a million tiny little things

In the days following her second encounter with Harry Styles, Fallon did what any girl would do, and over thought the entire event. She replayed her words in her head and the reminder of her self-deprecating whining humiliated her. She hadn’t meant to share so much with Harry and while she felt at ease with him, it was hard to remember the sense of comfort as the hours and days ticked by without a text from him.

Fallon could have texted him, but the exaggerated memories she conjured up stopped her. She’d already let Harry see through a few pieces of her brick wall, and now he was not texting her. His silence reminded her why she had walls up to begin with. There was nothing worse than letting a person see an ounce of her vulnerable side only to have them vanish.

It was almost laughable. How could she have thought someone of Harry’s status would want to spend time with her? She wished she’d never given him her number. She wished she played it cool and came across as the self-assured, confident woman a man like Harry was used to. He was the epitome of cool. He couldn’t have an interest in a bumbling sad sack like herself.

Little did Fallon know, Harry was battling the same internal demons.

**

“Stop checking your phone.”

Harry looked up at Jeff, an embarrassed look on his face segueing into a scowl. “I’m not,” he lied, huffing out a sigh as he tossed his phone onto the couch beside him. As soon as the phone was out of his hands, he missed it. How was he supposed to see if Fallon had sent him one of the better memes she promised if he didn’t have his phone in his hands?

But she wouldn’t. Why would she now? It had been three days since they ran into each other at the studio, and Harry thought it went well. He looked forward to spending more time with Fallon and learning more about her, but her silence told him she felt different.

Of course, he could have texted her first. He should have texted her first, but he had been busy with the interview that evening and headed off to Vegas for an awards show over the weekend. He thought she would have contacted him after the show, but now he wondered if she’d even watched it. It was mortifying to recall how he spoke about not wearing underwear and having gross juice cleanse side effects. Fallon was a cool girl, and she probably thought Harry was nothing more than a Hollywood yuppie after the interview, with all the juice cleanse and meditation chatter. No wonder she hadn’t texted him. He kept his idiotic comments to himself at the Billboard awards, but it was too little, too late.

“You are,” Jeff pointed out with a laugh. “Just text her again. It’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it.”

Harry frowned. He’d lied to his friend and told him he texted Fallon first and she hadn’t replied. Somehow, it made it easier, but he wasn’t sure how. It wanted it to sound like he at least tried, but it made him sound rejected.

“Well, what did you say to her?” asked Jeff’s girlfriend, Glenne, trying to help. “Maybe we can fix it.”

Harry blew out another sigh. “I, uhm…” he stalled, trying to come up with a believable lie. “Well, I asked if, uhm… she… uh… like to… uhm… Okay, fine! I didn’t text her at all!”

“What!” Jeff and Glenne yelped in unison.

“I said, I didn’t…”

“We heard you!” Jeff retorted. “We meant what, as in an incredulous exclamation.”

“Oh.” Harry fiddled with his rings, feeling his friends stare at him. “I mean… I just… Well, I wanted her to text me first!”

Jeff shook his head. “You really are an idiot,” he told Harry. “Can’t believe I’ve had to listen to you sigh and groan and watch you check your phone all weekend long and… you never even texted her! I mean, we were in Vegas! And you were a total downer the whole time. I could have had a way better time if you’d just texted her like a man,” Jeff grumbled.

“I didn’t think your good time was up to me,” Harry shot back. Jeff was right, but he didn’t like to hear it.

“Okay, okay,” Glenne interjected. “It’s only been a few days. I mean, yeah, she’s probably been staring at her phone all weekend too, but it’s okay! We can fix this!”

Harry huffed out a grumbled sigh. “Doubt that,” he answered. “She’s cool, and she’s pretty. Bet she’s been too busy on dates and shit all weekend to text me.” He didn’t realise it, but his lip had jutted out into a pathetic pout.

“Oh, come on!” Jeff scoffed. “She’s probably thinking the same thing. You know you’re a fucking Casanova,” he joked.

