a million tiny little things

“Okay, ready?”

“Mm-hmm… One, two, three!”

Fallon snickered, pressing the play button. As the opening credits rolled, she could hear the same instrumental sound through the phone as Harry also pressed play. “This is a little bit nerdy, isn’t it?” she commented.

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, settling against the fluffy hotel pillows. “But it’s a good way to watch a movie together. And,” he added with a smirk, “when you talk through the whole thing, I can just move the phone away from my ear!”

“Oh, stop…” Fallon told him, shaking her head. It had been just over a week since Harry left for Europe and, true to his promise, he texted her an obscene amount. It wasn’t the same as waking up beside him, but it was nice to have his texts and pictures waiting for her when she woke up. She also texted him as often as he contacted her, perhaps more. Many of their texts were silly, simple, and sometimes flirty, but unbeknownst to both, each of them had a heavier subject they wished to discuss, but neither wanted to bring up the topics over text messaging.

“You know it’s true,” Harry teased. He stretched out his legs, his phone propped up beside him on the pillow. He wished Fallon was laying beside him, curled up under his arm. All he wanted was to play with her hair, touch her and kiss her. His longing for Fallon was overwhelming. Part of him felt somewhat silly – it had only been a week and a half – but the other part of him didn’t care. He missed her, he wanted her, and he couldn’t wait to see her.

Fallon rolled her eyes. “You’re the chatterbox,” she reminded him. She propped her bare legs on the coffee table and took a sip of iced tea. It was odd to settle in and watch a movie at two in the afternoon, but with the time change and Harry’s concerts, it was the only time that worked for their movie date. It was better than nothing, but it didn’t beat sharing kisses with Harry on her couch while he cuddled or teased her. Fallon missed Harry more than she ever thought she could. She knew she would miss him a lot, but that didn’t even begin to describe her feelings.

“Whatever you say…” Harry ribbed. “I’ll deny this if you ever throw it back at me, but… I don’t really mind hearing you talk through a movie…”

“Can you text that to me so I can save it forever?” wondered Fallon as she laughed. Somehow, though, she suspected it was true. Even though she had a lot of annoying peculiarities, she also suspected Harry didn’t mind any of them.

“Absolutely not,” Harry laughed. “I can’t deny it if you’ve got proof!”

Fallon let out a dramatic sigh. “You’re so difficult,” she pointed out, but she didn’t mind.

“It’s my one flaw,” Harry shrugged.

“One?” Fallon asked. She raised an eyebrow. “I think you might have, like… two…”

Harry snickered. “Okay, fine. What’s the other one?”

“Your job,” Fallon answered before thinking. “Uhh… I mean… that’s just a joke,” she added, trying to recover. His career had been around a lot longer than she had, and it wasn’t fair for her to state her feelings about it, despite how true they may be.

“No, it’s not,” Harry chuckled. Fallon’s confession didn’t bother him, but it made him feel guilty. It was one thing to get tangled up with Fallon while he was on a break, but it was another to get and give the feelings when he had to go on tour. “I’m sorry, babe…” he sighed. The words were shallow, and he wished there was something he could do to make her feel better.

Fallon scoffed. “Don’t be,” she told him. “I didn’t mean it like… I mean, I just… miss you,” she admitted in a whisper.

“I miss you, too,” Harry answered. “You could always come see me, you know,” he added. His tone was joking, but his words were not. He would arrange a flight for Fallon in an instant, she just had to give him the okay. But she wouldn’t. He’d already asked her twice she he left, and she laughed and refused both times. He didn’t know why she found it funny when he was serious.

“No, I can’t,” Fallon reminded Harry. She wasn’t sure why she kept refusing his invitation. She wouldn’t start work until August and had nothing on her agenda for the foreseeable future. But the idea of flying to Europe to see a guy who wasn’t even her boyfriend seemed excessive, no matter how tempting it also sounded. “You’re very persistent,” she added with a chuckle.

“You’re very stubborn,” Harry countered. He let out a loud, theatrical sigh. “There’re sweets and treats in the minibar, things you can’t get in America, and you’re missing out,” he teased.

