Never Let You Go
Chapter 4
Present
The door to the pub swung back against its hinges, taking with it the bustling noise of customers inside, Emilia hoping the door had hit Harry in the face; leaving him on the opposite side and away from her. But from the heavy breathing behind her, she knew that wasn’t the case. The tears came thick and fast once more, actually unsure of whether or not the watery substance belonged to the same cry as earlier- her tears often seeming to all morphe into one as if she has been in a never ending crying battle for years.
“Mi,” his voice was short and low. Her breath stopping for a nanosecond, getting caught momentaily at the mention of the nickname she had not heard for a long time. She closed her eyes, fighting back the urge to scream. She was conflicted between turning round and facing him or just running off into the night. She had imagined moments like this, fantasising about seeing Harry, her first love, her only love, again: each scenario being different every time. Sometimes she’d be wandering through the park, spot the bench in between the trees that they used to sit at all the time and see him there, his head turning and his mouth breaking into a wide grin when he noticed her coming towards him and they’d reunite with little kisses all over her face or other times Emilia would simply be shopping for nothing important and she’d spin round and with a hard thud, bump into the boy she had been waiting to see all along, her mind turning angry and lashing out at him, pumping her fists against his hard torso... but none the less, the stories she had faunicated in her mind never prepared her for the outburst of feelings she’d have. They never prepared her for the real life reactions, the real life new Harry that was standing mere centremetres from her turned body. Never prepared her for the conversation that would take place and never prepared her for the courage she needed to face the demon inside her that continued to remind her of the heart break the boy had caused.
They were standing face to face, now. Emilia couldn’t believe the boy that meant everything to her and nothing to her all at the same time was standing before her. She felt her nose flaring, her temperature rising, blood boiling as anger took over her. It was as if she was going through the five stages of the break up again, going immediately to anger as her hands formed into fists and she started whacking Harry in the middle repeatedly; over and over again, her small hands merely leaving marks on his hard exterior.
“Why!?” She screeched between digs. “Why are you fucking here?”
Her eyes were closed, fists thrashing, manic.
”I’m sorry,” Harry attempted over Emilias screeches.
“No, Harry!”
“Mi...” He’d managed to grab hold of her wrists, in his large hands, as she struggled to break loose from his hold; her eyes full of malice and craze.
“You don’t get it!”
Her breathing was heavy, erratic as she squealed through broken sobs.
”I didn’t just lose you that night, I lost my dad and you couldn’t even care less. This, me ruined, it’s all your fucking fault...”
*****
January 2011
Emilias POV
I was still frozen to the spot long after Harry had left me. Lily still hadn’t returned from what she was doing but I knew I needed to leave. I needed to be back home, in the comfort of my bedroom with the door bolted shut and the covers wrapped around me, tightly cradled in bed. Finally, my legs decided to work again as I navigated through the large house, in search of my friend. If I couldn’t find her, I’d have to break out of my comfort zone and walk home alone. I don’t know what intimidated me more in that moment; being alone in the dark or being alone with Harry.
I still couldn’t rack my brain around what had just happened. Why did he take my number? Why was he all of a sudden taking an interest in me? We were complete opposites. I was the quiet, good girl who handed all of her coursework in on time and was top of every class, where as Harry always seemed to be in trouble with the police, hanging round with gangs and doing things that made me quake in my boots. He hadn’t always been like that though. I remember when I first met him, a brief moment when we were both little, when I’d fell off the high swing in his back garden and grazed all my knee. I was crying out for my mum but she couldn’t hear me and instead Harry had quickly collected dampened tissues and wiped gently at the cut on my leg, ensuring me I was going to be alright and that he’d fell off the swing loads of times. It just meant I was brave. But as he got older, after his father went awol, he went from the sweet and gentle boy that had aided me to this grumpy, reserved and threatening person. Sometimes when I’d be forced to go round to his with my mum because dad was having his mates round for poker night, I’d have to witness Harry arguing terribly with his mother. It was quite frightening how close he’d get to his mums face, shouting abuse at her as if he was close to hitting her; not caring about the company before him. That’s when I’d think back to that seven year old boy in the garden and cherish the Harry that had to still be deep within...