Harry frowned. He wasn’t, but the media made sure that was his identifier from the start. Harry hated the perception. He couldn’t go on a simple date – romantic or otherwise – with a girl without the media touting the girl as his newest girlfriend. He wondered if the journalists realised how busy he was and how impossible it would be for him to entertain so many women. Somehow, he doubted they cared.

“Shh, that’s not helpful,” Glenne shushed Jeff. She turned to Harry. “Even if she is dating other guys, don’t you want a chance to be one of those guys? Wait. That came out wrong,” she added with a frown. “I mean… she might not be dating other guys. But how do you know unless you text her?”

“What do I even say?” sighed Harry. “It’s been like three… four days. No girl wants to hear ‘sorry, I was busy’.” Harry wasn’t very smart, but even he would not tell a girl a weak excuse like that.

“Why don’t you say, sorry, I’m a huge pussy and wanted you to text me, even though I asked for your number first?” Jeff suggested. He still had a teasing tone to his voice, but Harry could tell there was a sense of honesty in his words.

Harry reached for his phone. “Maybe… I mean, we talked about memes?” he said. “I could send her one of those?”

Glenne shook her head. “Your meme window has closed,” she advised. “Now, it‘s time to use actual real words,” she added with a facetious gasp.

“I don’t know…” Harry mused, scrolling through his phone. “I mean, she’s cool. She’ll have a laugh, I reckon…” He was unsure, but he didn’t want to use his words. He didn’t want to tell Fallon he was an inexperienced scaredy cat. There was a risk sending a funny meme days later – she may not think it, or he, was funny – but he couldn’t bear to show vulnerability.

“Just tell her, hey, sorry I took a couple days. I was just really intimidated by your… beauty and… sense of humour…” Jeff suggested, inciting a loud scoff from Glenne.

“That sounds like such a line!” she sighed. “No, Harry, don’t say that. Just be like… ask her if she had a good weekend, and if she wants to get together sometime this week. Short and to the point. And not douchey,” she added, shaking her head at Jeff.

Harry ignored Jeff and Glenne’s arguing as he scrolled through his phone. “I’ll just… send her this…” Harry mumbled to himself, his stomach tossing at the thought. He only hoped her sense of humour was as good as he assumed it was. “Okay, done.” He slouched on the couch and covered his face with his hands. “Why’s this so weird?”

“What did you send?” Glenne asked, reaching for Harry’s phone. He let her, keeping his hands over his face as Glenne examined Harry’s text to Fallon.

“What!” Glenne exclaimed. “Harry!”

Harry looked up, startled. “What? What’s wrong with it?”

Glenne showed the message to Jeff, who burst out laughing. “The fuck!” he guffawed, taking the phone from Glenne and peering closer at the message. “You sent her… golf balls and a club that looks like a dick?”

Harry jumped up, grabbing his phone. “No!” he shouted. “It’s mini-golf! It’s like, a cute way of asking her if she wants to go mini-golfing!”

Jeff braced his hands on his knees as he burst into gales of laughter. Glenne was more polite with her laughter, covering her face to hide her grin, but her shaking shoulders gave her away. “It’s a fucking dick pic, man! You fucking idiot!”

Harry paled, his stomach dropping as he looked at the picture again. What was once a simple picture of a pair of golf balls and a club was now a very obvious phallic picture with his simple ‘?’ below it. “Oh fuck…” he groaned, throwing his phone across the room. “Oh fuck. I’m a real fucking idiot…”

So much for a mini-golf – or any – date with Fallon.

**

“Stop checking your phone.”

Fallon rolled her eyes as she sighed, tossing her phone onto the patio table beside her. “I can’t help it,” she frowned. “I know he’s not going to, but I still… shit, I still want him to text me!” She covered her face with her hands for a moment, wallowing in self pity. “Stupid Harry Styles!”

Jasmine offered her younger friend a sympathetic smile. “There are plenty of fish in the sea,” she reminded Fallon. “Any guy would be lucky to have you!”

