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Crossroads

Chapter 3

I had already decided it was going to be a crummy day before my feet even hit the floor.

With a loud yawn, I slammed my hand a final time against my alarm clock, dragging a hand across my face to wipe the sleep out of my eyes. My head had hardly left the pillow before I was hit with the strongest wave of nausea that sent me running straight to the bathroom. I could never prepare myself for the nasty feeling that crept its way into my system each morning and refused to settle down until well after noon. As the final days of my first trimester came to a close, I only seemed to feel sicker than ever.

This baby was making me pay for every moment I've spent doubting it.

I hovered over the toilet in a violent dry heave, wishing I could just cancel the day and crawl back into bed but I had goals I needed to meet. I had two dozen lemon cupcakes to make for a bridal shower and a plate of chicken salad for an office going-away party. Plus after a three-week hiatus I was dying to get back to my Pilates class. No matter how horrible I felt I was determined to not let my temporary condition hold me back from everyday life.

After completing my morning routine I threw on a pair of leggings and a sports bra that was almost too small and headed to the kitchen in search of some sort of caffeine. Food was still very much an unsolved issue. I could hardly keep anything down and because I now had the job of growing another human being, I was running on low energy. Coffee was my only saving grace.

I'd hardly noticed Harry leaned against the countertop as I made a beeline for the coffeemaker.

"Morning, darling." he drawls.

He's dressed smartly in a button up and blazer, a clear indication that it was a day at the office for him.

"Morning," I reply shortly balancing on my toes to peep in the cupboard for a mug.

"Where are you off to today?" he asks casually.

I grab the first mug in sight, a standard tiffany blue one that had been apart of a china set Mom had given us for as a wedding present, and pour as much coffee as it can hold.

"Pilates. Haven't been in a couple of weeks. I need to get my mojo back,"

He raises an eyebrow pressing his own mug to his lips.

"Don't you think you should quit for a while? That can't be totally healthy for the baby, yeah?"

I hadn't really thought about what I should and shouldn't do during my pregnancy. As far as I was concerned I was able to do everything any other woman was capable of doing until I could no longer see my toes.

"Exercise is good. Just because I'm growing a baby between my hips doesn't mean I have to become a couch potato. I'm pregnant, not an invalid." I reply sharply before taking a generous sip of coffee.

A dimpled smirk settles on his lips.

"Shouldn't be drinking that either. Caffeine's not good for the baby."

My eye twitches in annoyance. I haven't been up for a whole hour yet and he's already bossing me around.

"Oh really? Says who?" I question defensively.

"A little search engine called google. You should check it out sometime, Riv." he replies smoothly.

I set down my mug with a twinge of guilt and curiosity. We'd still had yet to sit down and properly talk about how different life was going to be in the following months and as always Harry was a closed book. There were still so many things I wasn't sure of and hearing the word 'baby' suddenly in his vocabulary was confusing.

"You researched this?"

I run a hand through my barely brushed hair awaiting an answer.

Harry shrugs.

"Sure. Why'd ya look so surprised? " he rasped. "this is important information you should know."

I chew at my lip in thought avoiding his penetrating jade eyes. I hate to admit that I've developed a level of mistrust. Sometimes it's so hard to tell whether or not he's being genuine or looking to start a fight.

"I'm just surprised," I weak slowly, searching his face for some sort of offense. "and disappointed. Coffee's my kryptonite right now."

He chuckles slowly, abandoning his coffee to move closer to me.

"Well, you'll just have to find another, babe," his eyes shift to the kitchen clock briefly. "I've got to run. I'll be late if I don't leave now."

He leans down pressing a quick kiss to my mouth.

"Lay off the caffeine and don't work yourself too hard, yeah?"

He stares at me pointedly and I bite back my grin.

"Can't keep any promises. Have a great day, Harry."

He's gone in the blink of an eye and I find myself with a permanent blush for the rest of the morning.

Why is he so hard to read?

****
"River! Long time no see,"

I'd hardly had a chance to place my mat down before the petite, wide-eyed brunette was squealing at me. My pilates class was full of spoiled trophy wives and catty soccer moms whose main loves in life were yoga pants and iced coffee. This hour of exercise was like the holy grail of their day because nothing beats a good work out and some juicy gossip. The thought that in seven-plus months I could possibly be one of those women made me shutter.

"It's only been three weeks, Hannah," I reply whilst pulling my hair back away from my face.

