Only You

“So, tonight was fun…” Jared whispered into my hair as I lay with my head on his chest in bed later that night. I gave him a non-committal hum of agreement in response. I didn’t want to talk about tonight, because too much had happened and I didn’t know how to feel about it all.

“Your song was beautiful…” He continued, moving his hand up to my hair to massage my scalp the way I liked, and I knew he was trying to sound casual in his next question, “When did you write it…” I knew he was trying to get confirmation from me that the song had been about him, I had seen the looks that he had shared with Harry while I was singing and knew what they had both been thinking.

“I wrote it that night that you didn’t call…” I lied. I felt him release a sigh of relief beneath me and I instantly felt guilty. I hadn’t written it after he didn’t call at all, it wasn’t even about him. I had written it this afternoon when I was alone and it had been about Harry.

“Well it was beautiful, my favourite of the night…”

I winced internally at his satisfaction that I was telling the truth. I needed to change the subject and decided I needed to talk to him about what Eleanor and I had discussed earlier that day, but I would have to be delicate about it.

“I thought everyone’s songs were really good…” I said and then paused as though I was thinking, “I didn’t really get what Alex was singing about though…” His body tensed noticeably beneath me, but he didn’t say anything.

“I mean, when I spoke to her yesterday she said that Dean would be coming to join us by the end of the week… do you think-“ I was surprised at the coldness in his voice when he interrupted me.

“Dean cheated on Alex, you must have misheard her, he’s not coming.” He said bluntly and I could tell that it was intention to leave the conversation there, but I decided to push it further. I lifted my head from his chest and rested my chin down, looking at his silhouetted face in the dark

“Are you sure? That’s funny because she-“

“He’s not coming Lena, just drop it, please.”

I took a deep breath in to stop myself from crying as I lay my head back down on his chest without another sound, taken aback by his hissed words. He clearly still likes his ex, if this is how pissed he gets at the mention of her new boyfriend. We lay there in silence until his breathing got deeper and slower and I was sure he was asleep. I gently wriggled out from underneath his arm, sat myself on the edge of the bed, letting a few tears dribble slowly down my face and wiping them away with my sleeve before deciding to go down and get some water from the kitchen.

I walked quietly down the stairs and didn’t bother to turn the light on in the empty room, I didn’t want to be able to see myself crying in the reflection of the shiny surfaces. I got myself a glass of water and pulled myself up onto the counter tops to sit quietly with my thoughts while I drank, mostly about Jared and his feelings for Alex that I wished he would just admit to. Why couldn’t he see that she likes him and that she’s doing all she can to get between us?

My thoughts were interrupted by the lights underneath all of the cabinets suddenly flicking on, creating a subtle glow around the room, causing me to drop my glass which promptly smashed loudly on contact with the marble floor.

“Shit!” I hissed quietly as I looked down at my bare feet, realising I was now stuck on the countertop, before looking over at the door to see who had frightened me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” Harry whispered as he looked from me to the mess on the floor and back again. He opened the cupboard next to the door and got a broom to sweep up the mess. I watched as the muscles in his back moved with each sweep and had to fight the urge to reach out and touch him.

“Thanks…” I whispered a few minutes later when he had finished and proceeded to get me another glass as he got his own.

“Why were you sitting in the dark anyway?” He asked quietly, standing opposite me, leaning against the island in the middle of the room. The light in the room was bouncing off his face, highlighting the inquisitive expression on his face.

“I was just getting a drink of water…” I said quietly, knowing that that didn’t answer his question. He didn’t say anything, just waited for me to tell him.

“Seriously, just thirsty.” I confirmed, holding my glass up for him, as if that would prove that I was telling the truth.

“I can see the tear tracks on your face, you know? So, we can keep doing this, but I’m not going to believe you until you tell me the truth…” He smiled at me gently as he held up his own glass and took a swig. I took a deep breath, ready to concede and tell him everything, but the words got stuck in my throat and instead had to choke back the sob that tried to escape. He swiftly came over and positioned himself between my legs so that we were face to face, putting his hands on my waist he placed his forehead against mine as the tears began flowing freely again.

“Hey, hey, hey… stop that!” He cooed quietly, moving one hand from my waist to stroke my hair comfortingly. I placed the glass of water I was holding next to me and slid my arms over his bare shoulders to pull him closer to bury my face in his neck. Without hesitation he pulled my legs around his waist and gently slid me off the counter, his strong hands beneath my thighs as he carried me into the drawing room. He kicked the door closed behind us and sat down on the couch with me still wrapped around him.

