Los Angeles, When Will You Save Me?

Okay Everlee. Take a deep breath. Everything is going to be okay.

My eyes were darting around the room back and forth. My hands were shaking. My breathing erratic. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing happened.

Come on Evie snap out of it. I didn’t move. I barely blinked. I’d heard people say before that sometimes when you’re experiencing trauma that it feels like an out of body experience. I believed them when they told me but I also didn’t think it was literal or that I’d ever experience it. But here I was watching the commotion in the room as I stood there. Still and silent. No reaction to what was going on around me. No tears. No screaming. Nothing as they rolled my father past me and out the front door of the house. I moved my focus to the door where Sam was rushing in. He hurried to my side and turned me to face him.

“Everlee,” Sam said in his most calming voice. “They are going to transport Jimmy to Cedars Sinai. They said they can’t take you within the ambulance so I’m going to take you. We can call Rachel on the way so that she can come to be with you.”

Perfect. We can call and she’ll come to be with me. Sam looked at me waiting for an answer and looking like he didn’t get one. Fuck. He can’t hear me. This is just my goddamn inner-monologue and for once it’s only IN my head and not something I accidentally say out-loud.

“I will get some stuff together and head straight to the hospital after you. I will also call Jessica and I’ll call Mr. and Mrs. Scarcello,” Linda added. I was looking back and forth between the two of them, still unable to speak from the shock. I wanted to tell Linda that I appreciated her calling my grandparents but evidently, words were impossible for me right now. She caressed my face. Her hands felt like fire against my skin. “It’s going to be okay, Everlee. It’s going to be okay.” I didn’t even know what was going on, how did she know it was going to be okay? I glanced from Linda back to Sam, I still couldn’t speak or move.

Alright, Evie, you’ve had a million panic attacks before, it can’t be that much different than this. Take a deep breath, think happy thoughts and open your mouth. Deep breath. Happy thoughts.

Nothing.

Come on Evie. SPEAK! I was screaming at myself. Still nothing. I was standing there unable to move. Unable to have any sort of reaction to the situation I was experiencing. Sam started to move me through the house, out the front door, and down the driveway to the awaiting SUV. I was moving slowly, guided only by Sam. I stared down at my feet and watched them get tripped up on the cracks in the driveway. Cracks I’d known were in this driveway since I was six years old. This didn’t happen. I knew the cracks in the concrete the way I knew the way my father drank his scotch, that his favorite color was PMS 294C, the Pantone shade for the Chicago Cubs, and that his lucky number was 14 because it was Ernie Banks jersey number.

I turned around to look at the house. The police officers were now talking to Linda in the driveway and asking questions. Why aren’t they talking to me? I am Jimmy’s daughter. I am his next of kin. I am his family. Instead, they are talking to Linda. I mean, I get it, she’d been here when whatever happened, happened. But they should be talking to me too. Although one question I still had was, why wasn’t I talking? I was normally full of questions and here I stood next to Sam, silent. I watched as he opened the door and helped me into the front seat.

“Everlee, are you okay?” Sam asked. I glanced at him but said nothing. No words. I only managed a tiny nod.

I’m okay, Sam. Just in shock. What is going on? He can’t hear me. I am hoping that he knows I need answers despite not being able to verbalize the questions. I can handle this Sam. Just tell me what is going on. I watched as he grabbed my phone from my hand, I’d been holding it when I was in the car, reading through my emails on the way to dinner. I hadn’t dropped it since we arrived. Wait, how do you know my passcode to unlock my phone? I heard it ring, he’d put it on speakerphone.

“Hey Evie,” Rachel answered. “How was the trip?” She sounded happy, normally the sound of her voice made me smile but I was motionless and white. I caught my reflection in the side-view mirror. My skin had grown pale, I was cold and nauseous. I looked like I was the one dying, which I guess was appropriate. If anything happened to Pops it would be the closest thing to death for me, he was my everything in LA. Well, he always had been.

Evie, speak to your sister. Still nothing. I just stared out the window, not even bothering to respond to the feeling of Sam’s warm hand on mine where it sat on my lap.

“Hey, it’s me, Rach.”

“Sam is everything okay?” Rachel’s voice went from being chipper to worried in barely a breath.

“I picked Evie up at the airport. She had dinner with Jimmy tonight. We got to the house and….and…something’s wrong.”

“What happened?” Thank you for asking that Rachel because I need to know and clearly am in the strangest state of shock that ever existed.

“We aren’t sure. Linda went to tell him that Evie was on her way and found him passed out in his office. She called 911 and did CPR until they got there. They think it might have been a heart attack but they aren’t completely sure. The paramedics are taking him to Cedars.”

“Is she okay?” Rachel asked. Her voice now sounded like she had a lump in her throat and might cry. Jimmy was the closest thing she’d ever really had to a father, so I got it. She was probably as scared as I was.

“She’s not said a word since we pulled up to the house and saw the ambulance, firetruck and police officers. She bolted out of the car and ran to the house. But she’s silent. She barely even reacts to me talking to her.”

I’m responding, Sam. You just can’t hear me because evidently my vocal cords are fucking broken.

“I’ll meet you at the hospital. I’ll call Harry.” Harry. I hadn’t even thought about him until this moment.

“Thanks. We will see you in a little bit.”

“Call me if you hear anything before I get there or if she speaks.”

“I will. Bye Rach.”

“Bye Sam.” I felt Sam slip the phone back in my hands.

“Evie, can you hear me?” he asked. I nodded slightly, still staring out the window. “You’re gonna be okay. Jimmy is gonna be okay.”

You don’t know that. No one knows if Pops is gonna be okay. This not talking thing isn’t helping. I need to be able to say something. To scream or cry or anything. I felt my phone vibrate in my hand, I glanced down to see Harry calling. I slid my thumb across the screen and held it up to my ear. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing came out.

“Evie? Evie are you there?”

Yes. I could hear the panic in his voice.

