I Wanna Give Up.
Chapter One
I sat in my room staring out the window as I stratched my wrist with three pipe cleaners I put together so I could cut. Tears were running down my cheeks as I slid the pipcleaners side to side so fast, there were alot of white marks before the blood seeped out. Why am I still here? Why didn't I just kill myself when my mom gave me the knife to do it? She gave it to me twice. I wanna be done. No one would care anyway.
I looked at the string on the blinds and wondered if that'll do. It might. I reached for it then I heard a knock at my door. Some one opened my door and said "Casey! Time for breakfast!". It was James. James was one of the workers here. He always wore a plaid shirt with jeans. "Be right-" I cleared my throat. "Be right out".
He left my room and I got off my bed and hid the pipe cleaners in the side table.
My room was small. It only had a single bed, a side table, a fan, and a table. The rest were mine. It was a bunch of papers because I really enjoy writing. The things I mostly write are One Direction fanfictions. I wanna become a well known writer one day, but I doubt I'll get anywhere writing One Direction fanfiction. Unless my story gets really popular like Dark or 99 days without you. Now those, are really good fanfics.
I put down the pipe cleaners and walked out of my room (wearing http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=88451776). I closed the door behind me and walked down the hall. I walked into the dining area and sat at the table om the other side of the room. I would've sat at the one closer, but my brother was sitting there. My younger brothers are here too. Not my little sister because she's only four.
I didn't want to sit at the same table because I'm still upset with him. I'm here because of what he did. Or of what my mom did....or what I did...It depends on how you see it. But right now....I kinda think it's his fault because he threw the party. But I mostly think it's my fault because I left for five minuets.
Oh yea, I'm here because I went to my friends house to grab a shirt she borrowed, I came home and what I saw....you wouldn't believe it. Kids were jumping out of the windows and there was music blasting. kids were playing with the shovels and rakes and brooms we had in our yard, I ran inside and my brother, Kyle was dancing on the table. When he saw me, He jumped off and tried to run away. He wasn't so smart because he ran into his room. I closed the door and freaked out on him.
"What are you doing?! I left for five minuets!" I yelled.
I told him to send all of the kids home and to clean the house. He did it perfectly and it looked like no kids were here. It was forgotten until My cousin came home from late school and noticed that he was missing an Ipod, Ipad, seven hundred dollars, and his laptop. Kyle tried to look for them but he couldn't because his friends had stolen all of it. When my mom came home, our cousin told her and she freaked out on us. She hit me and Kyle with a kitchen spoon. She hit me the most because I left. For five minuets. I guess it is my fault, I'm the one who left. People are always saying that it wasn't my fault, but it is. I never should have left. Adults are saying that it's my mom's fault I'm here. I don't think it was her. I needed to learn my lesson. I remember her perfectly when she swung the plastic kitchen spoon to my face and left bruises on both of my cheekbones. I also had a cut on my lip because it kinda got caught inbetween the holes.
I don't know who's fault it is, but my mom has said it's my fault more than other people has said that it isn't.
I was babysitting, I went down the street, Kyle threw a party, and mom blamed me. I thought Kyle was going to be fine because he's turning twelve soon! He's not a five year old!
Anyway, It's partcially Kyle's fault but mostly mine. I'm still upset so I don't talk to him.
For breakfast, It was cereal. I just grabbed the cheerios and ate. After, I grabbed my shower stuff and walked to my bathroom. As I showered, my cuts were burning because there was really warm water hitting my fresh cuts. When I finished, I got dressed (http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=88451125) and looked in the mirror.
Ugh. No wonder no one likes me. I don't even like me. I gotta go before I smash this mirror.
I walked out and saw James waiting for me at the door.he said that my driver was here to take me to school.
I grabbed my lunch and walked out.
The ride there was quiet as always. Mostly because I don't even know the drivers. They're always different ones. The only ones who came back, are Linda and Sam. I like Linda, she likes to talk One direction with me. I also like Sam because she buys me slurpee's.
This time, the driver was a guy named John. I didn't like him but I trusted him because he works with my social worker.
When we got to school, I got out of the car and Walked it. As always, I was late. "Hi Casey" said the office lady. I said Hi back and signed in. I walked down the long hallway because my locker was on the other side of the school.
Classes were boring as usual. I laughed, I wouldn't know, I sleep for most of them. I quit trying in December because no one cared and the councellor was going to put in the next grade anyway. I walked to the library after lunch and sat alone. I also gave up on friends too. None of them cared anyway. Another reason I cut. No friends.
After an afternoon of going to class and falling asleep three times, I walked to the front school doors and waited.
I walked outside and then there was a guy who was running then bumped me down. He stopped then Helped me up.
"Are you alright, Love?" He asked. This guy was british. I liked him already. His voice sounded familiar though. I looked at him and noticed that he was Liam Payne!
"yea...." I said as he helped me up. He apologized and asked what I was waiting for. I told him I was waiting for my driver.
He smiled at me and said that he was thankful that I didn't scream to draw attention.
I told him that I don't like attention and that even if I did scream, no one would pay attention.
He looked at me weirdly.
My driver showed up and this time, it was Lina!
I told him about her then he said that he had to go. I asked him why he was here and he said that They're getting ready for a surprise concert tomorrow.
wow. A surprise concert!
I got in the car and told Lina everything!
I knew she didn't believe me but I didn't care.
I looked at the string on the blinds and wondered if that'll do. It might. I reached for it then I heard a knock at my door. Some one opened my door and said "Casey! Time for breakfast!". It was James. James was one of the workers here. He always wore a plaid shirt with jeans. "Be right-" I cleared my throat. "Be right out".
