a million tiny little things

Harry was trying to have a good time. It was a beautiful evening, a great group of guests and delicious food. He should have been having the time of his life, relaxing and enjoying one of his few days off before the North American leg of the tour, but he couldn’t stop thinking about his argument with Fallon and the angry words he left her with. Harry debated with himself whether he should turn his phone on and call her, but the ‘no’ side kept winning. He was still angry with her, but more, he figured she wouldn’t want to speak to him. After the awful words he spoke to her, he wouldn’t blame her.

“You all right? Kind of quiet today.”

Harry looked up at the person speaking to him. He hadn’t realised he had been part of a conversation, but Kylie Jenner was looking at him expectantly, waiting for his answer.

“Oh, I’m…” He trailed off before waving his hand dismissively. “Just, uhh… y’know…” Harry angled his body away from Kylie. While she was a decent person and the sister of one of his friends, he didn’t want to have his picture taken while speaking to her. He didn’t want Fallon to think he spent the entire party with a Jenner, especially considering the media blather about his past with Kendall.

Kylie shrugged. “Not really,” she answered with a short chuckle. She glanced around. “Aren’t you dating someone now? That girl, from that show…” She pressed her plumped lips together as she tried to remember the name of Fallon’s television show.

“Yolo,” answered Harry, a hint of irritation in his voice. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought Kylie might be about to make a snide remark, masked by a sweet tone, about the show. Backhanded compliments and phony sincerity were her speciality, and Harry wouldn’t – despite his anger towards Fallon at the moment – let Kylie get away with a snarky comment about his girlfriend’s wheelhouse.

Kylie gave a quick nod. “Yes, yes!” she exclaimed. “She plays that cute, ditzy blonde, right?”

Harry let out a quiet sigh. It wasn’t quite snide, but he didn’t pick up any sincere vibes either. “Yeah, but she’s not ditzy,” he answered defensively. “She’s just good at her job…” Unless she’s lying about being sick, he grumbled to himself.

Kylie waved her hand. “Oh yeah, no… for sure…” she answered. Harry wasn’t sure whether she was agreeing or disagreeing with him. “Where is she?”

Harry stroked his chin, a gesture he often did when uncomfortable. “Erm… well, this sort of thing isn’t quite her cup of tea,” he answered, hoping Kylie didn’t pick up on the stuttering in his voice. Then he chuckled to himself as he remembered how daft she was and knew he was fine.

“Too bad, it’d be nice to meet the one who makes you so happy!” Kylie chirped. She gave Harry a sly smile. “Jeff told his sister, who told my sister, who told me and Kenny… said it’s kind of gross how happy you are, but in a cute way,” she laughed.

A smile tugged on Harry’s lips. “In a cute way,” he echoed. “So, what… you lot just sit around and talk about me and Fallon?” he wondered. It wouldn’t surprise him – the KarJenner crew loved nothing more than gossip.

Kylie laughed. “Pretty much!” she answered. “Hey! Speaking of dating…” She cast a furtive glance at their surroundings before leaning in closer to Harry. “Had Kendall told you who she’s dating now?”

Harry raised an eyebrow before shaking his head. “No, we’ve not talked in a few months,” he answered. “Last I heard, she was pretty into… uhm… Oh, shit… Riley? Riley, is it?”

Kylie wiggled her eyebrows before pretending to button her lips. “But you didn’t hear it from me!” she sang out. She glanced over Harry’s shoulder and offered someone a wave before turning her attention back to him. “I’ve got to jet, but keep being happy!”

“Will do,” Harry answered, letting out a short laugh as Kylie flounced away. Once alone, Harry sighed. Suddenly, he missed Fallon. Although he was still so frustrated she’d bailed on him, he didn’t want to be at the party alone anymore. He wanted to be with the one who made him happy, in a cute way. Their fight was stupid, and he wanted to make it better. He only hoped she wanted to, too.

**

Fallon debated turning around during her entire trip to Malibu. Her inner voice was having a field day, screaming and shouting at her to turn around, go home, he doesn’t want to see you. She fought to ignore the voice, though it was not without difficulty. It didn’t help that her phone remained silent in the console beside her.