“Evie? Are you okay?”

No. The urgency and fear in his voice increasing with every word.

“Everlee, goddammit. Bloody say something.” I’d normally giggle at his British slang and the way his accent came out thicker when he was tired, which he clearly was right now. My sister probably woke him up in the middle of the night. Sam reached across the car taking the phone from my hand.

“Hey Harry,” he said softly.

“What the fuck is going on?” Harry asked. “Why wasn’t she speaking?”

“Shock. We got to the house as the paramedics were taking Jimmy out on a gurney. She hasn’t said a word.”

“That’s unlike her.”

“I know. She’s normally full of shit and in a stressful situation there’s usually yelling, screaming, and a lot of swear words. But all she’s got in her is silence.”

“I’m trying to book a flight out of here.”

No! Stay! Finish the film. Don’t come home because of me. But, fuck, I need you right now.

“She’ll be pissed at you when you get here. Even without speaking I can tell you that.”

Thank you, Sam.

“I know she will be but I need to be there with her. Rachel said she was on her way to meet you at the hospital. I was going to call Grace.”

Mom. I hadn’t even thought to call Mom.

“That’s probably a good plan. She’s in no condition to call family. Linda was going to call her Nonna and Papa. I had to call Rachel. Fuck, I had to practically carry her to the car.”

“Well I’m working to get on a plane, but it seems like nothing will leave for several hours.” Sam looked over at me because I was staring at him.

Have him call the travel office. London has a jet that can get him here. I took the phone from his hand and pulled up the phone entry for the London Travel Team in my phone.

“I’m going to send you a number. SME has a fleet of private jets. There should be at least one or two in London and if there isn’t they can get one to you in short order.”

“How do you know this?” Harry questioned.

“Because despite the fact that your girlfriend is a fucking mute she just pulled the number up in the phone. So at least I know she’s paying attention now.”

“Evie, honey. I’m going to get to you as fast as I can.”

Hurry up, Harry. I need you.

“Call me when you know more.”

“I’ll get with you on any updates we get. We are pulling into the hospital right now,” Sam replied.

“Thanks for taking care of her, Sam.” Harry took a deep breath on the other end of the line. “Everlee Mae, I love you. I’m on my way to you.”

I love you too, Harry. Hurry.

Sam ended the call before pulling up to a parking spot outside of the main entrance to the hospital. He came over to help me get out of the car. Again, I was basically floating as he practically carried me into the hospital and up to the desk.

“How can I help you?” an older woman sitting behind the desk asked.

“The paramedics just brought in James Scarcello. Can you tell me where I can find him?”

“Are you family?” she asked.

“She is,” Sam replied. He dug into my purse and pulled out my driver’s license. “This is Everlee Scarcello. I’m her…” He hesitated. Depending on how he answered this it might determine if they let Sam stay with me. “I’m her step-brother.”

“Let me pull up and see if we have anything on Mr. Scarcello yet.” She clicked away on the keyboard of her computer for a few moments before looking up over her glasses with a sad face. “Mr. Scarcello was rushed up to surgery. If you go to the elevator over there and take it up to the 4th floor someone at the nurse’s desk up there will be able to help you.”

“Thank you. Our sister is on her way here too. We were both at home when the paramedics took him. Her name is Rachel. She’s short with brown hair, pretty pregnant.”

“I’ll send her up.” Her smile was kind. Sam turned and walked us to the elevator. The door opened and we walked in. Sam collapsed against the wall of the elevator hugging me to him.

My step-brother huh? Afraid to answer with boyfriend because you might vomit at the thought? Sam glanced down at his phone.

“Rachel just parked and is on her way up.” The doors opened on the 4th floor and we walked towards the nurse’s station. “Hi, my name is Sam. This is my step-sister Everlee. Her father, James Scarcello was just brought in and is in surgery.” Again clicking on keyboards before looking up at us with the sad eyes.

“Mr. Scarcello was just taken into surgery. I’ll let his team know that family is here and have them come out to provide updates as soon as they have any news for you. You can have a seat in the waiting room over there. I can get some fresh coffee made too.”

“Thank you,” Sam replied before walking me into the waiting room and sitting me down. He started to pace in front of me as he texted on his phone. Before I knew it Rachel was rushing into the waiting room. She came over to me, sitting beside me and engulfing me in a hug.

It’s okay to cry now, Evie. Still nothing. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can’t I cry? I took a deep breath and rested my head on Rachel’s shoulder.

“I called Grace on my way here. She said to call her when we have any updates on Jimmy and she’ll come out here if you need her to.” I nodded. “She still hasn’t talked?”

“Nope,” Sam answered. “Harry called. He’s texting me. He’s working with the London office to try and get a private plane out of there in the next couple of hours so he can get here.”

“He texted me too. He’s terrified.”

“I am too. She’s never like this.” Well, at least they’d decided to just talk about me like I wasn’t here instead of pretending that I was and that I would answer to them.

“I called my Mom too. She always knows what to do in crisis situations. Did someone call Jimmy’s girlfriend?” Rachel asked.

“Linda said she was. I expect Linda here any minute. Not sure about Jessica.” Jessica had recently started staying at her place again. It was a bit closer to the hospital than Pops’ house so I was sure she’d get here soon. His girlfriend should be here for him, at least a normal girlfriend would want to be there for him. It was another 20 minutes before Linda came in. She’d packed up the dinner she’d cooked, grabbed some of Pops’ toiletries that he would need if he was in the hospital for more than a few hours, which was a given considering he was in surgery.

“I know you haven’t eaten, Everlee. I brought the dinner you were supposed to have with James tonight. You should eat something. There’s enough for everyone,” Linda said. Sam dove into the food without hesitation and Rachel grabbed herself some food as well. I grabbed a piece of bread and picked at it for a while. About a half hour after Linda had arrived Jessica walked in looking like she was dressed for a night out. She had on sky-high heels and a short dress. I couldn’t fault her, on a given day I might be dressed that way if I had stuff to do but if I knew someone was in the hospital I’d probably have dressed for comfort. I was definitely glad I had when I’d dressed for the trip home today. The leggings, oversized flannel shirt I’d stolen from Harry, a beat up old pair of Chucks, and glasses were coming in handy for longer than just the flight today.

