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All Again

Chapter Twenty One

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
BECCA

Now.

I will never forget that night.
I hated that thick and musty club.
As Harry had sat with those people who could care less about him, and would forget him in a months’ time, I kept myself busy in my phone.
I scrolled through blogs and Twitter. I updated my Facebook and sent a few text messages.
I didn’t like seeing him in that way.
Harry has always had a vulnerability and a trusting nature that seems to latch to anyone who treats him nicely. He seems to be getting better, but I have always viewed it as one of his small flaws.
His bandmates had been nowhere to be found, ditching us as soon as we arrived and Harry’s security had been on high alert watching everyone.
I remembered him asking me what was wrong, and holding myself back from screaming “Let’s just go back to your hotel room! This is stupid!”
I had just wanted to be with him and watch mindless television and pig out on junk food.
We had the flight the next day, and then the show, and then one more day before I would leave. I had wanted to make the best of my time and not waste it.
“I wonder how they are.” Harry says suddenly creeping in my thoughts.
I look back at him.
“Who?”
“The DJ and his friends.” Harry says. His voice is laid-back.
We are currently still in my kitchen and we have been briefly reliving the whole Bangkok trip. Ironically we are pausing before the real stuff happens.
Harry had been so fond to relive the camera debate and the party in Lou’s room.
‘I was so jealous’ he said with a laugh, enjoying our discussion.
Meanwhile, I have been on eggshells waiting for what was coming.
You see, the club and our first kiss was still just the beginning. So much more would happen on that trip.
“Well you should look them up.” I mumble more to myself than him. “They certainly never did for you.”
Harry smiles an amused smile. “Why do you let that stuff bother you? Who cares.”
“Because people use you Harry. All the time and you just let them.”
“They weren’t going to be lifelong friends Becca. Besides it was a good time. I had fun that night.”
He winks suggestively.
I know exactly what ’fun’ he is referencing.
I turn from him since I don’t need his cheeky grin to remind me even further.
I see his mouth on me. My mouth on him.
“Do you remember when we got back to the hotel?” he continues.
“Of course.” I say with a measured sigh.
“We pretty much spent the night together.”
I look back at him. That stupid grin is still on his face.
Why does the idea of our sex life excite him so much?
You would think he never gets any.
I’m sure many have came after me and before Barbie.
I wonder briefly how she is in bed. I can imagine Julie is stiff, and likes a lot of attention.
She probably makes him do all the work and just lays there, whining in her small voice and smelling like fucking bubblegum.
Or…maybe she’s completely dirty doing things he could have never imagined.
It would explain the ring on her finger.
Either way, I’m over the whole thing.
“Oh please. Don’t act like we slept together that night Harry.” I say dismissively. I don’t want to get in a deep conversation about that night, and the activities that took place in his bed.
He chuckles.
“I’m not, but it was…we were good.” he says proudly. He bits his lip.
That’s it.
I hop off my kitchen stool and put my cup away.
“Can we move on please?” I ask but I am already interrupted.
His phone vibrates on the table.
I turn and glance his way as he answers.
“Hey sweetheart.” he says into his cell phone and then I turn back around.
It is obviously Barbie again and I don‘t want to watch him talk to her.
Doesn’t she have something else to worry about?
Why does she keep calling him?
“No I’m coming. “he says into the phone, sounding like a prince ready to come to her rescue for whatever it is. “When are you headed that way?” he asks.
Why the hell is this girl so needy?
She answers him and he says “Alright.”
I hear him stand behind me.
His eyes meet mine as I turn and face him.
I can read what is coming behind his eyes.
“No I’m leaving now.” he says into the phone confirming my thoughts seconds later.
No.
No, no.
Not again.
My mind quickly thinks of what I can do to possibly delay him. A word and phrase comes to mind, but that will only invite trouble, and though I want him to stay, I don‘t need those problems.
Nothing else comes to mind so I just call his name.
“Harry?” I call quickly. A small peek into my desperation.
His eyes look at me quickly and they cut into me.
“Ah I’ll call you back.” he says and hangs up the phone.
His stare is intense.
“Why did you do that? She probably heard you.” he says looking back down at his phone.
“I didn’t think about it.” I say innocently, though that was partially my intention.
Let her know.
Yes Barbie, he still runs to me.
“You have to go?” I question a second later, keeping my voice soft.
“Yeah. She’s headed to the restaurant now and she wants me to eat with her.”
“You live with her.” I point out. “Can’t you eat with her later?”
“I don’t actually. And I can’t.” he says.
“You don’t what?” I ask in confusion.
“I don’t live with her.”
“But you’re engaged.” I say.
“And?”
“Why don’t you live together? Isn’t that the preliminary step to all this?”
Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. This is the first time I‘ve actually been engaged so I‘m still figuring it all out.” he points out.
His words sting slightly, after all, I did turn him down before and robbed him of that chance.
“Well it doesn’t make sense.” I say softly.
He shrugs.
“Either way, I’ve got to go.” he takes a step towards the door.
“I thought you wanted to talk.” I throw out quickly. My voice is accusatory. “Now you’re just leaving?”
I’m pulling all of the tricks out of my ’Make Harry Stay’ bag and I know this will be one that will at least make him pause. He can’t stand to let others down.
He sighs in slight frustration and runs a hand through his hair.
“I do Becca, but she’s---I can’t not go. Then she’ll know I was here.”
“Well tell her the truth then, tell her you are here.” I argue.
“She doesn’t like you.” he says suddenly. “I know she acted like she did last night, but she doesn’t. She doesn‘t want me around you…it’s kind of weird. So…”
Hmm…interesting…
“Is she threatened by me?”
“I’m sure she is. We were together three years.” he reminds me as if it sums up everything.
“She has the ring.” I remind him.
“Yeah, your ring.”
“Does she know that?”
He chuckles. “Do you think I would be standing here if she did?”
I smile, but only for a second. He moves another step towards the door.
I continue my games.
“I don’t care.” I say quickly. “You started this and now you’re running out on it?”
My voice continues to try to lay on the guilt.
“I’m not running out of anything. I’m meeting my girlfriend.” he says, taking his keys out and twirling them in his hands.
His loyalty to her stings. I can remember the days when he had been that way for me.
He use to drop everything for me- at least in the beginning.
“You can see her anytime.” I repeat. “She’s your fiancé.”
“I can, but not today. We had plans.” he says finally shuffling out of the kitchen.
“Well then why did you make plans with me?” I ask, on his heels.
He puts his hands up. “Please stop asking me questions. You wanted me out of your hair, I am. I’m leaving and we can be…I don’t know, done with this.”
“But we aren’t done.” I say sternly. “Far from it.”
This makes him stop.
His shoulders fall as he turns back to me.
His eyes soften. He looks me over, before placing his head down. “I know.” he says quietly after a moment. He shifts.
“Maybe we can do this another day and I can meet you again?”
“When?” I ask, slightly excited at the prospect.
“I don’t know. I leave out of town in two days…maybe when I get back.”
“Fine.” I say shortly. I cross my arms and don’t even hide my irritation.
Now I know it is a lie.
I won’t see him again.
If he leaves today, and puts distance between us, he will have time to think this through.
I will have time to think this through and I know if he tries to come back, I won‘t let him.
He already sits on my heart like a weight being pressed down. I’m teetering on the edge and today I was either going to sink into the water, or be pulled back up at the last minute.
If he leaves, and we leave it like this, I will drown.

