Only You

I think Louis and Eleanor must have realised that there was a good chance I was going to try and back out of tonight since she arrived on my doorstep at seven thirty under the pretence that she wanted us to get ready together. I appreciated what they were trying to do but I just wasn’t sure if this was what I really needed, or if it was just what they needed.

I brushed the burgundy eye shadow across my lid and into my crease before beginning to blend it out to create a soft halo eye. I could feel Eleanor’s eyes watching my reflection in the mirror but when I met them she quickly looked away.

“Look, tonight’s going to be hard enough without you guys stepping on eggshells around me… I’m fine… really…” I said to her with a small smile. I was partly trying to convince her but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t trying to convince myself as well. She hesitated and then nodded unconvincingly as if she agreed. I sighed and continued blending out my eye shadow, hoping that at least Louis and Harry would try and be more normal. At the thought of Harry, my heart fluttered a little just like it always did. I didn’t know how things were going to be with Harry tonight now that Jared and I had broken up. Maybe he would be mad at me for being so upset about it even though he knew I liked him?

I shook off my worried feelings and decided to focus on taking the night one step at a time. Overthinking it was not going to help.

Forty-five minutes later, Eleanor and I were sat down in the living room with my mum while she babbled away about how excited she was for her own New Year’s Eve party that she was going to that night. I rolled my eyes and looked at my phone to check the time and to see if one of the boy’s had text to let me know that they were on their way. It had just passed eight so they should be arriving soon. Just as I put my phone in my shoulder bag, the doorbell rang and my heart jumped. I quickly walked into the corridor, took a deep breath and opened it. Louis was standing on the doorstep grinning at me excitedly, flanked by Harry.

“Hey, you look good!” Lou said as he leant in to give me a hug. I knew he meant in comparison to what he had seen earlier that day when I had been a snotty red eyed mess.

“Thanks.” I said quietly as I looked over his shoulder at Harry who was watching us intently, “Eleanor’s in the living room with my mum…” I added, indicating that he should leave me and Harry alone. Unfortunately for me, my mum and Eleanor appeared in the corridor beside us before Louis went to get them.

“Okay guys, let me see you all!” My mum said cheerily. I looked at her and groaned slightly, a little embarrassed at her over enthusiasm, but I knew it was just because she was happy that I wasn’t moping around anymore. She flicked the hall light on and began studying us all as we stood in the hallway awkwardly giggling. We felt as though we were kids and she was getting us ready for our first school dance, “I need a picture of this, you all look so cute!”

“Please don’t…” I mumbled as she moved quickly into the kitchen to get her camera ignoring me. Seconds later, she came back out and started motioning for us all to stand closer together. I looked over at Eleanor and Louis as he wrapped his arm around her waist, thinking about how sweet they looked together until I was distracted by a hand lightly resting on my back. I looked up at Harry as he smiled for the photo. I thought to myself how good looking he was and realised for the first time that I didn’t have to feel guilty for thinking so anymore. I looked back to my mother with a wide smile as she tapped the phone screen and then cooed embarrassingly for another few minutes.

Five minutes later I managed to get us out of the house and walking toward Louis’ car for him to drive us to the party. Eleanor and Louis climbed into the front while Harry and I were left to sit in the back. Eleanor and Lou made most of the conversation, while I sat awkwardly beside Harry contemplating our new situation, stealing glances of him out of the corner of my eye. He was wearing a patterned dress shirt, loose fitting and unbuttoned at the top, that would have looked garish on anyone else, but he pulled it off, especially paired with the black wide brimmed fedora and few thin chains that swung from his neck. He glanced over at me and I quickly looked out of the window, trying to pretend that I hadn’t just been staring.

When we arrived at the party, Eleanor dragged me over to the drinks table that was set up in the kitchen and after a few seconds passed me a shot. I raised my eyebrow at her before shrugging and knocking it back, wincing as the taste of Sambuca filled my mouth.