“Where is he?” Jessica asked.

“Still in surgery,” Sam replied.

“The nurse said that they’d have the doctor come out and give an update when they could. She said it would probably be at least another hour before they could tell us anything,” Rachel added. She’d clearly asked more questions at the nurses’ station than Sam and I had.

“Well, what happened?” Jessica sat down in a chair opposite us in the waiting room and crossed her legs, her dress becoming even shorter. If I had my normal brain capacity and snark I’d roll my eyes and make some comment but I couldn’t. She stared at me waiting for me to reply and despite all of my effort, I still couldn’t manage to speak.

“He had a heart attack. They are trying to survey the damage, see what they need to do to repair things and then they’ll run tests to see if the heart muscle was affected.” Thank god for those few years that Rachel worked as a candy striper here and that period of college where she was pre-med and thought she wanted to become a pediatric surgeon. She could partially understand what they were saying.

“Why do you know all of this? Who are you?” she asked.

My fucking sister you dumb bitch. Okay, maybe it’s a good thing I’m not verbal right now.

“I’m Everlee’s sister, Rachel. You must be Jessica,” Rachel said standing up and walking towards Jessica to shake her hand.

“Nice to meet you. You’re not really her sister though. You’re her ex-step sister.”

She’s my family. You are not so shut the fuck up. Okay, maybe my inability to speak was a really good thing. I felt my phone vibrate in my hand signaling a new text message from Harry.

H: I love you. I’m on my way to you.

My brain couldn’t even function how to reply to him. All I could send back was a heart emoji. I hoped he would also contact Rachel knowing that I wasn’t able to communicate. Almost immediately I heard her phone ring. I looked over at where her phone was in her hand and saw a picture of her with Harry acting like idiots one night while we were all hanging out together.

“Hey,” she answered quietly. I stared down at my feet. The pair of white Chucks I was wearing were from college. I’d drawn on them when I was bored in class. Over the years things had gotten added. I looked down to see something new. “She’s still not really reacting to anything. She hasn’t spoken.” There was a pink heart with E+H inside of the heart in black. He’d gotten ahold of them while I was visiting and drawn on them. “No, she hasn’t cried. Not a single tear. She’s in shock.” He was really the sweetest person on the planet. I didn’t deserve him. “I told Grace to hold off until we knew more. If surgery goes well and Jimmy is okay then I can handle Evie on my own.” I didn’t deserve her either. She was defending our relationship to my father’s girlfriend, navigating everything that any medical professional shared with us and talking on the phone with my boyfriend because I was incapacitated. “I didn’t even think of calling them. They are all on vacation on the west coast, right?” I tried to listen closely. I could hear Harry’s voice carry through the phone a bit. He sounded exhausted and like he was in a car, he really was coming to me. “I’ll call them when we know anything. Call me when you’ve got a chance.”

I knew how long that flight would take. I’d made it more times than I cared to count over the last few months. I glanced down at my watch. It was 8:45 which meant he’d be here in the morning. Depending on the weather, stops which would be minimal if he was flying on the company jet, and how long it took to take off, land, and drive to me he’d be here anywhere between 9:00 and 12:00. I sighed. This was one of those times I wish that all of the sci-fi movies my Dad and brothers had forced me to watch growing up was real and that he could just teleport to me. If we owned the Millennium Falcon instead of a fleet of private jets he might be here in 12 parsecs, give or take a parsec or two. If he were here, or at least inside my head, he would’ve laughed at that. His big laugh. The loud one that he reserved for moments when he didn’t think anyone other than me or family was listening. Not the one he did in public, it was a special laugh. It gave me goosebumps every time I heard it because I loved it so much.

I leaned my head against the wall, slumping down in my chair a bit. I was tired. I’d spent most of the day on an airplane in an attempt to make it home by the 6:00 dinner time my father had set for me before I left for France. He never ate that early, I was pretty sure it was just an excuse to get me home at a reasonable hour because I was usually so fucking jet lagged the Monday after a trip that I’d end up skipping out on the day at the office and working from home. When I made an attempt to get home at a reasonable time, have a dinner that felt like a holiday meal, and way too much wine I’d pass out early and be at that office. He was calculated in the way he thought and it was something I was glad I’d inherited from him too. I had my ways of getting from him what I wanted.

“You okay?” I heard Sam whisper. I opened one eye to look at him. He was looking over me at Rachel. I closed my eye again and started to try and imagine things that made me happy. The Wrigley bleachers on a warm summer day. Boating with my friends on Lake Michigan. The house in Malibu. The ranch in Colorado. Christmas morning with my brothers. Lunch dates with Pops. Laying in bed with Harry talking about nothing and everything all at once.

“Yeah, I’m just worried about her. She’s never like this.”

She can hear you, ya know. Just because she can’t speak doesn’t mean she can’t hear. Assholes.

“I know. I’m a bit worried too. Was that Harry on the phone?” Sam asked.

“It was,” Rachel replied quietly. I could tell she was trying to avoid being heard by Jessica who was clicking away on her phone texting God knows who about God knows what while my father, her boyfriend, was laying in an operating room fighting for his life.

“He’s on his way?” She must’ve nodded her reply. “That’s good. I’m hopeful that him getting her will end this and she’ll be okay.”

“I’m sure it will. She relies on him more than I’ve ever seen her rely on anyone.”

“I know. It’s nice.”

Thanks, Sam. I’m glad you like him. While that may not seem like an important thing, it is. You’re the closest thing I have to an older brother so you approving of Harry means the world to me. I must’ve fallen asleep listening to them talk because when I opened my eyes the next time and glanced down at my watch it was after midnight.