“How will I ever survive?” Fallon asked, her words as melodramatic as Harry’s sigh.

Harry shrugged. “There’s only one way, and that’s coming here,” he told her. He was not sure why she kept refusing his offer. If she missed him and he missed her, it made sense to him that she came for a visit. It would be an extravagant visit, but extravagant was the name of his life and career.

“Or you can smuggle some back for me,” Fallon told him. “Because I’m not coming there,” she added, forcing out a laugh. How could she let Harry fly her all the way to Europe, put her up in a beautiful hotel and still not sleep with him? It would be the ultimate form of teasing.

“Okay, okay…” Harry sighed. “I’ll quit harassing you about it. For a little while, anyway,” he added. He didn’t want Fallon to feel uncomfortable, but he still wanted to see her.

Fallon snickered again. “I’m sure…” she answered slowly. She felt bad constantly rejecting his offer, and she hoped his feelings weren’t hurt. “I’m sorry,” she told him. “I just, uhm… well, I just…”

“Don’t apologise,” Harry scolded. She was such a pushover. “You don’t have to come. I get it. It’s a long way and I’m…” He trailed off, stopping himself from reminding her that he was not her boyfriend. She knew it as much as he did. “I’m just so lonely!” he whined dramatically.

“You perform in front of, like, forty thousand screaming girls every night,” Fallon reminded him. She pursed her lips. The thought of so many crazy girls throwing themselves at Harry made her uncomfortable. She let out a quiet sigh. “I mean, how can you be lonely?” she asked, forcing out another humourless chuckle.

“Because… I don’t care about those girls…?” Harry said, his voice questioning. “Do you think I’m, like… scanning the crowd for a fucking groupie to bring back to my hotel room?” He frowned at the thought.

Fallon chewed on her lip. “I mean… I don’t know…” she whispered. “Uhm… I guess? I don’t know. You can if you want to… I don’t own you…”

“Fallon, Jesus…” Harry sighed. He thought she understood he wasn’t like that. “I mean I… fuck. Like I don’t fucking want to do anything like that. I’ve never wanted to,” he told her. “Like I said, I don’t care about any of those girls. Not one. I only care about one girl…”

Fallon allowed herself a small smile. “Only one?” she asked him. “Who’s that?” she wondered, even though she was almost certain who he would say.

Harry laughed. “You, you idiot!” he exclaimed. He wished he was beside her, holding her so he could affectionately poke her or tickle her. “Why do you think I’m harassing you so much to come see me? For my health?”

“I guess not…” Fallon mused. She sighed. “It’s just… kind of weird…” she admitted.

“What is?”

Fallon huffed out a loud breath. “Never mind,” she decided. “How are you still awake, by the way?” she wondered, trying to change the subject.

Harry snickered at her attempt. “What’s weird?” he repeated. He knew Fallon had a difficult time conveying her feelings, but he didn’t want her to sidestep something if it was bothering her.

Fallon tugged on the hem of her shorts, focusing on a loose thread. “Just… all these girls… Like, totally ready to give it up to you, and…” She sighed again. “And you could do whatever with whoever and…”

“But I said I don’t want to,” Harry reminded Fallon. He breathed out a quiet sigh, his stomach twisting up in knots. “Like… I’m not lying when I’m telling you you’re the only girl I care about. I…” He swallowed hard. “Well, I mean… I care about my mum and my sister too, obviously but I… I just want to be with you. And only you…”

The butterflies in Fallon’s stomach took flight at Harry’s confession. She still didn’t like the idea of a bunch of horny fans ready to flop on their backs for Harry, but she reminded herself it was something she would have to get used to. If he said he wasn’t interested in the fans, she had to trust he was telling her the truth. “Me too,” Fallon admitted, her voice nearly inaudible.

Harry grinned. He hadn’t wanted to have the ‘what are we’ discussion over the phone, but he realised he couldn’t wait any longer. “So…” he began, flexing his fingers nervously. “What if… someone asked me… if I have a girlfriend…?” he wondered, hoping the word didn’t scare her off. “What would I tell them? I mean, yeah, we’ve not known each other a long time,” he quickly added. “But… what… would you want me to tell them?”

