A Reason to Love

Everyone in my life has a reason to love. Both of my parents have their spouses. Nine out of my eleven best friends have a significant lover they are head over heels in love with. And then there’s me. Don’t get my wrong of course I love my family, friends, and fans but I can’t marry any of them. I’m here waiting for the feeling of falling and knowing I will get caught. The falling feeling is all too familiar for me, but even though at the time I thought someone had caught me they had just been holding onto my pinky finger to let me go at any moment.

Of course in this pursuit I’m not alone.Niall and Andrew are single as well and are thriving, but they all are happily content with the single life. Of course I’m content and most would assume after my last relationship I would want to avoid them, but I’m the girl that is in love with love. Of course I could simply be in love with the idea of love, but I’m still trying to figure it out. I’m at that stage where I’m still figuring everything out. It doesn’t all make sense right now, but I know that when I do find the right person I will know that I’m actually in love with THEM and not the IDEA of love. I am only twenty one so there is no rush.

Everyone keeps trying to set me up on dates, but they are all focused on the physical part of a relationship and that is the very last thing on my mind. The fact that I’m not ready to have sex is actually a major reason of my last breakup. He wasn’t willing to respect me and the fact that I wanted to wait so I left. Everybody has an ideal of how they want their first time to be, they want it perfect. I just want it to me with someone who I’m head over heels, in a sandpit, full of love with and I need to know that they actually love me back. Sex is the most vulnerable I believe you could ever be with someone else, so if that person didn’t love me I would be gutted.

A key factor that has to do with my ideal of love is that both my parents are in amazing relationships with their spouses and they are relationship goals. I literally get reminded of this each day on social media whenever I see pictures of any of my parents. Having to live up to two marriages that seem so amazing and perfect can take a toll on how I view my own relationships and how I deal with situations. Both sets have talked to me about how I shouldn’t try to have a relationship like theirs I can’t help it. I crave for a relationship like theirs, but I only end up with toxicity and I don’t understand why. This is why I vow to only date if someone gives me a reason to fall in love. Until then it’ll just be me supporting my friends and family, working hard, and trying to make my fans proud.

Notes

I know this is a short chapter, but I promise they will be longer. I just felt like this would be a nice first chapter. I hope you enjoy my first fanfic!