Hannah was a young, bubbly mother who talked too much for my liking. We were 'mat mates' in that our mats were positioned near each other but that was the extent of our relationship. In her mind we're the best of friends but I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth.

"That's almost a whole month! I gain like ten pounds if I miss a week. But look at you, still runway ready and glowy as ever. I don't know how you do it, especially with your job and all. I'd be eating non-stop! My body's never been the same since I had Bristol,"

I was still failing to see this 'glow' that everyone kept mentioning but I didn't mind the compliment.

"I had a bit of a stomach bug. Been drinking a lot of water and vitamin C. That's probably it," I lie hoping to shut down any more conversation about babies and weight.

I was certain that I'd gained at least ten pounds within the last month but with my height it was easy to disguise. I wonder how I'm supposed to explain myself once I finally start rolling up to class sporting a full-on baby bump.

"You poor thing!" Hannah squeals. "I don't know whether to pity you or envy you."

I'm saved from any further conversation when our instructor enters the room and lies her mat on the floor immediately diving into the warm-up. I take a deep breath as I'm told, hoping to rid my body of its newfound stress and tension.

I bend down preparing to settle into downward dog when the blood rushes to my head all too fast almost causing me to lose my footing. Down dog was never my favorite stretch and by the violent churning of my stomach, I can tell the baby's not a fan of being turned upside down either. I take a few deep breaths, hoping that the feeling will pass but the bile is already rising to my throat.

Trying my hardest not to make a scene I spring up from my mat and stumble off to the nearest restroom, hardly kicking open the stall before I'm regurgitating what little contents I'd consumed into the porcelain bowl.

I let out a weak groan of exhaustion, hot tears spilling from the corners of my eyes. When the second wave hits I'm gripping the edge of the toilet seat as if my life depends on it, full on sobbing in anguish.

Why is this so goddamn miserable?

"River. River are you okay?"

Hannah's loud voice echoes throughout the empty restroom doing little to startle me in my delicate state. She looks surprised once she finds me crouched in a fetal position.

"You poor thing!" she coos.

Her figure is blurry through my tears and I brush the stray tendrils peaking from my ponytail out of my face, not wanting to risk looking any worse than I already did.

"Here, let me help you up."

She reaches out her hand but I shake my head.

"Honestly, Hannah. I'm fine," My voice comes out in a miserable croak that isn't very convincing.
I bear down on the stall's ball to help myself up. The room still feels like its spinning when I stand to my feet and I squeeze my eyes shut only to realize I'd never stopped crying.

Hannah smile sympathetically following me as I head to the sink.

"I've got a Gatorade in my gym bag and I've always keep a packet of goldfish in my purse for Bristol. You're welcome to have them."

I ignore her offer as I stoop over the faucet and swish the water around my mouth in hopes of getting the bitter taste of bile off my tongue. Grabbing a paper towel I dab away the perspiration on my forehead whilst staring at my reflection. Apart from a slight puffiness around my eyes, I had a healthy flush in cheeks. I didn't look my worse but I certainly felt it.

"You're expecting, aren't you?"

She stares at me through the mirror, a knowing smirk upon her lips.

My stomach drops and I nervously chew at my lip.

"What-what makes you think that?" I stutter, blurting the first thing that comes to mind.

I hadn't even told my own mother I was pregnant yet and the last thing I wanted was the mouth of the South to be the first to know.

"C'mon River. Stomach bugs last no longer than what, forty-eight hours? Plus that glow just doesn't come from drinking water. I'm not stupid. I've been pregnant before, you know."

Damnit. I've got to learn to be consistent with my lies.

I stare down at my bare feet with a defeated sigh, nodding slowly.

"Oh my gosh! " she squeals "That's amazing! I'm so excited for you! Bristol will have a playmate!"

She doesn't hesitate to pull me in for a hug, her thin arms squeezing tight against my torso. She smells like cupcakes and her embrace is warm and so of full of genuineness that I find myself tearing up again.

"Don't cry. I promise not to tell anyone if you don't want me to," she speaks whilst pulling away.

I wipe away my tears slowly, swallowing the large lump in my throat.

"It's just been a huge adjustment. I've never felt more miserable in my life."

The words sound stupid coming out of my mouth. I know there's many people in the world with larger problems and all I am is an emotional pregnant woman but there's so much more to this. When I realize that a random woman in my pilates class has been more supportive of my pregnancy than my own husband all I can do is cry.