“Mom just text me. She’s in the parking garage on her way up,” Rachel said. I nodded my reply.

“I figured she would’ve been here hours ago,” Sam said.

“She would’ve. She was in Vegas for work. She had to wrap up what she was doing, explain to her client why she was leaving and then drove back.”

“That’s incredible. None of my exes would’ve done that for me.”

“She loves Jimmy,” Rachel answered. “Always has. Always will. She also knows that Evie needs her.” I heard the elevator ding and looked up to see the doors open. Despite having just spent at least four hours in a car, maybe three and a half the way Cynthia drove, she looked radiant, like always. Dark skinny jeans, a black blouse, and a black leather jacket. Her dark hair still perfectly hung in loose curls down past her shoulders. I glanced down to see she had on a pair of slip-on black leather shoes. I had a pair exactly like them, in fact, they’d been a birthday present from her this year. Pops always made fun of us for them. Rachel and the twins also had them. There were still often times where without even thinking about it Cynthia purchased something for “all four of her girls”, it irritated ex-wives #3 and #4 to no end.

“Hi, Mom.” Rachel stood to greet her mother with a hug. I stood up knowing I’d need to hug Cynthia.

“Oh honey,” she said when she took one look in my eyes. She wrapped her arms around me hugging me. Her scent comforted me. She still wore the same perfume that Pops got her for sweet gifts when they were together. It was one of those scents where you knew you were immediately okay, no matter what was going on. “My sweet Evie. You’ve gotta be a mess. It’s okay. I’m here now.”

“She’s finally crying.” I heard Rachel say in hushed tones to Sam. Was I crying? I reached my hand to my cheeks and there they were. Tears.

It’s about fucking time, Evie. Now speak. Still nothing. Well, it was worth a shot. The tears are a good start.

“Where’s that man of hers?” Cynthia asked as she sat down on a couch in the waiting room, next to where we’d been standing. She pulled me down next to her, wrapped her arm protectively around my shoulder and pulled me into her so I could continue to cry on her shoulder.

“He should be somewhere in the air at this point. He flew out at about 9:00 our time. He said it was like a 13-hour flight or something crazy. He thinks he’ll be here by 11:00 at the latest.” Rachel was so much like Cynthia in a crisis. They both immediately knew what to do and how to make sure that everything was handled.

“That’s good. What about Grace and Marco?”

“I told them to hold off until we knew more. I went to talk to the nurses a little bit ago, they said the doctors should hopefully have some news for us soon.”

“You tell them you were his kid?” Cynthia asked.

“I did. And if anyone asks Sam is our brother.”

“Well, Sam I’ve always wanted a son.” Cynthia’s laugh filled the quiet waiting room.

“And who are you?” There it was. Jessica’s high pitched voice, like nails on a chalkboard. I looked over at her as Cynthia’s head snapped in her direction.

“I’m Cynthia, Rachel’s mother and Jimmy’s second wife. Who are you?” She knew damn well who Jessica was. But there was this thing about Cynthia, she played everything so cool that you wouldn’t know.

“I’m Jessica, his girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Cynthia replied. “I’ve heard so much about you.” I saw a doctor walk up to the nurses’ station and the nurse point towards us. He walked over slowly.

“Are you the family of James Scarcello?” he asked.

“Yes,” Cynthia said. “I’m Cynthia, these are our daughters Everlee and Rachel.” She ignored Sam despite knowing she was supposed to play along that he was family. Linda was practically family and then there was Jessica, but there was no use explaining her, she hadn’t even stood up with the rest of us.

“I’m Dr. Hoffman. I was Mr. Scarcello’s surgeon. He had a heart attack, we were able to go in and perform bypass surgery…” After the words ‘bypass surgery’ everything he was saying started to sound like a foreign language. I just stared at his mouth hoping that something that came out was in a language I understood, you’d think speaking English, Italian and French fluently with being mostly conversational in Spanish would’ve been an advantage here. It wasn’t. I still understood nothing. It was like the teacher in Charlie Brown, ‘Wah wah wah wah wah wah.’ Internally I was laughing but I still couldn’t externally. “Mr. Scarcello has been moved into a room in our Intensive Care Unit which is where he will stay until we start to lower the sedation. We wanted to keep him sedated while we’ve run a few more tests on him. We hope that we can do that sometime in the next 24-72 hours.”

“Can we see him?” Rachel asked.

“You can. He can only have two visitors at a time,” Dr. Hoffman replied. “Mrs. Scarcello, if you and one of your daughters would like to see him you can go in. He’s in room 409 at the end of the hall.”

“Thank you,” Cynthia replied. “Evie, do you want me to go in with you to see him?” I nodded.

“Excuse me,” Jessica said quietly for fear that the doctor was still within earshot. “I don’t think you should be going in there before me. You’re the ex, I’m the current. You can wait in the lobby.”

You shouldn’t even be here.

“Are you okay with that, Evie?” Cynthia asked. I just shrugged. “Ya know kid, you’d be more helpful if you could talk. But right now, if you’re the girl I know, the thoughts in your head about her are better left unsaid.” She was whispering my ear so only I could hear. “I’ll be right outside the room if you need me, Evie. Okay?” I nodded. She kept her arm around me as we walked down the hall to his room. I walked in first with Jessica on my heels.

There he was.

The strongest man I knew. My hero. My world. My universe. Laying motionless attached to a machine that was helping him breathe and so many other machines that made beeping noises. I was overstimulated by all of it. I went to sit beside him and grabbed his hand lacing his fingers through mine.

Come on Pops. I need you to be okay. I can’t be without you. You have to be okay.

