“You ready for this?” My sister, Kinsey, looks at me as we pull up to the church parking lot. I look at the red brick building in front of me and swallow. I never imagined being back here, but after three years of college and avoiding this building, my mother finally decided to stay in town for Christmas. Which meant attending church during my Christmas break.
“It’s not a big deal right? We never dated.” I say, trying to calm my own nerves.
“So? A lot of feelings were involved and you were hurt.” She said calmly. I feel her hand touch mine and I look at her, “We can always skip and go get breakfast?”
Shaking my head I breathe out, “No, Kinsey. It’s been three years. I’m fine. I moved on.”
She sighs and gives me a reluctant nod before pulling out the keys from the ignition, “Okay. Well, let’s go.”
I don’t know what I expected. We could either act like the other never existed or as if we hated each other. I never thought what we did was a big deal, and maybe that’s the problem. One thing it did teach me was not to trust so easily. I lost two close friends that day, one due to them betraying me. And the other due to me betraying them.
Kinsey opens the door to our childhood church and I walk in and make my way down the hallway to the worship center. Before I turn the corner I see him. His hair is longer than it was when we were eighteen, it’s to his shoulders now and I hate to admit that it looks good. His features have matured and I mentally curse myself for even glancing at him. “Avery. Come on.”
It’s as if he has supersonic hearing because once my name fell off Kinsey’s lips, his head turned our direction and his eyes found mine. I felt as though my legs could no longer move and that my shoes were suddenly glued to the ground. His stare didn’t waver and there was no hint of a smile on his face. It was a blank stare, like a deer caught in headlights, but I’m sure my face resembled the same reaction.
“Ave.” Kinsey nudges me, pulling me out of my trans and I nod, turning away from those green eyes I was so fond of three years ago.
“Sorry,” I say barely above a whisper and we make our way to our seats next to our mom. When I’m walking down our row of chairs we are stopped by someone in the row in front.
“Avery? Oh my goodness! How are you?” I look up and see the woman Harry had to confess his mistake to all those years ago. How does she still like me? Maybe she just tolerates me now, but she was always so kind. She pulls me into a hug and I force a smile as she speaks in my ear, “I’ve missed seeing you around! It’s been too long.”
I nod as she pulls away, “Hello, Mrs.Twist. I’m good, how have you been?”
“I’ve been well. I can’t complain. How’s college? You’re a junior now, correct?” I nod and she continues, “Where is it that you go again?”
“TCU.”
“Oh, that’s right!” She looks at my sister and gives her a hug and kisses her cheek, “ I’m glad Harry chose to stay in town and attend Baylor. I can’t imagine him being hours away from me. But it was lovely to see you again, and you as well Kinsey. Okay, I’ll let you two find your seats.”
Kinsey gives her a hug and we walk further down our row and sit next to our mom. She gives my hand a squeeze as Kinsey leans over and whispers in my ear, “Is this weird?”
I shrug and she sits back, “We can always make a run for it. Do a quick bathroom break and not come back?”
I chuckle and lean my head on her shoulder, “You’re the best big sister anyone could ask for.”
“Anytime.” She looks past me and smiles at her newlywed husband as he makes his way toward us. “Hey, baby.”
He sits on her other side, but pats my head as he walks by, “Sup, Avery.”
I laugh, “Hey, Russell. How’s your rapping career coming along?”
He shrugs, “It’s coming. I’ve got a new song. I’ll send it to you.”
“Can’t wait.” I give him a smile which he returns and Kinsey mentions that it’s her new favorite. Kinsey insisted on picking me up this morning and ditched Russell because he was taking too long to get out of bed. However, Russ and I always got along since we both love music so much. The band begins to play and everyone stands up for worship.
I’m not going to lie. It may have been out of habit or it may be my underlying feelings, but throughout the whole service, my eyes were constantly searching for him. I couldn’t even focus throughout the whole sermon because I was wondering where Harry was sitting and wondering if he was looking at me.

---

As I’m packing up my bible and purse I touch Kinsey's arm letting her know that I’m going to run to the restroom and that I’ll meet her at the car. She nods and continues talking to the new church members I have never met. I scoff, I bet they think I’m a visitor.
I walk out of the worship centers doors into the hallway and look for a trash can to throw away my coffee. I find a trash can and look up in time to see him walking towards me. My heart instantly picks up speed and I divert my eyes quickly to the glass doors behind him, “Hey. How are you?”
Before I even think of what I’m saying or doing I glance at him and reply, “I’m good.” I drop my coffee in the trash and rush to the restroom before he can reach me.
His voice is deep. Deeper than it was when we were in high school. I let out a shaky breath and walk around the small restroom. I had forgotten what his accent sounded like, and I didn’t realize how much I missed hearing his voice until now.
I go to the mirror and place my hands on the counter taking a breath as I take in my appearance. My brunette hair is lightly curled but is still long enough to fall a good length from my shoulder. My brown eyes have never been a favorite, as I always compared them to girls with different colored eyes that I considered prettier. However, now I’ve learned to use eyeshadow thanks to my makeup guru roommate. Today I’m wearing a bronze color and I think it makes my eyes pop. I try to calm myself down by telling myself that my green cargo jacket, striped shirt, blue jeans, and tan booties looked cute together and that I don’t look ridiculous. I bend my head and take in another deep breath before washing my hands and saying to myself, “You can do this.”
I open the door and walk towards the exit trying to avoid those familiar green eyes. I’m almost to the car when I hear my name and I turn to see Gemma.
“Hey, Avery!” She runs up to me and greets me with a hug. “I’ve missed you so much! We need to get brunch sometime, yeah?” I nod hesitantly and she continues, “It’s been too long. What, almost three years? Did you know Harry graduates in May?”
I look at her confused by this news, “Already?”
She nods this time, “Yep! He had a lot of dual credit hours and was able to take classes in the summer. So proud of him.”
“Yeah. That’s crazy.”
“What about you? You just finished your first semester of nursing school right?” I nod, “How was that?”
“It was good, difficult at times, but good. I’m glad I made it through.” She laughs and gives me a hug.
“Well, it was really great seeing you. Remember.” She points at me, “Brunch.”
I give a small laugh and she turns to walk away and I do the same. Once I sit down in the passenger seat Kinsey puts the car in reverse, “You took forever, but I understand.”
“Thanks.”
“Was it awkward?” She repeats her question from earlier
“Yeah.” I look out the window as we drive by his familiar SUV and I sigh, “He spoke to me.”
“WHAT! What did he say?” She rushed out
“It wasn’t a big deal. He just said hi and asked how I was. I just said I was good.”
She shakes her head with a laugh, “You didn’t ask how he was?”
“Nope.” I say popping the P. “Why should I? We don’t talk.”
“You once did though. Aren’t you curious about how he’s doing?”
“Nope.”
“Okay then.”
The ride is silent and I hate myself for secretly hoping I will receive a message from him. I no longer have his number and I was grateful for that in times like these where I know I would end up texting him if I had it. However, we haven’t spoken since I left for college and he hasn’t reached out. Maybe things are better this way.
Maybe we were just two kids that got caught up in each other not realizing that we were losing sight of ourselves, headed toward the inevitable heartbreak.
But maybe, just maybe, he feels for me the way I will always feel for him.
We would never work out, but now we will never know for sure. All thanks to a secret I revealed to someone who was jealous and didn’t care about the collateral damage.

Notes

I wrote this recently based on my life and someone who was once important to me. I just changed his named and a few other characters. I wasn't going to post it, but decided why not? It was just going to be a one-shot, but I want it to be more than that. It may end up only having a few chapters, but we will see where this goes and how many people actually like it.