Shattered
Part Three: Settled
Shattered “Look I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Niall started looking at Louis wondering what was going on under his perfectly tousled hair.
“I’m going to wait for you to finish your bath, I’ll be in your room,” Louis stammered
.
Niall watched him shuffle out the door in concern. He rushed through the motions of bathing and let the water out. Almost forgetting a towel, he dashed out of the bathroom and stopped in front of his bedroom door. It was shut and he was unsure what he would be walking into. He gathered up every ounce of bottle he had in him and pushed through into his room.
Louis was sitting on the bed staring at his hands as if they held all the answers he was looking for. Niall didn’t really know what to do. He just stood there, his hands gripping his towel.
“C’mere,” Louis breathed, patting the space on Niall’s bed beside him. Niall slowly made his way to the bed and sat down as if Louis were a venomous snake, poised to strike at any moment. “I have to tell you something, Ni.”
Niall nodded for the brunette to continue, all the while he felt like he shrinking in on himself. He had the distinct feeling he wasn’t going to like what he was about to here. If he had just turned Louis down, well, none of this would be happening. He could still have those stolen nights with him, just when he was a bit stronger. But now, now, Louis was going to tell him that what they had been doing for months was over.
Only that’s not what Louis had to say at all. “I can’t promise you the world, but I can promise you that I will give it a try. I can’t say that I’m done with Harry, you know firsthand the feelings I’ve had for him, but I think I am starting to get over him.”
Niall looked down at his hands, knuckles white from grasping his towel so tightly, which was just a formality Louis had seen him in the buff countless times before, and couldn’t help but feel completely and totally crushed. A dull piercing feeling acted up in his chest and grew sharper and sharper with every breath the Irish lad took. His stomach coiled up in knots and he felt as if he was going to be ill.
Louis looked at Niall in confusion. “What, Ni? I’m willing to try? Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Tears streamed down Niall’s face and he made no pretense of wiping them away, he just kept staring at his hands, unmoving. The fact that Louis didn’t understand why he was crying just hurt all the more. Why hadn’t he kept his Godd****** mouth shut that night?
Louis wrapped his arms around the crying lad and rubbed his side, trying his best to comfort his worked up mate. It didn’t help Niall though; Louis’ touch was a false comfort.
The silence in the room was more deafening than one of their concerts. It was unbearable for the both of them, but Louis had already said all he could and Niall was still trying to gather the strength to speak.
It took five full minutes of the two mates just sitting there, Louis holding Niall, and Niall crying, before Niall could speak. “You’d think so wouldn’t you?” He paused sniffing, “But it’s not. I’d be your second choice, Lou. I know positively without a doubt that you would go running back to Harry if he showed the least bit of interest in you, and he will because he’s Harry, and I’ll just end up crying in the bathroom floor again while Liam goes to get me some more HazelBrook Farms, and I can’t do that again, Lou. I just can’t. As much as I would love being with you for any length of time, it would just shatter me into a million pieces when it ended. And trust me it will, I know you Louis. You are too caught up in Harry. Maybe if I had got to you first, things could be different, but I didn’t Harry and his Godd****** teasing hips did.”
It was like a weight was simultaneously lifted from and dropped onto Niall’s chest. He folded over on himself, Louis’ arms dropping from around him, and began sobbing even harder than he had been before. It just hurt so d*** bad.
Louis didn’t speak for a moment; he just folded his hands in his lap, unsure of what to do with them, but then the words seemed to filter into his brain. “D***it, Niall. I wish you weren’t right. I wish you weren’t so bloody f****** right, but you are. I would fling myself at Harry the first chance I got, even if we were together. I would feel so d***** bad about it, but I would still do it. Christ, I’m so sorry, Niall. I am so f****** sorry. Your feelings are important to me, I hope to God that you know that, I swear they are, but I just, you’re right Harry got to me first. Maybe in another world we could be together and I would be right for you, and I would deserve you, but it just wouldn’t work in this one.” Lou’s tone seesawed between regret and pity, and his voice wavered a few times, but Niall knew that he was sincere in both.
Niall looked at Louis, really looked at him, bearing all his emotions in his eyes and nodded. He understood. They both understood. Things would go back to the way they were before Louis knew, before they had started shagging to hide their feelings, before they had gotten close. They would be mates again, not good ones, more like acquaintances. And Niall would pretend that it didn’t bother him when he saw Louis with Harry, and Louis would pretend it didn’t bother him when he saw Niall all alone, being the one getting sloshed for a change. Because there was nothing either of them could do about it. It was the way things had to be.