“Oh my god.” I looked over at Jessica where she stood at the foot of his bed. Her face had gone ghost white, her mouth remaining open. She was shocked at the sight of my father. It was to be expected. Her boyfriend had just had a heart attack. “He’s going to need constant care. I can’t do this. I’m too young for this. I want to have kids. He can’t have kids after this. I…I…I just can’t.” She looked over at me, tears filling her eyes. “I’m sorry, Everlee. I just…I can’t. Tell him I’m sorry.” With that, she turned on those expensive heels and bolted out of the room. I stood up and followed her out.

“Where are you going?” Rachel asked.

“I…I just can’t.” Jessica ran like a deer walking for the first time in her heels towards the elevator. She frantically pushed the buttons to try and get the elevator to move faster.

“Can’t what?” Cynthia asked.

“Deal with that,” Jessica said pointing at the doorway of the room where I was still standing. “I just can’t.”

Fucking talk, Evie! NOW! Don’t stay silent. This bitch is leaving your father in his time of need. OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.

“You don’t deserve the honor of dealing with that,” Cynthia replied calmly. I was impressed by how even she remained. “You don’t deserve that man. He deserves someone who will love him for better or worse. You wouldn’t be able to deal with someone through a hangover, let alone the uphill battle that man has ahead of him. Get out of here. Get your shit out of his house. Don’t ever show your face around him again. If you do, you’ll have me to deal with. Got it?” Cynthia was now standing in Jessica’s face and despite the heels making Jessica taller you could see her visibly cower under Cynthia’s power. All Jessica could muster up was a small nod before the elevator granted her wish and the doors opened. She hurried in and I watched her push the ‘door close’ button like her life depended on it.

“What the fuck was that?” Rachel asked me. I pointed into the room and nodded for her to go in with Cynthia. I moved to the wall next to the door in the hallway and slid down it to sit on the floor. The tears started to slide easily down my cheeks again. Sam came and sat beside me as Cynthia and Rachel walked into the room.

“It’s gonna be okay, Ev. The best doctors in the world are working on Jimmy. They are going to take care of him and he’s going to be okay. And I’m not leaving your side.” I put my head on his shoulder as I started to cry harder. He wrapped his arm around me. I sat there for what felt like forever while Cynthia sat inside with Pops. Rachel came out after a while so that Linda had a chance to see him before she left. She needed to get home and get rest. I felt terrible that she was still here.

“Evie, do you need anything from the house? Luke was going to stop to check on Harold in the morning before coming here. He said he’d grab anything from the house that you or Harry might need.”

I want my cat. Think they will let him hang out in the ICU.

“Fuck. This not talking thing isn’t going to be helpful. I’ll have him grab you some clothes. I’ll send him specs for what to grab. Although once Harry is home maybe you should go home and rest a bit.” I glared at her. “Or stay here with Pops.”

I am NOT leaving his side. Not until he tells me himself to get my ass out of his hospital room.

“Do we know who is going to pick Harry up at the airport?” Sam asked.

“I hadn’t even thought that far,” Rachel answered. “I can send Luke to do it. He isn’t going into the office tomorrow. He can be my errand boy.”

“You should go home and get some sleep. I can stay with her. Plus you know your Mom isn’t leaving that room until Jimmy does. Doctors be damned.”

“She’ll get out if it means letting someone in with Evie, but you’re right. By morning she’ll probably have them convinced that three of us can be in there.”

“Probably.” I laughed. It must’ve been audibly because Sam and Rachel both just looked at me like I was crazy.

“We got a laugh. Come on, Evie. Can we get some words?”

I wish. All I could manage was a shrug.

“It’s okay, you’ll get there. You’re still in shock. Once we know that Jimmy is out of the woods completely you’re gonna be okay.”

I hope so.

“I’m going to head home now,” Linda said as she walked out of the room. I stood up and hugged her. “I’ll bring up some food for everyone tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Evie. Get some rest, okay?” I nodded. Sam and Rachel started to talk to her as I walked back into the room. I saw Cynthia sitting in the chair I’d been in, her hand in my father’s where mine had been. As she heard me walk in the room she reached her other hand up to wipe tears away from her eyes.

He still loves you too, Cyn. Always has. Always will. When he wakes up, you should tell him you still love him and that he’s the reason your last marriage didn’t work out. I know that it was him, even if you don’t admit it. He’s a terrible liar. You two slept together after my college graduation party. You haven’t even attempted a serious relationship since then and he’s just been going from young struggling actress to young struggling model to young struggling actress. He loves you. He’s just scared that it won’t work this time. It will. Just tell him.

“How are you holding up, Evie?” I smiled my response. “Honey, it makes me so sad that you can’t figure out how to talk. It’s so unlike you. Usually, you have a hard time shutting up.” I flipped her off. “There’s my girl. Can you try and talk for me?” I opened my mouth, nothing. I shook my head. “You’ll get there. We are all here for you and your man should be here in soon.”

I glanced down at my watch it was almost 2:30 now. After the fiasco of everything with Jessica and seeing my father more time had passed than I realized. I moved my chair closer to my father’s bed and rested my head on his bicep. I used to fall asleep on him as a kid. He always let me stay up later than Mom and Dad did. When I was in LA we’d stay up late watching movies in the theater at his house. We’d play video games into the wee hours. More times than not I’d fall asleep with my head on his arm and he’d have to carry me to bed. When I’d spend summers with him in college I’d come home from going out with friends and fall asleep on him as he caught up with the news he’d missed during the day at work. Even at 21, he’d still do his best to carry me to bed when he needed to.

I woke up a few hours later to see Cynthia still on the other side of Pops’ bed, still holding his hand and whispering to him. I smiled at her as she looked over at me. I stood up from the chair and started to move towards the window. I looked outside to see the sun shining over the city. I saw that at some point Cynthia had taken my cell phone from my hand and plugged in by the window. I unlocked the phone and saw all of the text notifications.

H: It won’t be much longer, my love. Hang in there. I’ll be with you before you know it.

Mom: Everlee, are you okay? I’ve called a few times and you aren’t answering. I talked to Rachel and she said that you’re not speaking. Do you need me to come? Rachel said to hold off until we know more. Evie, please call me.