“Urgh.” I said, scrunching up my nose and making her laugh as I put the small glass down on the table. I grabbed a plastic cup from the stack and poured in some vodka and cherry sours to then top it off with sprite. I gave it a quick mix with my straw and then handed it to Eleanor, “Here taste this!”

“S, is there even any alcohol in that?” she said as she took the cup from me and put it on the table, reaching for the bottle of vodka.

“Wait El! It has…” I trailed off, it was too late, my drink that was most likely a double before was now at least a treble. I considered making another drink as she handed it back to me and then went on to make her own.

‘Fuck it.’ I thought to myself as I took a slurp of my drink that now tasted strongly of ethanol. We found Louis and Harry standing in the living room with Niall and Liam. They now had beers in their hands and were having a catch up as we approached. They stopped once they saw us and smiled.

“Okay, can we get a party game going? We need to get drunk!” Eleanor said happily, taking her place next to Louis who planted a small, loving kiss on her temple. I felt a pang of jealousy as I remembered when Jared used to kiss my forehead when he thought I was being cute… something that he would never do ever again. My face must have dropped as I looked up at Harry who was studying me curiously. I plastered a smile on my face which I could tell he didn’t believe but I was thankful that he didn’t push it any further.

“Uh, sure, there’s a pack of cards in the other room, I’ll get them now.” Liam said and disappeared through the crowded room and came back a few seconds later, brandishing the cards which he passed to Eleanor. He cleared the coffee table as Eleanor set up the game and we all took seats around, ready to play. I ended up sandwiched between Louis and Harry on the couch at first, until a few other people wanted to play and I ended up on Harry’s lap to make room.

“Sorry, if I’m heavy or this is weird or… whatever…” I said with an awkward smile as I sat down.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve sat on my lap, S…” he whispered quietly, draping an arm over my legs. He’s right, but this time it was public.

We listened as Eleanor explained the game that she had set up and I felt myself tense up, it sounded like the kind of game that would get me very drunk.

“Bloody hell… she’s going to give someone alcohol poisoning…” Harry muttered so only I could hear as the cards were handed out. I giggled and felt myself relax a little for the first time around Harry all evening, he was just being his normal self.

Harry wasn’t wrong about the game, after the first round, I felt a little tipsy, but by the second round I knew I was drunk because I couldn’t stop giggling. I was happy though, I had had such a good night with my friends despite not really wanting to come in the first place. At first I had felt pretty awkward sitting with Harry, but that had gone away with my inhibitions as I had continued drinking. Now that the game was over, there was enough room for me to sit on a cushion, but instead he had leant back against the back of the sofa while one of my arms was slung around his neck as we spoke.

“You want to go get some air?” Harry asked with a chuckle, steadying me as I leant back and almost fell off his lap altogether. I nodded with another childish giggle, realising that I really was more drunk than I had intended to get. We stood up carefully, Harry’s hand on the small of my back, ready to catch me if I fell on the way out.

“Where are you guys going?” Eleanor spoke loudly with a grin, pointing at us accusingly with a wink. Louis rolled his eyes affectionately and gently grabbed her hand to pull it down.

“Selena needs air…” Harry said as he seemed to rub my back subconsciously, making me smile at the sweet gesture. Eleanor looked at Louis before grabbing his arm and pulling it up so that she could see his watch. She blinked a few times, squinting and then looked at her boyfriend again with a pout.

“Your watch isn’t working.” She said sadly. He looked at his watch and then back at his girlfriend with raised eyebrows.

“Yes it is babe, it’s your eyes that aren’t working properly… It’s quarter to twelve.” He said with an exasperated but loving smile.

“You guys have to make sure you’re back in here for twelve then! So you have…” She looked at Louis again.

“Fifteen…”

“Fifteen minutes!” She said, a completely serious look on her face.