”Em!” I heard Lily’s slurred voice as I whipped my head around to see her on the couch with the blonde boy who’d caught her affection; legs tangled around his lap, arms wrapped loosely around his neck, balancing the drink haphazardly in her right hand.
“Where’ve you been?” She elongated her words, cooing at me as I came closer to the pair tangled in a heated moment on the couch.
“Where you left me.”
I hadnt meant for it to sound rude but I was fed up. I was sober. I was tired.
“Oh don’t be like that!”
”Yeah, lighten up girl!” I hadn’t realised that Niall was Irish, obviously hadn’t heard him speak before. I gave him a small smile, not even wanting to acknowledge his presence but for the sake of Lily I tried to look as if I found his comment a laugh.
“I think I might leave soon.” I told Lily, watching as she immediately got up from Niall’s lap.
”Nooooooo, Em, can’t we stay!”
“You can stay.”
She looked at me, eyes glazed with alcohol. She was drunk but even in her dilarious state, she wouldn’t stay here without me. Even though she was very outgoing, she still needed the comfort of attending things with somebody so that she wasn’t completely alone if anything were to happen. She looked back to the blond boy, taking his face in her hands and giving him a long kiss on the lips; informing him drunkenly that he best text her or else and with that she linked my hand and we were out of the house and into the darkened drive, back onto the road.
Lily cosied more up to me, shivering in response at the freezing cold atmosphere and moaning that she should have remembered a jacket.
“Something strange happened before,” I suddenly confessed to Lily when we were back at hers and in our pyjamas, the lights out and the covers keeping us warm. The late night darkness engulfing me in the comfort of confession.
”What?” She sleepily questioned, the drunken haze making her drowsy.
“Harry Styles typed his number in my phone.”
“What?” She’d whipped her head around to me, sitting fully up in her bed. Even in the darkness, I could see her eyes wide with excitement.
The door to the pub swung back against its hinges, taking with it the bustling noise of customers inside, Emilia hoping the door had hit Harry in the face; leaving him on the opposite side and away from her. But from the heavy breathing behind her, she knew that wasn’t the case. The tears came thick and fast once more, actually unsure of whether or not the watery substance belonged to the same cry as earlier- her tears often seeming to all morphe into one as if she has been in a never ending crying battle for years.
“Mi,” his voice was short and low. Her breath stopping for a nanosecond, getting caught momentaily at the mention of the nickname she had not heard for a long time. She closed her eyes, fighting back the urge to scream. She was conflicted between turning round and facing him or just running off into the night. She had imagined moments like this, fantasising about seeing Harry, her first love, her only love, again: each scenario being different every time. Sometimes she’d be wandering through the park, spot the bench in between the trees that they used to sit at all the time and see him there, his head turning and his mouth breaking into a wide grin when he noticed her coming towards him and they’d reunite with little kisses all over her face or other times Emilia would simply be shopping for nothing important and she’d spin round and with a hard thud, bump into the boy she had been waiting to see all along, her mind turning angry and lashing out at him, pumping her fists against his hard torso... but none the less, the stories she had faunicated in her mind never prepared her for the outburst of feelings she’d have. They never prepared her for the real life reactions, the real life new Harry that was standing mere centremetres from her turned body. Never prepared her for the conversation that would take place and never prepared her for the courage she needed to face the demon inside her that continued to remind her of the heart break the boy had caused.
They were standing face to face, now. Emilia couldn’t believe the boy that meant everything to her and nothing to her all at the same time was standing before her. She felt her nose flaring, her temperature rising, blood boiling as anger took over her. It was as if she was going through the five stages of the break up again, going immediately to anger as her hands formed into fists and she started whacking Harry in the middle repeatedly; over and over again, her small hands merely leaving marks on his hard exterior.
“Why!?” She screeched between digs. “Why are you fucking here?”
Her eyes were closed, fists thrashing, manic.
”I’m sorry,” Harry attempted over Emilias screeches.
