The next few weeks were filled with tour rehearsals and finding out more about ‘her’. The boys have been very supportive. But our jobs came first. Well, we love our job. Singing with your five best mates is probably the greatest thing I could see myself doing. But after several long rehearsals I had to get cracking on this case. And we were set to leave on our tour pretty soon and I haven’t even gotten any information on what I should do next.

Is it crazy that I need someone to push me forward? Someone to show me what I have to do next in order to find her? I need help and I need it now.

I paced around my room trying to think of solutions on how to find out more about her. I noticed the several suitcases I had packed waiting to be brought downstairs to be loaded on the tour bus. We were set to leave tomorrow afternoon. But I felt as if something was eating away at me. I walked into my bedroom and looked at a picture I had rested on my bedside table. It was a picture of Jude and me. Mark had taken the picture of us when we were in Colorado. She took me skiing near her home. It was probably one of my favorite memories of her. She was just so full of life and I didn’t know that she was being eaten away by a disease that was going to kill her one day. She pretended as if everything was okay. She had a beautiful smile plastered on her face.

I grabbed the photo and walked with it in my hand out to my pile of suitcases. I had to bring her along with me. If there was any chance of me finding ‘her’, our daughter, I had to make sure Judith is there. Not physically but as if her spirit was there. That our daughter would know just by looking at the photo that the woman in the photo was in fact her mother. Well, in a biological sense. This mother of hers isn’t going to be able to raise her but she will know that a piece of her still lives on in her.

I placed the photo within my smallest suitcase and zipped it close. I heard a faint knock on the door. I haven’t ordered any take-out or anything and the boys were all resting for our start to our trip tomorrow so it couldn’t be them either. I walked over to the door and undid the locks on the door. I opened up the door and came face to face with a face that I have grown quite closely too since Judith’s passing. It was in fact her best friend.

“Hey Bridge,” I smiled at her.

“Hey Niall,” she answered, “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” I instructed her inside, “What can I do for you?”

“I know something that I think you should know,” she responded in a serious tone.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked

“Yeah a water,” she responded, “But about this information.”

“What about it?” I asked as I made my way to the fridge.

I opened the door and started pulling open random drawers trying to figure out where Louis put my water. He was over the other day trying to restock my fridge after he went shopping for me. He said that I needed a few things. And when he came back let’s just say that he had a ton of bags in his hand. After searching for the drawer that contained the water I finally found it. I need a freaking map to find it. Louis just likes to confuse me.

“It’s about your daughter,” she spoke and I instantly froze and dropped the water on the floor.

“Wh-h-a-at about it?” I stuttered

“I think I may have found a way to find out more about her,” she responded.

“How?” I picked up the water and off the ground and handed it to her

She smiled, “The hospital.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?” I answered

I really haven’t thought about the hospital. Just thinking about that place is just horrible. That was where Judith died. And that’s the only thing I think about when the word hospital is mentioned. I mean I just found out about my daughter and I really didn’t put two and two together. I mean a hospital is where a baby is born. I really haven’t thought that a hospital could be a good thing since a hospital is mostly used to care for the sick. But it is also used to bring beautiful human beings into the world.

“So we go to the hospital,” I started, “And what?”

“Well, we go and see all the babies born on the date that Judith gave birth to your daughter,” she answered.

“And how do we know what day she gave birth?” I asked

Bridgette laughed, “I was there silly.”

I let out a small chuckle, “I should’ve known that too.”

I forgot that Judith left us after I almost cheated on her back when she came to surprise me. I mean it wasn’t my fondest moment and I think that was her reason for leaving me. I think that was how she saw us breaking up without telling me about her dying. But I shouldn’t have even let that girl in my room that night. I shouldn’t have attempted or felt like I had to do anything. I had an amazing girl but I guess that I missed her so much that I wasn’t thinking clearly. That in fact I needed to fill the void somehow and maybe that involved making an irrational decision. I loved her and I ruined it.

Maybe when she caught me with that girl she was going to tell me that she was in fact pregnant. I mean she did look like she gained weight when I saw her there but I didn’t think of the pregnant possibility. Sometimes we think and we avoid the obvious. Or we think about the obvious without realizing that it could be more complex then we realize. I mean life is short, Judith has taught me this. We must live our life as we see fit because we never know when our time will come.

Maybe I should be living my life by finding ‘her’.

Can I name her so I can stop saying ‘her’? I mean I am her father and I should give her a name. I mean it’s easier to talk about her if I give her a name. I have never been good with names before. I mean she deserves a name. I mean once I meet her I’m sure her name will be something different. I don’t even think that Judith named her. Well, maybe.

“Did Judith name her?” I asked Bridgette

Bridgette’s emotions changed from happy to serious in point two seconds. I knew I hit a soft spot with her. Bringing Judith into the mix on the topic was my daughter hit the bone. I mean it was as if you took an object and slid it against your bone making it feel awkward. Or like after you get the cast off your arm and your arm feels weird. That’s probably how Bridgette feels.

“Uhhhhh,” she stuttered, “I don’t know why?”

“I just think we deserve to give her a name,” I responded.

“Why?” she asked

“Because I can’t keep calling her ‘her ‘or my daughter. I feel that if I named her she would seem more real,” I told her.

“I see,” she smiled, “What did you have in mind?”

“What kind of names did Judith like?” I asked

“She never really discussed names,” she responded, “She didn’t think that she would be alive to keep the baby. And after you two had your falling out she came to the conclusion to give her up for adoption. She held her once and then gave her away.”

“Well, let me think of a name that Judith would have liked and something that I would like too,” I responded.

I pondered different names in my head. I started with the letter of the alphabet.

A…Abigail…Amy…Anne no.

B…Becky…Brandy…Brenda no.

C…Charlie…Cassidy…Cayden...no…well maybe.

I went through the alphabet twice trying to find the right name. She deserved a beautiful name. She was going to be a beautiful girl. I decided to ponder on one last letter, one more time before calling it quits.
C...Cayden

Wait…Hayden.

That was it! Hayden.

Hayden Judith Horan.

Nice ring to it right?

“Hayden,” I whispered.

“What did you say?” Bridgette leaned in

“Her name will be Hayden,” I answered smiling at her.

“Hayden,” Bridgette spoke, “Rolls right off the tongue.”

“Even if I’m not going to raise her I would’ve named her Hayden Judith Horan,” I spoke.

“Judith would’ve liked that,” she smiled at me.

“I know she would have,” I smiled back at her.

Bridgette gave me the plan for finding Hayden. She wants us to go to the hospital tomorrow morning before we all leave for the tour. We need to find something out about who adopted her. Find out where she is. Find out anything about what happened that day. Bridgette knows the day that Judith gave birth. She knows where they took Hayden after Judith gave birth. I mean they take the newborn babies to the new nursery. So the nurses in the nursery may know a little bit about the family that adopted her. The family that adopted my daughter. The family that adopted Hayden.

Now all I got to do is focus on my tour and trying to find Hayden.

Hayden, I like the sound of that even if that isn’t her real name.

+++++++++

Okay here is the end to Chapter 5. I really hope they find out what they need to know about Hayden. I like that name Hayden. It’s beautiful. To tell you the truth I didn’t want to use an original name like Anne or Debra. I mean Hayden sounds just as pretty as that. So if you want to you can rate, share, comment anything you want about the story. Oh and sorry for grammar errors. I’m not very good at English grammar. Never have been and probably never will lmao.

Well, I will update soon Cupcakes!!
Becky xx