Bad cell service, bad cell service, she reminded herself, ignoring the other drivers surrounding her, blabbing away on their own phones. She sighed. This was a terrible idea. As she passed a gas station on her left, she decided she would turn around at the next available turnaround. She couldn’t face Harry.

But, as luck had it, the sideroads and gas stations were slim, and the heavy holiday traffic made it harder for her to get into the right lane. Before too long, the restaurant was in view, and she had no choice but to enter the parking lot. She didn’t realise she was hesitating in negotiating the left turn until a car behind her blared their horn.

Shit, Fallon thought, her stomach tossing and turning as she pulled into the parking lot. She was so nervous and nauseous, her mouth filled with saliva as though she could vomit at any moment. She became even more unsettled as she realised she was in the line for the valet, and she had no choice but to vacate her car and hand over the keys.

Her legs were like rubber as she exited the car and walked towards the front entrance, seething to herself about the pretentious restaurant. Valet was such a show, and now she couldn’t sit in her car and talk herself out of going inside.

“Private party, miss.”

Fallon stopped short as the doorman outside the restaurant stepped in front of her and gave him a dumbfounded look. She had expected no one but herself or her inner voice to stop her from going inside. “Oh… I’m… here for the party?”

The doorman let out a quiet scoff and reached for a clipboard. “Name?”

“Fallon Schwartz.”

He thumbed through a few pages before shaking his head. “Not on the list, babe,” he told her, gesturing for her to move aside.

Fallon pressed her lips together and sighed. “My boyfriend should be on the list, and I’m… I should be here with him…” she tried again.

The doorman sighed. “His name?”

“Harry Styles?”

The doorman laughed and looked over at the second doorman, who was sharing in his laugher. “Sure, babe,” he chuckled, not believing Harry could be her boyfriend. Why should he? Harry was the guy on every list, the one everyone knew. Only eleven-year-old children knew who she was. Of course the doorman assumed she was telling a fib.

Not wanting to argue and humiliate herself further, Fallon stepped away from the doorman and fished her phone from her purse. She still didn’t have any missed calls, but now that she was at Nobu, she had to try to see Harry.

**

Harry kept glancing at the dashboard screen, waiting for a call from Fallon to come in. When he turned on his phone, a text from her came through. Just a simple I’m really sorry, but it was enough to convince him she wasn’t sitting at home, making a voodoo doll and cursing his existence after his mean outburst. He’d texted back, asking her to call him when she had the chance to talk, but so far, nothing, and he was already in the Palisades.

“Probably with her friends, talking about what an asshole I am,” Harry grumbled as he rolled his eyes. He was allowed to be angry, but he had overreacted. The image of Fallon’s crestfallen face kept popping into his mind and he hated that he was the one who put that look on her face.

The sudden ringing through his car snapped Harry from his thoughts. A quick glance at the dash screen told him it was Fallon calling and his heart jumped. “Hey,” he greeted as he answered the call. He winced as the loud crinkle of static echoed through the call. “Babe, are you there?”

“Hi,” came Fallon’s voice, sounding high-pitched and squeaky. “Uhm… so I… well, I… lly bad… bail… and… out to… bu… ist… ey… so can… ide?”

“What?” asked Harry, furrowing his brow as he tried to hear her words over the poor service. “You’re cutting out.” He pulled over to the shoulder of the road, hoping that would rid the choppy service. “Look, I’m almost home. Why don’t you meet me there?”

“What?” Fallon exclaimed. She stepped further into the parking lot to get a clearer signal. It seemed to work, and she tried to voice her request again. “Can you come outside? They won’t let me in without you!”

Harry frowned. “Outside?” he repeated. “Babe, where are you?”

Fallon’s stomach dropped. Did she get the restaurant wrong? “I’m… I’m at Nobu…” she told him. She double-checked the sign on the building. Yes, she was. “Aren’t you?”

Harry let out a disbelieving laugh and ran his fingers through his hair. “Aww babe…” he sighed. “I left, like… half an hour ago… I’m almost home…” he added, sounding more exasperated than apologetic. “Shit, I just… I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to see you.”