Harry and I had to suppress our laughter as we told her that we would most definitely be back in time, although, silently I was questioning if she would even still be conscious in fifteen minutes, she was so hammered. Harry guided me through the crowded rooms to the back door into the quiet garden where there were only a few groups of people standing around having conversations and smoking.

“Have you ever smoked?” I asked Harry curiously as he sat down on a low wall that cut off the patio from the grassy garden area.

“I have in the past, why? Hey, watch it! Do you need to sit?” He said with a small smile as he caught my arm when I lost my footing a little. I shook my head. I didn’t want to sit. He rolled his eyes and sighed as he pulled me closer so that I was standing between his legs to make sure that he had a better chance of keeping me upright. I draped my arms over his shoulders with a giggle.

“Because I used to think you were ‘Mr. Bad Boy’ when I didn’t know you…” Harry smirked as I emphasised the phrase ‘bad boy’ seductively. I felt the familiar flutter in my stomach as he looked up at me through his lashes but usually where I would have blushed, the alcohol was giving me confidence that I didn’t usually possess, “And I think bad-boy-Harry would have been a smoker…”

“You don’t think I’m bad-boy-Harry anymore?” He asked with a curious smile as I moved a strand of hair from over his eyes and pushed it behind his ear. I thought about this for a second as I lost myself in his green eyes, loving the feeling of his hands resting gently on my hips. I swayed a little and leant against him a little more for support.

“Oh, you are, but I see a lot more of sensitive Harry these days…” I said my smile fading slightly with his. Sensitive was another word for heart-broken in this case and I hated it. I shook my head a little, not wanting to kill the good vibe that we had been sharing all evening and continued with a cheeky grin, “What about me? What did you think I was like before you knew me?”

‘Idiot, he had no idea who you were before he met you…’ I thought to myself instantly, feeling a little stupid for asking. I was about to confess my stupidity when Harry spoke in a low voice.

“I admired how dedicated you were. I would watch you working so hard and wish that I had your motivation… you move your lips when you write, and I always thought it was really cute.” I paused and looked at him surprised.

“You knew I existed?” I asked quietly after a few seconds silence, he chuckled and rubbed his hands on my hips gently.

“I was very aware of you Selena…” He said moving one of his hands along my forearm, pulling it from his shoulder and moving gently down to my hand and holding it softly. I was looking for something in my hazy brain to say as someone shouted behind us that it was two minutes to midnight and everyone was watching Big Ben in the living room. He smiled at me softly and then stood, not letting go of my hand as we followed the few others inside.

The front room was now packed, so Harry and I ended up spilling into the hallway with a few others, standing just feet away from the front door.

“One minute guys!” Someone shouted from the living room and was met by very enthusiastic whoops from both inside the living room and out. Harry leant against the wall, still not letting go of me to keep me upright. I looked up at his emerald eyes that were shining down at me and made my decision. At midnight, I was going to kiss him for the first time ever. Looking at him now, the way he looked at me like I was the only person in the room, I knew he was all I wanted.

“Ten, nine…”

The countdown was being chanted in the living room. Harry smiled at me and I smiled back.

“… Eight, seven…”

I took a step closer and Harry’s smile faded slightly, his expression more serious as he realised what I was doing. He put his arms around me, holding me to him as he smiled again.

“… Six, five, four…” Harry breathed with the rest of the people chanting. His face was so close to mine that I could smell the whiskey on his breath. I realised in a matter of seconds, the thing that I had wanted for so long was about to happen as I moved my hands up to his face.

“Selena, wait!”

My eyes went wide at the familiar voice as everyone else screamed Happy New Years and began laughing and cheering around us. Harry’s expression mirrored my own as we looked next to us. Jared was standing in the open doorway, a terrified expression on his face as he saw us and I suddenly didn’t know what to do. I stepped back from Harry who stood up straight and I felt him stiffen up behind me, his hand on my back.

