car. He waved as I drove off and did so until I could no longer see him.

Notes