Fallon dropped her head back. "Fuck. Why didn’t you tell me?” she moaned, thinking only about the long drive she’d just been on and not the fact that Harry left the party to be with her.

Why didn’t you come with me in the first place, Harry wanted to ask. Instead, he shrugged. “Just… didn’t know if you were with Jasmine or whatever. Figured you’d call me when you could. Didn’t think you’d be driving to Malibu,” he pointed out. “Which, you could have told me…” he added in a mutter.

Fallon let out a shaky sigh. She was on the brink of tears. She didn’t want to fight with Harry, she didn’t want to drive back in the dark. All she wanted was to be with Harry and have this stupid day be over. “I thought you’d tell me not to come… tell me you didn’t want to see me…” she confessed.

“I wouldn’t have done that,” Harry told Fallon, his voice tight. Why was she always assuming he would push her away? “I would have told you to drive safe and to not stop at any of the roadside toilets, no matter how bad you had to wee. But, you’ve painted this picture of me, so… reckon I can’t convince you otherwise.”

Fallon shook her head. “No, no… that’s not true,” she protested. “I just thought… because we had a fight, you… you would just want to, like… hang out with your friends and kind of just… cool off, or whatever…” She didn’t tell him she thought their fight would cause them to break up. She still wasn’t sure, but she kept those thoughts to herself.

Harry sighed. “Fallon, it’s… it’s fine…” he told her. It wasn’t – she had to stop assuming the worst about him, because it was really getting old – but he would not fight with her over the phone. Not to mention, she sounded so pitiful and emotional, he didn’t want her to cry when she had to drive the long way back to Hollywood.

“Look,” he tried when she didn’t answer. Perhaps she was already crying. The thought broke his heart. She ticked him off, but he hated making her so upset, even if she brought most of it on herself. “Babe, everything is fine. Okay? So why don’t you just get in your car, have a drink of water, and come to my house. Okay?”

Fallon nodded as she sniffled quietly. She wasn’t crying, but she was close. She hated being emotional when she was at fault. “Okay,” she said. She cleared her throat, trying to rid the lump. “Harry, I’m sorry. This is all my fault, and I’m a fucking idiot.”

Harry wasn’t about to argue, but he also knew better than to agree. “Babe, don’t worry about it,” he told her. “I get it. Reckon I’m kind still pissed off, but it’s okay. Just come over, okay?”

Fallon sighed. She was not sure how she would make it up to Harry, or how she could get him to stop being pissed off at her, but she would try anything. She only hoped anything would work. “Kay.”

“And Fallon?”

“Yeah?”

Harry chuckled softly. “Drive safe, and don’t stop at any of the roadside toilets, no matter how bad you have to wee.”

**

It was just over an hour later when Harry’s phone beeped, signalling Fallon’s arrival at his front gate. He’d took a shower, had a drink and had calmed down. He still wanted to convey to Fallon that he wasn’t trying to control her, nor did he want to, and he also didn’t appreciate being cancelled on, but he thought now he could talk to her without the anger emotion hanging over him.

A few minutes passed, and she hadn’t rung his doorbell yet. Furrowing his brow, he peered out the window and saw her empty car. He shook his head at her dramatics, assuming she was standing on his front steps, continuing to beat herself up even once she arrived at his house, and pulled open the front door.

Sure enough, he found himself face-to-face with Fallon, who was standing on his front stoop, wringing her hands and looking as though her dog died. Despite her wounded face, he had to laugh.

“You look like you’ve just watched that sad scene in My Girl,” he laughed. He shook his head and wrapped his arms around her. “Come here, my girl…” he whispered, pulling her into a tight hug. “Dunno why I’m comforting you when you should comfort my abandoned ass,” he murmured teasingly into her hair.

Fallon shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I should have gone with you,” she told him, sighing as she let her body fall against his. “Because I said I would, and… I would have been mad at you if you bailed on me, I guess…”

Harry snickered. “You guess?” he repeated. He pulled away from Fallon and shook his head. “Reckon I’d have gotten a proper earful if I cancelled on you,” he teased. He pressed a kiss against her forehead. “I get it though. I pushed you pretty hard to go. Probably should have laid off.”