Fallon fiddled with her shorts, continuing to tug on the loose thread. Her heart felt as though it would burst out of her chest and she was certain she was about to throw up, but in a good way. “What uhm… what would you want to tell them?”

“I asked you first!” Harry laughed. His heart thumped wildly as he waited for her answer. He thought he knew what it would be, but he couldn’t be certain until she said the words.

Fallon exhaled. There was nothing she hated more than talking about her feelings, but the wondering thoughts had been driving her crazy. “I… would want you to say that… you do?” she told him, her stammering words making it sound as though she was asking Harry’s permission.

“I would want to say I do, too…” Harry told her, unable to wipe the grin off his face. He felt as though he could leap out of his skin with excitement. “And, before you ask, I mean you,” he added with a laugh.

Fallon echoed his laugh. “I mean you, too,” she clarified. She pressed her lips together, remembering Jasmine’s words. If Harry was her boyfriend, she couldn’t keep her secrets from him. But her secrets were so big, so humiliating, and while it would be easier for her to tell him over the phone, she couldn’t do that. She would have to wait until she saw him. Or perhaps she wouldn’t tell him at all. Only time would tell.

**

“Hi Girlfriend.”

“Hi Boyfriend.”

Harry grinned. Since determining their relationship status a few days prior, the two of them had taken to greeting each other with the new monikers. Harry adored hearing Fallon call him her boyfriend, and judging by her cute giggle when he called her his girlfriend, she adored it too.

“You look cute and comfy,” Harry said, peering at his phone. Fallon wasn’t the biggest fan of video chats, but sometimes Harry could convince her to let him see her. This was the first time she’d let him call her after she removed her makeup and settled into bed. He had wanted to remind her he’d already seen her without makeup and first thing in the morning, but he bit his tongue.

Fallon ran her fingers through her hair. She didn’t feel cute. She felt on display and under a microscope. But Harry liked the video chats, so she was willing to do them now and then for him. “You look cute and comfy too,” she observed. He was in bed as well, but it was the morning for him. “How’d you sleep?”

Harry shrugged as he stretched. “Not bad,” he answered. “Had a really fucking weird dream… I was on this boat, and it was supposed to be the Titanic, but it was tiny. And when it started sinking, I had to find this book and save it but I couldn’t reach it. Then I woke up, and I was, like, sweating and my heart was racing. Like it was so dramatic and kind of freaked me out,” he laughed.

Fallon snickered. “You’re so weird,” she teased. “Did you pee the bed? Sometimes when I dream about water, I –”

“Pee the bed?” Harry interrupted teasingly.

“No!” Fallon rolled her eyes. “I wake up and have to pee! But I don’t pee the bed… Ugh, shut up…” she groaned, blushing as she realised she was talking about urination.

Harry guffawed. “I can see you blushing, babe…” he teased. Seeing her adorable embarrassment reminded him why he loved video chats. “I mean, if you wee in the bed, just tell me. Your secret is safe with me, I promise.”

Fallon shook her head, the redness remaining on her face. “Shut up,” she repeated, but Harry’s laughing, dimpled, adorable face made it hard for her to keep a smile off her face. “You think you’re so funny…” she sighed.

“I am funny,” Harry corrected. “I make you laugh!”

“Mm-hmm…” Fallon hummed. “I’m laughing at you, not with you.”

Harry scoffed. “Oh, bull,” he argued. “Tell me I’m fucking funny!”

“No!” Fallon exclaimed, but she could not stop herself from laughing. She sighed. “I guess you’re a little funny…” she told him. “I mean, you’re not like… Robin Williams or anything like that, but… you might be like… some kid on Instagram who posts videos of themselves falling for likes.”

“Oh, come on!” Harry pouted. “I’m way closer to Robin Williams than some stupid falling child!”

Fallon laughed. “You’re so angry,” she teased.

“You’re so cheeky!” Harry countered. He shook his head. “What are we going to do with you?”

Fallon’s gaze dropped. She knew how the coy, flirty side of her would answer. She would say something sassy and submissive about him punishing her. But, despite she and Harry officially being official, she still had a difficult time letting the flirty girl take the reins.

