I sat on her cream colored couch, impatiently waiting for my best mate to hurry up. She was in the bathroom getting ready and we were already twenty minutes late, but that was Jess for you. She was a bit of a perfectionist, always making sure everything looked perfect before she was satisfied. That was one of the many things that I fancied about her. Jess and I were supposed to meet up with the rest of the lads and go out for a bite, but we were already running late.

“Jess C’mon, we’re already late. Liam’s going to kill us,” I said, checking my watch.

“Alright! I’m coming, Niall!” She called.

She walked out wearing a black and cream polka dot blouse with gold and black buttons, tucked into a black skirt that stopped before her knees with black heels that made her fair legs look longer than usual. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and her side bangs were slightly brushed towards the right. She looked fit, like always.

“Finally,” I grumbled.

“Hey! This.” She said, gesturing to herself “Takes time.”

“You look peachy. Now can we go now?”

“Fine. Mr. Grumpy-Gills,” She replied, quoting my favorite movie.

She put on her grey peacoat and then we left her apartment and started walking towards the restaurant. Even though it was only a few blocks away, it made me wonder how she could stand to walk in those heels. They looked terribly uncomfortable. I looked over at her and for the first time I noticed that she had put on a little extra make-up than normal. Usually she only wore mascara and eyeliner, but this time she was sporting a bright pink lipstick.

“You look fancy. What’s the special occasion?” I asked, nudging her

“Oh, no reason,” She said, biting back a smile as she started to blush

“Oh yes there is! Tell me,” I encouraged.

Now I was genuinely curious as to why she looked so nice. Don’t get me wrong, Jess always dressed up and she always looked exceptionally beautiful. In fact out of the five years that we had been friends I don’t think I had ever seen her in sweat pants or without makeup, but she rarely wore lipstick. I waited for an answer, but her cheeks kept turning a darker shade of pink, adding a nice color to her cheeks. Then it finally hit me. Jess liked someone, someone that we were going to meet for dinner.

My mind quickly raced through the faces of my band mates. Louis was dating Eleanor, so he was off the list. Liam and Danielle were together, so that was a no and Zayn had Perrie. That only left…Harry.

“You fancy Harry!” I blurted out

“Shh! Way to tell all of London!” She hissed, smacking me in the arm

“Oh my God! You do!” I said, shocked.

I don’t know why I was so surprised; most girls did like Harry. In fact everyone liked Harry. He was charming and quite the ladies man. But, I never pictured myJess; I mean Jess would like him, not to say that there was anything wrong with him. I’ve just never known her to ever have a crush on someone before. It kind of threw me off guard.

Zayn was the only person that knew that I liked her. I never bothered telling Harry, Liam or Louis, not because I didn’t trust them. I just never felt the need to tell them. But, Zayn could tell right off the bat. He was the person I was closest to and I confided in him and told him everything. He didn’t even have to ask, he could just tell by the way that I looked at her, or whenever I was around her I would smile and blush a lot. I was actually surprised more people couldn’t tell.

“So when did your crush on Harry start?” I asked

I couldn’t help as a wave of jealousy quickly shot through me.

“I don’t know, a month ago. Maybe? This is weird talking to you about it since you guys are all so close,” She said, stuffing her hands in her pockets.

I could tell she was uncomfortable discussing this, but I couldn’t help myself. Her and I had been best mates for three years. How did I not notice that she liked Harry, or anyone for that matter? Suddenly I felt like the world’s worst best mate ever and the thought of her and Harry together made me feel sick. I wasn’t even hungry anymore. My stomach knotted up and all I wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed. This wasn’t like me. What was happening?

“Are you okay? You got quiet all of a sudden,” She said looking over at me with concern in her emerald green eyes

“I’m fine,” I lied.

Finally we got to the restaurant where the rest of the lads were waiting. They did not look pleased by the fact that we were twenty minutes late.

“Finally! What the hell took you two so long?” asked Liam

“Sorry! It’s my fault we’re late,” apologized Jess. Liam eased up and waved it of. The lads were always extra nice to Jess since she was the only girl out of the group who wasn't dating any of us. We all did our best to play nice around her.

“Lets go. I’m starved,” said Louis, already half way in the restaurant.