"Morning sickness is a real bitch, I know. It'll get better soon. Once you get past the first trimester you'll be as happy as a fat cat."

I want to be happy. I want to be happy so badly but I can't help but feel like this baby is spoiling everything: my exercise my marriage, my sanity.

I open my mouth to say protest but I quickly close it as not to reveal too much information. I simply plaster on a smile.

"I should probably go.I've got so much to do." I announce feverishly. "Thanks for your help, Hannah."

She grins.

"No problem. Sure you don't want those goldfish?"

I chuckle.

"Sure, why not?"
****
I somehow felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders after admitting my pregnancy to Hannah. It felt nice talking to someone who seemed to understand at least part of what I was going through and I didn't have to feel like the village outcast carrying around a deep, dark secret.

If only I was certain that I had the support of someone else.

"Audley,"

The muffled familiar voice and the wrapping of knuckles against my car window woke me with a start. After making my food rounds, I'd arranged to meet up with Ryan at the farmer's market. It had been a few weeks since we'd seen each other or really even talked and I'd needed to get some shopping done anyway. I must have dozed off while waiting on him to arrive. It was so hard not to have a quiet moment to myself and not take a nap these days.

I flash a sleepy grin, slowly unbuckling my seatbelt.

"Sorry to wake you, Angel. You looked so peaceful but I'd probably be stuck standing here forever."

I chuckle slamming the door behind me.

"I'm fine," I reply staring into his blue eyes. "best fifteen minutes of sleep I've had in my life."

Ryan flashes his boyish grin pushing the hair that falls in his face away from his eyes.

"Haven't seen you in like three weeks," he speaks casually throwing an arm over my shoulder as we head over to the produce. "Harry keeping you locked away in his castle?"

I roll my eyes whilst grabbing a shopping bag.

"You know that's not true and you know I hate it when you say that." I replied sharply before tearing away from his to ogle at the fresh papayas on display.

He sighs.

"I know. I just can't help but notice that every time he comes back you disappear for awhile."

It wasn't a lie. The carefree days of childhood when our parents had to practically pry us away from each other's homes had been replaced with the adult responsibilities like work or my case, marriage. I often found myself struggling to balance my time between Harry and Ryan and usually ended up spending extended periods of time with one or the other until something changed that. If Harry knew how much time Ryan and I spent together when he wasn't around he'd probably flip.

"Well I'm here now," I reply tossing the heavy fruit in the bag and hoping to change the subject. "what have you been up to lately?"

I'm far too busy salivating over the various amounts of fresh fruit to really pay attention to what he's saying. It was strange. This morning I was chugging coffee like my life depended on it but suddenly I felt as if I could live by fruit alone.

"I drove up to the beach to see Dad last weekend," he speaks from behind me. "ran into your mom. She said you were acting a little.. strange the last time you stopped by. Thought I might know what was going on."

I'd almost squeezed the orange in my hand to a pulp upon his last sentence, my stomach that had yet to be disturbed since this morning twisted into knots. I was sure I'd acted completely normal around my mother so why would she tell Ryan otherwise? Damn mother's intuition.

"Strange?" I squeak trying to control the flush of my cheeks."what does she mean strange? I'm totally fine."

He raises a thick eyebrow at me in concern. I could just come clean and make the announcement to my best friend that I was having a baby but I'd rather not go through this spill again for the second time today. I was sure there was a better time to have this conversation.

"You sure?"

I nod slowly.

"Positive. I'm fine."

I go back to tossing fruits in the bag and Ryan chuckles.

"What's with all the fruit? Your bag's going to burst if you keep piling it on."

I'd hardly noticed that I'd mindlessly loaded my bag up with mangos, peaches, avocados and probably fruits I didn't even know the name of.

I shrug.

"It's spring. People like fruits in spring."

Ryan grins.

"You're a mess,"

If only he knew.




Notes

Hiya!

So I survived finals week and I'm out for the summer! That means more time to focus the journey of River, Harry and baby Styles. It's going to be a bumpy ride so keep the tissues on stand by!

So this was a bit of a filler chapter. I hate to even write them but with a story like this that deals with the journey of pregnancy, a process that's pretty long, they're kind of necessary so I apologize in advance if I manage to bore you.