“Guess… you’ll have to… figure it out when you’re home…” Fallon offered, meeting Harry’s eyes through the phone and shrugging. She really was not very good at the flirting.

Harry chuckled. “I reckon you’re pretty cute,” he told her. He stretched his arm over his head as he kept his eyes focused on Fallon. While he adored seeing her cute face and video chatting with her, it made it more difficult not being able to be with her. “We’re about at the halfway mark, babe,” Harry reminded Fallon, and himself. “I think… thirteen days? Fourteen days? And then I’m all yours again… At least for a few days, anyway,” he added with a sigh. This was the longest tour in the history of the world.

Fallon smiled. “Yeah… I can’t wait…” she answered. She snapped a hair tie against her wrist as she spoke, watching a red line appear across her hand. “I was kind of wondering… Uhm… Like, when you’re back touring in the States, maybe… like, can… I come? Like, to some of your shows? I mean, I don’t go back to work until August. And I don’t want to get in the way or intrude or anything like that, but… I just really… I want to see you…”

Harry watched her gaze, her eyes focusing on something off-camera. Sometimes Fallon loosened up around him and let her guard down, but other times – like now – she kept herself wound tighter than a two dollar watch. He wished he could help her relax. “Babe… obviously!” he laughed. “Like… fuck yes I want you there, as much as you possibly can. I want you there more than the people who work on the tour,” he added.

“So I wouldn’t be in the way?” asked Fallon, looking up from the hair tie. “I mean it, like… I don’t want to get in anyone’s way or… ruin the vibe or anything like that… So, like… just… okay?”

Harry laughed. He wished he could hug and reassure her, but for now, he only had his words. “You won’t,” he promised her. “Never. I want you there with me.”

Fallon beamed at his words. “I want to be there with you, too…” she whispered. She chewed on her lip in an attempt to suppress her smile, to no avail. “I, uhm… I really can’t wait to see you…”

“Me too, babe,” Harry answered. “I know it sucks… But it won’t be long, okay?”

“I know,” Fallon quickly assured Harry. She hated making him feel bad. “And it’s already halfway, so… it’s all okay…”

Harry smiled. Fallon was trying to hide her emotions for him, but he wondered if she would ever realise her face spoke the words she wouldn’t say. “Yeah,” Harry answered. “All okay… And, don’t forget, you have to find a place for us to go for your birthday. Did you pick anywhere yet?”

Fallon shook her head. “I haven’t yet, but… I’ve looked at a few places…” Upon her research, she realised the restaurants she frequented were cheap, lowbrow eateries. She liked to find the rough, hole in the wall places, but she didn’t want to spend her twenty-first birthday at a restaurant with a kid’s menu. She wanted glam, elegance and intimacy, but also affordability. It was almost a guarantee Harry would take care of the bill, but she didn’t want to rely or take advantage of the possibility.

“Well, hurry up!” Harry urged teasingly. “And I’ll make resos and… for how many people, do you reckon? Just us, or… any friends or…?”

“Oh…” Fallon baulked. She hadn’t intended on inviting any friends, but a birthday party with only one guest seemed pathetic. “Uhm… well, yeah… a couple people from work were asking what I had planned, so…” She shrugged. No one had asked, but she might be able to convince a couple coworkers to come celebrate.

“Whatever you want, babe,” Harry assured Fallon. She didn’t seem excited at the idea of inviting other people, but Harry wanted to meet her friends, so he didn’t comment on her lacklustre response. “A couple of my friends are keen on meeting you, so… maybe…? I mean, it’s your party, but… I reckon you’ll like them…”

Fallon nodded. “Okay,” she agreed. She hated meeting new people, but she decided she would pretend she was at a work event, meeting fans, and it would be okay. “Is it Niall?” she asked, her face inadvertently twisting into a frown.

Harry laughed. “No, we don’t let him out in public too often,” he joked. “But Fal, you can tell me no,” he reminded her. “It’s your birthday…”

“No, no… it’s fine,” Fallon said, trying to assure Harry. “It’ll be nice to meet some people who might have embarrassing stories about you,” she lightly teased.