Fallon groaned. “God, you sound like a mother,” she grumbled. Jasmine was old enough to be Fallon’s mother – and then some – but she was nothing like any mothers Fallon knew. Hordes of tattoos covered her leather, tanned skin, a ring dangled from her nose and her hot pink hair hung in beachy waves around her face. Despite her outward appearance, Jasmine was a talented makeup artist, working on the set of Yolo. She took a seventeen-year-old Fallon under her wing three years prior, and the two developed an unlikely, but strong, friendship.

“No, I sound like an honest friend,” Jasmine corrected, taking a sip of her iced tea. “Who happens to be old enough to be your mother,” she added as an afterthought.

“I wish I hadn’t told him so much… about my mom and work…” Fallon sighed again. “I totally let my guard down, all because he worked his stupid charm on me. And for what?”

“For what, indeed…” Jasmine mused. Fallon shot her a baffled look. “No, I mean… Well, did you ever think, Fallon, he’s nervous? Or shy? Usually guys wait until after they fuck before ghosting,” she added, a bitter tone to her voice. “At least in my experience.”

Fallon rolled her eyes. “Shy?” she scoffed. “He’s a huge celebrity! There’s no way he’s shy!”

“He might be,” Jasmine countered. “It’s just his job. And you haven’t texted him either, so you can’t put all the blame on him. And he was in Vegas this weekend. He’s got a busy life. If you want anything to do with him, you have to remember that.”

“Well, he’s not busy now. And besides, he’s the guy, he’s supposed to text,” Fallon grumbled, fiddling with her phone again. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw a notification, but sunk into her stomach when she noticed it was just an alert from Word With Friends.

Jasmine reached across the table and grabbed the phone from Fallon. “You’re annoying me,” she told Fallon, standing up and tossing the phone though the open patio door onto the sofa. “If you’re not going to text him, you don’t get your phone. Just for a little while,” she advised an aghast Fallon. “An hour. You don’t want to seem too eager when he does text you, do you?”

“Fine,” Fallon muttered. There was no sense in arguing with Jasmine.

Jasmine grinned, her teeth bright white against her bright red lipstick. “Great!” she determined. “Now, tell me about work. Do you still have a job next year? Do I?” she joked. Jasmine had made her thoughts clear – she would stay if the spinoff happened, but it didn’t concern her if it didn’t. Fallon wished she could be as easygoing as Jasmine.

Fallon laced her fingers together, cracking her knuckles. “Not sure,” she shrugged. The cast and executives had a gathering arranged for the following week to discuss the potential spinoff, and Fallon was not sure what side she was on. “I’m meeting with my agent later this week. I have to tell her she has to get me more auditions. So that should be fun, telling her she’s not doing her job,” Fallon added with a sigh. “And if she can’t get me more, then… I suppose I’m Team Spinoff.”

“Well, she’s not doing her job,” Jasmine reminded Fallon. “She should have had auditions for summer projects for you every year, and you’ve had, what… three TV auditions? And they were all Disney roles? She’s an idiot. I still say you should fire her…”

“She’s been with me since the start,” Fallon reminded Jasmine. In a town where relationships came and went, showing loyalty to one person was rare. It was all about the bottom line and who could offer who the most. But loyalty was important to Fallon and, despite rarely being on the receiving end of the same respect, she had a difficult time cutting people from her life.

Jasmine rolled her eyes. “So what?” she questioned. “She’s not even helping you!”

“She has three kids… I can’t fire her…” Fallon protested. “I don’t think her husband makes great money. He does some kind of freelance blogging or something…”

“That’s not your problem, Fallon,” Jasmine reminded her.

“Yeah, but I would feel bad…” Fallon sighed. “I guess I could, like… give her some money… And then fire her…”

Jasmine scoffed again. “That’s insane, Fal. Ridiculous. Look out for you, no one else.”

“That’s what Harry said,” Fallon said automatically. She covered her face as she heard her words. “Ugh, why can’t I get him off my mind?” she groaned. “This is so fucking irritating!”