Dad: Bambina, it’s gonna be okay. If you need us Mom and I are on a plane and headed your way immediately. Jimmy is a fighter. He’s going to be okay and so are you. Though I must admit, I wish this silence thing had happened during your teen years. ;)

Kammi: Holy shit. My Dad just told me what happened to Jimmy? Are you okay? Is he okay? Do you need me to come home? Is Harry home with you? Your Mom? Rachel? Are you alone?
Okay, I talked to Rachel, she said you aren’t speaking but she’s with you and Harry is on his way. Call me or have Rachel call me when you know more. I love you, Ev. It’s going to be okay.

Ty: I’m on my way armed with a change of clothes and some dry shampoo. It’s all going to be okay, Ev. It’s all going to be okay.

Nick: Our prayers are with you, Everlee. It’s gonna be okay. Let us know if you need us to come home and be with you. You may not get a choice honestly. Kammi is packing our bags right now. Love ya, Ev.

Joe: You know that Jimmy is one of the strongest people on Earth. He’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. You say the word and I’m there with you. Best friends in need trump vacations. Love you, Ev.

Kayci: Rachel just called. Ev, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Jimmy is probably the strongest man I know. He’s going to be okay. He has to be. Everything is going to be okay. Promise. I’ll be there soon.

Kourtney: Rachel called. I’m so sorry, Ev. I’m picking up Kayci and we are on our way to you. We will be there as soon as we can.

Gemma: Harry called in a panic and said that your Pops had a heart attack. Know that if you need anything I’ll get on a plane and come to LA. I’ve got my fingers crossed that everything turns out okay. Keep me updated. Love ya.

Cameron: Everlee, everything will be okay. Kammi is almost completely packed. She and I are flying out today. I think Nick is coming with. We should be in LA before dinner. I know you’re gonna need to sleep so I can sit watch for you for a while. Jimmy is the toughest person I know. He’s going to be okay.

Anne: Oh honey. I’m sorry to hear about your father. Sending lots of love.

Victoria: Oh my dear, Everlee. I’m sending lots of love and prayers to you and James. I’m also sending a batch of your favorite cookies with Cameron and Kammi when they leave for LA. It’s going to be okay.

Jonny: Sis. I’m so sorry. It’s going to be okay. I love you. Mace and Toph said when you’re up to it we can FaceTime. We all miss you and hope that Jimmy is doing better.

The rest of the texts were cousins, aunts, uncles, a handful of staff, and a few more friends that heard through Rachel or Kammi likely. I didn’t have the energy to reply to everyone. I walked back over to the side of the bed I’d occupied overnight. I bent down to kiss my father’s forehead.

I love you, Pops. I still couldn’t manage to speak. Though the level of shock was starting to come down I was still terrified that something would happen and my father would never wake up. That he would never be the same again. I wondered if anyone had provided an update on Pops while I slept but of course I had no way to ask if that had happened. I needed to stretch my legs so I walked out of the hospital room and turned toward the waiting room. There sat Rachel, Sam, and the twins all facing me. I watched as Ty turned his head as Rachel gestured towards me walking towards them. There they were, my people. Sitting and waiting despite knowing that they couldn’t do anything.

As I walked over to them Kayci and Kourtney stood up, wrapped their arms around me and held me in the longest hug I think either of them has ever given me. We’d struggled as kids to get along. I’d never had sisters and they didn’t like that they magically had this wonderful father figure in their life but he wasn’t theirs, he was mine. They’d gotten over that as they’d grown up and we were able to build a relationship as adults. It was still nothing like my relationship with Rachel but it was close enough that they were sitting in a waiting room at a hospital for my Pops and me.

“Ev, I am so sorry,” Kayci whispered in my ear. I hated how tall she was with her gorgeous long brown hair. She looked like a model because she was one. She also had the voice of an angel. I’d been proud to help her through the process of finding people to write and record with over the last few years. She’d grown up into a very sweet person but as she was almost perfection in human form you secretly wished you could hate her. “I wish there was something I could do to make things easier on you.”

Just being here is something. Thank you.

“How are you holding up? Oh duh, you’re still not talking, are you? Well, don’t worry, we are all here now,” Kourtney said. Much like Kayci, as she’d grown up Kourtney had become a much kinder person. They’d grown out of their pre-teen and teen angst and anger towards me into being two pretty great people to be around. Being slightly shorter than her fraternal twin sister but still blessed with her mother’s stunning looks, Kourtney had turned to acting. Pops had put her in a few commercials when she was still little and it had grown from there. Both of the girls were still trying to go to school while pursuing their dreams. I was proud of them both.

As soon as they let go of me Ty engulfed me into one of his overly tight, super soothing bear hugs. I started to cry again. Ty was the only one of my friends who even had a fraction of understanding of what this felt like. The car accident that took his parents hadn’t been instant for his mother. Even though he was only four he told me that he remembers every moment of her being in the hospital. How he watched as she lay in a coma for a few days before her body finally gave up. He admitted to me once that he still occasionally had nightmares of when she was in the hospital. He’d gone through a lot of therapy to try and get to the point that the loss of his parents didn’t haunt every day of his life.

“I love you. It’s going to be okay and I’m not leaving your side.”

Thank you. I wished I could tell him how I felt but I just couldn’t.

“It’s okay. It’ll get easier. I guess Grandma said that when Mom finally died I went weeks without speaking more than a few words. I was four so they just thought her death had caused some regression and once I started therapy I got better. You’re gonna be okay. Promise. You’ll be full of smartassed remarks again before we know it.

“Harry called a couple hours ago. Luke is on his way to get him from LAX,” Rachel said as I sat down between her and Ty and rested my head on her shoulder. “They should be here before too long.” I nodded without my head leaving its spot. “Girls, you can take turns going in to see Mom and Jimmy. They still are only allowing two visitors in at a time.”

