When You Love Someone

“Mila Gray Styles get down from there now,” I said sternly to my three year old daughter who was in the process of climbing onto the counter in order to get a cookie that I already told her she couldn’t have.

“Mommyyyyy,” she whined. I promise you that I’m raising a teenager instead of a three year old. I guess what they say about threenager is totally true.

“If you’re not down by the count of three you’re sitting in time out. 1….2….” I started and she was still getting on the counter and by the time I was at three her hand was in the cookie jar. I picked her up off the counter and took the cookie away from her.

“I don’t want to go into timeout,” She began to whale. This outburst caused James to run out of his room in a panic.

“Is sissy okay?” He asked me as I walked past him to the timeout corner I have. I sat Mila down in her chair and set the timer before turning and taking a hold of James’ hand and leading him into the living room.

“She’s fine. She just wasn’t listening to mumma,” I explained to him as we approached the couch. Once I sat down he climbed onto the couch and onto my lap. He is definitely a momma’s boy and I love it. Mila on the other hand isn’t either a momma’s girl or a daddy’s girl. She’s just a girl who likes to live in her own world where she thinks she’s independent and doesn’t have to follow rules.

“Mummy?” James asked after a few seconds of silence. Since I’m American and Harry is obviously English both Mila and James have a mixture of our accents and it’s adorable. James English accent is a little heavier than his American one while Mila is the opposite. Her American accent is the heavier of the two.

“What’s going on bubba?” I asked running my hands through his hair.

“When do I get to see daddy again?” He replied completely breaking my heart. The past few times Harry was supposed to come get or visit with the kids he canceled without giving any reason as to why. He’s supposed to be coming this weekend to visit with them for the day, but we’ll see if that actually happens.

“I’m not sure buddy. Once Mila is out of timeout do you want to try and facetime him?” I asked and James nodded his head as fast as he could while getting excited. While he is a momma’s boy he completely adores his dad.

Three minutes have gone by and it was time for me to go talk to Mila. I sat James down where I was once seated on the couch and he began to look at the pictures in one of his books while I went to talk with his sister. When I got to her she was pouting and had her arms crossed.

“Do you know why mommy had to put you in timeout?” I asked her and she nodded her head.

“Cause I didn’t listen to you,” She said still pouting.

“When mommy says you can’t do something you have to listen to me okay?” I asked her and she nodded her head, “Good now give me a hug and kiss,” I said opening my arms wide for her. At first she was hesitant and then she launched herself into my arms and I covered her face in kisses causing her to laugh.

“Mommy stooooop it,” She said in between giggles.

“I’ll stop when you say you love me,”

“I...I love you,” She said while trying to contain her giggles.

“Good. Now should we go watch a movie with bubby?” I asked her and she nodded her head. Once in the living room she got on the couch while I picked out the movie that I know both kids love dearly. I put it into the DVD player and then went to sit between the two and they cuddled into my sides as the previews started. Right as the DVD got to the main menu for How to Train Your Dragon my phone began to ring. I checked and it was Harry calling me. I pressed play and then stood up and walked into the backyard before answering my phone.

“What’s up?” I asked him.

“I was wondering if you were doing anything with the kids right now,” He replied and I rolled my eyes.

“Right now they’re watching How to Train Your Dragon. Later tonight we’re going over to have dinner with Vivi, Paul, and Lani. Why?”

“Well I’m actually down the street from your house and I was wondering if I could stop by and see the kids for a bit,”

“Sure if you’re fine watching the movie with them,”

“That’s perfectly fine with me. I’ll be there soon,” He said before hanging up. I let out one frustrated sigh before heading back inside. I took my seat in between them and paused the movie.

“Just so you two know daddy will be here soon to watch the movie with us,” I said and James let out a cheer while Mila scooted closer to me.

“Can I still cuddle with you?” She asked me. Even though she likes to act like she doesn’t have parents sometimes she can be really clingy, especially to me.