**

Harry paced back and forth in his living room, waiting to hear his phone chime. He couldn’t believe he could be so daft and send Fallon a suggestive picture like that. He tried to fix it and sent her a quick follow-up text to explain he didn’t mean for it to look like he was a pervert, but she hadn’t replied to him. Harry couldn’t blame her, but he still hoped she knew he did not intend to be inappropriate.

“Stop,” Glenne instructed. She wasn’t laughing anymore. Jeff still had a few chuckles, but Glenne tried to shush him. Harry would have laughed if he was in Jeff’s shoes, but he wasn’t, and Jeff’s laughter over Harry’s plight irritated him.

Harry flopped onto the couch and picked up his phone. Still no response. He toyed with his phone, debating if he wanted to send Fallon one more apology text. Perhaps she hadn’t heard her phone. He scoffed to himself. Of course she had, but she was choosing not to answer Harry the Pervert.

“Fuck, I’m so stupid,” Harry groaned, repeating the same words he’d said again and again over the last hour. Jeff and Glenne didn’t argue. “Do you think she’s… just in a bad cell reception area?” he questioned hopefully.

“It’s possible!” Glenne agreed, her voice too cheerful. Harry could tell she was trying to appease him. “Hey, why don’t we go grab a bite to eat? I’m starving! And we can get your mind off this, and she’ll text! You know the saying, a watched pot never boils!”

Harry scoffed. “I reckon it doesn‘t work like that in this situation,” he pointed out. Food sounded good though. He was about to suggest a restaurant when his phone dinged, signalling a new text message. Harry lunged for his phone. “Oh fuck,” he said, feeling giddy despite having yet to read the message. “She answered.”

**

“I’m just going to go use the bathroom,” Fallon told Jasmine, pushing back her chair and standing up. Jasmine had tried to distract Fallon from her phone for almost an hour, but she hadn’t succeeded. Fallon appreciated her efforts, but it would take more than a few minutes of light chit chat about reality TV to get Fallon’s mind off Harry.

“Don’t check that phone!” Jasmine called as Fallon ducked into the house. “It hasn’t been an hour!”

Fallon ignored Jasmine and found her phone wedged in between a couple throw pillows on the couch. She almost dropped it in surprise when she saw three text messages, all from Harry Styles.

“Holy shit!” she exclaimed, opening the messages. “He actually texted!” Her stomach fluttered with excitement as she read the messages, but her brow furrowed with confusion. “What… the hell?” she questioned, seeing a picture of suggestively placed golf balls and a club, along with a question mark.

“What did he say?” Jasmine asked, joining Fallon in the living room and peering over her shoulder. “What the hell is that! Is that his way of trying to get laid?”

Fallon shrugged, reading the rest of the messages. “He sent that… and then right after, he said ‘oh God. No! That’s not what it looks like! I just wanted to see if you want to go mini-golfing sometime.’. Then he clarifies ‘with me’… Then like half an hour later, he says ‘I’m sorry Fallon. I’m not a perv, just an idiot’.”

Jasmine laughed. “Well, he might not be a perv, but he sure is an idiot!” she hooted. “What did he think the picture looked like?”

Fallon shook her head. “I don’t know,” she laughed, realising Harry’s stupidity was endearing, not offensive. “Poor guy, sent this almost an hour ago! And then, because of you, I couldn’t answer!” she added, rolling her eyes at Jasmine.

Jasmine shrugged. “A little torture never hurt a guy,” she advised, leaning on the back of the sofa. “What are you going to say to him?”

Fallon chewed on her lip as she drafted a response in her mind. She wanted to ask him why he took so many days to text her, but she didn’t want to appear as an insecure child. She reminded herself Harry would want to be with a confident woman. As she wracked her brain, she tried to channel her inner self-assured self. What would a cool girl say? she wondered. In a moment, the perfect response came to her.

“I’ll suggest bowling,” she answered innocently, scrolling through her phone. “Here we go” she mumbled as she found a picture of two bowling balls looking very much like a pair of breasts. “I prefer bowling, angel face emoji,” she read out to Jasmine as she typed. “Also,” she continued. “I don’t think you’re too much of an idiot, winky-tongue face.” She reread the message. She hoped he would laugh and not assume she was mocking him. “Too many emojis?” she asked Jasmine, who groaned in response.