“No, Harry!”
“Mi...” He’d managed to grab hold of her wrists, in his large hands, as she struggled to break loose from his hold; her eyes full of malice and craze.
“You don’t get it!”
Her breathing was heavy, erratic as she squealed through broken sobs.
”I didn’t just lose you that night, I lost my dad and you couldn’t even care less. This, me ruined, it’s all your fucking fault...”
*****
January 2011
Emilias POV
I was still frozen to the spot long after Harry had left me. Lily still hadn’t returned from what she was doing but I knew I needed to leave. I needed to be back home, in the comfort of my bedroom with the door bolted shut and the covers wrapped around me, tightly cradled in bed. Finally, my legs decided to work again as I navigated through the large house, in search of my friend. If I couldn’t find her, I’d have to break out of my comfort zone and walk home alone. I don’t know what intimidated me more in that moment; being alone in the dark or being alone with Harry.
I still couldn’t rack my brain around what had just happened. Why did he take my number? Why was he all of a sudden taking an interest in me? We were complete opposites. I was the quiet, good girl who handed all of her coursework in on time and was top of every class, where as Harry always seemed to be in trouble with the police, hanging round with gangs and doing things that made me quake in my boots. He hadn’t always been like that though. I remember when I first met him, a brief moment when we were both little, when I’d fell off the high swing in his back garden and grazed all my knee. I was crying out for my mum but she couldn’t hear me and instead Harry had quickly collected dampened tissues and wiped gently at the cut on my leg, ensuring me I was going to be alright and that he’d fell off the swing loads of times. It just meant I was brave. But as he got older, after his father went awol, he went from the sweet and gentle boy that had aided me to this grumpy, reserved and threatening person. Sometimes when I’d be forced to go round to his with my mum because dad was having his mates round for poker night, I’d have to witness Harry arguing terribly with his mother. It was quite frightening how close he’d get to his mums face, shouting abuse at her as if he was close to hitting her; not caring about the company before him. That’s when I’d think back to that seven year old boy in the garden and cherish the Harry that had to still be deep within...
”Em!” I heard Lily’s slurred voice as I whipped my head around to see her on the couch with the blonde boy who’d caught her affection; legs tangled around his lap, arms wrapped loosely around his neck, balancing the drink haphazardly in her right hand.
“Where’ve you been?” She elongated her words, cooing at me as I came closer to the pair tangled in a heated moment on the couch.
“Where you left me.”
I hadnt meant for it to sound rude but I was fed up. I was sober. I was tired.
“Oh don’t be like that!”
”Yeah, lighten up girl!” I hadn’t realised that Niall was Irish, obviously hadn’t heard him speak before. I gave him a small smile, not even wanting to acknowledge his presence but for the sake of Lily I tried to look as if I found his comment a laugh.
“I think I might leave soon.” I told Lily, watching as she immediately got up from Niall’s lap.
”Nooooooo, Em, can’t we stay!”
“You can stay.”
She looked at me, eyes glazed with alcohol. She was drunk but even in her dilarious state, she wouldn’t stay here without me. Even though she was very outgoing, she still needed the comfort of attending things with somebody so that she wasn’t completely alone if anything were to happen. She looked back to the blond boy, taking his face in her hands and giving him a long kiss on the lips; informing him drunkenly that he best text her or else and with that she linked my hand and we were out of the house and into the darkened drive, back onto the road.
Lily cosied more up to me, shivering in response at the freezing cold atmosphere and moaning that she should have remembered a jacket.
“Something strange happened before,” I suddenly confessed to Lily when we were back at hers and in our pyjamas, the lights out and the covers keeping us warm. The late night darkness engulfing me in the comfort of confession.
”What?” She sleepily questioned, the drunken haze making her drowsy.
“Harry Styles typed his number in my phone.”
“What?” She’d whipped her head around to me, sitting fully up in her bed. Even in the darkness, I could see her eyes wide with excitement.
BE WARNED, ONLY CHECK OUT // DENUDE // MY FIRST ONE I TERRIBLE!
8/16/18