“Of course you can buggie,” I said kissing the top of her head. Soon the doorbell rang and I stood up and Mila instantly picked up a blanket and hid under it while James ran to the door ahead of me. Once I was there I told him it was okay to open the door after I checked the peep hole to make sure it was actually Harry. At the sight of his dad James tackled him into a hug. I let the two have their moment while I walked back into the living room and moved Mila onto my lap.

“I don’t want to see daddy,” She whispered to me.

“Why no buggie?” I asked her concerned.

“He didn’t want to see me. So I don’t want to see him,” She said and I knew exactly the reasoning now. When Mila isn’t around someone at least once a week she reverts to her shy self and that means avoiding anyone she’s no longer comfortable with.

“He’s your daddy Mila. Why don’t you just give him a little hug and a kiss and then you can cuddle with mommy for the rest of the time he’s here,” I said and she reluctantly agreed to it. When Harry sat down on the other end of the couch she went and hugged him and gave him a kiss.

“How have you been Mila bug?” He asked her as they continued to hug.

“Okay. I want mommy now,” She said as she struggled to free herself from her father’s grip. Once he let her go she came back and sat on my lap and snuggled into me.

“Are you taking us daddy?” James asked in excitement.

“Not tonight buddy. I’m here to watch a movie with you guys. If it’s okay with mummy I’ll pick you guys up from preschool tomorrow and take out for pizza and ice cream,” Harry said and both kids turned and looked up at me and I just nodded my head. I knew that if I said no I would be bad mommy and they wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. Harry knows that I hate when he does this, but he continues to put me in the position anyways.

“I’m going press play and then daddy and I are going to talk outback. We’ll be right back,” I said to the kids and they nodded their heads. I placed Mila down and headed outback with Harry. Once the door was closed behind us I let out a frustrated scream.

“What the fuck Harry? We’ve talked about you doing that. You set it up so I have to say yes, you can’t just not see your children in person for four months and then take them out,” I said.

“I know, but I also knew that you would say no if I did it any other way than that. I just want to spend time with them,” He explained.

“I actually would’ve said yes if you had talked to me about it first. Why haven’t you been around anyways?” I asked.

“I’ve just been spending some time with Tyla,” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“So your girlfriend has officially become more important than your kids? Great to know Harry thank you. I’ll let you be the one to explain that to them, because I’m not going to break their hearts more than you already have. Do you even remember that their birthday is next week?” This question was followed by silence and this caused a sad laugh to escape my lips.

“That’s sad Harry. Don’t worry I have their birthday planned out already and since you didn’t reply to any of my calls or texts during that time my plans can’t be changed now,”

“What do you have planned?”

“I’m taking them to Disney World. My family is coming and so is your mom, Gemma, Cody, Paul, and Piper. The reason I was calling and texting you was because I wanted to know if you wanted to join us. Now everything is planned for only thirteen of us and I can’t add anyone else,” I said.

“Well can Tyla and I get them when you guys get back?” He asked me.

“You can, but I don’t want them around Tyla. I haven’t even met her yet and I don’t feel comfortable having them around someone I haven’t met yet,” I replied and he let an exasperated sigh.

“We’ve been dating for five months now. I think it’s finally time that she meets them, Tilly. If it’s so important for you to meet her first we can set up a time this week for you two to meet. There is something I need to tell you first though,” He said and I just nodded my head already feeling so over this conversation.

“Tilly, Tyla is three months pregnant,” He said and as the words left his mouth my world came crumbling down. Harry and I met when I was three and we’ve been best friends since and obviously we fell and love and had Mila and James. It was when I told him I was pregnant he decided he couldn’t be with me. He wasn’t ready to be a father because he was only 20, but I was 18 and I wasn’t ready. He had the option to leave and he took it. It was only when the twins were six months that he wanted to step up and be there dad, and I let him because I knew how important that bond was. Knowing that he’s staying for her when he couldn’t do the same for me hurt like hell. Knowing that he’s going to have a child with someone who is not me hurt even worse. Knowing that forever Mila and James will have a stronger connection with Harry than with me now hurt the worst. He’s giving them something I hoped that we could give them together, but that clearly isn’t a possibility anymore.

Notes