“Just send it,” she told Fallon. “These text games are too much for my old ass!”

Fallon nodded. “Okay,” she agreed, sending the message. “You’re not the only pervert, Mr Styles.”

**

“Ha!”

“Is she making fun of me?” Harry questioned, biting his lip as he read Fallon’s message. It thrilled him she messaged him back, but he was not sure if she was being facetious or not. She was probably being funny, but after waiting an hour for a response to his idiotic text, he was quite sensitive.

Jeff laughed again. “Even if she is, it’s fucking hilarious!” he answered. He pointed to the phone. “That’s a funny chick right there,” he told Harry. “Seems to have a personality… not like the last few airheads you’ve been out with.”

Harry frowned. “Is she saying she doesn’t want to go mini-golfing?” he wondered, rubbing his phone between his hands. He looked up at Jeff. “Don’t answer that,” he added, hearing the words he spoke. “Fuck, I’m pathetic!”

“You kind of are,” Glenne teased. “You’re usually pretty chill… this is a brand-new Harry!”

Harry sighed. “Yeah,” he admitted. Glenne was right, but Harry’s usual laid back attitude wasn’t because he was chill; it was because he didn’t care about the girls he had gone out with. They could be fun, and have a good time, but he rarely felt anything with them. He felt something with Fallon, and it made him question everything he said and did. “I don’t know what it is about her, but… she’s got me all… tizzied,” he told them. He chucked, shaking his head. “I barely know her. It’s so weird.”

Glenne motioned to Harry’s phone. “So text her back!” she urged. “Make plans to get to know her better!”

Harry nodded. “Okay,” he agreed, his stomach fluttering as he composed another text to Fallon. “Uhm… should I be jokey, or…?” he wondered, looking to his friends for help. He didn’t want to risk sending something stupid again.

Jeff let out a loud groan. “Just fucking say something before I take your phone and do it myself!”

Harry almost handed his phone to Jeff, just to take the pressure off himself, but Jeff would say something irreparable, thinking he was being funny. Harry had to be a man and text her himself.

“She obviously likes you too,” Glenne pointed out. “Otherwise she wouldn’t have answered.”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, sighing as he tapped out another message. “Okay… how’s this?” he asked Glenne. “Haha, well played, sunglass guy emoji. Bowling or mini-golf, I’ll win either way, but you’d rock those bowling shoes.” He looked up at Glenne, who nodded. “Okay,” Harry said, hitting send. “Witty banter… That’s what we’re doing…”

Jeff snickered. “You worry too much,” he advised Harry, stating the obvious. “Just enjoy getting to know her and stop over analysing every single text. Otherwise, I’ll call you Harriet,” he added with a smirk. “Little Princess Harriet.”

Harry scowled, giving Jeff the middle finger. “Fuck you,” he groaned, but Jeff was right. Harry didn’t want his insecurities to overshadow getting to know Fallon. It was hard to not read into every word, every emoji, every time lapse between replies, but she’d answered him. That was a positive first step.

“Ooh, what did she say?” Glenne asked, hearing Harry’s phone beep.

Harry read the message, unable to keep the wide grin off his face. “Challenge accepted,” he read. “Mini-golf? I don’t think either one of us can pull off those bowling shoes, tongue smiley.” He looked at Jeff and Glenne, the happy smile still across his face. “I didn’t scare her away!” he laughed, holding his hand up for a high five.

Jeff swatted his hand away. “Don’t blow it,” he advised. “No more dick pics. At least not until after the second date.”

“And use Snapchat, it’s safer,” Glenne teased.

Harry rolled his eyes. “I’m not that stupid,” he pointed out, though it was debatable. “Tomorrow?” he typed to Fallon. He hoped he wasn’t coming on too strong, but when she replied right away with a simple ‘sounds terrific’, he breathed out a sigh of relief. Despite his ridiculous picture faux pas, he had a date with Fallon.

Notes