Fallon sighed. “Maybe, but I could have been a big girl and tell you I didn’t want to go. Or,” she added as a second thought, “actually just go…”

Harry echoed Fallon’s sigh but with a dramatic flair. “Oh, now where’s the fun in that?” he teased. It was amazing how fast his bad mood dissipated after being in Fallon’s presence. He could hardly remember the anger he had towards her just hours earlier.

“Yeah, but it’s not fun fighting with you,” Fallon reminded him. She dropped her head sheepishly. “I know I make it really, really easy, but maybe next time, we can find something else to do for fun…” Like go to a Fourth of July party in Malibu… her inner voice told her. Fallon rolled her eyes at the thought.

Harry’s ears perked up and his libidinous mind immediately went to a place he knew Fallon’s hadn’t. He refrained from making a lewd comment, and it was one of the most difficult things he’d ever had to do. “I’ll let you pick,” he told her instead, although he’d much rather do the fun thing he was fantasising about.

“You don’t want me to pick,” Fallon laughed, thinking about a Monopoly game or a serial killer documentary marathon.

You don’t want me to pick, Harry thought to himself. Instead of saying the words, he planted a kiss on the top of her head. “You come up with some pretty good times,” he assured Fallon. “That drive up Mulholland… it still… I loved it…” His breath hitched in his throat as he uttered the word, albeit not the word. It was a crazy thought, but he wondered what would happen if he said the word to her. He realised he wasn’t questioning if he would mean it. He was wondering if she would say it back.

Fallon smiled up at Harry. The L-word had been in past-tense, and not about her, but the butterflies in her stomach had perked up at hearing Harry say the word. She wondered what it would be like to hear him say it in present-tense, about her, to her. She wondered what it would be like to say it about him, to him.

“I loved it too,” Fallon told him, careful to ensure she kept the word in past-tense. She didn’t need an awkward slip of the tongue like that. Though she couldn’t help but wonder what he would say if she had a slip of the tongue. “Even if you did eat all my guacamole…”

“Hey!” Harry protested. “You gave it to me!”

“Mm-hmm…” Fallon hummed. “I still think you owe me, like… a whole vat of it…”

Harry groaned a dramatic sigh. “Fine,” he huffed. “Get your ass inside then, and we’ll order seventeen vats of take-away.”

“Make it eighteen and you’ve got a deal,” Fallon quipped, yelping as Harry swatted her bottom and directed her inside.

Harry sighed again, shutting the front door behind them. “You’re a proper pain in my ass, babe,” he told her, his eyes crinkling as he grinned. “Good thing I lo—” He cut off, his face reddening as he stopped himself from finishing his sentence. He swallowed hard, hoping Fallon didn’t catch his slip and let out a fake cough. “Good thing I love guacamole,” he corrected, hoping it worked. “I, uhm… I need some water…” he added, nodding towards the kitchen. “Why don’t I get us drinks and you find us a movie? Nothing stupid though,” he teased, knowing he was the one with the stupid movie taste more than she was.

Fallon nodded, not catching onto Harry’s slip. She stepped into the living room and picked up the remote from the coffee table. She was fine with Netflix until an old gaming system tucked near the back of the entertainment caught her eye. “Babe!” she yelped out. “When did you get a Super Nintendo?”

“What?” Harry called from the kitchen, relieved Fallon hadn’t caught onto his slip. Still, it threw him for a loop. Was the word really that close to the tip of his tongue? He’d never said it before and he was not sure how he should feel. All he knew was that he loved her.

Wait. No! That’s not what he was suppose to think! He liked her. He really, really liked her. Whenever he was with her, the time seemed to stand still and go by too fast at the same time. He felt so peaceful, so at ease with her. How his anger disappeared as soon as he saw her, how his anger was even a thing. Would he have been so mad if Niall or Louis had bailed on him last minute? They’d done it before and he never reacted the way he did when Fallon bailed. Did yelling at someone mean you loved them? He sighed. He wondered if there was a podcast he could listen to in order to find his answers.

“What did you say?” asked Harry as he joined Fallon in the living room, a couple of water bottles tucked under his arm, and a bottle of wine with a couple glasses. He set everything down on the coffee table before standing back and watching Fallon examine the back of his television. “What are you doing?” he snickered, shaking his head as she fiddled with the wires and cables. This girl was such a breath of fresh air.