“Oh, they do…” Harry chuckled. “They’re all bullshit and lies, but they’re good stories.”

Fallon snickered. “Oh, I’m sure they’re all a bunch of liars…” she joked. “You’re just so perfect, you don’t do anything stupid or embarrassing… Like, you’d never do something dumb like text a girl a picture of naughty golf balls!”

“Exactly,” Harry agreed. “And I’ve told you once, but I’ll tell you again… It worked.”

“Ah, you just caught me at a weak moment,” Fallon teased back.

Harry shrugged. “Still worked!” he argued.

“It did…” Fallon agreed, ducking her head as a bashful grin played on her lips. “I’m glad it did…” she added in a mumble, her eyes still cast downward.

“Me too,” Harry agreed, smiling as he watched Fallon’s shy face avoid his. She was so cute. “It’s cute how you act all bashful, when you sent me those pervy bowling balls after…” Harry teased.

Fallon chuckled, looking up at her phone. “I just had to get down to your level,” she told him. “Way, way, way, way down…” she teased back, stretching as she stifled a yawn.

“Yeah, yeah…” Harry scoffed. “Am I keeping you up, babe?” he joked. He knew he was, but he hated saying good night to her. He enjoyed talking to her before he went to bed, because then he could sleep, rather than spending his entire day missing her.

“Not really…” Fallon answered, the words hardly out before she yawned again. “Ugh… well, I guess a bit… But I’m not complaining,” she quickly added. Talking to Harry was the highlight of her day, every time. Even though she had an early morning, she didn’t want to say goodnight.

“Better not be,” Harry teased. “But if you’re sleepy, I can let you go… I should probably get started on my stupid day, anyway,” he sighed. He didn’t mean to sound so disappointed about having a show that evening, but he would rather be home with Fallon.

Fallon blew out a loud breath. “I suppose…” she sighed. “Can you send me stupid Snapchat videos though? I like laughing at you when I wake up.”

Harry laughed. “Yeah, you do… because I’m fucking funny, remember?”

Fallon rolled her eyes. “Yes,” she deadpanned, “I remember.”

“Something about your tone tells me you’re just trying to appease me,” Harry teased. “But I’ll take it. And I’ll send you a bunch of hilarious videos, too, I promise.”

“Good,” Fallon replied, letting out a loud groan as she yawned. “Shit, I don’t want to be tired! But… I guess I should sleep. I have a meeting in the morning, so I probably shouldn’t show up tired and grumpy.”

“A meeting about work?”

Fallon nodded. “Yeah, finally,” she answered. “Finger’s crossed for no spin-off!”

Harry laughed. “I’ll cross my fingers and my toes for you,” he told Fallon. “Sleep well, babe, and I’ll talk to you when you wake up.”

Fallon nodded. “Have a good day, babe,” she told him, debating blowing him a kiss or something just as silly. “Bye,” she said instead, giving him a small smile before ending the call.

“Bye,” Harry echoed as the screen went blank. He huffed out a loud sigh as he kicked the covers off him. He laid exposed in the cool room for a moment, wondering how it was possible to miss Fallon so much mere moments after saying good bye to her. Suffice it to say, he was completely insatiable.

**

As promised, Harry sent Fallon an abundance of silly Snapchat videos throughout the day, but it wasn’t until the following morning when they were able to connect again. He reminded himself it was not an eternity, but it seemed like one.

He texted her when he woke up and waited impatiently for her call. A few moments later, Fallon’s pretty picture show up on his screen. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, as they always did, and he smiled as he answered the call. “Hi babe.”

“Hi yourself,” Fallon answered, putting her phone on speaker as she puttered around the kitchen. “I put you on speaker because I’m making a snack,” she told him, her voice louder than normal.

“What are you making?” asked Harry, his stomach rumbling at the thought of food. “I’m hungry.”

“You can order room service,” Fallon reminded him. “I think I’m going to have some cookies…” she mused, rummaging through her freezer. “They’re frozen though.”

Harry let out a whiney groan. “No!” he whined. “Don’t talk about your cookies! I love your cookies!”