So here's somethings to think about for this chapter. Harry seems to be somewhat involved and not a distant in this chapter? Do you think he's beginning to grow to care about the baby? About River? If so why is he being so tight lipped about it?

We also get to see River's experience with morning sickness, cravings and mood swings. When do you think she'll come clean to everyone about her pregnancy? Will Hannah make sure not to run her mouth? Will she ever be able to pick up pilaties again? Do you think her mother suspects something is going on? Any gender predictions of what the baby will be?

And lastly, River and Ryan? Thoughts on them? Do you think he's a big fan of Harry? Do you think there's something between them? Is he suspicious as well?

Sorry for all the questions, I just love to hear what you all think!

I'm honestly not to pleased with this chapter so I'd love to know if you liked it, hated it, if there's any changes to be made. Also in the future, be prepared to see some flashbacks!

Thanks for reading and feel free to leave a little review! It only takes about a minuet!

Until next time!


daydreamsandafternoontea.tumblr.com



Comments

@nvrmind
Welcome new reader! I'm so glad you've joined us! This review has really made my day!

River certainly goes through a lot dealing with Harry and it's great that she has a pretty stable support group around her. Each one of her friends and family is so important!

You're the first reader to catch the "perfect man" in Harry's character description. That was definitely purposely done because Harry and River are far from it, together and apart. From the outside looking in, Harry and River seem to have it all, but neither one of them is happy. Harry's character profile is definitely worth exploring.

I'm glad you mention Ryan because he's always the odd man out. It's not at all hard to tell that he has something against Harry. What that is we shall find out but you might be on to it already. Hannah is so sweet!

While we do see a lot of River and Kate's relationship, it will be interesting to look at River's childhood and how growing up with a young single mother affected her. Harry's family is a totally different story and they definitely leave more to be desired. I think you're right. River does seem to have a fear of being a single mother. I think it stems from the void she seems to feel from not have a traditional, nuclear family. She wants it so bad for herself and her baby that being a single parent would be like a major failure to her. Not sure if we'll get any flashbacks of Harry and River but we will certainly discover more of their relationship.

One thing you should know about me is that I absolutely adore when readers ask me questions and give me deep analysis of my stories. I love interacting and talking with readers so don't be shy about asking me questions! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to review! There's an update coming very soon!

CrumpetsAndTea CrumpetsAndTea
2/18/19

Just started reading this and I've got a lot to say and ask. First of all, the characterisation is brilliant! Each character that has popped so far carry their own significance and seem to affect River's life in one way or another. The characters are complex and River is honestly mesmerising! She's really strong to be dealing with Harry's shit especially while being pregnant because a woman is really vulnerable during that time and needs support.

Secondly, I couldn't help but notice you've put "the perfect man" under Harry's picture in the character section. But that's the thing, isn't it? Neither him nor River are perfect in any way that's why this story is so compelling! Harry certainly has flaws inflicted by time and I can't wait to discover what they really are.

Ryan is pretty special in his own way. To River he's the support she needs sometime but I think he's harbouring bitter feelings for Harry and I might, might have an idea why. (He still calls River by her maiden name.) And I really love Hannah for being who she is!

As for River's mother, I need to read more about her because she seems like a pretty sweet mother and I really want to know how growing up with a single mother affected River. I can't say the same about Harry's family so I'll need more to figure out why his mother seemed like she didn't like River.

Also, does River have any fear of being a single parent? And I also want to know more about River and Harry's history, like how did they meet and stuff.

So many questions, I apologise. You're killing with this story!

nvrmind nvrmind
2/17/19

@CrumpetsAndTea
I've got an army out here baying for blood, I can't hold them back much longer.
If Harry is cheating I'm letting them loose. We'll steal River away and hide her somewhere

notinuseanymore notinuseanymore
1/20/19

@tumblruser99
Honestly, River is a totally catch. I'm sure anyone would be happy to take her away from Harry. *Cue Steal My Girl* You are the very first reader to suspect that Harry is cheating and it's probably the most interesting theory yet. Hold the ammo though until we have reasonable evidence lol.

I'm so glad you're enjoying this! Thanks for reading and re-reading there's an update coming in the near future!

CrumpetsAndTea CrumpetsAndTea
1/20/19

Harry's cheating... I am sure of it. Let me kill him, let me punch him in his adorable nose

If he is cheating I am leading an army into battle

notinuseanymore notinuseanymore
1/18/19