“Just… hooking this up,” she told him, poking the Super Nintendo system with her toe. “Where did this come from? This was the only video game system we had growing up. And my parents only let us play this game, so look out… I’m about to totally school you…”

Harry laughed. “I found it downstairs,” he told Fallon as he poured the wine. “Think it was Zayn’s but… mine now! I don’t know how to play at all…” he told Fallon. He took a sip of his wine and laughed again as Fallon flicked the power switch and flashed him a triumphant grin.

“Literally didn’t even think this thing would work,” he told her. He settled on the floor next to Fallon as the pixilated graphics from the nineties played on his 4k smart TV. “Good God…” he commented as he handed Fallon a glass of wine. “How can you even see this?”

“Shh…” Fallon hushed Harry. “It’s vintage,” she reminded him, pressing buttons on the archaic controller. “So, we’re just going to play one player and share… Because, let’s be honest… You’ll just keep dying, and I’ll have to give you my lives… This is easier.”

Harry tugged on a lock of Fallon’s hair. “Be my Mario sugar momma, babe,” he instructed. He was often a competitive person, but he suspected couldn’t hold a candle to Fallon’s Mario skills. “Wait, wait… what did that say?” he asked as Fallon clicked away from the opening credits. “You’re not even giving me a chance! What if that was important information?”

Fallon scoffed. “Google it,” she advised. “Do you want me to go first?”

“I didn’t know me going first was an option,” Harry answered. He inched himself behind Fallon and tugged her between his legs. “You’re supposed to teach me,” he reminded her, resting his head on her shoulder as he let his fingers dance lightly against her thighs.

“You’re going to distract me,” Fallon whispered, despite enjoying Harry’s touch on her. She leaned against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I thought you were going to school me,” Harry whispered back. “A little distraction doesn’t get in the way of a true master, does it? Hmm?” he questioned, dotting kisses along her neck.

Fallon let out a quiet giggle, shrugging her shoulders. “You’re so annoying,” she protested, though her words sounded weak.

“Yeah, I reckon, but you love me anyway,” Harry teased. The words were out of his mouth and hanging in the air for a beat or two before he realised what he had said, and it was too late to catch them. There was no chance Fallon didn’t hear his words this time. He sat quietly, his breath halted as he hoped she would make a joke, a silly remark, anything to get past his Freudian slip.

Fallon heard Harry’s words, but she took a moment for them to register. She loved him? Did she? How did he know? How did she know? She hadn’t been in love before, she had nothing to compare it to. Sure, she liked him a lot. Perhaps more than a lot. She trusted him and had a sense of home when she was with him, whether she always conveyed that. She remembered how she was so on edge and worried about their relationship before she saw him, and then how she forgot all about her trepidations once she was in his arms… was that love? Or stupidity? Were they interchangeable emotions?

Fallon turned her head and looked at Harry. His face was red, and he wasn’t meeting her eyes. Her chest felt tight, but not in a bad way. It was as though she was being hugged from the inside. His downcast eyes and crimson face were the sweetest thing she’d ever seen, and suddenly, it hit her. She knew. She was completely, totally, beyond a shadow of a doubt in love with Harry.

Fallon exhaled loudly. This wasn’t a romantic comedy, and she was far from a coquettish female lead. Despite wanting to coyly agree with him and have their textbook cute “I love you” moment, she couldn’t find the nerve. So, instead, she turned around and focused on the video game in front of her, effortlessly meandering through the levels as her mind raced with questions of what to do next.

The room was silent, save for the synthetic video game music popping from the speakers. Harry said nothing further. He simply rested his head on Fallon’s shoulder again and tried to play it cool as he wondered what she would say in response to his slip.

“So… what if I did?”

Fallon’s question was so quiet Harry almost didn’t hear it, despite their closeness. He lifted his head and watched the TV screen, her Mario effortlessly jumping through levels after years of experience. She wasn’t even paying attention to the game, just waiting for his answer.