“I’m going to wait for you to finish your bath, I’ll be in your room,” Louis stammered
.
Niall watched him shuffle out the door in concern. He rushed through the motions of bathing and let the water out. Almost forgetting a towel, he dashed out of the bathroom and stopped in front of his bedroom door. It was shut and he was unsure what he would be walking into. He gathered up every ounce of bottle he had in him and pushed through into his room.
Louis was sitting on the bed staring at his hands as if they held all the answers he was looking for. Niall didn’t really know what to do. He just stood there, his hands gripping his towel.
“C’mere,” Louis breathed, patting the space on Niall’s bed beside him. Niall slowly made his way to the bed and sat down as if Louis were a venomous snake, poised to strike at any moment. “I have to tell you something, Ni.”
Niall nodded for the brunette to continue, all the while he felt like he shrinking in on himself. He had the distinct feeling he wasn’t going to like what he was about to here. If he had just turned Louis down, well, none of this would be happening. He could still have those stolen nights with him, just when he was a bit stronger. But now, now, Louis was going to tell him that what they had been doing for months was over.
Only that’s not what Louis had to say at all. “I can’t promise you the world, but I can promise you that I will give it a try. I can’t say that I’m done with Harry, you know firsthand the feelings I’ve had for him, but I think I am starting to get over him.”
Niall looked down at his hands, knuckles white from grasping his towel so tightly, which was just a formality Louis had seen him in the buff countless times before, and couldn’t help but feel completely and totally crushed. A dull piercing feeling acted up in his chest and grew sharper and sharper with every breath the Irish lad took. His stomach coiled up in knots and he felt as if he was going to be ill.
Louis looked at Niall in confusion. “What, Ni? I’m willing to try? Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Tears streamed down Niall’s face and he made no pretense of wiping them away, he just kept staring at his hands, unmoving. The fact that Louis didn’t understand why he was crying just hurt all the more. Why hadn’t he kept his Godd****** mouth shut that night?
Louis wrapped his arms around the crying lad and rubbed his side, trying his best to comfort his worked up mate. It didn’t help Niall though; Louis’ touch was a false comfort.
The silence in the room was more deafening than one of their concerts. It was unbearable for the both of them, but Louis had already said all he could and Niall was still trying to gather the strength to speak.
It took five full minutes of the two mates just sitting there, Louis holding Niall, and Niall crying, before Niall could speak. “You’d think so wouldn’t you?” He paused sniffing, “But it’s not. I’d be your second choice, Lou. I know positively without a doubt that you would go running back to Harry if he showed the least bit of interest in you, and he will because he’s Harry, and I’ll just end up crying in the bathroom floor again while Liam goes to get me some more HazelBrook Farms, and I can’t do that again, Lou. I just can’t. As much as I would love being with you for any length of time, it would just shatter me into a million pieces when it ended. And trust me it will, I know you Louis. You are too caught up in Harry. Maybe if I had got to you first, things could be different, but I didn’t Harry and his Godd****** teasing hips did.”
It was like a weight was simultaneously lifted from and dropped onto Niall’s chest. He folded over on himself, Louis’ arms dropping from around him, and began sobbing even harder than he had been before. It just hurt so d*** bad.
Louis didn’t speak for a moment; he just folded his hands in his lap, unsure of what to do with them, but then the words seemed to filter into his brain. “D***it, Niall. I wish you weren’t right. I wish you weren’t so bloody f****** right, but you are. I would fling myself at Harry the first chance I got, even if we were together. I would feel so d***** bad about it, but I would still do it. Christ, I’m so sorry, Niall. I am so f****** sorry. Your feelings are important to me, I hope to God that you know that, I swear they are, but I just, you’re right Harry got to me first. Maybe in another world we could be together and I would be right for you, and I would deserve you, but it just wouldn’t work in this one.” Lou’s tone seesawed between regret and pity, and his voice wavered a few times, but Niall knew that he was sincere in both.
Niall looked at Louis, really looked at him, bearing all his emotions in his eyes and nodded. He understood. They both understood. Things would go back to the way they were before Louis knew, before they had started shagging to hide their feelings, before they had gotten close. They would be mates again, not good ones, more like acquaintances. And Niall would pretend that it didn’t bother him when he saw Louis with Harry, and Louis would pretend it didn’t bother him when he saw Niall all alone, being the one getting sloshed for a change. Because there was nothing either of them could do about it. It was the way things had to be.
12/11/13