He left my room and I got off my bed and hid the pipe cleaners in the side table.
My room was small. It only had a single bed, a side table, a fan, and a table. The rest were mine. It was a bunch of papers because I really enjoy writing. The things I mostly write are One Direction fanfictions. I wanna become a well known writer one day, but I doubt I'll get anywhere writing One Direction fanfiction. Unless my story gets really popular like Dark or 99 days without you. Now those, are really good fanfics.
I put down the pipe cleaners and walked out of my room (wearing http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=88451776). I closed the door behind me and walked down the hall. I walked into the dining area and sat at the table om the other side of the room. I would've sat at the one closer, but my brother was sitting there. My younger brothers are here too. Not my little sister because she's only four.
I didn't want to sit at the same table because I'm still upset with him. I'm here because of what he did. Or of what my mom did....or what I did...It depends on how you see it. But right now....I kinda think it's his fault because he threw the party. But I mostly think it's my fault because I left for five minuets.
Oh yea, I'm here because I went to my friends house to grab a shirt she borrowed, I came home and what I saw....you wouldn't believe it. Kids were jumping out of the windows and there was music blasting. kids were playing with the shovels and rakes and brooms we had in our yard, I ran inside and my brother, Kyle was dancing on the table. When he saw me, He jumped off and tried to run away. He wasn't so smart because he ran into his room. I closed the door and freaked out on him.
"What are you doing?! I left for five minuets!" I yelled.
I told him to send all of the kids home and to clean the house. He did it perfectly and it looked like no kids were here. It was forgotten until My cousin came home from late school and noticed that he was missing an Ipod, Ipad, seven hundred dollars, and his laptop. Kyle tried to look for them but he couldn't because his friends had stolen all of it. When my mom came home, our cousin told her and she freaked out on us. She hit me and Kyle with a kitchen spoon. She hit me the most because I left. For five minuets. I guess it is my fault, I'm the one who left. People are always saying that it wasn't my fault, but it is. I never should have left. Adults are saying that it's my mom's fault I'm here. I don't think it was her. I needed to learn my lesson. I remember her perfectly when she swung the plastic kitchen spoon to my face and left bruises on both of my cheekbones. I also had a cut on my lip because it kinda got caught inbetween the holes.
I don't know who's fault it is, but my mom has said it's my fault more than other people has said that it isn't.
I was babysitting, I went down the street, Kyle threw a party, and mom blamed me. I thought Kyle was going to be fine because he's turning twelve soon! He's not a five year old!
Anyway, It's partcially Kyle's fault but mostly mine. I'm still upset so I don't talk to him.
For breakfast, It was cereal. I just grabbed the cheerios and ate. After, I grabbed my shower stuff and walked to my bathroom. As I showered, my cuts were burning because there was really warm water hitting my fresh cuts. When I finished, I got dressed (http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=88451125) and looked in the mirror.
Ugh. No wonder no one likes me. I don't even like me. I gotta go before I smash this mirror.
I walked out and saw James waiting for me at the door.he said that my driver was here to take me to school.
I grabbed my lunch and walked out.
The ride there was quiet as always. Mostly because I don't even know the drivers. They're always different ones. The only ones who came back, are Linda and Sam. I like Linda, she likes to talk One direction with me. I also like Sam because she buys me slurpee's.
This time, the driver was a guy named John. I didn't like him but I trusted him because he works with my social worker.
When we got to school, I got out of the car and Walked it. As always, I was late. "Hi Casey" said the office lady. I said Hi back and signed in. I walked down the long hallway because my locker was on the other side of the school.
Classes were boring as usual. I laughed, I wouldn't know, I sleep for most of them. I quit trying in December because no one cared and the councellor was going to put in the next grade anyway. I walked to the library after lunch and sat alone. I also gave up on friends too. None of them cared anyway. Another reason I cut. No friends.
After an afternoon of going to class and falling asleep three times, I walked to the front school doors and waited.
I walked outside and then there was a guy who was running then bumped me down. He stopped then Helped me up.
"Are you alright, Love?" He asked. This guy was british. I liked him already. His voice sounded familiar though. I looked at him and noticed that he was Liam Payne!
"yea...." I said as he helped me up. He apologized and asked what I was waiting for. I told him I was waiting for my driver.
He smiled at me and said that he was thankful that I didn't scream to draw attention.
I told him that I don't like attention and that even if I did scream, no one would pay attention.
He looked at me weirdly.
My driver showed up and this time, it was Lina!
I told him about her then he said that he had to go. I asked him why he was here and he said that They're getting ready for a surprise concert tomorrow.
wow. A surprise concert!
I got in the car and told Lina everything!
I knew she didn't believe me but I didn't care.
Notes
As I was writing this, two girls were like "Welcome to the darkside" in a demontic voice, then was like "we have cookies!" in a really annoying voice.Outside: *type* *type* *type*
Inside: GAAAAAAAAAY!
deep inside: they need to get a life...aha..so do I...:/
deep deep inside: I've killed them twenty times...
so...yea.....Everyone in the story, I gave them different names except for Liam.
This is basicly all true...except for the me meeting Liam, and the surprise concert.
I'll try to update later today...
I will for sure for sure if I get at least one comment!
:)
Hey im thirteen too and i want you to know that there are always people there who want to look after you and care for you. Never give up, and look around you. I bet you will find someone who wants to care for you. My sister went through depression so i saw what sadness can do to people. I hate it when people start to go down that path and I want to help prevent it. I am also here if you want to talk to me, Just tell me and i can give you my contact details if you want.
3/1/14