I started to follow Louis when I heard Harry and Jess talking.

“You look fit today,” admired Harry.

“Thanks,” She smiled.

I could imagine Harry finally seeing what I saw every day. A beautiful girl, easy on the eyes with medium length brown hair, pretty green eyes with a great sense of fashion. But, there was more to Jess than just her looks. Although she was gorgeous, she was also a great person. Jess was really generous, always thinking of other people and surprising me with random little gifts that she knew I would like, just because she could. She had a huge heart and stood up for the people she loved.
I remember the night a couple of girls at a concert called me ugly right before my solo and told me I didn't deserve to be in the band and I should leave and go hunt leprechauns. I cried on stage while Zayn held me and then we took a break for five minutes, so I could reassemble myself. When I went back stage Jess was waiting there for me with open arms.

“Hey, what happened out there?” She asked, pulling me into a hug

I fell apart into her arms, crying on her shoulder as I told her what I heard. A flash of anger flickered across her eyes and she just pulled me in closer. One of her hands was on my back, rubbing circular motions, calming down, holding me together while the other one was placed in my hair, playing with it. Her touch instantly made me feel more relaxed and at ease. She always had that effect on me.

“Don’t listen to them Nialler,” She said using my nickname she gave me. “You’re so beautiful and right now you need to go out there and show them that you’re bigger and better than their snide comments. Prove to them that you’re awesome and do deserve to be in the band. Show them the boy that I love. You can do this best friend, I love youuuu!” She said drawing out ‘u’

I laughed and then smiled at my gorgeous best friend, the girl I was in love with. How was I so lucky to have met her?


“Aye, mate are you alright?” asked Zayn

We were now sitting at the table and menus had been passed around. Jess was sitting on my left and Zayn was on my right. Harry was placed on Jess’s other side.

“Yeah. I’m just not hungry,” I said, as my stomach knotted up some more.

“But, you’re always hungry,” said Jess, for the first time looking at me.

Her cheeks were flushed and there was an extra sparkle in her eye that wasn’t there a second ago. This time she looked really concerned.

“My stomach feels a bit sick,” I said, lying once again.

Zayn shot me a look. He could tell I was lying. I shook my head, brushing it off. Throughout the whole night Harry and Jess flirted and Zayn kept shooting me worried glances. Even though it wasn’t Harry’s fault by any means, I still couldn’t help but feel jealous and resent him a little. Everyone had a grand time, laughing and mingling. I suddenly felt like a ninth wheel with my own group of friends. When dinner ended we all went back Jess’s apartment to watch movies.



“You need to tell Jess that you like her,” said Zayn walking over to me.

“I can’t. She likes Harry,” I said.

Those words tasted like vinegar as they came out of my mouth.

“Well tell Harry that you like her. He’s one of your best mates, you know he would back off.”

“It’s pointless,” I said trying to shrug it off.

“Niall, if you lose Jess to Harry you can only blame yourself. I’m telling you as your best mate that you have to speak up and say something,” said Zayn looking me in the eyes.

I sighed, I knew he was right, but I didn’t know how to tell Jess how I felt about her.

“I know, I know. I just don’t know how to tell her how I really feel,” I hated how much of a pansy I sounded right then.

“You’re a rock star. Use that to your advantage,” said Zayn winking at me.



That night I tossed and turned in my bed trying to think of ways to tell Jess how I really felt about her. I couldn’t help, but think of what Zayn said,“You’re a rock star. Use that to your advantage.” What the hell did that even mean? I got out of bed, giving up on the idea of sleep. I picked up my acoustic guitar and started strumming it. Suddenly it hit me and I knew what I had to do to in order to tell Jess my feelings.



I ran to her house at the first sight of the sun coming up. I was so excited, I could barely wait to see her. It was seven thirty in the morning and I knew that she was going to kill me once I knocked on her door, but it couldn’t wait. I couldn’t lose the girl that I fell in love with. I couldn’t lose my best friend, my Jess.

I clumsily ran through town with my acoustic guitar and sheet music, dodging past elderly people on their morning walks and jumping over dogs on walks.

