I'm screaming for help.

Hi. I really need someone to talk to.

I have done self-harm before and had suicidal thoughts. I've recovered from that, but not fully. I'm already really, really happy about my life now, I really am... but I'm just really worried. Idk about what exactly but I am. I've even had a dream about self-harm about two nights ago:

I dreamt that I was at a party in some kind of club, like that rock club in the movie Rock of Ages or something with the dirty bathroom. I was there with a few of my friends and I decided I’d go to the bathroom.

I opened the door to the bathroom. I was alone in there. The lights were flickering on and off and there were rusty nails sticking out the doors. But whatever, I had to “go” anyway. But when I pushed a stall door open, I saw a young boy – about seven years old – with a small knife and blood on his arms. He glanced at me innocently.

“Oh my god!” I screamed, “What happened to you?”

The boy stood silent, staring at me. He was cutting himself slowly. This made me anxious, since one of my greatest trauma and worries is self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I have recovered, and I’m happier now, but every thought of self-harm or blood makes my spine tingle. I want to forget about my horrible past because I didn’t even try to make it better.

I took the knife away from the boy and threw it out the window. I splashed some water onto the boy’s arm, and he smiled a little bit, thanking me.

I walked out and hung out with my friends some more, but then I heard a scream from the bathroom. I ran there and found another young boy, different from the one I met a while ago. He was doing the same thing – cutting himself.

Again, he was mute like the other boy. I took his razors and threw them away, splashing water on his cuts. He smiled a bit and thanked me. Then I collapsed to the floor, and then I woke up.

That was my dream. I had no idea what it meant, but it has something to do with me and a friend. Idk why I think that, but that’s what I think. After all, it makes sense. One of my friends self-harms… but she doesn’t want help. She says she’s happy… but I can’t be sure.

one of the reasons I used to cut is because of this one friend I have. she scares me. Everything I do or say, she judges me. Why is that a big deal? Because if she talks bad about me to other people, they’d automatically hate me, because why? Because she could literally ruin everybody’s social life. She’s like some kind of bad Wonder Girl with extreme super powers to destroy anyone’s lives. I have a feeling I’m a target… so I ended up taking all the anger to myself.

I don’t know why. I’m happy now, much, much happier than before but… I’m confused. I don’t know my friends anymore. They are the only problem I have left to solve, like a boss level in a game that I have to beat in order to win a trophy or a medal or whatever I win. And that’s not too easy.

@zipadeedoodah

It means that they helped you get through your cutting and self harm.

YOU were meant to be the little boy in your dream.

and I think you were in your friend's place. (POV.)

@UniqueMOFO



@zipadeedoodah
I'm so bored TGIF

@UniqueMOFO
thank you. :)

@zipadeedoodah

No problem :)

If you'd like to message me and talk I could help. I studied psychology for a while so although I'm not a professional I can give you some insight x