“S, what’s wrong, please…” He whispered into my hair, slipping his hands around my waist and hugging me tightly to him. My tears were slowing down but I found myself unwilling to pull myself from him, the safety I felt in his arms was something I was craving after feeling so insecure in my relationship. Reluctantly I pulled my head from his shoulder and sat back but didn’t move from his lap.

“I think that Jared is cheating on me with Alex, or at the very least he likes her…” I stumbled over my words and was breathing shakily. He gave me a small smile, his face half lit up by the moon and reached up to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

“You are so ridiculous sometimes…” He chuckled lightly, pushing my hair back from my damp cheeks, “He loves you… believe me. I know.” He added, the smile fading instantly.

“What do you mean? I’m not being ridiculous! There’s something really off about Alex and Dean and Jared got so funny about it when I asked tonight…” I sniffed, feeling slightly affronted by his reaction. I knew he liked me but I still thought that should I be in such a state that he would be a little more caring about it. He moved his hands from my hair to my waist and began rubbing his thumbs lightly over my ribcage through my shirt.

“Okay, I agree with you about Dean, but you’re being utterly absurd about Jared and I know that for a fact…” I met Harry’s eyes and could see that there was no more playful smile, and there was only a deep sadness looking back at me. I couldn’t control myself as I reached my hand and gently caressed his cheek. He instantly moved his hand from my waist to clasp it gently around my forearm, closed his eyes and pressed his lips gently to my wrist, placing a small kiss over my pulse.

“How could you possibly know that, Harry?...” I whispered, unable to think straight after the loving gesture. He stayed still for a moment more before slowly letting go and opening his eyes again. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair and leant against the back of the seat.

“He spoke to me after you performed…” Harry hesitated and glanced at me, “When Gemma and I went to get some water and he went the bathroom, he saw us on the way back and told me how amazing you were and he’s so proud of you… Selena, I like you, if I’m being selfishly honest I would love it if Jared liked Alex because it gets me one step closer to you…” He grimaced at the last part to hide the hurt, but his eyes kept giving him away.

“Harry… I…” I wanted to tell him about the song. I wanted to tell him what I had thought about while I had been writing it. I wanted to take the sadness that I had put in his face away… but I couldn’t do it. It was wrong.

“S?” He asked curiously, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled and leant into him for a hug. His warm skin under my cheek made me feel guilty as his arms wound around me, holding me to him where I fit perfectly .

“You need to stop saying that. It’s my choice.” He whispered into my hair. We sat in our embrace for what felt like an eternity, comfortable and silent, imagining what we couldn’t have but wanted more than anything. I took a deep breath, inhaling his scent for one last time tonight before pulling myself back into reality. I gave him a small smile as I shifted myself awkwardly off of his lap, all the while he just watched me sadly.

“You going back to bed?” I asked quietly, extending my hand to help him up. He gave me a weak smile and shook his head slightly.

“I’m not ready to face the empty bed yet…” He said in a voice barely over a whisper and I knew he had been imagining that what had just been was our reality. I hesitated and then nodded before turning to walk away.

“Was it about me?” He asked suddenly as I reached the door making me stop in my tracks. I didn’t turn around, hesitating as I debated between lying and telling him the truth now that he had asked. If I lied I would hurt him, but if I told him the truth, it would only encourage him further in his efforts to convince me that one day I would like him. I turned to face him and saw that he was leaning forward now, elbows resting on his knees, face turned to face me. I could see his eyes pleading with me, begging me to tell him what he wanted to hear… I couldn’t lie to that face.

“Every word.” I whispered. The corners of his mouth turned up and he lay back, looking happier than he had done all night as I turned and walked out of the room and back up the stairs to Jared.

Notes

Okay, I know it's short but I hope you guys like it any case.

I want to quickly just say thank you to @SheDon'twanttheWorLd for sending me such a lovely message that actually inspired me to keep writing this story! Thank you for being so supportive of my writing, I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to send me such lovely words!

So, it's back and will be continuing!

Thanks for reading, please don't forget to leave me feedback in the form of a comment and a 10 star rating and of course don't forget to hit the subscription button for more!

Love always,

Lola xo