“I’ll go first,” Kayci said. She was always the braver of the two. I watched her turn and confidently walk towards the door to the room. For a moment she hesitated at the door. I watched as she took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds and walked in. As hard as it was for me, it was also hard on Rachel, Kayci, and Kourtney. My father was the closest any of them had come to having a decent version of one in their lives.

“Did you sleep?” Rachel asked quietly. Again I could only come up with a nod. “There’s some food that Linda dropped off this morning. She headed back to the house to clean up. She said the paramedics left a mess.”

Of course, Linda was at home cleaning. She told me once that it wasn’t just a job for her, being my father’s housekeeper. But that it was how she channeled her energy, negative and positive alike. When I was a kid she worked part-time for my father while her kids were in school and her husband worked. I was in junior high when her husband and two sons died in a car accident. We did everything we could to help Linda. Pops gave her time off, told her to take as much as she needed to adjust to her life without her husband and two of her three children. Instead, it was just a few short weeks and she was back at work. More often than before she’d bring her daughter with her. Now that her daughter was off in college, something my father was paying for, she spent more and more time working. She said it helped her to forget everything. That if she could make the glass sparkle it just might make a little of the sparkle in her life return.

It wasn’t long before Kayci came out of the room and Kourtney took her turn. Kayci’s signature smile was a little dimmer than normal. We were all dealing with mortality in the form of watching the strongest man we knew lay weak in a hospital bed attached to machines. It wasn’t easy to see. The color was gone from his skin. Watching the rise and fall of his chest knowing he was alive but not seeing the life in him that we were accustomed to. I’d rarely seen my father have even a cold and now I was watching him fight for his life. Or I guess at least I hoped he was fighting. I felt my phone vibrate in my hands and looked down.

Kammi: We are on our way. Flight is about to take off. We are all headed home to you. See you in a few hours.

I held down on the text and selected the “love” option on my iPhone. I had no energy to write a reply. I couldn’t even put the words together to do it. I was exhausted; physically, emotionally, spiritually, whatever other way a person could be exhausted that was me. Once Kourtney came out it was Ty’s turn to go back and see Pops. I wish I’d told him that he didn’t have to if it would bring up too many memories. Ty had been in with Pops for a few minutes when I heard the elevator ding. It had made the same sound 100s of times since I arrived last night. But instead of ignoring it as I had done on most of the time I looked up. Through the door looking utterly exhausted but still incredible was Harry. I stood from the chair and ran towards him. He dropped the bag he had in his hands and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

“I have missed you so much,” he said.

I’ve missed you too. I felt the tears start to slide down my face again as he bent down to kiss me. I felt safer now that he was here. Like all of the texts telling me that Pops was going to be okay were all going to be right because Harry was here now. I knew that his physical presence wouldn’t magically cure my father but I felt safe. He was my home.

“Harry, I’m going to have my Mom and Ty come out so you and Evie can go in to see Jimmy,” Rachel said. I watched as she peeked inside the door to speak to her mother and Ty. It was almost immediately that Ty came out of the room. He embraced me in another hug, this one tighter than before.

“I’m so sorry, Evie. I know it looks bad but he’s gonna be okay,” Ty whispered.

“You must be Harry,” Cynthia said. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise. Thank you for being here and helping take care of Evie while I was gone.”

“I wouldn’t have done anything differently. Give me just a second.” I watched her walk to the nurses’ station. “Can I ask a favor?” The nurse nodded. “I know that the limit for Jimmy’s room is two people at a time. My daughter’s boyfriend just got here. Since she’s still in shock and not able to speak can I be in there with them so I can explain everything to her boyfriend.” The nurse looked over at where Harry and I stood with sympathetic eyes.

“Just this once,” she replied.

“Thank you.” Cynthia walked back over. “Come on kids.” Harry reached down for my hand as we walked into the room. The machines were still beeping as I watched my father’s chest raise and lower.

“So do we have any updates?” Harry asked.

“Yes, when Evie was asleep this morning they lowered his sedation. They said it should be anytime now that he wakes up. They wanted to try and wake him up and see if he was okay.” That was news I hadn’t heard before but made the tightness in my chest loosen some.

“That’s good news.”

“It is,” Cynthia said as she laced her fingers through my father’s again. “I’m positive he’s going to be okay. He has to be. I have so much to tell him. He has to be okay.” I was sitting in Harry’s lap as he held me. My head was rested on his shoulder and my eyes were locked on Pops. I listened as Cynthia recounted every last bit of information the doctors had provided us sing we arrived last night. I didn’t retain much of what she said because I was too focused on the sound of Harry’s heartbeat. It sounded like what I hoped was a healthy and steady heart.

The inside joke has always been that the Scarcellos would die at their desk. Pops and I both focused more on work than either of us needed to. It was our happy place. It was a place that in the chaos of the world we could find order and a method to the madness. We were able to solve any problem, fix anything, and have the right answer to everything. We had a tangible list of things that we could check off. It was also the bond that kept us together. Had it not been for my interest in SME and my desire to grow up to be just like my Pops he would’ve lost me somewhere around 14.

Life after his marriage to Cynthia was hard on me. I didn’t have a steady or healthy female role model in Los Angeles. I got left with nannies and forced into sleepovers so that he could go live his bachelor life. It was hard. More than one time I’d get left at a slumber party at whoever he was dating’s house with her kids and their nanny. More than once I faked sick, lied to the nanny and told them I was calling my Mom and I’d call Cynthia for her to come pick me up. As I grew old enough to realize that he wasn’t forced to move to LA but chose it I started to harbor resentment towards him despite still idolizing him. I’d learned what a Dad should be like when Mom married Marco. And while I never compared them it was hard to know that the things my friend’s got to do with their Dads that mine was always MIA and I was lucky that Marco wanted to be that kind of step-father.