Twenty minutes later I found myself starting at Jess’s door. My hand was shaking as I rang the doorbell. I waited five minutes before ringing it again. When she didn’t answer, I used the brass knocker and pounded on the door. Yep. I was a dead man. Jess hated mornings, but she hated being woken up even more, especially on a Saturday morning. Finally the door swung open to see a pissed Jess with her flannel pajama bottoms, an over sized sweatshirt and her wavy hair, from showering at night. Her eyes shot daggers at me and I could feel myself shaking with fear.

“What. Are. You. Doing?” She said

“OkaylookIknowyou’remadbutIhavetotellyousomethingbeforeit’stoolate,” I rambled

“What? Niall slow down, I can barely understand you.” She said.

She was no longer mad; she just looked confused yet concerned at the same time.

“Here. Hold this,” I said handing her the sheet music.

She took it from my cold, shaking hands. I picked up my guitar.

“I’ve been working on this all night. I hope it explains everything,” I said.

She just stared at me with questions in her eyes. I started to play the song that I spent all night writing. I looked up at her into her eyes and began to sing.



Girl that should be me, driving to your house

Knocking on your door, kissing you on the mouth

Holding on your hand, dancing in the dark

‘Cos I was the only one who loved you from the start

But now when I see you with him.It tears my world apart

Because I've been waiting

All this time to finally say it

But now I see your heart’s been taken

And nothing could be worse

Baby I loved you first

Had my chances

Could have been where he is standing

That’s what hurts the most

Girl I get so close but now you’ll never know

Baby I loved you first

Girl that should be me, calling on the phone

Saying your the one and I’ll never let you go

I never understood what love was really like

But I felt it for the first time looking in your eyes

But now when I see you with him

My whole my world falls apart

Because I’ve been waiting

All this time to finally say it

But now I see your heart’s been taken

And nothing could be worse

Baby I loved you first

Had my chances

Could have been where he is standing

That’s what hurts the most

Girl I get so close but now you’ll never know

Baby I loved you first

First touch, first kiss

First girl who made me feel like this

Heartbreak, it’s killing me I loved you first why can’t you see

I’ve been waiting

All this time to finally say it

But now I see your heart’s been taken

Nothing could be worse

Baby I loved you first

Had my chances

Could have been where he is standing

That’s what hurts the most

Girl I get so close but now you’ll never know

Baby I loved you first

Baby I loved you first

Baby I loved you first

Oh yeah


“Baby, I loved you first,” I finished.

I looked at her and watched as the questions dissolved and answers took their place. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. Her hands let go of the sheet music, sending them fluttering around in the brisk December air. Her eyes started to water and for a second I was worried that I scared her and I would lose my friendship with her. My mind started racing, if I couldn’t have her as my girlfriend then I at least wanted to keep her as my best friend. I could live with her dating Harry if that’s what made her happy, as long as our friendship remained the same. But, I couldn’t live without letting her know how I felt. I had to try. And, I couldn’t live without her.

“You love me?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper

“I always have,” I said quietly.

Her lips began to turn into a frown and my heart dropped a little bit.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” She asked, smacking my arm

“Because, I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same way and you like Harry.”

“You’re so dumb, Nialler. I’ve always been in love with you,” She smiled, looking at me

“Had? Wait! You’re in love with me?” I asked

My heart was racing at an uncontrollable rate. I thought it was going to burst out of my chest. Warm, fuzzy tingles were pulsing throughout my body and my face was getting hot. She loved me?

“Of course Nialler. You’re perfect,” She said taking a step towards me.

“But, Harry?”

“I never liked Harry. I was just too afraid to tell you how I really felt about you so I used him as an excuse. All the cute outfits and extra dressing up was for you.”

I reached for her hand, gently pulling her out of her house. She took another step towards me and I took one towards her. I brushed her silky hair back, revealing her gorgeous eyes, letting my hand trail down the side of her face to her jawline, stopping at her chin, tilting it up slightly. My eyes started to close as I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. My body began to get hot when she started to kiss me back. I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her small frame closer to me. It was perfect. I felt her smile in the middle of the kiss and I began to smile too.

“I love you,” I said, letting the words slide off of my tongue. Now it was so easy to say and it felt so right.

“I love you too, Nialler,” She said before she kissed me again