He sighs suddenly frustrated. His hands pull at the ends of his hair.
“This is the problem.”
I look at him.
“You get mad at me for things I can’t possibly control.”
“You can control this.” I spew. “You’re just choosing to leave. Like you always do.”
“Becca, she wants me to meet her.” he argues.
“Yeah at a fucking restaurant. What is possibly so significant about that? Why is it so important for you to meet her now?”
He shakes his head, ignoring me.
“You’re so immature. You’re like a damn only child. It always has to be your way-”
“No it doesn’t.” I argue quickly. “You called me Harry. You were the one who wanted to come here and settle this. Well, you’re here and I’m standing here willing to work with you and now…you’re cowarding out.”
“Cowarding out of what?” he asks in disbelief. “You can’t even stand me. Why prolong this bullshit anymore?”
Suddenly I’m over it.
I place my hands up, dismissing him, angrily.
“You’re right. You can leave. Malibu Barbie needs you.”
He gives me a pointed look.
“Her fucking name is Julie.” he snaps. “Julie. Stop calling her that.”
“I don’t care.” I say with my own bark. “Go to her! Your precious Jules!” I point towards the door.
He gives me a final look and heads towards the door.
He bypasses the camera and the memories that it held.
This is officially over.
I know that we won’t get another chance like this.
I don’t want it.
It has already taken us two years for us to come together and I know the chances of us seeing each other in a few days is next to impossible, especially now that he is mad at me again.
I feel he knows it too. I can see it in his eyes as he turns to me before leaving.
He waits for me to say something, but I stand firm. I avert my eyes away from him.
“So…” he says softly. “This has been…”
“Like always.” I finish.
I still don’t look his way, but I feel his green eyes on me.
“Yeah.” he says quietly.
He turns from me and opens my door.
For some reason, I feel my eyes get heavy.
He turns back around and steps directly in my eyesight, forcing the contact. His eyes are clouded.
“For what its worth Becca, I do wish things were different. Really.” he says. “You gave me something that I’ll probably never see again and I will always love you for that.”
I don’t have a quick witted or sarcastic response to that. Fact of the matter is, he is right. What we had could never be replicated. I would never love someone the way I had loved him and for a while I thought the same about him. However, it seems like now he is trying. He wants to move on and I should support that.
I place my hand on the door, trying to hold back the sadness that is suddenly overcoming me.
“Well regards to your wife then. May your life together be merry.” I say. There is no malice to my tone, just my own regret.
Maybe I had a hand in our demise after all, but what did it matter; it had ended and now all we would have were the messed up memories.
Harry moves towards me and then he does the unexpected. He reaches his hand out and caresses my cheek.
I still love him.
I’m still completely in love with him and it is confirmed in that moment.
I still love him so much.
My body melts into him as it always does, and my face presses against his warm hand, so I can feel more.
But then it is over. Whatever overcame him, ends quickly.
He turns and leaves, not saying another word.
I don’t stop him though I feel the burn rise inside of me.
I watch him as he walks away from me for the hundredth time. Only this time it has been two years since he has been back. Maybe in another two years I would see him again if I was lucky.
Married, with children…haunts in the back of my mind.
He climbs in his Audi and gives me a final look before starting his car.
Then he is gone.
And suddenly I feel like I’m back to square one.

Notes

To anyone who has voted or left a comment, thank you so much! If you couldn't tell, it leads to faster updates.

Have a good one. Be back soon. :)

Comments

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK BECCA?! Poor Harry :'(

Prinny1321 Prinny1321
6/9/19

Becca what are you doing! Harry loves you.

En_1960 En_1960
6/9/19

Nooo, Becca, what are you doing?! What's Harry going to think now when he wakes up and she has left... Amazing update as always!!

Harry02 Harry02
6/8/19

Ohhhhh.....Becca. Knee jerk reaction. Thank you for updating

En_1960 En_1960
6/1/19

YES, you're back, I had nearly given up on this story. This is still my favourite story on here so I'm super happy you're continuing it. I loooove the new chapters, so many feels!!!

Harry02 Harry02
5/31/19