Then I started working with Pops. Everything changed. He gained an appreciation for my brain. Not just the little girl spinning in desk chairs and throwing out random ideas. But someone who knew what she was doing. Each summer I spent with him we grew closer together. Then when I moved here after college it was as if I finally had the relationship with my father I’d always dreamed of. I saw him every day. He told me he loved me every day. We had dinner at least one night a week. We’d travel together on business trips. Our careers built the relationship we’d both always wanted. It wasn’t just about work either. It was getting the chance to have the father/daughter relationship we’d both always dreamed of but had struggled to accomplish because of distance.

We were finally in a good place. What if we lost it all now? What if I lost him? What if my hero was gone? Would I know how to function without him? Will I end up just like him? Someday someone will find me dead at my desk, pen still in hand from signing a contract? I was scared for my father and scared for myself all at once. I felt the tears start to stream down my face again.

“She still hasn’t said a word?” Harry asked.

“Not a single one. It breaks my heart. She is finally expressing some emotion. She laughed last night once. She’s done her fair share of crying. She cried when I got here last night. She cried in here last night a little and Rachel said that she cried when the twins and Ty showed up. Then again when you got here. So I think she’s getting closer.”

“I hope so. I don’t know how to help her if she can’t tell me what she needs.”

You are all I need. Here in your arms, that’s all I need.

“She just needs you. This is the calmest she’s seemed since I got here last night. There was a moment last night I was glad she was still in shock and not speaking,” Cynthia said laughing a little.

“What happened?”

“Well, the doctors all assumed that I was Jimmy’s wife because Rachel had called Evie her sister and Jimmy her Dad. She used to volunteer at the hospital and knew that until Jimmy was awake or Evie could talk she couldn’t provide an approved list of guests. Saying she was family meant they would let her in. When he was able to have visitors after surgery the doctor’s said ‘Mrs. Scarcello, you and one of your daughters can go in to see your husband.’ Well as they walked away Jimmy’s latest got a little bent out of shape about me getting to see him first. I didn’t want Evie to go in alone and Jessica didn’t seem like the most supportive person for Evie. I relented. They came in together. Not even a minute later Jessica came out mumbling that she couldn’t do it.”

Babe, she let Jessica have it. It was amazing. I wish I’d had the courage to speak up and tell her how I felt.

“Needless to say Jimmy won’t be dealing with her anymore.”

“Damn,” Harry replied laughing quietly. “It is probably a good thing that Evie lost her ability to speak. That wouldn’t have been pretty. She and Jessica weren’t exactly friendly.”

“Oh, I know. Jimmy called me after that first weekend in Malibu. He wanted to know how Evie and I got to be friends. It did take a while, she was untrusting of anyone who came into Jimmy’s life. She thought they were trying to replace Grace.”

“Gracie is amazing,” Harry said.

“She is. The way that she and Jimmy stayed friends was something I was so happy about and also envied. My girls’ father and I couldn’t do that.”

“I’ve never heard Rachel talk about her father.”

“She hasn’t seen him since she was probably 13 and that was for a dinner and it was the first one he’d had since she was 11. He tried calling again when she was 16 and I told her she could say no. He and I had a nasty split, he walked out when the girls were all very little. He ended up in some legal trouble shortly after I left and fled the country. I know it sounds completely fictional but my ex was a piece of work. The girls are lucky that Jimmy was such a good man. He was their father. He did what he could to be a positive male influence on their lives, even after we split. He was just always so busy. They’d see him for birthdays, graduations, whatever he could make it to, but whenever he was in a relationship he inevitably had someone who didn’t like that he still filled in as the Dad for father/daughter dances for his ex-wife’s three daughters. When Rachel got married last year she wanted to ask Jimmy to walk her down the aisle. He even once offered to me that he would when we’d met up for dinner and he’d had a little too much wine. In the end, I asked Rachel to ask my father who was so ecstatic to walk her down the aisle.”

“If Jimmy was willing to why didn’t you let him?”

“I felt that Evie should get to have that with her father first.”

I would’ve loved for him to walk Rachel down the aisle. I’d even let him walk Kayci or Kourtney down the aisle. He was more of a father to them than anyone else ever had been.

Harry and Cynthia sat talking for what felt like hours while I drifted in and out of sleep. I liked that he was getting the chance to know her, I just wish it was under different circumstances. They should be having this conversation over a nice table with delicious food and a lot of wine. Not over my father who was lying in a hospital bed, still not awake.

Eventually, Harry made me leave the room with him so we could get food. I picked at the fries and shake that he’d had Sam get when he went to get all of us food. Harry had ordered me a sandwich too but I was refusing to eat it. We all switched out shifts for the remainder of the afternoon and evening. As 8:00 came we all opted that it was time for people to go home. Rachel needed to sleep in a real bed and not on hospital waiting room chairs. Her back was bothering her and we needed her to keep that baby happy. The twins tried to convince their mother that they were staying but she wasn’t having it. She told them she wanted them to at least go home and sleep for a little while. Ty refused to leave and no one fought him on that. Sam promised to stop and check on Harold and Linda let us know she’d go check on all of the animals at my father’s house.

We rotated who sat in the hospital room with Cynthia. We knew we couldn’t pull off getting all four of us in the room and as much as I wanted to be with my father I also wanted to feel safe with Harry. So we’d alternate every hour who got to go sit with Cynthia. I started, then Ty, then me again, then Harry. Ty kept telling me I needed to sleep and to just stay in the waiting room with Harry to sleep. Finally around 2:00 AM I relented. I was exhausted I wanted to sleep for more than an hour at a time.

“Evie, wake up,” Ty said as he gently shook me. “Come with me.” I followed him back to my father’s room. I walked in to see my father sitting up and talking to Cynthia. The sun was rising over Los Angeles out the window in his room bathing the room, and my father, in the most beautiful light.

“Hey there, Evie,” Pops said. I rushed to his side as the tears ran down my cheeks.

Notes