“What… what if you what?” asked Harry after a long, silent pause. He sighed. He knew what she was asking, but his nerves got the best of him. Be a man, he reminded himself, but he couldn’t take his own advice.

Fallon shook her head. “Never mind,” she determined. She must have misheard him. “Oh, good… a free life…” she commented as her Mario leapt up to collect the green mushroom. “That’s… good. Awesome…” she added, her comments trying to cut through the heavy tension in the room, to no avail.

Harry realised then he had to be the one. He’d started the game, he supposed, with his own big mouth. He couldn’t leave it up to sweet, shy Fallon to finish it. “What if you loved me?” he finally asked in response to her question.

Fallon didn’t pause the video game but stopped pressing buttons as answered her question – albeit with a question, but an answer nonetheless. “Yeah…” she whispered. Somehow, she found it in her being to turn around and face Harry. The sound of her Mario dying in the background played over the television speakers but she didn’t care. “What… what if I did?” she asked in an almost inaudible whisper.

Harry’s arms encircled Fallon’s waist, and he pulled her as close to his body as he could. “Then… I reckon we might have something in common,” he whispered back, his tone as low as hers. He watched as her wide eyes flickered back and forth between his left and right eyes, her gaze never leaving his. He looked at her and saw unsurmountable perfection hiding beneath her quirky, delicate exterior. His heart thumped wildly in his chest, but he’d also never felt so calm, so sure. He traced his fingers along her soft cheek as he combed his fingers through her hair. “Fuck, I… I’m falling for you… Hard…”

Fallon’s rational side tried to interrupt the moment. They were young, they were a new couple, they hadn’t even slept together. Hell, they hadn’t even touched each other’s bare skin. But Fallon ignored the voice. She didn’t know if her emotions were textbook normal or completely abnormal, but regardless, she felt it.

“Me too…” Fallon answered, her voice hushed. “I mean, with you…” she added for unnecessary clarification. “Is this crazy?”

Harry smirked. “Maybe?” he answered with a shrug. “But I don’t care. All I know is… I’m crazy about you…” He reached down and found Fallon’s hands, lacing their fingers together. “If I… If I tell you something… are you going to say it back?” he asked, looking down and watching his thumb trace along Fallon’s wrist. He suspected she would, but if she wasn’t ready, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable with his confession.

“Harry.” Fallon let go of his hand and tipped his chin up, forcing him to look her in the eyes. In a rare role reversal, Harry appeared as the timid one, and Fallon was taking the reins. It was a scary thought, but akin to a rollercoaster or a horror movie. Thrilling and exciting, but with the comforting knowledge that everything would be just fine. “I… I’m in love with you. I am, I do. Uhm… I… love you…”

Harry responded by pressing his lips against Fallon’s, his kiss filled with passion, love and affection. His entire body felt as though sparks were radiating across his skin, diving inside and surrounding his heart. Fallon’s arms encircle his neck as she pulled herself closer to him and he broke their kiss, giving her a small half-smile as he realised he had to give her a proper response, with his words.

“Oh, babe…” Harry grinned, tugging on Fallon’s ponytail. “I… am so fucking in love with you. Reckon you drive me absolutely mad, but I… I love you too. So fucking much, actually…”

Fallon realised she had been holding her breath, waiting for Harry to say those three little words to her. She smirked as he added in the additional fourth, cuss word. It wouldn’t be a declaration from Harry without profanity. “I’m not sure if Ryan Gosling cussed when he told Rachel McAdams he loved her, but… I’ll take it…”

“Take what you can get, sweetheart,” Harry teased back. He pressed a series of soft kisses across her cheeks, her nose, her forehead. “But… I do love you. With or without the fucking. I mean!” he quickly interjected as he realised what he’d said. “That’s not what I meant. You know that’s not what I meant…” He cringed, not wanting to ruin their moment by sticking his foot into his mouth again.

“I know,” Fallon assured Harry, but his misstep reminded her that the aforementioned ‘fucking’ was still uncharted territory for them. While her bravery about their love declarations had taken her by surprise, she wasn’t sure if she would have the same confidence while naked with Harry. But, since it wouldn’t be long before she found out, she could only hope she could find a modicum of courage inside of her when it was time.

Notes