“Selena, please, I need to talk to you!” Jared said, taking a step closer, I was frozen to the spot though and didn’t know how to respond. Harry stepped out from next to me, blocking his way, putting a hand on Jared’s chest.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Harry spat, giving him a push back. Watching Harry be so aggressive suddenly brought me back from my trance, "You lost her! You fucked up! I warned you and your brother if I saw either of you again that your face would be under my damn fist!"

“Harry, don’t…” I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him back gently. He looked around at me, and I could see the rage and confusion on his face, but he did as I asked. I then took a cautious step toward Jared, unsure of how I felt now that I was seeing him. I realised that I wasn’t angry or upset… part of me was glad. I gestured to him to step outside, leaving Harry watching after us in the corridor.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, as I wrapped my arms across my stomach, pulling them closer as the chill of December wrapped itself around us. I could see that his eyes were wet in the streetlight and realised that he had been crying.

“Alex told me she’d lied about everything... Selena…” He hesitated and then put his hands gently but urgently on my arms, “I am so sorry…” I looked down, the pleading look in his eyes making it hard for me to think since there was still a part of me that wanted nothing more than to just forgive him.

“Why didn’t you believe me?” I asked, stepping out of his grip. He looked crushed by the movement but didn’t attempt to step any closer.

“Lena, she told me that she had been assaulted… I couldn’t believe you without calling her a liar… she played me, and I’m sorry.” He said as he ran a hand through his hair and I saw another tear leave his eye. I understood what he meant. If they hadn’t caught Charlie when he had… well, if the person who I had trusted to tell after hadn’t believed me then I would have been devastated. I hesitated for a moment, looking around at the house before looking back at him.

“I understand. I forgive you.” I spoke quietly. A smile broke out on his face and he stepped toward me but I stepped back again, holding out my hands. His smile instantly dropped away.

“But you can’t take it back… Jared you wouldn’t even listen to me when I was trying to explain… I’m not over that…” I added, closing my eyes sadly. I was too hurt that he hadn’t trusted me enough to at least listen to me. He looked at me with hurt in his green eyes and then looked at the door that was closed over.

“Him?” He asked in a voice barely louder than a whisper and I knew what he was asking. Before I had a chance to reply though, he seemed to change his mind, as he added slightly louder, “Actually I don’t want to know…” I just stood awkwardly in front of him, not sure what to do or say now that things had finally ended. He took a deep breath and I could tell he was trying to hold back more tears.

“I’ll go then… Just don't forget that I’ll always love you Lena... No matter what...” He said quietly, his voice breaking slightly as he got to the last syllable of my name. He gave me one more watery-eyed look over as though he were memorising my face and then turned, walked down the drive and disappeared into the night. I stood watching after him for a few minutes, before I heard the door open behind me. Seconds later, a jacket was draped over my shoulders, and I could tell from the cologne that it was Harry.

“He wanted you back?” He asked quietly, seeming confused as he stood next to me. I looked up at him and nodded and he hesitated before adding, “Why did you say no?”

“There's a few reasons… he didn’t trust me… I still haven’t forgotten what he did… and…” I paused and turned to him with a small smile, “… I’ve been in love with someone else for a while now.” He looked down at me, his eyes shining at me brightly as his mouth twitched upward in one corner, giving me a small half smile. I reached my hands up around his neck as his snaked around my waist.

“So, we were at, three, two, one…” I whispered and he smiled.

“Happy New Year!” He whispered in return, pulling me close to him so that my body was pressed up against his. My forehead met his and I could feel my heart rate rising.

“Harry?” I smiled.

“Yes?” He breathed.

“I give in. Kiss me.”

“I told you that you would.” He chuckled gently as he closed his eyes and brought his lips softly to mine and as fireworks filled the sky and my brain. Happy New Year.

Notes

Only took them 54 Chapters...

Hope you guys liked it and it lived up to your expectation.

Any guesses as to what's going to happen next?

All the love,

Lola xo