Fallon laughed. “There’ll still be some for you when you get back,” she promised him. “I think…”

“There fucking better be,” Harry told her, attempting to sound stern. “Did that sound, like… bossy enough? Like I’m demanding authority?”

Fallon snorted. “No,” she teased. “You’re just too soft to sound bossy.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult,” Harry laughed. “But all I know is… you better have some bloody cookies for me when I get home. Or… at least a kiss…” he added as a second thought.

“I can promise you a kiss,” Fallon told him, her face warming at the thought of finally kissing him again. “Maybe cookies…”

Harry grinned. “A kiss is really all I’m after, anyway…”

Fallon’s face went red, and she was glad they weren’t video chatting. “Good, because I probably wasn’t going to share…” she laughed, setting a plate of cookies in the microwave.

“Shut up,” Harry sighed. “How’d your meeting go?”

“Really good,” Fallon told him, waiting for the fifteen second timer to go off before walking into the living room with her snack. “Our finger crossing worked, and this will be the last season, with no spin-offs.”

“Good!” Harry enthused. “Was there a lot of back and forth, or was it pretty much decided before the meeting?”

Fallon shrugged as she laid on the couch, propping her plate on her stomach. “I’m not sure, but a couple people said straight up they would not do a spin-off, and apparently only Madeline wanted to do one, because she’s a fucking narcissist and thinks she’s the star. But I think it was a long shot even before the meeting. I don’t care, though. I’m glad we’ll be able to end it properly, wrap it in a nice little bow and send the show off into syndication.”

“And then you’ll have free-dom!” Harry sang out. “I can’t wait to see what you do, babe. You’re going to end up in some really great movie, accolades galore! I can feel it.”

Fallon snickered. She appreciated Harry’s enthusiasm and support, but she was not sure how accurate his prediction was. “Well, we’ll see,” she said lightly. “I told myself, though, I am going to super focus on this last season and give it what it deserves, and what the fans deserve. Then when it’s over, I can hopefully move far, far away from the teenager typecast.”

“That’s a good attitude,” Harry affirmed. “Sounds a bit like what we’re doing now, too…” he mused. “It’s not always easy, but for the fans…”

“Yeah,” Fallon agreed. “I realised it makes it easier knowing there’s an end date. I guess you know what that’s like, too…” she pondered. It was an odd thought, her and Harry having similar feelings about their vastly different careers, but it was a comfort knowing he understood.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, absolutely,” he said. “I reckon it’s sort of akin to waiting to finish university or high school or something… and knowing there’s this whole other world waiting for you, just as soon as you’re done…”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Fallon answered. “My mom was all freaking out about it, saying my career is dead and buried now. But she’s fucking crazy, so I’m not going to listen to her opinions.”

“Your mum?” Harry repeated. He furrowed his brow, confused by her remark. “I thought… you didn’t talk to your mum?”

Fallon shook her head. “No, I do sometimes,” she told him. “If she calls me before noon… After noon, she’s probably drunk, so… But I talked to her yesterday. We fought,” she added with a humourless chuckle.

“What about?”

Fallon sighed. “Oh, it doesn’t matter,” she told Harry. She didn’t want him to be privy to her ridiculous mother drama. There was such a backstory regarding Fallon’s relationship with her mother, she wouldn’t even know where to begin, even if she did want to share the drama with Harry.

“You know you can tell me, right?” asked Harry. He tried not to sound annoyed, because Fallon didn’t have to tell him a thing, but he wanted her to know she could. “I mean… I’m never going to judge you, and if you need to talk…”

“I know,” Fallon interrupted. “Thank you. It’s just a lot, and… if I start telling you everything, my therapist will probably end up bankrupt, so…” She snickered before trailing off.

Her laugh was tight and humourless, but Harry didn’t press. “All right…” he told her, holding back a sigh. “But… if you ever stop worrying about your therapist’s finances, you can come to me… okay?” He wished she would.

“I will,” Fallon promised, although she was not sure how truthful her promise was. She knew she would try – she had to – but she was not sure how successful she would be.

Notes